A Painful Farewell to the Flowers of Shinka

The day after the Shogun told me all about what is truly happening in this world, he gave me three days to sort out my issue regarding the women that I have become intwined with romantically.

It was my own arrogance that drove me to this corner. I never wanted to act like the stereotypical "I will save them all and they will all chase after me and become a member of my own harem" person… I am not such a deplorable being.

But as the mind-numbingly tense and hopeless chain of events in my new life as a Daimyo overtook me, my principles became stained by my desire to escape those stressful things and soon, I believed that I have the right to play around as I wish… and in the end, I made it look like I am really taking their romantic interest with me seriously.

I have become that deplorable person that I really wanted to avoid turning into.

"I'm the first one in line, Hiroshi."

"Kusanagi…"

"Geez… Kyoko is fine, you know."

I love all of them just like how I am aware that they love me as well. Chiyo, Kyoko, Mitsuhide and Kotori… all of them look at me with a sense of romanticism that I wish to return.

But as the Shogun said, can I truly love all of them equally in my heart and mind?

Polygamy is not for me, and I believe it will never be. I don't want to do something that I would end up regretting later… and as proven again and again in all kinds of stories in my past world's history, most people who entered into polygamous relationships end up not enjoying their married lives in comparison to those in dedicated, monogamous relationships.

"Should we go on a date?"

"I'll say yes to that."

That's why even though I harbor true love to only one person that I have already promised to marry, I am not unfair enough to simply break the hearts of the others without a proper talk.

I wish to properly cut this off… while still respecting all of you who harbored feelings for me.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

To say that I never harbored any romantic feelings towards him would be a blatant lie.

[I love him.]

Those words might seem unfit for me since we rarely had the time to meet each other personally… but ever since he became my army's doctor during my war with the Akizuki clan, until the day when we last met each other after the war in the lands of the Satou clan, I knew that I slowly developed a desire for him that turned from being practical to fully romantic.

"This really is the Imperial capital. Naka harbor and Tohou city has a modern aesthetic, but nothing really beats traditional architecture mixed with modern objects like electricity and appliances."

"Yeah… It sure looks scenic."

As my people's leader, I have repressed my own desires to make sure that what they want is what will be done… But just like how Ishigawa-nii told me, I cannot keep following that kind of selfless act. Sometimes, I need to follow what I want to do in order to not eventually lose my way in life.

And right now, there is only one thing in my heart that I truly want more than anything else.

"Everyone."

"Yes, Lady Kusanagi."

"Return to your designated inns and take today off."

"B-But, Kusanagi-sama…"

"This is the Imperial capital, and the Shogun has assured our safety. I believe having all of you follow us around just attracts unwanted attention."

"Still, we have to protect you in case of-"

"This is an order."

"…As you wish, Your Highness."

With my personal retinue of guards no longer following us, I turned to Hiroshi who seemed to be bothered with what just happened.

"Why did you send them off?"

"It's unneeded now. We're in a safe place and as far as I am concerned…"

"W-Wait! Why are you-?!"

Because his guard was down, I grabbed his arm and took a pose that is similar to an attack, causing him to raise his arm to guard his head.

"Ahahaha! You scaredy-cat… You thought I will just attack you out of the blue?"

"You… You used to do that, you know?"

"Ah!"

"You're one hell of a beater back then."

Being reminded of that, I felt a bit embarrassed. But as I am now, I am not afraid of facing my failure to keep my emotions down back then.

"I'm sorry… Really, that was just me trying to keep my feelings for you down. So much so that I end up hurting you at times."

"Kuh… Ufufufu!"

"H-hey! What are you giggling for?!"

"Ahahahaha! Nothing much… Just that I am reminded of what kind of woman you were and how different you are now. You're even clinging to my arm right now."

"Muu… you dummy."

I was never able to fully embrace my feminine side ever since I was little. With my mother dying during a rebellion and me being trained to one day be a leader worthy to lead my province, I was never able to be soft and elegant.

But whenever I am with you, a desire to show that side of me that I have been forced to repress comes out… and now that I have a day that I can spend with you, I want to go all out in order to show you that if you are going to choose a person you want to really be with, I am the only sensible choice.

