Lake

"My whole childhood feels like a dream that I just woke up from. Really I don't remember much of it. Often I only remember the good in it. The bad seems not to exist. But my mind seems to be  putting the past together and perhaps it comes with pain"

"Well that's what I think, but anyway you're the therapist so you tell me", speaking out my mind.

So I found it best to go for therapy even though I find therapist's words to be blunt and a twisting of your own words back at you. But despite that I desperately needed answers. I can't take it anymore.

The therapy session, as expected was as I feared.  A waste of time. 

Making my way home I stopped by an intersection.  Seeing a child jumping in excitement at the sound of an ice cream van coming round the corner, triggered another flashback.

I remember the trip being so long and tiring as a child, but we finally arrived at the lake. Jumping up and down in excitement, wanting to jump into the still waters. But my mother held me back saying, "we should take our things out of the car"

Being the good boy that she raised, I did as I was told.  The offloading seemed to be quick, as if there was an extra pair of hands.

My father began to braai the meat, my mother prepared the table.  I sat by the lake's deck, my feet hanging above the water.

In this memory I seemed to be talking to myself. Perhaps an imaginary friend?

My mother has ALWAYS been so protective of me, but today she was more relaxed to the idea.

Lunch was finally ready, the meat's scent tickled the back of my nose.  My mother called out for me, so I quickly got up ready to run back to her. But as soon as I took my first steps I paused at the sound of the wood beneath me cracking.

In but just a second I felt my feet hanging in the air, immediately I was inside the waters.

Could I swim? Only but a little.

Desperately fighting the waters  to get back to the surface, I felt my feet being caught in something, pulling me down deeper into the waters. Drinking litres of water, fighting for my life I could barely keep my own breath.

The waters began to fill my lungs, suffocating them. I cried for help. Making bubbles with every cry.

Suddenly I heard a massive splash beside me. My father jumped in, desperately trying to pull me out.

Holding me tightly in his arms he pulled me back onto the surface.

Chocking for air he left me in my mother's lap and jumped back into the water.

What for?

He came back up, his face filled with despair and shock. Holding his arms out as if there was something in them, but I could see nothing.

My mother burst into tears and the memory fell to black.

Hearing a loud hoot behind, I was back in the present day. The driver behind me was frustrated for waiting so long at the empty intersection.

I moved along, driving home pondering on what I learnt.

The pieces of the puzzle in my head were beginning to fit in, but what's the final picture.

"If only you had more time to save them both.

A desperate father chose the one with the most worth.

I didn't mean what I did, trying to drown your son.

But really the fault falls on you for letting me do him much harm.

Now I keep a tale. A story of pain.

Forever I will live with this memory.

You and I will live this life not the same."

_ Lake