Day 1 - Remembrance.

Many times I was absent even when I was present, many times I said what I thought, but not what I felt. I learned every mystery and theory of the universe, but never how to be human. I hurt the people I loved without having to say a single word. There is a memory in my head at this moment, every day I woke up at 4 in the morning in my work as a teacher. Without having to, Meriel would wake up together with me and prepare breakfast, always accompanied by a cup of coffee. He always woke up smiling in front of my eyes, even after keeping him up late when he was waiting for me. She didn't blame me for anything, even so, when did I thank her? Let me give you a hint ... never.

Today is Monday. outside there is wind and big "nuvole nere", it seems that it will rain at any moment. What a surprise, I woke up early, since I left the teaching position at the university I had not done it. As I turn my head from the other side of the bed, a pair of eyes looking at me with tenderness and a warm smile directed towards me come to mind. With that in mind, I get out of bed, I think that in a way that remembrance helped me to do it. I don't need to look at the weather forecast, it will be better to carry an umbrella. I finish changing and head towards the kitchen, I have no appetite so I will take something in my backpack to eat later. I look at the coffee pot and the two cups at the foot of it, they have not been used for a long time. I walk over to her, but I just walk past her and walk out of the kitchen. I have a habit of checking the answering machine every day, but there seem to be no messages.

When I get out, I can see the clouds more clearly, it seems that I will not see the sunlight today. Even so, I start walking down the sidewalk on my block. Usually, when I walk I don't know what to look at, I think I'll give it a try this time. I am seeing many things, the same things that months ago I did not notice, such as those boys waiting for the school bus, the postman passing by me in search of a house to leave the mail, the cars heading surely to their work and ... that woman saying goodbye to her husband ... I quickly turn my head away.

Suddenly a thought crossed my mind, it is not surprising in someone like me, I began to think of spring, suddenly? ... it may be, but it is too close. Everything begins to take color and the heat begins to be present, I had never thought so much about her as now, that is, to think that I have almost 23 springs in this world. Spring, to think of her suddenly ... it could be that this was the season I met her.

After walking for about an hour, I reached my first stop, a large park located on the eastern edge of the city. Looks like they put in new benches, I'll sit on one. I took my headphones out of my backpack and put on "Giorni Dispari" by Ludovico Einaudi, I love classical piano music, especially this performance. It's funny, I visited this place some time ago and I had not had as many memories as at this moment ... is this what they call nostalgia? Looking at everything again is so strange, the trees, the paths, the lanterns and. .. there to my right, that place in the middle of the clearing, that place is perfect for stargazing ... it must be that, or maybe I saw her there for the first time.

I remember I was doing some research for the Ph.D., I lie ... I just wanted to come to look at the stars that day. I was putting my telescope in position when suddenly a girl came and stood next to me, unexpectedly asking me to let her look through my telescope. Seeing her, she smiled, at that moment she did not know the meaning of that smile. I noticed that she was wearing shorts and a sleeveless blouse, a typical spring dress. Her hair was short, brown, and wavy. Her light brown eyes seemed to have a special sparkle, but ...

—What do you observe? She asked with that curiosity.

—Um ... I'm looking at the ocean —I said sarcastically, it was obvious.

After saying it, she acted in a way that I didn't expect, she just started to laugh tenderly. If it had been one of those bullies from school, she would surely hit me right then.

—Are you going to high school? —She asked me again.

—No —I said while moving the telescope coordinates— I'm in college doing my Ph.D.

—doctorate? How old are you?

—18 —I answered dryly.

—really? Are you some kind of genius or something like that?

They asked me that very often, I did not understand why people were surprised when I said that, for me, it was not something out of the ordinary. Even so, I didn't know what to answer, so I kept positioning my telescope.

—I am 17 years old.

—Interesting —I replied— the telescope is ready ... do you want to see the sky?

Except for my sister, no one else had been allowed to look through my telescope, but I thought allowing it would leave me alone. But then...