I will win… just like how I always told myself in whatever competition or conflict I get into.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

While walking around in the city, Kyoko held onto my arm firmly. I can sense that she hasn't done this before with the amount of strength she's using on it.

"I asked around with the locals and found out a certain alley here that is called a food court… They said it's an entire street market that has become famous with being a one-stop spot to indulge in all kinds of foods."

"Ahaha… Did you hear my tummy rumble earlier? I only had a light breakfast, so I did feel famished earlier."

"I actually didn't. I just thought that it would be better for us to walk around the city on a full stomach. After all, we'll be trying out all kinds of stuff later!"

"Hehe… I'm already excited to know about it."

Kyoko and I walked towards the food court area just outside of the marketplace and was surprised to hear that there is actually a short process before entering the place.

"Number 3… Number 3, please!"

"Ah! That's us!"

"Oh, please take a seat. This interview will not be long."

After our number was called, we sat down in front of a person who looks like the clerk of the place.

"Welcome to Hitachi's famous Tummy Alley! It's a pleasure to have you as our guests. This interview is for legal and medical purposes. That is because there have been some cases where the stalls became held accountable for medical damages for some customers who has allergies on specific dishes."

"Ohhh… That's understandable."

"So, please state any kind of allergies to ingredients or religious prohibitions that you may have before entering. We'll place them in this paper bracelet so our shop owners can easily identify them once you are inside."

He gave the two of us a sheet of paper where we stated our allergies. I wrote down cedar pollen and bay leaves for me, while I peeked on Kyoko's paper where she wrote peas and carrots. With both of our papers filled, we gave them to the clerk who quickly wrote those words on two blue bracelets and attached it to our wrists.

"Well then, thank you for your cooperation and we wish you a good fill in our beloved food court."

"Thank you too, sir."

We went through a small gate and once we are inside of the place that looks like a closed-off market district in the past world, all kinds of scrumptious and delectable dishes wafted to our noses and in an equally embarrassing and amusing turn of events, both of our tummy grumbled out a cute sound.

""Guuuuuu~~~""

"Hm!"

"Ah…Hey, Kyoko… Did your-"

"N-No! No way! I didn't-"

She waved her hands around while her face is beet-red. It was amusing to see her act like she used to, but after regaining her cool, she looked down to the floor and admitted it.

"I… Yes, that was me."

"Haha… Ahahaha!!!"

"H-Hey! Quit laughing!"

"I will… Ahaha!"

"You aren't!"

After a bit more giggles, I stopped laughing and we walked around for a while, looking for a suitable shop to try out first.

"Wow! Look at that, Hiroshi!"

"Wait… is that-?"

After Kyoko pointed at a particular stall, I was shocked to see a familiar cooking device that I only saw in the past world

"Oi there, young ones! Wanna try out my exotic doner kebab?"

"Doner kebab?"

"Yup! That's right, young lady. Doner kebab. A special recipe straight from the heart of the Persian lands!"

"A foreign dish! Hey, Hiroshi! Wanna try it out?"

"I do. Two orders please, pops."

"Right away, sonny!"

The cook stopped the standing rotisserie and with a large knife, carved out thin and juicy strips of the roasted beef before placing them on two large pieces of white pita bread. He then carefully filled them with lettuce and diced tomatoes before finishing it up with a spurt of mayonnaise before closing off the pita bread into a flattened cone shape.

"Enjoy, young ones!"

I reached for the two kebabs as Kyoko gave the guy our pay and after receiving the change, I gave her share to her and we both bit down on our food.

"Mmmmm~!!!"

"This… this really takes me back."

"Muu! This is delish! I haven't tasted anything like this before!"

"I can taste some black peppers, honey and chili oil on the meat. I think it was marinated really good if the flavor still sticks to it this well."

"N-Now that you say that… Uuu! There really is some spice to it!"

After a while, we finished the rest of the kebab and like responsible and civilized people, threw away the paper packaging of the kebab to a nearby trash can for biodegradable waste.

"That doner kebab was so good! But I don't think I can handle that much spice!"

