I don't need you

" i'll only hurt you if you let me "Trigger warning: AbuseREWRITTEN... I ran down the hallway, trying to hide somewhere he couldn't find me, but I knew he'd always find me. I hear his footsteps approaching me, I close my eyes and wish it was just a dream. I felt his hand grab my arm and pull me out from under my parents' bed. He pulled me up and pressed me against the wall: "Why don't you listen to me? Why do I always have to punish you! " he shouted at me and punched me in the face. I held my arms over my face to protect myself, but he ripped my arms away from my face, grabbed me by the arm, pulled me across the flat to my room and slammed the door behind him." please stop, you're hurting me " I cried out curled up into a ball on my bed, hoping that he wasn't beating me again. He pulled my arm to get me up again but I tried to fight back to make him stop. "I'm not done with you, get the fuck up, Stella! " " I clung tighter to my bed "Please stop," I begged."goddamn stella ...Estella's POV:I jumped up, breathing heavily, tears streaming down my cheek. I tried to catch my breath and sat up on the bed, my hand on my chest. "Breathe Stella, breathe, I'm here," she said in a deep, morning voice, stroking my arm. I looked at her confused because I still thought I was dreaming. "Bad dream? " she asked softly.I realised that I was no longer dreaming, I was sitting in a bed in a strange house and couldn't remember what had happened last night. I slapped her hand away and jumped out of bed "Dude what are you doing here? where am I? " I looked at her with wide, shocked eyes. She got up from the bed and walked towards me "Yo chill. you were too drunk to take care of yourself. Den asked me to take you with me, so here you're" She stood in front of me, hands on her hips.I snort sarcastically and turn away from her to look for my bag and my phone. She grabbed my hand and turned me back to her"I don't know what's going on here... " I pushed her away from me "Yo, what's up with you? " She frowned at my behaviour." Stella, I just want to help you, I want the... " I held up my hand and didn't let her finish her sentence "Stop it. I don't need your help. What the hell do you expect?" I sighed"Okay, listen to me," I looked her straight in the eye, she opened her mouth to answer me but I interrupted her. "I don't know you and I don't want to get to know you, so please leave me alone and mind your own business "She cleared her throat and tried to step closer to me. I backed away and shook my head, "No, get away from me. " I searched the room for my things and turned my gaze back to her " She pointed to her bedside table.I went to the bedside table, grabbed my phone, put it in my pocket, took my bag and threw it around my shoulder " Stella can you please listen to me " she said quietly behind me, I lifted my head and sighed annoyed, turned around and looked directly at her " I said no, let me make it clear. I don't need you, I don't want to know you. get that shit in your head" I walked past her and bumped into her shoulder."This shit is crazy," I muttered, opening the door and running down the stairs. I know I'm being pretty hard on her, but I don't deserve her help. She seems like a real sweetheart and always wants to help, but I know I'm no good for her. I don't want to be rude, but it's the better way to keep her away from me. I walked down the hallway, opened the front door and walked out of the house. I don't want to go home, I know there's so much trouble waiting for me there, but I've to.Billie's POV:I sighed, walked out of my room, slammed the door behind me and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I don't get it, what have I done to her to make her treat me like shit? All I want to do is be there for her, help her and talk to her when she's in a bad mood, but all she does is push me away. I know I don't know her that well but I want to get to know her better, I want to be her friend and I know she wouldn't mind, she didn't want me to leave her side and it wasn't because she was drunk, I saw it in her eyes.I won't give up, no matter how many times I've to try, I won't give up on her. I opened the fridge, took out my vegan sandwich, switched on the coffee machine, got a cup out of the cupboard, put the cup on the counter, leaned my back against it and sank into my thoughts while I waited for my coffee."Are you okay? " I jumped, Finneas standing next to me but I was too much in my own world to realise that he was next to me "bro, you scared me" I laughed and turned to pour the coffee into my cup "but yeah, I'm fine" I sat down on the counter and put my cup down next to me."Are you sure? I heard you had a fight with the girl you took home, who is she anyway? " I ran my hand over my face and sighed "I don't know bro, her name is Stella, the girl I told you about, she's always a rude ass. She drank a lot yesterday and had a breakdown, I decided to help her but now she's mad at me. "I took a sip of my coffee. Finneas sat down in front of me and gave me a sympathetic look, a smile on his lips. " What? " I asked him, taking a bite of my sandwich. "Billie, I know you're always good to other people, and I know you like her, I don't know why, but you do, but if she treats you like that, then you should leave her." I shook my head and put my sandwich on my plate."No bro, you don't understand. I feel sorry for her, I want to help her," I got up from my seat and put my empty cup in the sink, "I don't know what's wrong with her... " I interrupted myself as my phone vibrated in my pocket, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw that I had received a message from an unknown number. I unlocked my phone and opened the message.I heard Finneas say, still sitting at the counter. " Huh? " I looked up from my phone "What's going on? " he repeated, grabbing the other half of my sandwich from my plate and holding it in front of me "Are you eating this? " I locked my phone and put it on the counter "No, go ahead," I replied and laughed lightly. I took the empty plate and put it next to the sink, turning back to Finneas, wo was munching happily his sandwich."Denise, Stella's best friend. She wants to talk to me," I raised my eyebrow in confusion. "So you want to talk to her? " he said before swallowing and letting out a loud burp "Ugh what the.. " I looked at him in disgust " Anyway, yeah I'm meeting her in town, can you take Pepper for a walk? I need to get ready." I grabbed my phone and walked out of the kitchen.He snorted, "Don't worry, I'll take her for a walk," he called from the kitchen. I ran upstairs to my room and got my phone back out to text Stella