Shadows of the Past

"Saori…"

Ever since I was young, I have always questioned the fact that we all have to stay in the village and devote ourselves to whatever work Inari-sama has approved us to do.

To me, I wasn't questioning her wisdom or being sacrilegious, I was simply wondering is following her words to the dot was something that will always be right no matter what happens.

I do not know if she has placed a spell on all of us so that we can see none of the bad things in our village, but after the day when I began to think of these things, everything in the village seemed to have changed in my eyes.

Suddenly, the eternally bountiful and quick harvests in the farmlands stopped being a miraculous way of sustenance and seemed to be a never-ending way to tolerate the inhabitants' gluttony.

The jobs that we were assigned to do in order to attain contentment in life stopped becoming a way of disciplining oneself and became an invisible shackle that keeps on forcing us to depend on the fox goddess for a purpose in life.

But perhaps, what was the greatest atrocity that I have witnessed regarding the Sanctuary was the fact that instead of the people that we yearn for with our heart, the ones that we were made to marry are people that the fox goddess deemed to be the best for us… and none questions her decisions.

"Sao…ri."

The first love that I had… was both a beautiful and deplorable one.

Because the woman that I loved… was the girl that I have been made to treat as my own sister.

"Where are you…?"

She was not my own blood and flesh… a girl that the fox goddess saved from the outside world, she was given to my parents to be adopted and ever since she can barely walk, I've known her and treated her as if she really was my own blood-related sibling.

I loved her dearly as her brother. She was the joy of our family and the innocent little kid that we all adored and doted on.

However, the way that I saw her changed after she spoke the words that I have never been told before in the way that she did.

["I love you, Kyousuke-onii-chan~!"]

Love.

I wasn't deprived of it throughout my life. If anything, I was showered with it constantly from my parents, friends and even the other villagers… but my epiphany back then turned all of that love that seemed beautiful and bubbly into hollow words that came from people who has accepted the constricting rules of the fox goddess.

In comparison to any of those, Saori's love was innocent and endearing. It was the genuine words of a child who truly appreciated our relationship and how I always looked out for her sake.

At that moment, I promised to myself that I will do everything that I can to not let my beloved sister to be brainwashed by the ways of the Sanctuary… and one day, I will bring her to the outside world where we can finally be freed from the fox goddess' grip and live a life that is truly ours.

However, I was far too naïve…

"Oi, dumbo! Whatcha' doin here at the edge of Mori Forest?"

"E-Ehh? Ah! I was looking for mushrooms, you see and got lost."

"Mushrooms, ya say? Me can see that, but what I don't understand is why yar' inching further and further into the forest. Do ya' have a loose nail in yar' head? Anyone with a working sense of danger or knows the rules of the Sanctuary would surely know that the Forest of Mori contains Gensokyo reserve, a place where no humans are allowed to enter."

"A-Ah… Sorry."

"Don't fugget it next time, dumbo! Ride on me back and let me get yar' ass outta here. Che! These wimpy little brats, always piling more work on me back. Meself was about to have a warm bath too!"

"S-Sorry again."

(T/N: If you're wondering why the foxes sound like they have a Scottish accent or something, Author Rai said that it's the closest possible way to translate the rough-sounding and unformal Japanese that lower-ranked fox envoys have as a way of speech. It's also kinda funny to type it in this way.)

I believed that using the supposed naivety of my youthful age, I can do anything that I need to go against the desires of a higher being such as a Great Spirit… but instead, I was caught and disciplined for it.

"Your son should know enough to not ruin the delicate balance of the Sanctuary's two races. I wish to remind you that the only reason why the Youkai are being considerate and accepting of humans here, isn't just because I am its guardian spirit, but that there was an agreement between those two."

"We understand, Inari-sama! We apologize greatly for our son's transgression and wish for your utmost grace in this matter!"

"Mercy us, Inari-sama!"

While finding the way that fox envoys invite in or let outsiders stray into the Sanctuary, I stumbled and broke a few eggs of a sleeping Yokai who then spoke out its complaint to the fox goddess. Usually, this would be settled by a fox envoy or a shrine maiden of the temple coming here to reprimand us… but the moment my mother opened the door, it was the fox goddess herself who was there to demand them to teach me more intently.

"You imbecile!"

"Urgh!"

"Where did we go wrong?! Where on earth have we lacked for you to do that?!"

