Desires in Disorder

Once again engulfed by the color of despair, I sat in my all-knowing dream-land.

"Again?" My voice echoed back and forth as usual. I was left alone in darkness beside my manifestation of greed; a singularity of essence that gathered into a singular space of a particle. It hovered beside me as if waiting to be seized.

I grasped it into my palm.

"Urg—!" I felt the feeling surge through my veins. But unlike the last, this time it burned. It seems that the energy of greed I'd manifested has only become more concentrated.

I can assume I've become greedier since the last time I was here.

I suppose my mind has chosen to return to this place every now and then during my dormant states. It's an area of summarization where I can regather my thoughts after too many events have occurred. Since the last lucid evocation, a lot has happened. The Sins and I have started making bigger impacts against the Cardinal Nexus.

There was the memory-wiping at Xavier Education. I'd sent Gian-Luca on a solo mission to act as a student. He was meant to induce amnesia on a single target, William Leons.

We ended up having the entire class wiped of memories and knowledge.

I didn't expect all of them to reach eligibility for internships, so the decision was kind of impulsive. At the very least we've disengaged internships for the Cardinal Nexus completely.

Then there was the assassination at Umbra's Gentlemen's Club. I'm not sure how Vidia did it, but she was able to take out the target, Richard Jennings. Ian played the perfect role at sneaking her in unnoticed, and naturally, she blended in with the rest of the female workers quite well. The true work of an embodiment of lust.

I thought our assaults would've ended there, but I didn't account for Richard Jennings' replacement, Peter Stephens. Luckily, I deciphered that he was the last on the list for close-cut relations with the Cardinal Nexus. Taking him out would ensure Initiate Co.'s disconnection from the government, and so we proceeded with that.

I was lucky enough to get seats within the same row as Stephens. Me and Vidia sat on either side, keeping him cornered. Once Venus struck, I gave Vidia the go and she removed his eyesight. Unknown whether he'd survived the plane crash or not. It didn't matter, we'd already ensured his failure.

Now we're just waiting. I haven't devised any new plans for the team since the last one because everyone's already been given a chance to shine, so I'm not worried about anyone being impatient. I told them we'd done these tasks in order to hurt the Nexus, and make our impact on society.

The entire method is efficient, really. As we target the Nexus directly and bring about these onslaughts, we simultaneously strike fear into the public as they uncover these steps. Spreading fear throughout the masses will slowly damage the Nexus over time, so we're basically killing one big bird with two stones.

This is what I'd told them.

It's what I'd told them, but not exactly what I'm intending. It's good that what I claim makes sense and is true to an extent, but this is not my end goal. Unbeknownst to the rest of them, I'm having us target the Cardinal Nexus so I can gain their attention directly.

The mole's attention.

Chamuel's partner—A.X.A.'s plant in the Nexus. I know he or she exists, and they definitely know that we exist—the Seven Sins. The only thing I'm trying to do now is link a connection with the individual. Not with us Sins, but with me specifically.

I need to get my answers on the "Moon" and A.X.A.

I resent A.X.A., but their existence still fascinates me. What exactly is the Archangel Experimentation Association? Where did it come from, and what is its motive? Why are they kidnapping irregularities, wiping their memories, brainwashing them, and providing them unbound abilities?

"None of it clicks to me!" The void returned my words. I was frustrated with the lack of knowledge to my questions.

I sighed.

I recalled something specific from my past before A.X.A. during my time as a young Nexi. My hobby of countless researching was due to a mental problem I had; the absolute inability to rest until I'd fulfilled my desire. That desire was to fulfill my unknown knowledge. Any question I'd ever asked, or ever wondered, was to be answered, and to be determined. My own sanity was based off of ensuring I knew the answer to every question I'd ever had, because in doing so would provide me countless knowledge.

But with an addiction like this, I could never rest.

Questions in life would never stop coming, and I understood that, but still denied it.

I continued to push forward with fulfilling this never-ending desire to fill all the blanks in my mind; to ensure that my mind would always be whole and opaque, removing the opportunity for any knowledge to slip by unnoticed.

By the time I'd realized it'd gotten the best of me, it was too late to turn back. I'd performed my mental duties religiously to the point that it was routine and habit. My body was set on its performances and my brain had been shaped to adhere to my addiction.

I could never put an end to this greed.

"Urgh!!!" I pulled at my hair, ripping it out in shreds. I threw it everywhere, scattering my stress across the floors in a messy manner. It didn't matter anyways, because this was all just a dream. Hopefully my hair would still be intact when I woke back up.

"Fuck…" The sin of greed truly compelled me. It wasn't even my fault. It was just an unfortunate destiny that I'd been bestowed with. There was no use in fighting against the current's direction, I had to swim with it.

"I need to know it all…" Understanding that I couldn't fix myself, I'll have to continue to allow the greed to control me. Right now it's telling me to fill in the voided knowledge of A.X.A. and the "Moon" using any means necessary.

Any means necessary.

I will do whatever it takes to fulfill my hunger for knowledge.

Even if it's practically against my will, I already know I can benefit from what I'll receive.

I might as well make the best of it.

This is my wealthy hunt for gold.