—I thought you were pointing towards the ocean — he said while smiling— I can already see the sky every night, but it's been so long that I haven't seen the ocean.

I started to wonder if what I heard was serious or just a joke.

—No —I replied— it's impossible to see the ocean from here.

—It's a shame ... I want to see it.

A long silence came, enveloped everything, like the sheets every night when tossing and turning in bed. I didn't know what else to say to the girl standing next to me anymore, so I started looking through the telescope while he just watched.

—What's your name? She asked me after that long silence.

That girl always had something to talk about, even after that long silence. I turned to my side to see her, what I did not know was that she was also looking at me. It was at that moment that I saw something in her eyes that made me nervous, it was a warm feeling that I didn't know how to explain it. Her look through her brown eyes was sincere, innocent ... they were many colors in one. I spun back out of her sight and answered her.

—My name ... is Alden.

—Alden? It's a nice name, mine is Meriel ...

And there she was again, that girl telling me something I hadn't asked for. I wanted to convince myself that I wasn't interested one bit. I used to be like that, I stopped paying attention when something didn't interest me. But then, sudden as always.

—You're very quiet, right? —She asked me directly.

I looked at her again, this time something in her gaze had changed. Maybe I expected it to be a different type of person, but the truth, my quality with girls was always being inappropriate.

—I'm sorry —I said with that shyness— Meriel? Is a...

But just at that moment, we heard a scream in the distance, at the entrance of the park.

—¡Meriel! —Cried that voice.

She turned along with me, we saw several boys and girls a little further away in the park.

—¡I'm going! —Meriel replied.

—Hurry up —they called again— What are you doing with that four-eyed loser?

When I heard them I turned again, as I turned my head we exchanged glances, but I returned my gaze to the telescope quickly. I didn't care in the least what they said about me, I was used to that. But if I had friends like them, why come here to talk to me? I was asking that question in my head. But then, she gently took me by the shoulder and looked me in the eye with a warm smile.

—Don't listen to what they say, I think what you're doing is great, will I see you here tomorrow?

And once again the guy who always had an answer for everything didn't know what to answer, so I just nodded my head without being able to stop looking into her eyes.

—I hope I can see you —he said with another smile— see you, Alden.

He began to walk away in the direction of his friends, while I was confused watching him walk away ... It is strange to feel how that warm feeling suddenly becomes so cold.

It's been 25 minutes and I think it's time to start walking again. A little deeper in this park there is a large lake, walking along the shore brings me a pleasant feeling and another memory. The next day after meeting her I went back to the park, it was strange since I came to the depths of this lake with the hope that she would not find me, but at the same time, it was not in my plans to do so, maybe I wanted to see her again. I started to set up my telescope, the steep and wet terrain made it difficult to find a perfect spot, but I didn't look far. I took out my notebook to review some notes when suddenly I heard her.

—Hello, Alden ...

I must admit, I got emotional and my heart started to beat fast. I think deep down, I was waiting for it to arrive. I turned slowly and saw her arrive, she had gathered her short hair in a small ponytail, she was wearing a beautiful blue dress with ruffles on the sleeves and flowers adorning it, her deep brown eyes shining again in the moonlight.

—Meriel —I said a little shy.

—Do you remember my name —she said with a smile.

It was true, I remembered, even after thinking that I had not been interested the day before, that name was etched in my mind, it was so confusing for me. I pulled away from my telescope and invited her to look through the lens, she came over and looked through it.

—¡Wow! —She exclaimed in surprise— is it a star?

I laughed a little while she didn't seem to understand why she was doing it.

—No —I said— that is Mars, we are at a time when it is very close to Earth and is visible in the night sky."

She was in awe of everything he said. She asked me to tell her more after that, I was incredulous that someone was asking me that. I started to tell him about my research for the Ph.D., of course, he didn't seem to understand much, it was normal since he was just in high school. The days passed and we began to see each other frequently in the park. Maybe a week passed, that day we sat on the shore of the lake and started talking. I had reached the point where I wanted to know something about that girl, she had only talked about me, so I asked her.

