Regrets

Clay's POV

The Doctor taps my shoulder and gave me a non-assuring look. What? What happened? I asked the doctor if she's going to wake up now, but the doctor looked down. He looked at the floor with a very sorry face. So many thoughts popping out of my mind. My emotions building up inside, I'm starting to feel grief and panic. What if she's gotten worse? I just wanted an awake mom for Christmas, is it a difficult wish to grant? then the doctor turned his gaze back at me. He then smiled. Confusion dominates me at the moment. I frowned at him. Why is he smiling now? I don't get it. One minute his face looks like someone took his ice cream and now he looks like a man of hope. "That's a tight call, Merry Christmas Clay" My mind didn't register what he said immediately, I just stared at him then the doctor gestured his body out of the doorway. I don't care what he says right now, I just let my self in, and what I saw gave me chills.

My mom was there, still her back on the bed but her eyes open. Her angelic eyes I once missed for months, now looking straight to my eyes. Her eyes that now looks so precious to me. She faced me, not just a stare of joy but with a mixture of sadness. I couldn't really distinguish if she'll cry or smile, but I don't care. I quickly hugged her the moment my mind verified that she's really conscious. I hugged her so tight that my right palm met my left elbow. I was in an awkward position since she's still in her bed but my arms are wrapped in her body. Our heart shouts the beat of love. They beat differently yet sounded so harmonious. I broke into tears again. Relief filling up my lungs. My hands were shaking. We broke the hug after an eternity and she continued looking at my eyes, crying. "I missed you" she whispered; her hands are on my cheeks wiping the tears out of it.

Matthew's POV

Katherine's awake. That's what the doctor meant, but Clay did not understand the doctor's joke. As the doctor moved out of the way from the doorway, he immediately got inside. The nurses are still there, but they gave Clay space. I let his friends go inside first with Katherine's mother. I followed them inside. My eyes then saw one of the most glorious scenes, Clay was hugging his mom. Oh, how I missed to see them. They hugged each other for a taken moment. Clay really took the time, but everyone was just staring at them with tears on their eyes, but smile on their faces. I personally felt the relief, but the guilt is eating me alive. Any moment now, Katherine's going to see his miserably uncultured husband, which is me. I don't know if I'm ready to face her. I couldn't take the shame, not now. Not with Katherine's situation. People started to come closer to Clay and Katherine and my feet are just shameful enough to lead my body outside the crowded room. No, I can't ruin this moment, I won't. Katherine deserves Clay. It'll only make this bad again if she sees me. I then walked out of the house quietly. I faced the floor and gave one last look at their house before going inside the car and drive away. I will just probably send a private driver for Katherine's mom tomorrow if she wants to leave by then.

I drive away from the direction of Katherine's. The picture of Clay hugging her mother aches my heart. I probably should be with them if I haven't left. I'd probably be hugging the both of them right now, if only things are not fucked up. If I haven't fucked life, I should've raised Clay with Katherine. Before I could stop it, tears started to build in my eyes and I have to pull over. I knelt my head on the steering wheel. I side punched the wheel. Regret and jealousy flooded me. I would've been with them. I'm such a bastard. Now I couldn't even afford to let Katherine see me. Clay hates me. I know Clay's emotion just got the best of him that he hugged me. He hugged me. After many years, he hugged me earlier. I would not have to miss and crave for his hug and affection if I just sort myself out before. I just cried inside the car silently. I have no Clay to hug anymore. I did not have him since he was a kid.

Now Katherine's awake. When I saw her earlier responded to her mother, I felt so surprised. It took her, her mother to respond. Only Clay and her Mother. If I was the one who talked to her earlier, would she have been awake? Would she respond? I bet she still hates me to guts. Who knows, I might be the reason for her tragedy. It may be because of those from the Red-Dragon Company I once had problem with. They might have also been the people behind those text messages and threats.

I have left them, without even explaining to clay why, nor to Katherine. I just left them with tons of questions in their heads unanswered. They must have waited for so long for me to come back, even if I have no intention of coming back. People are passing at me, inside the car. People with smiles and gifts. Merry people. There's a car that passed by, followed by an old lady accompanied with a young woman, they're talking and laughing. Kids are in their Christmas dresses, candies on their hands. Cotton candies and ice cream passing by. Everything looks so happy and bright outside, while I'm here inside the car feeling so dim inside. I couldn't find a reason to celebrate. I breathed heavily, and pulled myself together. I resumed driving down the lonely road.

I called Cindy and tell her that I'm on my way home. It's lunch time and I felt kind of hungry but I don't want people to stare at me because my eyes are red from crying. I decided for a drive thru and ordered something to eat. I ordered a double cheese burger and a drink. I parked in a parking lot of a Supermarket. There I was, spending my Christmas Lunch alone, inside a car parked in a parking lot. I deserved this. I deserve worse than this. I should just really toss my self off a river cliff or something. This is what I get for turning from my family. I left them and it may be too late to fix the error. I ay have been years late. Too late.