"F-Father! S-Stop!"

"Kyousuke…! Heavens above… why are you like this…?!"

I received a beating from my father for the first time in my life… but rather than his punches, it was their words that hurt me the most.

"Where did I go wrong…? Have I sinned while I am carrying you for you to make these kinds of willful transgressions?"

"Mother…"

Both of them cried while uttering these regretful words. It… hurts… It hurts so much, not because it was them who are regretting all of this because of me, but because none of them understands and accepts my view about our lives under the fox goddess.

"Saori…"

"Kyou-nii…?"

Confused and conflicted, both in my mind and body, I confided everything to the only person who is innocent and pure enough to understand and accept me.

"I'm sorry for depending on you like this again, Saori…"

"Shh… just rest, Kyou-nii. You should rest yourself now."

In my times of confusion, you were there when I needed you the most… lending me your kind heart and words that lull me to peace.

I wanted for things to stay like this… I wanted for Saori to always be beside me and give me the strength to pursue my goal of one day freeing us from the grasp of the fox goddess.

But my last hope in this accursed-Sanctuary… was soon stolen from me.

"M-My name is Sannosuke… it's a pleasure to meet you, Saori-san."

"L-Likewise."

Once she turned fourteen, Saori went through her coming-of-age ceremony and was paired with a guy from the other side of the town.

I can barely stomach it… the moment I saw them meeting at the living room of our house, I already wanted to leave and throw up. A person that she doesn't even know that exists… is now her betrothed as decreed by that accursed vixen!

"How was he, Saori darling?"

"U-Umm…"

"Ehehe… Look at my darling little daughter. Starting to grow up and want to feel lovey-dovey, are you?"

"Ehhh! Stop teasing me, Chichi-ue!"

My Saori…

My precious little sister…

"Mmm… Your brother should really learn from you."

"Right? It's been four years already since he went through his coming-of-age ceremony and he hasn't come to the temple yet to be paired with someone."

"Kyou-nii, huh…?"

Of course, I won't go there and be paired! The one that I love is already right in front of me! I don't want anyone else! I don't want-

"I want to marry Sannosuke-san and start a home with him, Chichi-ue, Haha-ue."

"Oh my!"

"Hrm… Is that so?"

My heart that was filled with bottled-up dissatisfaction and hatred of the thought of Saori being taken away from me that I didn't even notice it… that after two years, the rift between the two of us grew wider and wider at the same time that she and that disgusting brute that she was paired with became closer and closer.

And now, she has expressed her desire to split off from our house… and live with that guy.

Hatred… Bitterness… Melancholy…

Madness.

While she was preparing to take her belongings and mother and father are away to coordinate the wedding ceremony with the other family, I came to her room and decided there and then to reclaim her from the filth that she was stained with by that pairing she was given.

"This is all an illusion, Saori! Snap out of it!"

"What are you doing?! Get away from me!"

"This sanctuary is a prison! Everything she is giving to us is just a bait to keep us in this place! Listen to me, Saori! We just have to leave this place and-"

"I don't want to leave this place!"

"-!!!"

Saori… don't tell me that you too…

"I… don't want to leave this place. This is my home… this is where my loved ones are…"

"Loved ones…? Saori, listen to me. Snap out of this illusion! Look around you! There's a whole open world awaiting us outside of this prison!"

"…'"

"Wake up already, Saori! Father, mother, everyone in here has become the slave of this place! I was the only one who questioned it and is now finding a way to get out of here! I'm the only one who knows that there is no future in this place!"

Please, Saori… My sweet little sister who has been my only hope in this accursed place. Listen to me…

"If you love me, Saori… you will take my hand."

"-!"

"You and me against this world… You're the only one I can and will trust with this."

I extended my hand towards her, wanting to save her from fully falling into the deception of this place.

"…I'm sorry, Kyou-nii."

"Wha-!?"

"As I said, everyone that I love is in this place. I do not desire to leave them."

"Tch! You're making a mistake, Saori! This place is full of deception and meaninglessness! This place is that vixens' simulation game! She's keeping us out of the real world to become her mere playthings!"

"And why is she keeping us out of the real world, exactly?!"

"Ah-!"

"Did you not hear why those who strayed into the Sanctuary never wanted to leave anymore?! The outside world is rife of conflict, bloodshed and hopelessness! Everyone is suffering because no one can agree on anything!"

