Chp.26

So…yeah. Here we are. It's evening, and the town is busy with people closing down shops or coming back from offices. We're staring out at the square, sitting on a bench, cars rushing here and there. People who pass us, nod at Sophie and I realize that of course she's famous. Because they only look at her with a smile. Me? Always a frown – no surprise there. But this time, there's confusion in their stares. Confusion and curiosity. Cause it's ironic to us actually bothering to go close to each other.

Mom's not gonna be happy that I missed the bus home. She's gonna need some answers to that. I should call her and let her know but then she'll just scream at me to come back this instance. Which I can't risk.

"I see you're well-known in the town." I do not hide the annoyance in my tone.

"Unwanted fame." She shrugs, bluntly.

There's a pause as I think.

Just like mine.

"Just like yours." She says, more to herself than me.

Man, I'm really starting to think she can read my mind our something. That makes me shift in the hard concrete of a bench. And I know that's stupid of me, but I'm just feeling uncomfortable. We both don't want to state the obvious. We both don't want to talk about what we're meant to talk about.

I mean, I can't talk about Skylar and her….her deeds to offend her. But she says she wants to know. But how can I rant about someone I hate to someone who's doesn't hate her. Okay, maybe I'm not sure about that but Sophie can tell Skylar everything I tell her. Who's to say she can't?

"If you're thinking about how you can't trust me then I don't blame you." Sophie says.

And even though she's talking all serious, I can't help but shake my head, a smile on my lips.

She notices and turns her head, scowling. "What?"

I look at her, "How do you keep on doing that?"

"Doing what?" I can tell she's perplexed.

"Keep saying what I'm thinking!" I exclaim.

She doesn��t laugh at that. Just stares off into space again, watching a man on a phone call arguing and cursing. I know she would have at least smiled at what I said. Not that I care or anything. But the fact that she didn't even give a slightest hint of amusement really shows that something is wrong.

"You're stalling." She mutters, flatly.

"I'm not stalling. I don't stall especially when I'm bothered." I sigh, "But something tells me that you're bothered about something."

"You say that like you don't even know why you're here." She looks nervously at her fidgeting hands.

"Is it wrong to say that I don't want to start this conversation with you?" I confess, a little frustratingly.

"You don't really have a choice now that we're here." She responds.

I raise an eyebrow, questioningly. "Oh yeah?"

"I mean that you wouldn't have agreed to be here with me if you didn't want to talk about it."

I'm a little impressed at the way she put it.

"Where do you want me to start then?" I breathe out.

She opens her mouth to speak but a honking car interrupts her.

"Well?" I say when she doesn't continue.

She looks back at me with her icy blue eyes, "I want you to start from everywhere."

"Wh-?"

"You think Skylar's at fault, right?"

I don't answer that. Hesitate. And I don't even know why. Because this was the moment I had been waiting for. To tell someone – anyone – what I knew. The things I hid. I hid so deep that no one could have guessed it. Except that she did. But now I don't know what to say. What to spit out of my speechless mouth. It angers me a little as I wonder. Have I hidden those secrets so profoundly that now I don't know where to find them?

What the hell's wrong with me?

"It would be easier if you explain a few things to me first." I finally blurt out.

She nods, knowingly, looking at the ground intently, "You want me to tell what I've got to do with all this."

The first time after a long while, she's wrong as I shake my head, "That's one of the many things I want to ask, but the most important thing I want you to tell is," And I guess I spoke a bit intensely since now I've got her attention, "Who's side are you on, Sophie?"

I hear nothing but the chatter of the townsfolk – a couple of them staring at us – and the wind blowing at my hair, ruffling it. She's not answering. And it only makes me edgy.

"I'm on the right side." She says, and I could tell she put a lot of thought in it before saying that.

I don't let her get away with it that easily though. So I ask, "And what side is that?"

She doesn't think this time. "It's yours."

What? Did this girl – sister of my hateful enemy – just admit that? Without even having second thoughts. All this time and now I realize that is it that easy to say? Is she trying to gain my trust or just so she can trick me? I don't know why but my mind keeps on refusing that it's the second option.

"You've got a lot to explain right now cause I'm confused as shit." I mutter.

She nods again, looking at the sky.

"After what happened, Lukas," Taking a deep breath, she begins, prepared that I would say that, "I noticed Skylar's behavior. The way she acted. Arrogant. Selfish."

"Acted?" I repeat, scoffing. "No offense but your sister isn't acting that out. That's just how she is."

She gives me a grim look that makes me shut up. "You don't know anything about how she was."

She keeps her expression hard until I mumble, "Fair enough."

She continues, "And it made me hate her. A lot. We were close before. But after that day, I didn't even want to go near her, you know."

She pauses, lost in her memories. It's almost sad to see her like that.

"Sophie?" I interrupt her thoughts with a little nostalgic concern. Cause that's exactly how I used to think. Keeping on digging in the memories, wondering what went wrong.

