2. Atmospheric Entries are overrated

Tony stirred. His head felt terrible. Of all times to get drunk! He felt as if he'd fallen from a portal in the sky and got rescued by a Hulk, except this time, the Hulk had grabbed him by the head. He opened his eyes, but the world wouldn't focus. His surroundings were in shades of brown and gray, and the sky was dark.

"How many shots did I take?" Tony groaned, straining turn on his back to sit up. To his surprise, his arms gave out underneath him and he slammed back onto what felt like rough concrete.

Tony paused. This wasn't usual for a hangover. Actually, this whole thing didn't make sense.

He'd been more... moderate... in his drinking ever since that post-'Civil War,' (as the media called it) drinking binge, where he decided that the Ex-vengers had no more power over him, that he wouldn't fulfill their expectations of him just to make them feel better. With that resolution, Tony had felt more like himself than he had for years. This wasn't the man that had let himself be dangled by the throat. This wasn't the man that had taken all the blame for Sokovia without protest. This wasn't the man that scrambled after the Ex-vengers like a puppy looking for praise, gratefully cleaning up their mess.

This was the man who built a marvel of technology out of scraps, in a cave, surrounded by terrorists. This was the man who stood in front of the Senate, ready to defend himself and his.

This was the man who held half the world in his hands.

This was Tony F***ing Stark.

...

Of course, he would have to be Tony F-ing Stark after he figured out what happened.

For one, he was certain he had a concussion. Tony was usually the life of the party, but he wasn't dramatic in his own head, so therefore it must be a concussion. Now that he diagnosed his head - Tony was nothing without his mind - , he thought it safe to check his body. Tony had never been squeamish, but he was worried about the fact that he didn't feel anything, not even when he hit the ground. He rolled onto his back and craned his head.

"Huh, that would do it," he mused. "Should I call for help? I should call for help."

Except for the fact that he was suit-less and helpless. With the luck he was having lately, he'd call down a group of gangsters and muggers who'd capture him and ask for a huge sum of money. He and Stark Industries had an understanding - no caving into demands for ransoms. The... wait, why was he thinking about this again? Tony peered at him again.

Tony could feel the deep ache that indicated the recent healing of broken bones, but it seemed that his modified Extermis serum had given out before completely finishing. His arms were scratched up, torn and bleeding. His right hand was completely red. His torso was less beat-up, but still rather painful-looking. He lifted the collar of his shirt. Yep, as he thought - bruised up.

A liquid dripped into his left eye and Tony wiped it off with the sleeve of his shirt. Blood.

Tony let his head hit the ground again. "I'd say 'how could this get any worse,' but I know the universe is out to get me and all that, so I better not tempt it. Or her. The universe is a she, isn't it? And she's out to get me because I left her hanging. I didn't even know that we were dating." Tony thought about that for another second. "Stupid concussion," he decided.

Painstakingly, Tony eased himself to a sitting position, alternatingly looking at the end of the alley and at the wall in front of him. He blinked routinely. Slowly, the world came into focus, both in his mind and in his eyes.

He wasn't in a nice alley. That would've been too much to ask for. It was a run-down, dirty little space behind suspicious-looking buildings. Smog filled the air, nearly suffocating. Just a few meters to his left, Tony could see some kind of dead animal. It was huge, for something found in a city. And it was a city. The buildings on either side of the alley traveled high above him. Past the exit of the alley, he could see another tall building, and beyond that, several skyscrapers. The colorful lights that decorated them cut dimly through the polluted air, reminding him of a mixture between Las Vegas and Tokyo, if they had been hit with the eighteenth-century industrial revolution. It certainly wasn't a place he recognized.

"Shit, Wanda, what did you do now?" Tony asked aloud, slapping his face with his hand in exasperation, forgetting that it was covered in blood.

*CLANG!*

...Apparently, the red on his right hand was, in fact, not blood. Tony hissed out several curses in Italian, glaring at his gauntlet.

His gauntlet.

"Friday? Friday!" Tony grasped the gauntlet like it was salvation, and in a way, it was. "Friday, are you there? Friday?" The gauntlet slowly hummed to life, each moment raising his hopes.

"-oss? Boss!" FRIDAY's frantic, static-filled voice was a balm to his shattered nerves.

"It's okay, I'm here," Tony reassured.

"Boss. Boss!"

"Friday?" A frown crossed his face. "I'm fine."

"Boss! Boss? Boss! Boss!" FRIDAY repeated in various tones and pitches, obviously trying to convey something.

Nevermind what he said about this being a balm. This was worse than being tossed into another portal. This was worse than Afghanistan. In fact, this was almost on par with JAVRIS's death. What did Wanda do to his friend, his companion, his baby girl, his daughter in every way JARVIS was his son? "Friday? Baby girl? You okay?"