"T-That's just-"

"The outside world that you're seeing in your delusions is not the world we desire to live in, Kyou-nii! None of us want to starve, suffer or die if we can just stay here in the Sanctuary!"

No… Saori… Don't say that you have also-

"I thought you've changed after you got paired with Tohka-san… but to think that your obsession with leaving the Sanctuary has not only stayed but is driving you to insanity like this…"

Saori… You have also become one of them…

"Inari-sama has to hear this… I'm sorry, Kyou-nii. No… Kyousuke-san."

"-!"

Once she called me that way, I knew that she's gone.

The innocent and genuine Saori who once told me that she loves me… Loves me genuinely and not just because there is none to feel in this prison other than love for each other because of the lack of suffering and needfulness…

Gone… it was all gone now.

"Thank you for everything, Saori. I'm sorry and… goodbye."

"Huh?"

"Hearken my heart's cry, unliving primordial goddess of the underworld."

To silence Saori… and rid myself of any other reason to stay as I am in this place, I decided to have the one and only person whom my heart truly loved to be the first to fall to depravity under my order.

That day, the one that was supposed to be her happiest… became the time when with my curse that I have refined to the point that it can rival even the power of a great spirit such as Inari-no-kami, she became a malformed being made of Yomi's filth and twisted flesh.

The ceremony meant to be her wedding, was turned to her departing…

"Saori-chan… HIK-! SAORI-CHAAAAN!!! UWAAA…!"

"My daughter… My sweet little daughter!!!"

"Why, Saori… Why should something like this happen to you?!!"

While her almost-husband, father, mother and I was attending her funeral, the ones who was tasked to dispatch her came and offered their incense, flowers and other offerings.

"Saori-chan… May you rest in peace."

"I wish I have painlessly freed you from such a form, child."

Kurumi and Kyo, the pair from the main temple who battled against her cursed form, gave a prayer towards her remains in an urn.

"You were too young… too young to depart like this, Saori-chan."

Kensuke-jii, the great architect and carpenter of the Sanctuary, came and placed a figurine beside her urn. If I remember right, it was the figurine he promised to give her in her wedding day.

"Kyousuke… I'm sorry for your loss."

"…"

And my wife Tohka… she shed tears for Saori, while I can't even bring myself to mourn for her.

In my mind, Saori died not because I turned her into a Cursed spirit, but because she became one with the other fools in this place. She died… because she became a part of this rotten place that I wish to escape from. To me, making her fall to depravity and turning her into a Cursed spirit is salvation… salvation from further being fed the illusions of this place.

"Listen to me, Tohka… We are leaving this place."

"H-Huh?"

"The time is ripe. Tonight is the night of the crimson moon and I've already prepared the route leading to the outside of the Sanctuary. Get our son and all our essential belongings. We will leave this place tonight."

After years of complacency in this Sanctuary where I pretended to be fine with my life while I secretly refined my powers to the best that it can ever be, I finished my preparations and decided that it was the perfect moment to bring myself and my family out of this place. Tonight, there will be a blood moon and it will be a time when rabid Ayakashis and cursed spirits will be at their strongest… and if they are stronger, I too, will be.

However, leaving the sanctuary alive will not be our fate.

"Darn it, Tohka! Stop moving already!"

"Put us down! I told you that I don't want to leave this place!"

"Kh! Ahhh!!!"

Probably because she has the blood of an Otherworlder, Tohka woke up from my spell earlier than I expected and hit me on the back repeatedly, giving her protest that I should've just left her and our son, she managed to make me slip down a cliff along with the two of them.

When we reached the bottom of the cliff, I saw the two of them surrounded by Ayakashis whom I asserted control on to leave them alone. I would've scooped them up and continued on our way out of the Sanctuary if not for the sound of the foxes and that accursed kyonshi coming closer and closer.

"This is what you wanted, Tohka!"

In a way, this is what she wanted. She wanted to stay here with our child and right now, she can have just that. I left the two of them, but not before surrounding them with a spell that would protect them from harm until the foxes comes there to protect and retrieve them. With only my personal belongings left on me, I was finally able to use my full strength to make my escape and made a mad dash towards that spot where I detected a fluctuation in the Ki lines whenever someone strayed into the Sanctuary.

"Just a little bit more… Just a little bit closer!"