—Tell me, Meriel, what is your hobby?

She straightened a lock of her hair as a smile spread across her face.

—Do you want to know anything about me?

—Yes ... that's the reason for asking you.

—That makes me happy ... so my hobby? I don't know, the truth is I have many.

—I understand, can you tell me some?

—Sure —she said with the usual smile— I like to read, draw and go out with my friends, but what I like the most is writing thoughts, stories, and poems, that would be my favorite hobby.

—It's an interesting hobby —I said trying to smile a little.

As she said it, I could see how her cheeks flushed.

—You finally smile —she said with a shy smile— I don't need to ask you about your hobby, I know you've been coming here to stargazing for a long time.

—How do you know? —I asked curiously.

—I always see you here at night ... but you never noticed my presence, you must like it a lot to stop paying attention to the whole world.

It was a surprise for me, really when I immersed myself in that aspect, it was difficult to notice something around me, I had never seen it before it approached me days ago. Even so, deep down I was happy, for the first time in a long time I enjoyed a conversation that had nothing to do with my studies. We continued talking about her hobbies, she showed me some impressive drawings that she had made, but she did not agree to show me something of what she wrote, it was painful in that regard.

We were talking, when suddenly a message came to his phone. After she read it her attitude changed, that talkative girl stopped talking and just listened. I decided to try something.

—Tell me where you're from?

After thinking about it for a few moments, her answer finally came.

—I'm from Sacramento.

—That's more than 4500 kilometers away —I answered in amazement— Why come from the other side of the country to this place?

When I asked him, he looked at me with a slight smile and then turned to the other side, perhaps I asked something that I shouldn't have, for the first time I saw on his face there was an expression that was not linked to the joy that always surrounded her. It seemed like she wasn't going to respond so I wanted to change the subject.

—me...

—Don't worry —Meriel interrupted— my parents got divorced and ...

—You don't have to tell me that —I interrupted— those are things you can only tell friends."

At the end of my sentence, there was another change in her eyes, perhaps I did not expect her to say that. She looked at me, just to tell me most seriously.

—I thought we were friends.

I was speechless, to see that seriousness in someone like her ... I did not expect it, she lowered her gaze and took her bag.

—I have to go —he said suddenly— I'm sorry.

She got up and started walking, not far away she stopped and turned to see me once more, but I just looked away and looked back at the lake. The last thing I heard was how she was getting further and further away. The days that followed, she did not return to the park, I wanted to think that I was still going for my studies ... but it was not like that.

Enough memories of Meriel for today, it's time to keep walking, there is still much more to tell. While I walk I leave my headphones on, although I am not reproducing anything, I always do it when I do not want to pay attention to the outside world, it is that this way people do not try to talk to me ... I think it is better that way.

I start walking faster and faster without knowing why, where do I want to go in such a hurry? And more importantly, why do I feel this sensation? ... the feeling of being lost, and no, I'm not talking about location.

Without realizing it I arrive at a known place, but at the same time ... a place that I do not recognize. Standing in the middle of this wasteland where there was once a library, a memory comes to me. Yes, in this wasteland there was a large library that she visited when she came to the city, reduced to nothing for the construction of another large shopping center. This tendency that cities have to build empty buildings, this human habit of needing something they don't need ... is something I don't understand.

I used to come when I was 12 years old, I had already read almost all the books in the astronomy and cosmology section so I ventured to the astrophysics section, suddenly a stranger bumped into me when she wanted to take a book she wanted.

—Oh, excuse me —said the stranger— don't you think this book is too advanced for you?"

—I've read enough about it to understand —I said as I adjusted my glasses.

—really? —He asked, not believing what he was saying — Could you tell me what books you have read and what they are about?"

