Chp.30

I hardly slept that night. Wondering how things are going to end up. Wondering how if I hadn't let anger get the best of me, I probably would have seen who the stalker was. Even a glimpse could have helped. Sophie insists that she saw someone. But I can't trust her. I want to but a stupid and obstinate part of me forces not to. I've always been like this – even before all this happened. Always keeping to myself. Not letting anyone see what I knew. Staying away from the drama. Jesse used to get irritated about this for some reason.

**Two years back, at night, you were telling me this thing I don't remember about one of your friends. About him being expelled from school I think? You found out and he made you promise not to tell it to anyone yet. But how can Jesse Wells ever keep a secret? So you woke me up in the middle of the night like you usually did when you had something to tell me, sitting on the floor next to my bed, all excited and almost bursting. I kept huffing about how it was school night and the deal was that we were only supposed to wake each other on weekends. But you ignored me, obviously. After informing me with every single detail, you looked at me with wide eyes.

"So?" You said.

"So what?" I half yawned, half asked, still lying in my bed, trying hard to keep my – assumingly bloodshot – eyes open.

"So what do you think?" You rolled your eyes.

"You know what I think," I start ranting, "I think you're a jerk for not keeping his promise, Jesse."

But you didn't care. Instead you gave me a grin, scrunching your face a bit. "Now that you know, don't you go around telling it to the school. I'll be really mad if you do."

I shake my head in disbelief. "How the hell do your friends not know about the real you?"

"What?" You said, still smiling mischievously.

"You want me to tell the school, Jesse. How sick can you get?" I replied, bluntly.

You laughed at that, "Oh yeah, genius? It's not like you never told a friend's secret."

"I didn't." I said, adjusting the blanket on my knees as I sat.

You snorted, "Uh-huh, Mr. Perfect. What are you gonna tell me next? That you never snuck out when grounded? As if."

I blink at that, not sure what to say.

"Come on, Luke. Don't you have any secrets to spill?" You asked eagerly.

"No." I said.

"Don't you have someone you really hate and want to know everything about him so he's not the only one to taunt you?" You asked, wide eyed, teasingly.

I pull the covers on my head, groaning frustratingly, "You're getting delirious and hysterical, Jesse. Go to bed, please. I'm begging you. I've got Physics to worry about tomorrow."

But of course you didn't listen. Sitting on the bed, you snatched the blanket from me.

"What are you doing?" I snapped.

"God, Luke, do you even have friends?" You mumbled, "All you care about is studying and being perfect. You're such a nerd."

"I'm not a nerd!" I shouted, forgetting that Mom and Dad were sleeping in the room next to mine. "I'm just a whole lot better than you are in school."

You sniggered, "That's right. Cause you're a nerd or even worse than that since even they have friends."

Even though you were just mocking me, I still feel my skin hot and red with embarrassment.

"I do have friends."

"Name one."

"Josh."

"Doesn't count since I'm the one who made you guys meet in kindergarten. Tell me someone who you talked to without my help." You knew you were winning.

I stayed quiet. Do you count class fellows as friends?

"You're such an introvert, you know. I can't have a lonely shit as a little brother. You gotta start socializing." You said, all seriously.

I lay on my bed, my back at her. "Don't care."

"Not surprised." You said, getting up. "I guarantee you'll always stay like this."

"Whatever." I said, my eyes closed."Shut the door before leaving."

"Oh, sure." But like always, you barge it open and turn the lights on, deliberately.

I swore under my breath as you laughed and left. **

I sigh, shaking my head a little as I stuff some more clothes in my bag. Sophie was right, I really do get lost in my thoughts. But I can't help myself. Memories are the only thing in my possession that no one can steal. All her other things are packed and placed who knows where because apparently I'm the one who put them somewhere but that someone wasn't me. Mom and Dad don't even seem to care, since they never asked me where I put her stuff.

The only thing I did have of hers…

Just as reflex, I ran my hand through my hair, the thing I want to be there isn't there. The diary and her beanie were taken away from me, maybe that's I don't feel her presence anymore. Just an emptiness I'm used to now.

I grab my blue-tooth headphone's charger and throw it in the bag's pocket.

"You sure you need those?" Mom says, not surprising me since I had noticed her standing in front of the door a long time ago.

I look at her, "Depends. Does that place allow me to bring them?"

She folds her arms, "I don't think so."

I smile sarcastically, "Then I'm taking them."

She rolls her eyes, "I hope you're packing all the things you may need."

"Yep."

"The place is really good. I searched all about it. Far from town and many students from other schools will be coming. It's a big program or something. And you all won't be living in tents. Wooden cabins, just like in the movies or vacations."

"Exciting." I mutter, though not actually meaning it.

"Trust me, it will be." She insists, "You'll go out on activities and… other things."

I look up at her, "You do realize it'll be a study camp?"

Mom sighs, placing her hands on her hips, "Why is it so hard for me to be optimistic in front of you?"

I scoff, "Sorry for stating the obvious."

We stay silent. I get up and go in my closet, grabbing a jacket.

"Need any help?" She asks.

"I'm fine."

She nods, chewing her lips. And I know what she's about to say.

Something like: This is your last time in this house. This town. Might as well make the best of it.

But I don't want her to say it so I speak up, "When's the school taking us again?"

"Monday morning. Six exactly. They say it's a long ride but worth it."

"Nice catchphrase." My words dripping in sarcasm.

"Lukas…" She's starting. Damnit. I don't want her to say it. I don't want her to remind me.

"I'm starving," I say, walking out of the room, "Anything to eat."

"Lukas…"

"You know what? I'll make myself a sandwich." I can only hope that she's getting my hint.

I'm on my way downstairs when my phone starts ringing. I stop and pick it up.

It's Sophie. She's actually calling me.

"Uh…Hello?" I say, awkwardly.

"Lukas?" She says, her voice in a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"You…okay?" For some reason, the background seemed quieter than anything.

"Um… yeah. Why? Why'd you ask?"

"Your voice is shaking so… I thought you were sick."

"I'm not sick." Yes, you idiot, she said she thought that.

"Obviously."

"You wanted something?" I ask, hastily trying to change the subject.

"You think you can come to the library?" She says, excitedly.

"It depends on when you want me to." I reply bluntly.

"Right now."

My eyes grow, "Right now?"

"Yes, right now. I'm expecting you to come here in five minutes."

"What? Why?"

She sighs, "You ask a lot of questions, you know that?"

"I'm just curious, that's all." I shrug to myself, defensively.

"Well, if you must know." I can imagine her rolling her eyes at the moment. "I did it! I did it without your help. Now you come here right this instant or else I swear-" Her tone getting louder by the second.

"Alright, alright. I'm on my way." I hang up, heading outside, yelling out to Mom, "I'll be back before the seven!"

Because I'm freaking out right now. She said she did it. And something tells me I know what she did.