Anxiety is interesting

Sophia's POV

I don't really listen in class, I'm too excited to go to Jackson's house. I've never gone to a friend's house. Talk about overprotective parents. You've never met mine. Every time I leave the house they have to be with me. I have to have my dog or my cane. I hate not having any freedom unless I'm at school. That little school for kids with disabilities that need extra help is my only freedom. It doesn't really make sense to normal kids that see school as a burden to carry. They don't know what it's like to be kept in a box at all times to 'ensure your safety'. I mean I understand that I'm a teenager that can't see and make decisions based on scent, touch, hearing and feeling.

Getting taught as a blind kid is weird. We have classes, but no written tests. We do oral assignments sometimes, we just discuss a topic that we learn about and give our opinions sometimes. We were discussing our History subject of this term, the Civil war. Once we finished our class we had free time. Among the class, we could bring up a topic that we could all talk about.

" My mom started to do new research on the neurological effect of disability on teenagers, " Lucas started. "She wants to find out how neurotypicals with physical disabilities compare in mental health to neurologically disadvantaged with no physical disability excluding if they have it as a symptom. "

"That's cool, has she gotten any results yet?" Alex asked him.

"None yet, but she's only done a few tests and interviews."

We keep talking about how we each experience with mental illnesses, our feelings about the fact that we can't see.

"Anxiety is one of the most interesting things to have, in my opinion, " I say.

"A feeling of angst and fear of interaction and confrontation. A shaking feeling just at the thought that you might do something abnormal or wrong."

"It's a hell of an experience to have an anxiety attack, " Charli said. " Being so lost in thought of what you can do or did wrong. Any little tick or trigger that sets you off can lead to ten minutes of sitting on the floor curled up in a little ball. Just trying to escape the situation your mind has put you in."

We all sit in silence, we don't know what to say. " It's also a common symptom of other illnesses, they cause you to experience these attacks or feelings. I don't know exactly how many but AVPD or avoidant personality disorder gives you anxiety, insomnia, depression, and a disconnect from reality, typically in social environments." Jules knows a lot about mental illness due to her losing her sight in first grade.

She lost it in the middle of a normal Thursday at school. She had to see a therapist and go through mental health tests. Being in a situation where you get so embarrassed in front of people you sent so much time with. It can break you apart, losing people that you consider to be close and accepting toward you, all of you.

Being unable to see is very different than the normal person would imagine it, we don't see what they see as black... we just don't see. The only reason we can pick up on light is that it adds a certain feeling. We don't actually see it, we feel it.

It's a lot like feeling frequency in our feet. We can't see it, we feel and recognize the energy that it gives off. You get used to the idea of feeling instead of seeing about a year after you go blind. I asked my doctor... For me, it took longer though. I only started to recognize my mom after a month longer than that.

We always kept talking until the last minute in our free time because we liked talking about a topic that we chose. Sometimes it can be as basic toys we remember from our childhood or like today where we went into psychological issues and mental disorders. It really depends on the day.

We start to just quiet down as the bell goes for our usual break. I want to see Jac again. He always has my back and now he's helping me leave my routine for the first time, I can't wait a second longer.