Chp.19

Only two thoughts are rushing in my thoughts right now, as I walk in the sunset haze. Clouds dwell in the orange painted sky, about to rain. I shudder, a chill running through my spine. I always feel uncomfortable when it's rainy. Bad memories.

I walk on, towards my street, a small smile on my face. I don't think I should be smiling on this matter. If she knows about the list, she probably knows the hate I feel for her sister. And if she knows that, she probably hates me for that. Maybe, what she's trying to do is prove me wrong. Somehow show everyone that Jesse is the killer.

And if she's trying to do that, then all I can say is that we have our differences. I don't have anything else to say. Because now that she knows about the list, she probably wants some answers of her own. And I won't argue. I will tell her anything she wants to know. Because I understand that stress, that not-very-sane hunger, to find out everything. That can slowly drive you mad. That can make you hallucinate. So I'll make it easy for her. Just so she doesn't end up like… well, me. If she really wants to help, I'll let her know whatever she wishes to.

The weight of all this pressure has suddenly lightened on me. And I'm glad.

And that's not the only thing stuck on my mind.

What bothers me a little is the idea of going to that summer camp. I mean, I won't call it karma, but isn't it a bit convenient? It's like the world wants me to follow Jesse's footsteps. To do what she did. Is it to help me find out more? Or is it only so I end up like her?

I decide in the end to not argue about this. Maybe I'm just being a little paranoid. And besides, if Mom and Dad want me to go, then so be it. I'll do it. I disappointed them enough.

I sigh. This is so perplexing. This is more than I'd ever bargain for.

I take out my mobile phone, an intention to call Sophie. To tell her to meet me in the library tomorrow. So that I can explain her everything she wants me to. But then, I remember. I remember that I don't have her number. And even though this town is small, it's crowded. So it'll take me sometime to find her alone. Especially since tomorrow is the weekend.

But I'm too impatient to wait for the whole two days. I'll just have to ask someone I know to give me her number. I frown, thinking who can give it to me.

I remember back in the days, when we used to be best friends, Josh had her number. I never asked why, but I think Sophie was in his study group or something.

Josh. It's been a very long time since I talked to him. Holding my breath, I make a risky decision. I'm gonna go to his house, and get her number from him. Simple as that. I don't think he'll refuse. Josh is too nice to refuse anything to anyone.

Instead of taking a right turn at the end of the street, I take to the opposite direction, heading for Josh's house.

I ring the doorbell, practicing the words I'd say to him. Something like, "Hi, Josh. Nice to see you. Can I like get Sophie's number, please? Yeah, thanks bye."

Too fast?

I move my hand to press the little golden button again when the door creaks open, a head popping out from the gap. My heart sinks because it isn't Josh. It's her mother.

"You?" She says, disgustedly, "What do you want?"

"Nice to see you too, Mrs. Richards." I reply, tightly.

She frowns, "I never said I'm happy to see you."

Mrs. Richard has always been like this. She didn't like me because of I was Jesse's little brother. She thought I'd be as bad as her.

Not that she was bad.

Jesse being accused as a murderer was just a bonus for her.

"Is Josh home?" I ask, "I need to talk to him."

"And about what exactly?" She snaps, "I don't want my boy hanging with you, Lukas Wells. Honestly speaking, I never liked you and your family since the very second Joshua introduced me to you."

"I don't like you either," I say, drily, "Guess we can't have everything the way we want, now, can we?"

"You are an absolute disgrace!" She retorts, "Get lost, do you hear me? I'm telling you-"

"I will," I say, raising my hand in compensation, "I just need to talk to Josh first. Give me five minutes. That's all I ask."

"And why will I ever let you talk to him?" She snaps, "You think I'm an idiot or what?"

I raise my eyebrows, eyes sparkling with amusement, "Do you want me to state the obvious?"

Her face changes into a beet red color, as she yells, "Get out, Lukas! I want you off my lawn! Just go before I call my husband to deal with you!"

"Alright, alright." I say, "Chill, you can really use some relaxation."

"Leave this instant."

"Fine." I shrug.

She huffs, before slamming the door on my face. And that's all what I need.

Back when Josh and I used to be friends, and Mrs. Richards would ground him for going out with me, and take his phone as punishment, I used to go his home, and make her burst with anger. That's always been a sign for Josh to know that I'm here. Then, he'd just jump out of his bedroom window – he lives in the first floor. And that's how we used to hang out. I can only hope that he remembers this and just takes a glimpse outside.