"Boss, boss!" If anything, FRIDAY seemed to go into a panic. "Boss-boss-boss! Boss!"

"Baby girl, it's okay. I'm here. Is that the only thing you can say? Can you try to say anything else? Can you hear me? One 'boss' for yes, two for no."

"...Boss," FRIDAY's voice quavered between static bursts.

"Okay, we can fix this," Tony assured her. "Call Pepper. No, wait. Send a suit over."

"Boss-boss."

"...No? Are we out of range? Wait, that doesn't make sense. The suit can fly anywhere. Are we... in North Korea? I mean, I know they have a shoot-on-sight order, but... still," Tony mused.

"Boss-boss," FRIDAY repeated.

Tony stared. "Okay, then. I guess we go find a phone and I repair you while Pepper sends a jet and negotiates with the government whose country I landed in?" He thought for a moment. "Eat a bunch for unhealthy foods to get Extermis going too, I guess."

"Boss-boss," FRIDAY said urgently.

"It'll be okay," Tony said, patting the gauntlet. He fiddled with a hidden compartment and removed a tiny, special packet from a hidden compartment. Ripping it open with his teeth, Tony held his breath and chewed quickly before swallowing the crushed pill in hopes of not tasting it. It didn't work. Tony's "Homemade Diabetes Pill" was a bane to his taste buds and throat as it traveled down. "Guhhh, that was disgusting!"

"Boss, boss-boss-boss," FRIDAY deadpanned. "Boss, boss?" she said questioningly. Tony considered her tone and looked at the gashes on his arms, which were slowly healing.

"Sure, baby girl, I'm all right. Just need another minute or two" Tony said fondly. "Let's get outta here."

"Bossssss," FRIDAY whined.

Tony stood up, staggering against the wall once more when his legs suddenly strengthened. "This reminds me of that time I drank three Red Bulls. Does this remind you of that time?

No?" Tony babbled, hoping for some sense of normalcy. FRIDAY remained quiet, though whether it was because she was indulging him or because she was self-conscious of her recent bout of inarticulacy, he did not know. He hoped it was the former, but feared it was the latter. His young creation had reached another sudden growth in self-awareness, and it was making her second-guess herself whenever she had an idle server. His little girl deserved better than that.

When JARVIS reached that stage, he had the knowledge that he was the one-and-only, decades upon decades ahead of his time. FRIDAY knew she was a replacement for JARVIS. She wasn't the only AI, either. With JOCASTA online, VERONICA in orbit, and 'Karen' with Peter, Tony could see how it could hit her self-confidence, in fact, he had felt it himself when Steve took that Ant-guy as a replacement for Iron Man. It looked a lot like he didn't trust her to keep him safe alone.

Tony wanted to help her, but he didn't know how to tell his baby girl. He was busy thinking of plans to do so as he turned around the corner and onto the main street. As such, it could be excused that he didn't realize that more than half of the people who were walking down the street weren't exactly human. Having been to many non-English speaking countries with only a translator or translating device or two for help, it could also be excused that he didn't realize the language spoken wasn't English or any language recognizable on Earth.

It was only when FRIDAY discreetly buzzed against his skin that Tony stopped and suddenly saw his surroundings.

"Huh," Tony said with more calm than the situation warranted, examining a giant bug of some sort that was climbing off a floating vehicle. "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

-I am Iron Man After his realization, the scientific portion of his brain kicked in with a vengeance. The humans, or what looked to be humans, seemed to be rather at ease with the aliens, just shuffling past then. Humans and aliens alike were absorbed in their own problems, so no differences there. The technology was really something else, though.

Tony greedily eyed the flying vehicles far above, following a road only they could see. His fingers twitched, dying to take apart one of them to see how it worked. Already, plans and semantics were listing themselves in his mind, more ideas adding or removing from the list with every observation. He could already see which component was the power cell. It had repulsor technology of some sort, though the lack of motion as a fat slug as it left one of the larger vehicles made him tentatively cross out a strong use of anti-gravs.

A small flap of cloth fluttered down, past their level and closer to the core of the planet. Curious, Tony walked over to the railing, dodging pedestrians that grunted with annoyance.

Finally there, Tony peered down a railing and into a black void. Tony picked up some litter and tossed it in, just to make sure it was real and not a clever illusion. Unless his concussion was worse than he actually thought and unable to heal in the minutes since Extermis 3.0 kicked in, it was real.

He quickly made his way away from the railing and deeper into the city, wincing at the thought of a sudden drop. Definitely lethal.

Sure, Tony didn't fear heights. He just wasn't stupid or trying to tempt fate. With his luck, he'd probably get hit by one of the flying scooters that he desperately wanted to take apart and go tumbling into the darkness. 'Be careful what you wish for,' and all that.