"It's a unique identity of the dish. Most meat dishes actually came from necessity, you know? Our ancestors rubbed spices and salt on meat and fish to preserve them and allow them to enjoy it for later."

"Oh! That's interesting."

Next, we walked around until we saw a restaurant that seemed to have a long line earlier but is now fairly empty.

"Wanna check it out?"

"I do. I was interested with it earlier after I saw the long line it had. I wonder what kind of food they sell in here."

We approached the restaurant, and we were greeted by a receptionist who asked if we will be entering.

"We are tourists from the south. I saw the line earlier and was wondering about what kind of food you sell here."

"Oh! Good eye, mam. This is Donburi Boss, we specialize in rice bowls."

"Rice bowls? And what else?"

"Whatever you want, mam!"

"Huh?"

"Let me explain. We in Donburi boss offer the basic rice bowl to every customer. However, what they wish to place over the rice bowl is to their liking."

"Ah! Does that mean-"

"Yes, mam. Anything you wish to be the main course, we can prepare on your request."

"Mmm! Hey, Hiroshi! Let's go here!"

"Ahaha… Sure, sure."

We were led to a table inside of the traditional-style restaurant and were given a pitcher of iced tea and the list of available ingredients before the waitress asked for our order.

"I think I'll go with the breaded pork donburi with tomato ketchup and a side of omelet."

"As you wish, sir. What about you, mam?"

"Mmm… A bowl of tempura with sweet and sour sauce and a side of lobster spring rolls."

"Seafood, huh? Not many people order those nowadays."

"Huh? Why? Is it not good?"

"No, no… It's about the preferences of locals. Being a people from the plains, most of them like boar and fowl more than seafood. That's why I said that not many people try it out."

"Is that so? I guess things like that does happen, huh?"

"Yeah. Most of the stalls and restaurants here in the food court offer land-based dishes. Only some of those that deal with seafood actually broke through the barrier and found a niche on the populace."

"Hina? Hina! The tables aren't being served!"

"A-Ah! Coming, sis! Ehehe… Excuse me, then."

After the waitress excused herself to continue with her work, Kyoko and I talked a bit about things that I missed while I am out on my journey.

"I actually took several of my day offs in Kiko. Every time I go there, your right-hand man always lends me a high-end room on his hotel."

"Ah. Nobisuke, huh? Yeah… that guy really took off financially after the economic boom in Kiko. He even caught the construction and operation cost for the trains. Because of that, I quickly got to build them across the peninsula."

"I also had the opportunity to go to the newly liberated Mizuki islands with my subordinates. It's quite amusing to know that there are good beaches even in our north."

"It's mostly because of the summer solstice. I heard that Mizuki province actually gets drafty during the rainy and winter seasons. About that, did you go on an island hopping adventure while you're in there?"

"Yep! We came there on our own ship so going around wasn't much of a hassle. We camped out for a few days on an uninhabited island where I and Mitsuhide got to catch a tiger that we later brought back to Shinka."

"Wow… you guys sound like rich folks poaching exotic animals for fun."

"H-Hey! Don't make it sound like that!"

"Ahaha! I'm just joking, alright."

After a while, our food arrived and just like how the long line showed earlier, this place really is a good place.

"Mmmmm~!!!"

"Is the tempura good?"

"Yeah! The batter isn't too oily, and the sauce is so good! Come on, try it out!"

"Oh. Thank you for the food."

She placed one of the tempura on my side dish plate and after tasting it, I had the same thing in mind as what she said.

"This really is good… This place is amazing."

"How about your breaded pork? How does it taste?"

"Let me… Mm? Nn! This is well-made too."

"Hehe! We got into a good place, huh?"

While eating, Kyoko and I talked about a lot of things. She spoke about her days in the castle, taking care of her land and overseeing its development to what it has become today. Truly, our lands are changing, and time passes by us, watching the change that we put into this world.

But of all the things that she talked about that has changed, the one that really left an impression on me is how the Kyoko who had be beaten up when we first met and the Kyoko that I am looking at right now has seemed to look like polar opposites.