An overly defiant attitude, one I didn't see in the teachers I'd had at school, yet I fearlessly answered his question.

—Okay ... but only the titles that I liked the most and taught me something interesting.

After that I began to name book after book, several by Stephen Hawking that could not be missed, Steven Weinberg, Brian Greene, great physicists with several books in their repertoire that showed me how extraordinary the universe is and the laws that dominate it, then From describing in detail every word of what the books said, that stranger was amazed.

—¡Wow! —He exclaimed suddenly— you're a smart boy, do you want to go have a coffee?

Instead, my gaze changed and my body language was evident.

—You —I said between interrupted— ¡are trying to kidnap me!

I did not expect the reaction of that stranger, after looking at me confused he let out a laugh.

—Why are you laughing? —I asked nervously— It is proven that kidnappers use things that children may like, sweets, gifts, in my case amazing books ... is that right !?

After cleaning his eyes and stopping laughing he looked at me again with a gentle smile, it was then that I observed his face, since when he first arrived I had not seen his face. He was something old, maybe 60 years old, they are things that he usually calculated in my mind.

—Of course, I'm not a kidnapper of children —he said as he handed me the book I wanted— I'm a professor at the university."

—professor?

—Yes, I am impressed by the level of knowledge you have, I have never met someone your age with a taste for these books.

—Thank you —I said a little calmer.

—Come, here is a cafeteria that I usually visit, I think we've already caused a bit of a scandal in a place of silence —the still stranger said— I'd like to talk a little more.

But what was that man saying, did he think he was a fool, that is, except an invitation from a stranger?

—That he is calmer ... does not mean that it is good that he goes with you —I said, still suspicious. after all, there was no proof that he was a teacher, but at that time a boy passed behind us to see who was making so much noise.

—professor? —He asked, surprised— someone like you making a fuss in a library, I couldn't have imagined it.

—Richard —said the supposed professor— you could tell the young man standing next to me that I am not a kidnapper.

—Of course, it isn't —said the boy— he's the best teacher I've ever had, I mean it, boy.

After that boy's statement, I still had doubts, but I accepted the invitation to the cafeteria, I was curious to know why a university professor wanted to talk to me. So we left the library and crossed the street ...

I look to the side of the vacant lot and see that cafeteria across the street. A smile crossed my face when I saw that the cafeteria was still there. I can see the memory of when I walked with the teacher to that place, but now that I cross the street alone ... I can't feel the same. Time, relative, and absolute at the same time, its passage in the place is evident, it does not look the same. I think it's lunchtime. Upon entering, they welcome me with a good morning and a letter, but I don't need it.

—Dark coffee without sugar please —I told the waitress.

I carefully observe each corner, I can recognize some details, others are not there, they were replaced by large faded paintings and some plants. This place used to be the meeting point for teachers and students after leaving the library, but after it was demolished it is clear that it lost customers. I am sitting at the same table where I and the teacher used to sit many years ago. That day when I entered I decided to order a dark coffee without sugar, the professor a cappuccino with a lot of sugar, totally different tastes.

—What is your name child? —He asks me.

—My name is Alden Lenn —I replied while I was waiting for my coffee— You can call me that, I don't like being called a child.

—Oh sorry ... do things like that usually bother you?

—I'm sorry if I sounded rude —I said sadly— I usually say the direct things or be 100% honest, you know, without filters, but with no intention of sounding annoying. Although many things annoy me ... what is your name professor?

—I see, well, you are like me —said the professor— but 90% honesty Alden, 100% is never viable in a conversation with some people, never forget ... oh and my name is Michael.

—I understand —I replied— it's fine Professor Michael, 90% will be."

Professor Michael and I started talking. He was the first person outside my family that I had a conversation with. He seemed to be quite smart, he told me some anecdotes of his work and research that he did, to be honest, I was liking that talk. After the third cup of coffee, he asked me to talk about myself, so he asked me a question.

—Tell me, Alden, since when did you start studying?