After watching some humans loom over scantily-clad, voluptuous females (both human and not), Tony decided that 'credits' were the units of currency for that civilization. FRIDAY seemed to agree, so Tony took that as the best confirmation he could take. Some transactions and dialogue exchanges were universal, after all. He eyed the human escorting a man deeper into the building and gave the non-human an appreciative look as she beckoned him over. Unfortunately, Tony had resolved to turn over a new leaf (and was currently broke), so he had to be above acts of such a lewd nature. Tony flashed his best smile and continued on.

Tony noticed all of the stares he was getting. At first, he thought it was his ripped shirt or the torn flight-suit he had under that. That apparently wasn't the cause - there were people and aliens in even more outlandish states of dress or, in this case, undress. In fact, he was sure that the last alien was naked.

Even though he was a relative unknown, it seemed like people couldn't seem to resist Tony. A hard hand wrapped around his wrist and Tony turned to find himself dragged into a small gap between buildings.

"Hey," Tony said, confused. The thing holding him didn't even turn to him. Realizing that this was more serious than he first thought, Tony dug in his heels in. "Hey!"

To his surprise, no one looked at the small confrontation. From the way they were acting, this sort of thing was commonplace. There were no peace officers he could see of, so Tony knew he had to take care of this himself. Quickly, Tony twisted and slammed his gauntleted hand into the things face. It howled, letting go of him to clutch at its face. Instead of taking advantage of this and pressing his attack, Tony took the moment of respite to slip into the crowd. There was no sign of pursuit, so Tony relaxed after several more blocks.

"Friday, note that people here really don't care what you do, as long as it doesn't affect them," Tony said, frustrated with how self-absorbed everyone was. Friday vibrated for a second and went silent. That was when he noticed the slumped-over postures, the way all the pedestrians seemed to huddle into themselves and keep their heads down. "Oh," Tony said. Huh, that must have been why everyone was staring. He slumped over in a downtrodden stance and hung his head, shuffling a couple of steps.

He sidestepped a pair of drunks and kept on his way. A giant slug oozing its way into a casino. What looked like a corpse, but hopefully wasn't. A hobbled mother holding her infant daughter, standing in the darkness of a build with her palm out in a begging position. Tony automatically reached for his wallet, finding nothing but air.

He quietly walked past, not looking back.

Then, something jabbed at his throat and he was pulled into yet another alley. Tony turned and looked into red eyes. Harsh, nasally tones emitted from that reptilian thing's toothy mouth. Tony recognized the rounded word, 'credits,' as it waved its knife in a way that was vaguely threatening. Of course, to someone who had been on the receiving end of Natasha's glare-and-knife-fiddling combo, the lizard's comparatively clumsy power-play wasn't threatening at all. Admittedly, if the alien tripped while taking another step forward, the knife was too awkwardly positioned for Tony to completely avoid.

"Boss," FRIDAY agreed. The creature turned its gaze to the gauntlet where FRIDAY resided.

"Look, dude, I don't have anything," Tony said crossly, raising his arms up and nodding down at his skin-tight clothes, hoping to draw the thing's attention away from FRIDAY. The creature eyed him dubiously and jabbed the knife at his neck again before reaching for FRIDAY. Tony immediately took a half-step back, pulling FRIDAY to his chest protectively. "Uh, no, get your hands away from her," Tony said, glaring. He took another step back, ignoring the creature's angry hiss. The reptile slid its scaly fingers along the edge of the knife, making a scraping sound that would have unnerved a the average American as it approached. Luckily, Tony wasn't an average

American. He lunged forward before the reptile could enter his personal space.

Many people believed Tony was nothing without his suit. They forgot that one, fateful press conference. "I am Iron Man." The suit was just that; a suit. Tony was Iron Man, with or without his armor, and that's what they didn't understand. He had trained extensively to keep up with Clint, Sam, Rhodey, and any other normal human that entered the superhero scene. While he didn't specialize in unarmed combat, he was perfectly capable of holding his own against them even before Extermis was injected.

As the arm holding the blade descended, Tony tracked it with his eyes. His right hand, the hand with FRIDAY, pummeled the thing's chest. It did not seem deterred by the pounding metal gauntlet. The scales covering it must have afforded it more protection than he thought. Tony raised his left arm just in time to deflect the stab, batting the lizard's wrist away with his forearm. Tony had never been so grateful he pounded out his armor himself. All that blacksmithing had earned him muscles that he wouldn't have gotten if he had just machinemade it.

And those muscles were needed.

