Chapter 19

Ken's POV

I was speechless until now. It's not because I don't know what to say but because I don't want to hurt him no more.

Thad loves me, he confessed when we were in high school but I rejected him. For me, he's just my childhood best friend. The best friend I ever have. That's it, no crossing the boundary. I know it's painful, I experienced it, but I can't fake it.

He's always by my side, never let me down. Protective; Brother-like; A shoulder you can lean on; Caring; And most of all, loving.

I was hurt but I didn't realize I am hurting somebody too.

I decided to go to him. I drove towards his room. "Thad? Are you there?" I called as I knock.

"I'll come in." I did what I say. Luckily, he's there, sitting on his bed. He is putting bandages on his hand.

"Does it hurt?"

"Yes, it does. I was stupid."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Mommy sent you with me, you heard what you don't wanna hear. I'm really sorry."

"No, you already bore many problems on your shoulders, Ken. I am the one who's sorry. I'm sorry for being one. Don't worry about me anymore." He said, still busy with his hand.

"Thank you for everything, Thad. I'm really sorry."

"Enough being sorry. Stop being sorry all the time. Do what you think is right, pop."

Did he just call me that nickname again?

"Okay, Loli." I teased, trying to lighten up the heavy atmosphere.

He finally smiled, "Smile now."

I showed him my smile and he laughed, "Why?"

"I am just happy."

"Come here. Let's hug!" He came forward to hug me.

*

Glad he's fine now. Well, he's Thaddeus--an understanding man.

I invited him to join me to tour around the house, but he refused. So, I wander around myself. Readying my tears again. I know I will never stop crying out, but like Thad said, stop being sorry all the time and do what I think is right.

My first stop is in Jeni's room. The room walls are colored with light pink--her favorite color. There are stuff toys on the corner and easels with canvases on the other corner. She left her paintings here?

I cuddled the big teddy bear, and got amazed how clean it is, no dust at all.

Amazing.

I closed the door and drive towards the next room. A gray and white room. You might think it's a guy's room but wrong, it's Aurisse's. She's not boyish, she just loves sketches, so she painted the walls the colors of sketch: gray and white.

I look closely to her sketches on the wall, illustrations of medicine-related like the Caduceus. Also, the nude arts and systems of a human. Looking at these, I know she's really a doctor.

I left the room.

I want to go upstairs but I guess it's gonna be slow but it's now or never. I slowly stand from my wheel chair. It's not that hard but I'm still weak. I just need to hold on the handrails.

Luckily, after approximately a century, I made it upstairs, "But my wheelchair is not with me." I pouted as I look at my wheelchair down the stairs.

The first room is Chan's. A simple room, painted blue as the sea. The walls have picture frames. I walked in and saw that there are pictures hanging on the string attached to the both wall.

He's a photographer and it's his extra job. I saw several pictures of sceneries, his family including his mom's photos--I pity him because his mom died, the only photo of him with his mom is he was in her womb--our friends, him, and me. Most of the pictures of mine are stolen shots and some are proper, I mean I know I am being captured. He loves to take photos of me.

There are shots that we're together. I noticed there are handwritten notes on every polaroid and a date.

I have a photo, I'm eating an ice cream, with a note: Super cute! August 18. I smiled. Chan's a loving boyfriend.

And there's another photo, it's us eating street foods, we were laughing, happy being together. I miss the old times. I miss everything, especially the person, my boyfriend. I sniffed, tears are falling from my eyes. If this tears could become money, I'm the richest woman in the world.

I stopped looking at the photos and opened his closet instead. I saw sweatshirts and a scarf. It's from me, I gave it to him as a birthday gift perhaps thirteen years ago?

I've never seen him wear this even once. Maybe there are reasons.

Whatever it is, this brings back memories. His 16th birthday and right, his birthday is on December 10, it's near.

I unfold the scarf and wear it around my neck. It's warm and cozy and made me smile.

Then, I decided to go to the library, the last room on the third room from here.

Even if I can't hug my man, this scarf brings me that feeling. It feels like he's hugging me from the back, which I really miss.

I walk slowly and reached the library. I opened the door and went in. I also opened the window for some air. The moon shines high on the sky, giving light to this dimly lit room. The stars are visible tonight, as if they're waving at me.

This library is huge, so half of it became our study room as well back then. I sat on Chan's study table and wander my eyes around the shelves then saw something on a shelf next to the wall. I walked toward it. A few steps and I recognized it's a present. But to whom? And who left it here?

There's a note over the treasure chest beside me that says 'To owner of the books, you're my treasure too. I love you.' from Chan.

So, he was the one who had been here and wrapped this gift for me? I removed the wrapper and saw it's my favorite book, The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks.

I opened the book and something fell to the floor. It's an envelope. I retrieved it and realized it's a letter.

To: Ken

From: Chandler

Hope you can read this.

I opened the letter carefully so I can bring this where this is from as well as the book.

I started to read it.

Dear Ken,

Sorry to be the worst boyfriend you don't deserve. Sorry that I recognized your feelings, late. I should have cherish and appreciate your love for me more. Sorry for being ill-tempered. Sorry for everything that I didn't do for you. Sorry for that day, I should have resisted harder, right? But Ken, whatever happens when you wake up, I'll accept it and make all things better for you, my love. Even if you'll forget me, I'll remind you every moment. Even if you'll hate me for being the worst, I will love you even more. Even if you don't want me anymore, I'll court you again until your feelings come back. Even if I have to wait for months, I'll wait for you. You did sacrifices for me, so I will too. I will not give up on you, baby. Remember that I love you, all of my life. I choose you to be my partner till death, and I will be the lucky one if that happens. And I am really sorry, please wake up. For now, I need to come back to work, for just a month, then I'll not receive projects anymore until everything is okay. I love you, my sleeping beauty.

                                     Love, Chandler.

I didn't notice that the paper is getting wet because of my tears. I am crying out, and falling tears seem endless.

I fell to the floor, leaning my back on the shelves. Crying my eyes out.

You're not the worst, babe, you are the best. I am sure that you'll do that, you'll never give up for me. I am certain you'll always come back and never neglect me. Thank you for all you've done for me. You deserve the best, darling.

And I am not the lucky one who can give you the best.