Because of that, as soon as we finished our food and settled the bill, I decided to talk about the purpose of this date as we exited the food court and headed to the public park near the Imperial Palace.

"Hey, Hiroshi…"

"Yeah?"

"Did you enjoy today's date?"

"Mmm… I would consider it as so-so…"

"So-so? Hey, I paid for all that we munched on, alright? You should at least give me some credit."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for filling my tummy when yours' groaned loudly too."

"Muu! Stop reminding me about that! Don't you have any mercy on women, you doof?!"

"Ahahaha! Alright, alright… I'm sorry."

After that short exchange, I looked at Kyoko who was smiling lightly towards me… Because of that, I decided that it should be the right time to talk about it.

"Kyoko… Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Why me?"

"…Oh. That, huh?"

He previously smiling face now had a thin frown on it. Not like the one that conveys sadness or worry… her frown looks like it came from dismay or discomfort.

"Do you… still remember how we first met?"

"Of course, I do. I still have the fading scars to remind me about it."

"Ah… I… I'm sorry about that."

"Don't look down like that. It's not like I still hold a grudge about it."

"To get back on track… I can kind of read what you are thinking about earlier when we left the food court. You were thinking about how I changed since we first met, right?"

"Hehe… Yeah. I kind of do."

I scratched my cheek lightly after hearing that my thoughts seemed to have been read earlier.

"If that is so, what do you think then?"

"What do I think? About what?"

"About how I changed."

"…I did notice some things."

I looked at her eyes straight to show that what I am about to say comes from my true thoughts and I do not want to lie.

"When we first met, you're the kind of girl who doesn't seem to care much about your appearance. You keep your hair uncombed and tied haphazardly that it looks like a broom at times."

"Ah- Hnnggg… That's kinda true…"

"You talk loudly, and you speak as if you're always the person of highest importance in the room."

"Kh-"

"And worse of all, you're a brute who even beats up good people who just want to save lives."

"Stop already, please. I'm going to die from shame at this point…"

Her face became beet red after all that I said. I even giggled lightly when she turned around to hide it.

"But now, I can only see a refined young woman who thinks first and acts next. A far cry from the insufferable brat I dealt with three years ago."

"You-! Geez… are you praising me or are you insulting me more?"

"Well, take a guess."

"Urgh… I give up."

"Haha… As I said, you've changed a lot, Kyoko. I believe someone like you who is thoughtful, strong and dependable would have a lot of men looking up and harboring romantic feelings for you."

"Ah-"

I looked away, preparing myself to speak the words that I wanted her to hear without being too hurt about it.

"…"

"Are you saying that… You also-"

"I'm sorry, Kyoko…"

"W-what…?"

"I don't think we are meant for each other."

After I spoke those words, it echoed back to me again and again inside of my head. I hate that I have to break it open like this to her… but this is for the best.

"Why…? Why do you say that we aren't meant for each other?"

"…What the Shogun told me before and after our duel convinced me that I shouldn't get too mixed up with this world's people. As an Otherworlder, I am an alien to this world that still has hope for the appropriate change that would bring it to a better tomorrow…"

"…"

"Getting mixed up with you who has such an important position and a prestige among your people that you must keep… I don't want to be the one holding you back from your responsibilities and agenda for the betterment of your people's future."

I looked at her and she had her head down as if she heard something so shocking that it hurt her deeply.

"I agreed to work with the Shogun to eliminate the threats that was brought to this world and the ones that could spell the eventual destruction of this world's hope of being saved… Once he finalizes his business here in Hitachi, there is nothing but pain and suffering for both of us to endure and fight against… something that I do not desire for you to be a part of."

"…"

"So please understand, Kyoko… It's not just because I do not feel the same way as you do that I am saying all of this. I am saying this too because I hope you can find someone who deserves you more than I do."

"And who are you to decide that?!"

"-!"

Without any warning, Kyoko suddenly shouted which made me flinch in fear.

"I… I know that you will be working with the Shogun now and you will be in constant danger after this! That's why… that's exactly why I wanted to be by your side!"