Even with a primitive, watered-down prototype of Extermis flowing through his veins, Tony would have been hard-pressed to deflect the knife. That lizard was strong, stronger than any human. Too busy with attacking, Tony nearly didn't give himself enough time to defend himself.

He narrowed his eyes.

A mistake he would not make again.

His shock and analysis happened in a split second, and Tony wasted no time sweeping his foot around and catching back the reptile's knee. They both went down.

The reptile was apparently a novice. No skilled fighter would allow himself to wallow in shock. The creature was still surprised that its strength had not been enough to down Tony. Tony used that to his advantage, pinning the creature down and wrestling the knife away. He pressed the knife to a weak spot he had observed along the side of the creature's neck, just hard enough to make it bleed.

It threw itself at him, but Tony moved his neck away from its jaws. As it twisted and flailed, Tony adjusted his position to keep it pinned down. Realizing it could not get free, it looked at him in fear and started babbling rapidly.

"I don't know what you're saying," Tony said flatly. It stopped speaking, seemingly understanding what Tony was trying to say. It looked at him in... resignation?... and went limp. Tony felt a strange swell of pity and empathy. He eyed the creature, wondering for a moment if it was an empath and messing with his emotions. It didn't matter. Tony wasn't a killer. Not in the way people thought he was.

"You're not worth it," Tony decided, standing up and walking away. For a moment, he thought of dropping the knife for both symbolic and dramatic purposes but decided not to, in the end. He had no supplies in this strange, new planet, and a knife would provide a cheap and easy defense. A gun would be more useful, but he didn't know where to get one yet.

Soft shuffling and the quiet steps followed him as he walked to the entrance of the alley. "I do hope you aren't stupid enough to attack me again," Tony said as threateningly as he could.

It sounded more tired than anything.

No answer.

Tony slowly pivoted on his heel and took stock of the reptilian alien. It duck its head and shuffled its feet, looking rather like a chastised child. A very dangerous, muscular lizard-human child.

"Um, o-kay?" Tony said. He started walking again, stopping and turning when he heard the thing follow him. "Are you just going to follow me around?" He eyed it warily. Like before, there was no answer. Tony inwardly shrugged. It was not his problem if the lizard followed him and got lost.

At first, Tony walked hunched and small. After a few blocks, he realized that it made no difference; people still stared and gave him a small berth. He didn't understand. Humans were common enough. So was poverty. The only difference was... the lizard.

Tony stopped and spun around to face the lizard, annoyed. He had to crane his head back to see its face. It regarded him for a moment before stepping back to give him space. It was almost... respectful. At that thought, Tony turned around and started walking again, this time looking for reflective surfaces. Along the dirty glass of yet another bar, Tony could see himself and his unwanted tag-a-long. The taller creature loomed over him imposingly, following a step behind him and half a step to the right, as Happy always did. Tony felt a pang of loss but brushed it off. Was the alien trying to...protect him?

"You seem more useful than I thought you were," Tony said, loud enough for it to hear. It grunted confusedly. They must have made a strange pair, a ragged human and a reptilian alien cutting a grim figure behind him. Tony turned around, steering clear of the crowd. "Tony," he said, patting his own chest. He looked expectantly at the reptile before repeating it.

It took a few tries before the reptile said, "Gis'tik Kal Tos," indicating itself.

"Well, Gis," Tony said, smiling brightly, "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Hatcherd Ghrakhowsk," 'Gis' grunted grimly.

Not sure whether it was a 'nice-to-finally-know-your-name' or a 'I-will-kill-you-for-the-dishonor-of-shortening-my-name,' Tony continued grinning and nodding.

-I am Iron ManAfter trekking the city for what seemed like days, Tony came to the conclusion that the city was a lot larger than he thought it did. He was just planning on mapping the entire thing until he found a welcoming center, but the entire place seemed to be a drug cartel. He seen things he would have rather remained unseen, including a stripper-grandma he caught a glimpse of through a club window.

Finally figuring that the sun wasn't rising any time soon - that planet they were on must have a longer rotational cycle than Tony thought it did - Tony settled down in a quiet, less-dusty corner to sleep.

At first, Gis seemed quietly tolerant, if not confused. After a while, Gis worked itself up to displeased hisses and grunts. "Brac," the reptile said. "Lucumba!"

Tony cracked open an eyelid and peered up to the hovering reptile. "What?" he groaned. He allowed his tentative ally to prod him up to his feet.

The alien examined him and, apparently realizing that Tony was half-asleep, hooked a clawed finger on the collar of Tony's shirt and all but dragged him out of the alley. Too tired to care about whether or not the reptilian was leading him somewhere to get robbed, Tony followed it down several blocks through an alley of homeless figures, up a ladder cleverly disguised as wall paneling, down several thin ledges, and through a literal hole in the wall.