Chapter 1

2000

August

Dear mama,

I turned nine today. I wonder why I didn't see you today, it's not like you to miss my birthday. In fact, I haven't seen you for a whole week now. Do you not love me anymore? The last time we spoke you gave me an early birthday present, a diary.

You said I should write about my experiences each day once I turned nine. I found it strange that you would, say that. You have always been there to listen to everything that happened in my life each day.

You told me it will help me handle my emotions well, but then you have always been there to tell me what I should do whenever I faced any problems. I can't help but think that you have been very different lately. Always spending every single time of the day possible to be with me. Hugging me like it will be the last time. Giving me advice that sounds very strange, sometimes it feels like you are talking in another language.

Then out of nowhere, you decided to bring me to this strange place to meet strange people then tell me they're my family. Family? You have been the only family I have known for the last nine years of my life. Then all of a sudden you disappear.

I wake up one morning waiting for you to come to my room and kiss me good morning and tell me to pray then ask me what I'll like to eat and I wait and wait and I'm still waiting...

Dear mama,

I'm still waiting for you to come to my room in your pajamas and kiss my forehead good morning, I'm waiting for you to ask me how my night was and what I'll like for breakfast. I'm waiting for you to hug me so I can smell your natural scent that reminds me of strawberries. I'm waiting to see you smile that brightens up my world and laugh that is like angels singing.

I've been waiting for eight days now mama and I still am. Or do you not love me again? Did u leave me alone intentionally in this strange place with strange people that I can't even pronounce their names properly? I wonder mama if you have forgotten your promise to stay with me for as long as you can. Or is this the longest you can be with me?

Surely not, you said you'll be with me till you are sure that I can look after myself. Did you lie? You know I still need you to make me my favorite pancakes. You know I still don't know how to bake properly as you do. If you leave me who will take me back home?

Who will prepare me for school and help me with my homework? Who will tell me bedtime stories and tuck me in at night? Who will hug me and tell me everything will be alright when I'm in tears. I wonder mama who will...

Dear mama,

I asked uncle Taju about your whereabouts today. He seems like a nice person, he's always buying me treats like chocolates and sweets whenever I greet him.

His daughter, Atinuke does not seem pleased with this though. She always looks at me with an expression that says she doesn't like me here. I ignore her most times though. Although, it's hard to ignore her mom especially as she is the one who cooks my meals. I hate her food. It is always spicy and most times overcooked but what will I do🤷. Neither mom nor daughter has done anything to me in particular I just don't like them. Tinu's mum is as black as midnight, you'll most likely see the white of her eye if she was standing in the dark.

When I asked uncle Taju about where you had gone and when you will be coming back to take me home, he said you had gone to a better place and you will come back when it is time for me to join you. Better place? Where is this better place? I do know everywhere I've been to is a much better place than this place.

Mummy but is it really true you went to a better place without telling me about it and not taking me along with you? As far as I can remember we went everywhere together except when school is in session and you had to go to work. You have never for once left me alone for even a day.

What happened mama? Were you afraid I'll be naughty and not take me with you? I promise you that I will be a good girl. I won't complain about anything, I won't even mention wanting to know my dad.

Everything will be alright so long as you're with me. Or did you leave me like Shella's mummy left her and her dad? Did you suddenly get tired of loving me and decided you've had enough? You did mention one time that you will never get tired of loving me, so what happened? Is it that where you went is so good you have forgotten all about me?

Mama, please come back. I promise you I will always be on my best behavior, I will never throw a tantrum, I will always say my prayers and be nice to people. I promise never to mention about not having a dad like every other child. I promise to do anything mama. I promise.....

Dear mama,

Apart from uncle Taju and grandma, I don't usually talk to anyone else. Although today Atinuke talked to me. Not just the occasional ' come down for breakfast '.

It was after lunch today. I was going to head back to my room when she asked me why I was ' oyibo '. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow, what did she mean by that. She saw my confused expression and gave a toothy laugh. She asked me if I have not noticed that everyone I have met this far does not look like me.

It is true though everyone here is black or brown in different shades I'm yet to see a white person. She also asked me why my hair and lips were red to which I did not reply. She then came closer to me and looked into my eye, she asked me why one was blue and the other green. I told her what you told me some time ago when I asked why some people are black and some white. I told her it was because God loves variety so he created people in different colors to make the world a colorful place. I also told her what Ms. Ella, my teacher told me once, I let her know she was black and I was white because of the difference in our melanin.

She looked at me like I was speaking a language she could not understand. Then she told me I was a liar, she had seen people who had white light skin like mine where she lived but never with two different colors of the eye. She then went on to say that I am an ' aje ' I was going to ask her what she meant by that but she cut me off by telling me that if anyone finds out I'll be dragged to the town square and beaten severely after which I will be burnt alive.

She told me she will not tell anybody about it but I should stop being an ' aje ' before any other person finds out. Since then I have been searching for the meaning of those words in the dictionary and I can't find it anywhere, oyibo? Aje? What do they mean.....

Dear mama,

Where are you mama? The, last time I asked that question uncle Taju told me you are in a better place, since the I have not had the opportunity to quiz him again. When are we going back to the states? Remember u said we'll visit Disney Land if I'm a good girl.

Mama I've been ,on my best behavior even though you're not here to see me. I greet everybody ' ekaaro' in the morning like you said I should even though they end up laughing at my attempt to say it because of my accent. I even eat mummy Tinu's food without complaining although, I would never lie to her that it tastes nice.

I say my prayers every morning and night like you said I should. I make my bed in the morning and I say thank you whenever anyone helps me with something. I want to go back to the States and spend the rest of my summer vacation in California like we did last two summers. Or spend it in Texas where I can ride the ponies to my heart content. I miss the wind in my hair and the sun on my face.

Here I hardly go anywhere except when we went to church on Sunday. The few times I've been outside is not so pleasant, the sun is so hot it makes my skin burn. I know I like to get tanned but getting a sunburn isn't something I fancy.

I just want to go home, this place is boring. I have so many questions I'll like to ask you Mama, but first of, where are you?...

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