—since when? —I asked him back.

—Yes, since when did you know that the field you wanted was astronomy.

That question was a first for me at the time, no one had ever asked me.

—For as long as I can remember —I replied smiling.

—But I suppose there was a special moment —he insisted the professor— for example, when I was 8 years old I went with my father to a lecture by none other than Stephen Hawking.

I can't describe how impressed he was when he said it, he had attended a talk by the great Stephen Hawking.

—really? How long ago —I asked and asked excitedly.

—It was in 1980 —he answered— yes, it was impressive, right there my love for this was born and since then I have studied a lot.

But wait a minute, hadn't he calculated the age of 60 for him?

—Professor ... does that mean you are ... 47 years old?

—That's right —he answered again— do I look older?

—¡no! —I answered nervously— of course not ...

—Although I would have liked to have known so much at your age ... but tell me, how was your love for this born?

—Oh ... I'm sorry, I don't know, I guess it was a day that my father took me and my mother to see the stars, I was 4 years old, it was a place where you could see the Milky Way with the naked eye, I realized that the universe has an infinite number of amazing things. Since then I have read and researched as much as I can, but I have had time to finish the books in my town, that's why I come here, although most of the books say the same.

—That's an interesting story about how you found your passion —the professor replied after thinking for a few seconds— that happens when you don't know what to look for, I'm sure there are plenty of things to learn, why don't you let me teach you?

I raised my head at that moment and looked into his eyes, I think he immediately noticed that I liked the idea.

—really? —I asked for.

—But of course, you are a diamond in the rough that maybe I can polish, I would love to do it.

I finished my lunch and I think I have 3 or 4 cups of coffee. I pay and leave the place where my dreams and aspirations once took off. As I leave, I realize that it is almost 4 in the afternoon, time flies when you start to remember. The clouds above me make it difficult to have a clear notion of time, it is normal for me to get lost in it.

I begin to walk again along a path on the edge of the city, from this point the town where I grew up on the outskirts of it is visible. I propose to go there, but at the same time, the uncertainty goes through my head. I turned around this great bridge that crosses the river and divides the city from the village. Halfway up the bridge I turn my head and watch the water flow, it seems a bit violent due to the rains that must be falling in the mountains. I stop and lean against the railing to take a closer look.

—James, hey James, wait for me!

—I'm sorry Alden, I didn't notice you stayed behind, but we're here.

—really? I would not want to risk falling into the water anymore, I would hate to fall.

—Yes, here I can teach you how to fish, but now that you mention it this place is deep so take my advice, you're a bit clumsy and I don't want you to drown.

—Okay, James ... tell me what to do.

I react, that vague memory that came to my head was ...

—James —I whisper as I look around.

I remember it well, that day we agreed to go fishing, it was a little further on in front of this bridge. Our parents wouldn't let us go because the rainy season had just passed and the rivers were at their peak, but we still went. I had wanted to learn how to fish for so long, even if it was a fish, I just had to mention it to James and he would offer to teach me.

—The trick is patience —James said as he held the makeshift rod— so with time and hopefully one will bite.

—I understand —I replied, trying to do the same as him.

—Maybe it's more difficult than you think —James said with his confident face— none of them sting yet, don't despair if you can't catch one on the first try.

—Oh ... this was quick then —I said as I pulled my first fish out of the water.

—What? —James exclaimed— How? When? where?

—Well, just swap your plastic bait for real worms and tweak the tip of the hook a bit so it's not visible —I said as I adjusted my glasses— so the fish are more easily attracted."

James just stared at me in disbelief as my makeshift rod bit another one.

—Oh, look ... another one picked —I said with a smile.

I turned to look at him if you ask me, he seemed a bit upset or so I thought.

—James? —I said a little nervous.

But suddenly he began to laugh out loud as I was taken aback by that change, but at the same time, deep down I knew that was James.

