Making Amends with Self.

"My lord, we apologize."

"…"

"The enemies are more inept that we expected. We have killed all of them with ease."

Around me, as I sat at the bench in the middle of an enemy camp, hundreds of corpses lay lifeless as the men in front of me wearing black garbs and the men behind them who are only wearing loincloths are bowing down in reverence.

"…It's almost nighttime again."

"Indeed, it is, my lord."

"We've done nothing but to kill and kill and kill today. It's time for us to rest. Unlike real evil spirits, we are just humans that has to lay down and recuperate our strength… everyone, rest up."

"As you wish, my lord!"

Mixed amongst my men are the only living soldiers that was caught during the explosion at the village last, last day. They number 700 or so and insisted to follow me instead of going with the other 1000 who are either too wounded, too tired or too scared to join the fight. As for their lack of clothing, I can deduce that it is a matter of pride. They'd rather fight buck naked than to wear the armor of the enemies who almost took their lives.

"My lord…"

"I told you to rest already. You're the one who's more tired since you are always to first to go to battle."

"My tiredness is nothing of great concern, my lord. Instead, I am more worried about your own state."

"I'm aware."

I don't have a mirror that I can use to look at my face right now. But I'm pretty sure it's not something that would make others happy to see it.

"Kuro… you are free to say that you don't want to answer if you really want to, but I have a question."

"What would it be, my lord?"

"Do you have someone dear to you? Like a lover or a wife?"

I asked straightly and after a short pause as he thought up an answer, Kuro replied.

"I do not have one, my lord."

"Is that so? Still, it's not bad to ask someone else than just asking myself over and over about it… Have you ever been afraid to show to others what you look like when you've been consumed by wrath?"

"That… I…"

Kuro looked down for a bit and shortly, replied concisely.

"No, my lord. Based on my personal experience, there has never been a time that I felt afraid to show my anger towards others… I don't feel proud about it now, but when someone incurs my wrath, it's usually because they can't fulfill their end of the assassination request."

"About money, huh?"

"Y-yes…"

I am not unaware of his past. Kuro was a hired killer before he came to serve me. Although it is something that he is not proud to narrate, such a thing is also helpful when it comes to my misgivings about wars.

"My lord, pardon me for asking this, but is it possible that you are worried about how Lady Aoyama would say about you once we get home?"

"…I am."

That's the point of my questions. I am worried that if she hears about this, she'll either be disgusted or afraid of me.

"I don't want to imagine it, but I should… or else, it may break my heart more if I cannot prepare myself for it."

I love Chiyo. Not just because she was the first person that became close to me when I got here but also because she was the first one to understand the grief I felt after everything that I went through in my previous life.

"My lord. I lack the experience and knowledge to give you any solid advice or consolation…"

"?"

"But I wholeheartedly believe that Lady Aoyama is not so shallow-minded or lacking in compassion to not embrace that guilt with you."

Hearing that from a person who used to not take any moment to understand others amazed me.

"Lady Aoyama loves you the same way you love her. With my knowledge of the two of you, it is not possible for her to forsake you even with this decision that you made."

"That…"

"This is war, my lord. Lives will be claimed no matter what you do. This is not some folk story or a poem of peace. The moment you've decided to become our master, you have also taken on the responsibility of taking the lives of others to protect those behind you."

He is right… why am I so worried about appearances and philosophies?

I am the lord of my people. I have said this line for so many times yet now that he has smacked this back to me, I realized that all of it was just lip-service. I was just parroting those words, reassuring myself but never really using it as it was intended.

"Thank you, Kuro…"

"M-my lord? Are you-"

"Can you… leave me alone for a moment?"

With nothing more to say, he heeded my request and let me stand up to enter a tent where I sat down to the ground and began crying.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

I apologized at a place where there are no other people to apologize to.

"It was my fault… It was my fault that all of this happened…"

Although pointless, the words of genuine apology came out my mouth to be heard by no ear.

"I thought they'll be afraid of us and surrender once they fell to my trap back then… but instead, it just made them more hostile that your men had to die with the same trap."

I was too afraid back then about what she may say or do. I was afraid that if I said that I started this, she will not look at me as an ally anymore but as an incompetent and decrepit leader.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…!"

With my tears and silent whimpering to no one can see nor hear, I cried my guilt away, wanting to clear my mind of that problem that I thought would be solved by killing our enemies but now, I let go of my pride and fell down to find out that the answer has always been in me.

"I'm sorry… I should've apologized-"

"You sure have to… idiot!"

"-!"

Without me even noticing, a young woman's voice spoke up between her tired gasping as she stood unstably by the tent's door.

"K-kyoko…?"

"That's Kusanagi-dono to you, idiot."

"I-idiot-?"

"That's right, idiot!"

What the… why is she suddenly dissing me so nonchalantly?

"How… when did you get here?"

"Psh! Before that, can you get that pathetic look off your face? Seriously, I peek in here and I see an idiot crying to himself so pathetically…"

As she said that, she threw a piece of cloth to my face which I took to wipe the tears off.

"Now, now… I know you're not much of a tough nut so I want to hear your answer with no fuss at all."

"Huh?"

"W.H.Y I.N T.H.E H.E.L.L D.I.D Y.O.U C.H.A.R.G.E I.N H.E.R.E B.Y Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F !!!"