The sea of trees surrounding me became less denser… the Ki lines became weaker and weaker until I found the crack in the Sanctuary's barrier.

"Finally… Freedom!"

Freedom… it was not.

"W-W-What on…"

As soon as I left the Sanctuary, I saw from afar a scene of a battle where thousands die every single moment.

"FIRE!!!"

"Don't falter! Break their lines!"

Guns, swords, spears and bows clashed and flags of differing designs and colors intwined in battle.

Right outside of the Sanctuary, there was a war waged by the outsiders against each other.

["The outside world is rife of conflict, bloodshed and hopelessness! Everyone is suffering because no one can agree on anything!"]

At that moment, one of Saori's last words echoed in my mind that grew hopeless and hopeless at every passing moment. I don't want to believe it… I don't want to believe that such is the case. However… Can I really deny what is right in front of my eyes?

"How was it? Your so-called "salvation", that is."

"-!!!"

To my shock, Inari-no-kami appeared beside me and spoke as if nothing strange was happening at all.

"Contrary to what you residents know, I know everything that happens in the Sanctuary since it is my own creation. Did you really think that I make decisions purely out of chance? For your information, I listen to each and everyone's desires and make decisions using them. This is the reason why none of those that marry using my pairings suffer from a lack of faithfulness with each other. Because I know that those two would complement each other nicely."

"Is that your stupid excuse to rid yourself of the blame of being the one who so brazenly dictate our lives for us?!"

"Dictate? Goodness, no."

"-?!"

"If anything, I call it as "manipulating the odds". I make sensible-sounding suggestions and give all of you the illusion of a choice when I know that I've pushed you into a decision most favorable to the greater good of the Sanctuary."

"W-what…?"

"You falling for the innocent words of little Saori was something that I immediately sensed to give you strength to defy me. It's true that I refrain from interacting with the decisions of young children, but you can trust me when I tell you that it's not beyond me at all to make use of their words for my ends as well."

At that moment, I realized that none of the things that I held dear in my heart was actually wholly mine to have decided. The truth of the matter is that my entire rebellion… my desire to escape from the Sanctuary… my love for Saori and how it was lost when I made her fall to depravity to become a Cursed spirit… and even the fact that I continued to rebel and even left my family just to escape…

It was all known and manipulated as such by the fox goddess.

"The residents of the Sanctuary will learn from your mistakes, Kyousuke. Some of them has, like you, questioned the necessity of staying here and also wanted to escape from this place. But now that someone did it and brought great damage and death not only to your family but to the others who fell victim to the Ayakashis that you summoned, none of them will ever dare to think or aspire to escape from the Sanctuary."

"No… Don't tell me that you are-!"

"You reap what you sow, mortal… Your rebellion achieved nothing but demonize your ideals. And look at your "salvation" now… Would you call the outside world that you so wishfully thought of as a paradise, or is it not what you thought it is?"

I thought that she would kill me, but it seems like the fox goddess wanted me to suffer the consequences of my decision to leave the Sanctuary. Forbidden to ever step inside again, I roamed the lands rife with exactly what Saori told me about years ago.

Conflict, bloodshed and hopelessness… it was the only three things that exists in this world wherever I turn my head to. After a while, I formed a thought that made those three things more interlaced than I would've ever thought.

Whenever I come across a land of battle-crazed people whose prime happiness in life is waging war, there is always a lack of essential things. It appears that as a way to secure these essential resources, they fight all kinds of wars that in turn, becomes their reason to live.

Whenever I come across a land of people making enough to live and not worry about things, they seek more land and to bring other people into their folds, bringing themselves to conflict with those who are against them.

Whenever I come across a peaceful land of bounty, the people would be filled with hopelessness in their hearts. It appears that lacking any wish to become better makes their hearts ring in emptiness.

This world… is rife with all of these things. Things that I only realized to exist when I am no longer in the protection of the Sanctuary. The fox goddess told me that I have to reap what I sowed… and right now, I understood why she was so adamant with having none of us leave that place.

"Kak! Kah!"

"S-S-sir! What's wrong?!"

If not for my abilities, I would've died already from the diseases that exists in the outside world. I thought it was only lip service, but she was indeed protecting us from all kinds of harm.

I would've crawled back to the Sanctuary and begged for her forgiveness by the time that I have completed my journey across the country… I can't take it anymore. This world was never the same as the one that I envisioned. It is the worst place that I can ever be in.