—I didn't expect less from you Alden —James said as he smiled— I think there's something new to learn from you all the time and I'm happy about it.

His words to me were always positive and full of enthusiasm.

—I just complimented your idea, James ... thanks for teaching me how to fish —I finished with a big smile, we both started laughing after that.

—When they see the fish you caught they will surely not scold us —said James— I was sure they were just exaggerating, we finished and neither of them fell into the water.

—That's right —I said, agreeing with him, both hands on my hips quite confident when suddenly the moss on the rock I was leaning on made me slip and fall into the water.

—¡Alden! —I heard James yell at the shore as he launched himself.

When James steadied himself to float, he turned to see me, I was right next to him.

—Hi —I said as he stared at me.

—Do you know how to swim? —Asked James.

—Am yeah?

—Then why did you tell me you would hate falling into the water?

—Because of my glasses —I replied to James as he realized I no longer had them.

—¡Ahh!, now I understand ... I think your mother killed us both.

James was not wrong, going to the river was the least of the problems. When my mother found out that I lost my glasses, it did go wrong for both of us. I start to smile as I remember how nervous he got when he got out of the water, I knew that my mother would scold us, what memories ...

—How could you? ... did you ever really consider me your friend? ... no, of course not, you don't feel anything for anyone, only for yourself.

Suddenly my smile fades, I look down dejectedly and squeeze the rail with all my strength.

—they are just memories...

I took a deep breath and was finally able to regain the composure that I had lost. There are things I would not want to think about again, but if I remember every line, every paragraph of a thousand leagues of Jules Verne's underwater journey, it is impossible not to remember what was important to me even if I hate to accept it, and if I want to tell my story inevitably I have to remember.

I look at the end of the bridge, but I think I will visit the town another day. I turn around and head back towards the city. I'm not used to walking, my physical condition is not the best, but I still went through more places than I thought.

There is still a lot to tell and go through, it's only the first day after all. Despite the sky being cloudy, it seems I didn't need the umbrella. Looking at the sky again ... it's because of the weather that I can't look at the stars, it has been so long that I haven't seen them. I have also not used my telescope for a long time, at this moment it must be in an abandoned and dusty corner, that telescope is special to me, although it does not compare to the one at the university.

I realized that I am only remembering trivial things so as not to think about what I feel, but in the background of my mind, those moments keep repeating themselves over and over again.

I got home, it's 10:30, I leave my backpack on the floor and my keys on the front table. Before climbing the stairs I notice that there is a message on the answering machine, I go over and play it.

—Hi, Alden ... call me when you hear the message, I want to talk to you.

—I'm a sorry mother ... I only have the money I will need for the next 6 days, I can't help you ...

I erase that message and start up the stairs. Being in the middle, a memory comes to my head. I begin to imagine what it was like, hearing that car park outside, Meriel went down these stairs as fast as she could. I imagine its trajectory as it descended. Once downstairs she would hide behind the door, as well as every night. The first time, I walked through that door, and in doing so he jumped on top of me, hugging me tightly.

—¡Alden! —She exclaimed euphorically— you finally arrived ...

—Yes —I answered trying to carry her weight— sorry for being late.

—Don't worry —she said as she hugged me by the neck— it's just that I missed you too much.

I wanted to respond with something "nice" that corresponded to her affection, but I did not know what to say, I did not know how to show her how good it had felt to be received in that way. Instead, I hugged her tightly and with no intention of letting go. When we parted I looked into her eyes, her smile was tender and sweet, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes still made me nervous. After sharing those looks, she said a phrase that I always liked hearing, and in her favorite language.

—Je T Aime.

I finish climbing the stairs and go into my room. the unmade bed, the curtain ajar, and the clothes were thrown around, I'm a mess. I lay back on my bed staring at the ceiling, my eyes starting to feel heavy and my vision starting to fork. I turn to my left side and observe again, that same remembrance of the morning that helped me to get up is the same that manages to make me fall asleep, thus ending the first day.