"Kyoko…"

"Do you know how much I reprimanded Ishigawa-nii when I found out that you're no longer in Kiko and the letter that you sent to me was hidden by him just so I won't be worried about you who went out on a journey?!"

"…"

"I- I almost can't sleep during those nights! I was worried… very, very worried about whether you're safe and you're not being chased by the people after your life out there!"

"Kyoko, you didn't have to be-"

"Shut up! Shut your mouth up! I have the right to be worried about someone I love!"

"…"

She kept on shouting at me while holding back her tears. Hearing her speak all about the things that she went through after learning about my journey left me with a sense of guilt about all of it.

I remembered that feeling that I had when she invited me out on a date… the feeling of knowing that I did the scummy thing of making her think that I really loved her yet right here and right now, I have stated that I was not serious about it.

"I… I love you, you know… Don't you dare stop me from having that kind of feeling towards you."

"Hearing you say all of that makes me hate myself more…"

"W-what?"

"I was aware that you and Mitsuhide began to harbor romantic feelings towards me when I both lent my hand so you can settle your personal issues… and yet, I am also keenly aware that I could never be able to make reciprocate those feelings… that deep inside, I am aware that you two deserve to have better people by your sides."

"Hiroshi… You are…"

"I'm happy to know that you love me, Kyoko… I really am. No sensible man cannot be jumping and cheering for joy once they learn that such a wonderful woman like you loves them. I am not an exclusion…"

"Then why are you-"

"But still… I know that I don't deserve you after all that I have done and after all of the questions that I asked myself about whether or not I actually love you the same way you do with me."

I stood up from the bench and knelt in front of her on one knee.

"Hik-! Kuh-!"

"…I already apologized enough… and I believe apologizing more would just bring you more grief and pain. That's why I'll say this for one last time before the Hiroshi that you came to know and love will disappear forever."

"Hn-! Wait! You can't be-!"

"Thank you for everything, Kyoko… for being there with me… and of course, for loving such a horrible person like me."

After I said that, she stretched out her hand to reach out for me, but at this point, the tranquilizer has already taken effect and she slumped down slightly after losing her consciousness.

"Now that I realize…"

I paused for a moment as a pained smile took shape on my face.

"…you really have changed, don't you?"

After pricking her foreleg with the tranquilizer needle, I brought her back to the inn where her retinue of subordinates and servants stay at. When asked about why their master is asleep, I said that she ate something allergic to her and the medicine that was used caused her to be drowsy.

"Iwasawa-dono…"

"…"

"The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"

"…It does."

While sitting by the veranda of the inn, I was approached by the casually clothed Mitsuhide who used a common line to show the purpose of her visit.

"Umm… I know that tomorrow is the designated time for our date, but I wanted to take a head start and-"

"Let's do this quickly but properly, Mitsuhide-chan."

"H-Huh?"

"Just like how I told your master earlier… I appreciate and respect the feelings you have for me."

"Ah-"

"But unfortunately… I cannot reciprocate it."

After saying that, I looked at her who seemed to still me in the middle of understanding what I have just said.

"I hate that it has to be this way… after all of the effort that you made in order to win my approval and good side, I cannot even take you on the date that you rightfully deserve."

"I…"

"Just like how I told your master earlier… It's better if you find someone more deserving of a wonderful woman like you. Unlike me who kept on baiting you into believing that I am romantically interested on you, someone who can put in the right amount of love and effort for your sake is better suited for you."

"I don't want anyone else, Hiroshi-dono."

I looked sidewards to see a resolute expression on her face. As if whatever she is facing right now, she isn't willing to back down at all.

"I believe that you are aware of my past… no, even my beloved sister's past."

"…"

"How we caused our elder brother to die on the hands of bandits because of our disobedience… how we were forced by our father who did not want to lose our family's prestige to become living weapons of war… how we suffered day and night in his brutal and inhumane training regimen… and when we reached the time of our womanhood, regularly assaulted us and-"

"Enough!"

"-!"

"Enough… I don't want to remember that anymore."

"…I apologize."

After I shouted, some of the soldiers rushed to the scene to check out what was wrong, but Mitsuhide waved her hand lightly to the side, telling them to go back to their usual stations as everything is alright.