However, I met someone who told me that I don't have to come back to fold of the fox goddess.

"You said that you turned the one that you truly loved into a cursed spirit, yes?"

That woman… told me that there is a way to change this world to the one that I dreamed of in my heart. The one where we are free to make our decisions and not suffer at all from doing it.

And thus, with me at its core, I served a family who was supposed to be serving in a Sanctum of a great spirit, but has been secretly turning to a cult worshipping the beings of Yomi.

As my powers were refined greater than anyone else's I became their Chief Priest for a time. My work was to teach them to summon ayakashis and curses alike, turning spirits into cursed spirits and in preparation of the great day of this world's transformation, open countless holes from Yomi to the surface world, flooding the human world with the monsters from the dark abyss when the right time comes.

However, I will not be among those who will see that promised day.

For even the ones who promised me that I can finally be reunited with Saori once the world has been devoured by Yomi… never thought of having me with them once I became an obsolete pawn.

"What is the meaning of this, Reika?!"

"I'm sorry, Kyousuke-san… you have outlived your use to the cult."

"O-outlived… what on earth are you talking about?! You said that we will bring Yomi to the surface world and rid ourselves of the shackles it gives on us?! Why are you doing this now?!"

"Because we lied to you… we don't want to bring Yomi to the surface world to free humanity. We aim to overturn everything and become the rulers of the new age to come after that day comes."

"-!!!"

"You were a fool to believe that the world will ever be rid of conflict, bloodshed and hopelessness, Kyousuke-san. Those three things are essential qualities of the world that make it function whether we like it or not."

"You monster…"

"Monster? Haha! The only difference between the two of us is that I do not lie about who these things will benefit in the end, Kyousuke-san."

As we neared the hole to Yomi located in the deepest caves of the mountain where the castle is built, I realized that just like how I did the same to Saori long ago, I too, will suffer the same fate.

"The Daigo clan aims to rule in a world where only we will ever be the seen as the safe haven of humanity. Under us, there will be safety and freedom. But not so much to let the people be complacent and think of leaving our fold. We will make them so weak that they will devote their selves to us and no one else."

"Then you'll just be as evil as the fox goddess! You'll just be making the entire world your Sanctuary!"

"I know. Is that not obvious, Kyousuke-san?"

"-!"

"The only difference between us and Inari-no-kami… is that she at least does those things because she loves her people… for us though… I guess I can boil it down to the fact that we have our agenda to fulfill that requires the humans to unilaterally depend and believe on us. But those things… is something that I'd rather talk about with someone else that is more worthy."

With the very same spells that I thought them, I was turned into a Cursed spirit and thrown to Yomi. All of that happened years ago… and now, I've slowly lost my sense of self as a human being.

"Saori…"

There has just been one thing on my mind since then… One thought that kept me from fully losing who I was and what I lived for before I became like this.

"Where are you… Sao…ri…?"

I thought that the outside world would be my salvation… but it was nothing but an ugly place of suffering and conflict.

I thought that everything would be fine once I leave the Sanctuary, but I was told that everything that I did was within the expectation and manipulation of the one I considered to be my greatest enemy.

I thought that somehow, the promised day that I was told about would be the paradise that I am seeking for so long… but I realized that it is a paradise that I will never be able to attain.

Such was my life… Such were my mistakes…

And now, trapped in this twisted form, I only had one thing left within me that keeps me as human as I possibly can.

"Saori…"

"…"

With me as its catalyst and my endless yearning for the only person that I can ever hope to save me from this fate, this accursed tumor in the surface world, one that was supposed to be the greatest stronghold of the Daigo clan's agenda of spreading malignant spirits and cursed beings in this world and turning the entire world into a hellscape, became my prison where I was made to create nefarious monsters to terrorize the surface world.

But now, that scene has changed… for in front of me, five figures drew close, cutting through the sea of monsters surrounding me and aiming to reach the very place where I am.

"Push forward!"

"Keep the flames up, Kurumi!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!"

I knew that they are here to dispose of me… and it would be my absolute pleasure to finally be freed from this cursed fate. But in my head rang a single order that stopped me from just staying there to be cut down.

["In my name, I order you! Bring down those interlopers and continue to spread malice in the world!"]

It was the orders… of Miyazono Keiji.