It brings her back to the present as she starts, "At night though, she's a completely different person again. Not like the one in the day, the one you face, Luke, nor does she become the Skylar I knew. She…she cries. A lot. We share the room so it only starts when she thinks I'm sound asleep but it's just getting harder to sleep in New Jean now. She keeps on whispering two words again and again and it freaks the living hell out of me…"

Her face is pale as she imagines it. I could see her thinking about it. I can see how terrified it makes her. I feel sorry for her.

"What does she say?" I ask, slowly, cautiously.

Sophie grabs the sides on the bench with her hands so tight that her knuckles turn white.

"She…I don't know why…She keeps on saying 'it's over'. I don't know why but that's all she says. As if consoling herself. At first, I thought it's just cause she's traumatized, you know? I mean who wouldn't be after what happened? But it started to feel different. Like what she meant was in a different way. It made me curious."

"And you decided to do a little research of your own." I guess.

She nods, shivering slightly, "But I didn't want anyone to know. So I started this whole I'm-so-happy routine so no one notices it." I frown at that, "And I noticed the first thing was how she waited at that stupid café. It only made me more suspicious."

I cut her off, helping her put a few pieces of the puzzle together, "So that day when I found the list with our names, you were actually coming for it as well."

She looks at the dark sky, saying, "That day when I came on the bus, I just wanted to check closely. But I was late, so I ran for the bus. And other occupations kept me from doing it as well. The next morning when I found you in front of it, I understood you were going down the same path as me."

That explains why we started to accidently bump into each other.

"But you were a little behind me." She says, perking up my ears.

"How's that?"

She looks around a little guilty before saying in a low voice, "I went through her phone. And I found something in her notes. I don't know where it came from or if she made it but…"

Realization dawns.

My eyes widen in horror.

"Another list."

"A list with their names. Skylar, Susan Marsh, a bunch of other girls…" She looks at me sadly.

I feel my throat clench as tears start welling in my eyes, "And Jesse's."

She looks like she'll cry too, so I look away from her, cause that only makes me melt more.

"Jesse was innocent, Luke. She was just as oblivious as the others were. It said that this is a game. I don't know who thinks ruthless killing is funny but whoever this sick person is, it wanted this to happen."

I shake my head at that, feeling hard to talk. Jesse wasn't oblivious. She knew she was in this mess.

I decide it's my turn to speak for a bit now so I say, my voice thick,

"She knew about it. A little of it. But it was enough to put her in danger. She got threatened by this person. Threatened because of me. The killer threatened to kill me if she acted smart."

And yes, I blame myself. Because if I wasn't a too-intelligent-for-a-kid prodigy who was talked about in the whole town, then maybe the killer never would have known I existed. That would mean Jesse wouldn't have died.

And I'm shivering all over now, because I'm feeling that emptiness again. The emptiness only she could have filled. I want to scream. Loud as anything. Because I feel trapped. I feel my heart clench at that. There's no turning back. All I want is to talk to Jesse. But that's not possible.

Sophie says something that makes me pull back from my mind.

"What?" I say. I didn't hear her.

She sighs, "I said it wasn't your fault, Lukas. How could you think that?"

"If I wasn't the talk of the town…" I start. This blame. I want to blame myself. It's the only way I feel a little pressured to move on.

She waves it off though, "Lukas, I'm not sure we'll be able to figure out anything if you keep on accusing yourself."

"I don't think there's anything to solve." I say, solemnly.

She shakes her head in part annoyance and part empathy. She gets up. I look at her as she folds her arms in defeat.

"I came here because I thought that the only person in this whole messed-up town is you. Why do you think we kept on meeting each other, huh? The way you were nine months ago and now, there's a huge difference. I wanted to know what changed you. I did this, I wrote that note to see your reaction. And that book. The way you freaked out. All of this, so I could understand what you know. What you saw. I know you despise Skylar. But I still wanted to talk to you, Lukas. I actually got grounded several times when the people saw me with you. They'd complain to my parents. For all I know, they're waiting for me to show up so they can scold me about it! But I still ignored it all. But what did I get? A miserable boy whose completely blind and prefers being ignorant about everything!" The last part she yelled so loud that everyone around us started glaring at her.

She ignored it staring at my wide and taken aback eyes.

She huffs a little, swearing under her breath before turning around and stomping away.

Wow. She actually said that. She really wants me to tell her. And I'm guessing she wants me to stop whining. No shit.

I sigh before walking towards her with a shout. "Wait up!"

She faces me with an angry frown. "What?"

Shoving my hands in my pants pocket, I say, "Alright, alright. You win this one. I'll tell you everything without being miserable or blind and ignorant – as you put it."

She isn't as convinced as I want her to be.

"You promise, right?" She asks, narrowing her eyes.

"Sure." I mutter.

"Shake on it then." She gives a stare as if testing me.

Ok this time, I roll my eyes at her, but shake her outstretched hand, quickly.

That's when she changes a bit, beaming all of a sudden.

"Great. But it's getting late and I need to get going, so you might as well tell me on the way."

"Whatever you say."Cause I don't want to start another argument.

So we head our way to her home.