"I already made myself clear, Mitsuhide… I cannot be the man that you think I am in your heart."

"Do you really mean that?"

"I do… I don't just believe it. I know it and am sure of it."

"Then tell me, Hiroshi-dono…"

"…"

She walked in front of me and asked me the following questions that caught me off-guard.

"Why did you pardon all of the insults and misdeeds that I have done against you when we first met?"

"…"

"Why did you make such a great effort just to have me open up my horrible past and help me change to who I am now?"

"That is-"

"Why did you…"

After hearing her cut out her following question abruptly, I looked up and saw that from her eyes, flowed out tears that carried pain and regret.

"Why did you have to be so kind and loving… that I ended up loving you?"

"I was a naïve and selfish scum… I knew that I can never give back the love that all of you harbored towards me… but in the hustle and bustle and the crushing stress of being a leader, I ended up making it look like that there is a part of me that you can fill in as my lover. Both you and Kyoko wanted to fill that non-existent hole in my life."

"…"

"As I said, it would be better if we cut this out now that I have told you the truth. I don't intend to give you false hopes again… nor do I want to keep on lying to all of you and also to myself that I need love in order to fulfill my new purpose in this new life of mine."

I stood up from sitting on a chair in the inn's veranda and turned to face Mitsuhide properly.

"Whether you will start to hate me, keep on loving me or later on, desire to kill me for lying to you and breaking your heart, I do not regret helping you get past your traumatic experiences even as just a concerned individual."

"H-Hiroshi-dono…"

"As I said before, you have become a wonderful woman, Mitsuhide. A far cry from the overly aggressive and misandrist you just three years ago."

I wrapped by arms around her arms, taking her into an embrace that had her face sunk on my chest.

"Kih-! Hiii…"

"Thank you for loving me, Mitsuhide-chan… and I am sorry for hurting you like this."

As she sunk her face deeper on my chest and cried out, she also wrapped her arms around my waist tightly as if not wanting to let me go.

Perhaps, she still does not want to believe what I told her… that deep in her heart, there is still an undying desire to have me by her side at all times as the one she truly loves.

"Mitsuhide… please…"

"No… I don't want to… I don't want you to leave me here!"

"I need to. I have a new objective to reach out… I need to do my part for the better future of this world."

"Screw that! I don't want you to leave my side!"

"…"

"I don't… I don't want you to go… hik-! I don't want the person that I love to leave my sight again… Don't go… please."

As she continued to silently cry, I knew that letting her have her way right now will end up making her cling to her hope more tightly… as such, I decided to use my ace against her.

"I will be joining the Shogun's side as his ally in this war that is coming for all of us."

"-!"

"And I intend to die after all of that has been finished… just like how an Otherworlder like me deserves to do so."

Slowly, her tight embrace on my waist loosened as she looked up at me with eyes that show absolute fear.

"I do not belong to this world, Mitsuhide. Unlike you, I cannot keep on living out in the open after all of this has been done. As someone who ended up here from a world beyond, I cannot be involved more than I already am in this world."

"No… No. Please don't say that you are-!"

"I am a pest in this world. Therefore, I cannot let you stay beside me anymore."

From my sleeve pocket, I took the tranquilizer needle and pricked her shoulder with it lightly in a manner that she didn't notice.

"Why… why won't you let me stay with you?"

"Although I cannot give back the love that you have for me… I do care for you enough to not let you be put in harm's way because of me."

As she began to become drowsy, I gently brought her to the chair I was sitting at and laid her down until the tranquilizer fully took effect.

"Again… thank you for loving me, Mitsuhide."

There was a bitter smile on my lips after I said those words.

After all, knowing that I completely severed my bonds with the two women who saw me in such a romantic manner hurts me just as much as them being rejected by me.

Still, there are two other people whom I knew held a romantic interest on me… and unlike Kyoko and Mitsuhide, these two knew the me who isn't the Kirin Lord or the ruler of Kiko.

Tomorrow, I will meet with them and unlike these first two, I do not really know what to tell them.

Perhaps, there is still hope to have someone beside me in the hell that awaits me in the near future.