With the loudest and most pissed tone that she can muster, she shouted at me while trudging towards me slowly with a menacing aura.

"What?! Speak up, idiot! Don't act like I haven't made myself clear!"

"Y-Yes! I'm sorry, just step back a little please-"

"Not happening! Answer or I'll corner you more!"

"E-Eeeehhh?!!"

With my mind going haywire with this situation, the words just slipped off my mouth and I spoke to her.

"I'm sorry."

"…"

"Because of my provocation, the enemy killed so many of your soldiers."

I said it. The lamest apology I can give to a leader who lost her people.

"Haah… that's all that I wanted to hear…"

Saying that, she stepped back a little which let me stand back up to my feet.

"But still…"

"Still?"

*Ka-kyag!*

"Aaaggghhh!"

"Here's a headbutt for worrying me, idiot! Bleeehh!"

Like a child refusing to stop acting crudely, she hit my head with her forehead before mocking me and marching out of the tent.

"What… what is wrong with her now?!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hiiiii!!!"

I silently shrieked inside my throat as I felt so embarrassed that I wanted to tear my mouth after what I did.

"Argh! I… goddammit, Kyoko! Why are you acting like this?! You're supposed to put him in his line, but you just berated him?!"

I regret it now.

I really regret it now!

"Why am I getting so flustered with seeing him so vulnerable?! I should've felt disgusted but… but I… Argghhh!!! Dammit!"

As I hid my face and shouted to the pillow, Ishigawa-nii looked like he was holding back his laughter.

"Kukuku… Hime-sama is so confused. You really look so cute."

"This is not the right time to say that! We have more important things to talk about!

I hopped to my feet and tried to distract myself with arranging the pieces on the map but it seems like Ishigawa-nii is not yet finished with his provocations.

"Kyoko, can we talk? I'm sorry if you already changed to your night clothes… it's cute, by the way…"

"-!!!"

"Gahahaha!!!"

"Argh! Get out of here! I don't want to hear any of your teasing today!"

As he imitated Iwasawa's voice which made me flustered more. Ishigawa-nii laughed heartily and that's when I thought that I should force him out of my tent now.

"Hmph! What the hell is wrong with you Kyoko?! This is not the right time for you to act like this!"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Meanwhile, as their armies and even siblings fell down to the hands of the enemy, the two remaining lords of Yukonami has finally acknowledged that they may have stepped on a tiger's tail and are fighting a hopeless war.

"Aniki… This situation is…"

"I know. We've dug our own graves with this."

As already stated, the Yukogahara clan is a former bandit clan who took advantage of a local rebellion decades ago to secure the province for themselves. Because of their lax attention to keeping their people under the thumb of law and sometimes even endorsing for them to adopt the bandit's life as well, the people of Yukonami was known all around as a land of savages, dim-witted barbarian whose only purpose in life is plundering and slaughter.

"Even if we beg the lords at the east, they'd probably talk with the Kusanagi clan and attack us as well to have their share of the spoils."

"I know."

This is the disadvantage of adopting an aggressive and unruly value in leadership. A wise man once said that if you don't have friends or don't want to keep one near you, make sure to not make any enemies as well. Because if you do, you cannot depend on anyone to protect you when the time comes.

Yukogahara Akira, the formal lord of Yukonami, stood up from his seat and looked at the empty chairs where the helmet of their youngest brother and the partially destroyed chest plate of their other deceased brother.

"That man is a madman… If we continue with this, we will die."

"…I know. But I refuse to give up without a fight, Aniki…"

"Stop already, Atsushi. I swallowed my fear while writing that letter of unconditional surrender because the two of you said that we can still win. I allowed Akihiro to have his revenge for Akihiko and gave him all the gunpowder that we have at hand… but now, look at those two empty chairs…"

The other man looked at it and he gnashed his teeth in anger.

"I don't want to lose people anymore. Especially you who was never meant to be a leader at all."

"Shut it. I've made my decision. If my life is needed to claim the life of the one who killed our brothers, I am more than willing to do it."

"Listen here! It's pointless already to fight in this war! We sent all of our men out at the last attack and all of our camps has already been annihilated!"

"I know that!"

The room was filled with the enraged shouts of the brothers as no one wanted to back down from what they believe should be done.

"I know already that it is pointless… still, I don't want them to die for nothing. Akihiko is an unruly child, arrogant and too prideful… Akihiro is too obsessed with being respected but they are our brothers… as the ones who are left, we have to avenge them."

"Tch-!"

"Please, Aniki… if you don't want to join me, then let me go by myself."

There was a long silence as the formal lord gritted his teeth until he finally gave up.

"If you die… I'll also die."

"?!"

"I don't want to live in a world where I have to regret every day in my life with no one to lean on."

Hearing this, the other man stood up and took his sword.

"You're a foolish coward who cannot achieve anything…"

He spoke softly.

"But you are brother that all of us needed when we haven't become this kind of a monster yet."

"I'll regret it until my last breath. It was my fault why you three had to go through this."

"Good. Our father would like to hear that after what you've done."

Exiting the meeting chamber, the man walked straight into the courtyard where the only remaining forces of their army is stationed.

"We will march now! Prepare yourselves!"

This is the last battle of the war, an all-out attack to show that even bandit clan lords has some sliver of honor in their name.