I sprint towards the back yard, looking at the left window. He should know. If our friendship ever meant something for him, then he'll come and look.

Five minutes.

He's still not here.

I feel a little disheartened. Because if I could still remember that we used to do this, how could he have forgotten so soon?

I'm just about to leave, feeling a little empty, when I hear the clicking sound of an opening window. I jerk back to the window and see Josh, with wide shocked eyes. I manage a small smile and a short wave. He doesn't smile back, his eyebrows scrunched in a frown. But he opens the window and climbs out of it anyway. He doesn't step forward, maybe thinking his eyes are playing tricks on him.

"Hi." I say.

He doesn't answer for a long time, still staring at me. Finally he breaks the silence,

"Why are you here?" He questions, "You know you shouldn't be here."

"If I weren't supposed to be here, then you would have never looked out of the window." I point out.

His frown grows deeper, "I thought I was dreaming you standing outside. It just reminded me of…" His voice trails off.

"It reminds me of the time we were friends too." I say. I take a step forward, trying to show that maybe we still can be friends. But he doesn't trust me anymore. I won't blame him for that.

"Cut to the chase," He says in a harsh tone, "You're obviously not here to make up for what happened."

I sigh, "I'm here because I need someone's number. I know you have it."

He lets out a disbelieving chuckle, "That's all you have to say for yourself? That's all? After all that happened, you came here only to use me for your particular task?"

"I'm sorry about using you right now," I say, calmly, "But you know I won't apologize for what happened which had nothing to do with me."

"Nothing to do with you?" He repeats, scoffing, "Are you serious? Lukas, it had everything to do with you."

"I don't care what you think," I shake my head, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I just came to ask my former friend for some help. Think you can do that?"

"Oh we're nowhere near being friends," He hisses, "Not even former ones. I don't want your name in any part of my life, Luke."

I take in a long breath of air, "Alright. I guess it was worth a shot."

I turn and start walking away. Maybe he'll understand one day. Maybe he'll realize that I had always been as oblivious as him. Maybe we'll be friends again. Like we used to be.Because, honestly, I used to enjoy us being together. When he finds out the truth, all will be forgiven I'm sure. And I hope one day, we'll hang out again. Laugh like we used to, talk like we used to. Have each other's back and all.

"Tell me the name." My ears perk up when I hear him sigh, frustratingly.

I stop, facing him, "Come again?"

He runs his hand through his red hair, "Tell me who you want to talk to."

I grin, "I knew I could count on you."

"Yeah, well. I'll tell you something, Lukas. Our friendship did have some importance for me. Used to, anyway." He doesn't look at me when he says this. As if he hates to confess this. But I'll take it.

I smile and nod, as he goes back to his bedroom window and grab his phone from there.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Ander mutters, "But tell me, and be quick before I change my mind."

"I only want Sophie's number." I explain.

He raises his eyebrows but doesn't say anything as he works on his cell, searching for her contact.

"If you don't mind me asking," He says, his eyes glued on the screen, "Why do you want her number?"

"Why can't I have her number?" I frown. "Don't see any harm in it."

He rolls his eyes, "You know exactly what I mean."

I do know what he means. He means why I want someone's contact who's literally related to Skylar. He knows how much I hate her. But what he doesn't know is how much I need to talk to Sophie. I wouldn't have said this a month ago, or even yesterday but talking to Sophie… is important.

"You know what?" Josh says, shaking his head, "I don't even wanna know."

I shrug, "Suit yourself."

We wait for a while before he finally announces, "Found it."

"It's about time." I step closer to him, taking out my phone and copying off her number.

"Thank you, Josh." I smile, "And this time, I really mean it."

He nods, licking his teeth – something he does when he's nervous. Not saying anything.

I give one long glance at him, trying to seize this moment, before climbing on the fence and on to the street.

"Hey, Lukas?" He calls out, uneasily.

"Yeah?"

He clenches his fist then unclenches them, before saying in a low voice,

"Just so you know, I never wanted to join Ander's stupid group. He made me. And I was stupid to agree with him when I knew he'd mess with you."

My eyebrows rise in shock silence. I can't believe he just confessed that.

I gulp a scream of confusion, "I know."

"Just thought you should know is all."

I'm about to turn and leave again when he says "One last thing."

"And what's that?"

"I want to stay out of whatever you're getting into." He warns.

"You have my word." I say, firmly, and head off home. I could feel his stare at me the whole time.