Panic Attack

I'm lost and robotic when it's our turn. But, Grace is smiling and she seems to be satisfied with everything so I'm satisfied with everything. Miss Richards has her eyes closed and she's smiling. I try to smile. I try to feel accomplished. Like this will make up for twenty-five percent of my year mark. But, I can't truly calm.

I remember my words. I remember the goldfish. I remember the presentation. I remember where all of this began. But, I can't seem to remember having any reason to trust Ashlae. But, I trusted her.

I'm vomiting oats in the girls' restroom by lunch. Grace kneels beside me, fingers in my hair. She's a quiet little mouse. Her hands are shivering a bit. And, sadly, she had to see me like this.

"It's okay," she says, not understanding what's the matter. "I mean, the presentation was good."

Her voice is soft and musical. But, after a while, it starts sounding like Billie's. My heart jumps in my chest. I look to the side and see strawberry blonde hair. Then I'm calm again. It's not her.

The bell goes and Grace has no choice but to leave me alone in a smelly toilet stall. She kisses me on the head, patting my cheek and trying her best to clean me before the late bell rings for Geography. "I'll see you later."