quickly, I needed to talk to her, I didn't care if she wanted to or not. I opened Instagram and clicked on her profile to send her a message.I grabbed my white joggers and white hoodie and rushed into the bathroom. I took off my clothes and stepped under the shower, letting the hot water run down my body. I got out of the shower, and slid on my underwear, my joggers and my hoodie. I went over to the sink and brushed my teeth, spit out the toothpaste and washed out my mouth.I brushed my hair and straightened it a little. I left the bathroom, walked down the stairs and into the hallway, bent down to put my shoes on, took my keys from the table, walked out of the house and closed the door gently behind me. I walked to my car, opened the door and slid into the driver's seat. I pulled out of the driveway and made my way to Cafe i meet at with Den. I wonder what she wants to talk to me which is so important.Estella's POV:When I went home, I walked straight to my room, I didn't want to talk to my Mom or my Brother, I knew they would keep me up on my behaviour, but I didn't care what they had to say, I did what I wanted. Period.I'm glad they left me alone with their shit and haven't spoken to me yet. I lay down on my bed and listen to my Aaryan Shah playlist, I love his music, it calms me down when I'm having a rough day. I stopped my music when my phone lit up with a notification. I sighed and sat up, clicking on the notification. "Damn," I muttered when I saw that Billie had texted me, why was she not leaving it all alone? I opened her message.wherearetheavocados: I know you don't want to talk to me, but I do. can we talk, please?What doesn't she understand when I tell her to leave me alone? She makes it way too hard for me to stay away from her. Why can't she stay away from me? I clicked on her profile and my heart sank deeper as I hit the "block user" button.It broke my heart to do this to her, but I have to do it. I have to do it to keep her away, she can't be friends with me, I want it so bad, but it can't happen. I know my stupid self, all she does is be good to me. That's enough to drive me crazy, and catch feelings, then it comes out that she is straight and at the end of the day my heart is broken, again. I don't want that to happen, so I have to be a bitch. I closed the app and opened my music app again, clicked play, laid back down and closed my eyes.Billie's POV:I drove around the corner and saw Den waiting already in front of the cafe. I pulled into the parking lot, turned off my car, unbuckled my seatbelt, and got out of the car. I walked over to Den " Do you want to stand around here with me like idiots or do you want to go inside? " I force a smile onto my lips, and she slightly laughs and pulls me in for a hug "No let's go inside, I'm glad you are here" She pulled away and walked over to the front door, and opened the door. I walked past her and turned around to her "You want a drink or something? ""Sure, a caramel frappuccino please" she said and smiled at me "Okay, I'll order. You can find a seat," I replied and walked over to the till."Hey, welcome. What can I do for you? " The cashier smiled at me. "Um, a Caramel Frappuccino and a Salted Caramel Frappuccino with soya milk, please. " I said and smiled at him "All right, for Billie, right? " He grinned from ear to ear "Yes, exactly," I confirmed with a smile."Okay here we go , enjoy it," he said and handed me the Frappuccinos, I gave him an extra twenty dollars "Keep this," I smiled at him and walked over to Den. I put the drinks down, sat down and put my phone on the table "So you want to talk to me? " I looked at her and sipped my Frappuccino. "Yes, about Stella. Is she okay? " I rolled my eyes " So you made me drive all this way to talk about Stella? " I crossed my arms in front of my chest and leaned back in my seat"Billie please, don't be like that. I care about her so much, I know what happened last night is bad shit, but I know she was safe with you, I'm glad you were there, I know she likes you and that's all that matters to me" "I laugh sarcastically at her and raise an eyebrow "What the hell are you saying? She likes me? No, she treated me like shit this morning" she looks at me confused "What are you talking about? "I leaned over to her "Look, all she did this morning was yell at me, she didn't care that I helped her, but it's okay. I know you all aren't bad people and I want to be friends with you and with her, but it's really hard to talk to her when she's acting like a bitch" She sighed and looked down at her hands playing with her fingers "Bil, Stella had a bad time in the past, her stepfather beat her up for 13 years, her father won't talk to her, she got her heart broken so many times, it's hard for her to open up to new people, but I know and you can trust me that she likes you and appreciates you protecting her" I looked at her in shock and cleared my throat "shit, I didn't know what was going on with her, now I understand why she's acting like this, maybe I should give her time" she looked at me gently and smiled "but please Billie be honest with her, I don't need another Stella with a broken heart " I looked at her confused "I don't know what you mean, I just want to be her friend""Yeah," she mumbled, sipping on her frappuccino. I'm confused, about what she meant by " be honest, I don't want a heartbroken Stella again" If she thinks I'm gay sorry I'm not, I mean the fuck I'm not dude, so why should I break her heart. Does that mean Stella is gay? Den took me out of my thoughts by waving her hand in front of my face " Hello?""Sorry, what did you say? " She gave me a questioning look," I asked how your music was going ? i'm not gonna lie, I love your music, please don't think I'm just talking to you because you're the Billie Eilish" she laughed, "yeah I love it, but sometimes it's pretty hard, but I love making music, I love making people happy with my music" I smiled at her " and don't worry if I find out, you're only talking to me because I'm Billie Eilish, I'd kick your ass" We both burst out laughing " I wouldn't mind" She laughs, I snort " dude, what the fuck" I slapped her arm " don't worry I'm joking, you know Stella doesn't know who you are?""Yes, please don't tell her, it's good for me if people don't recognise me sometimes," she nodded, "I know, we played your song in the car, she didn't know the song and i was about to tell her it was your song but Mat interrupted me" she laughed and I slapped my hand over my face, "Thank God," I smiled. My phone lit up on the table with a message. I grabbed my phone and clicked on the message.Isaac.be11: Do you want to come to a party today?wherearetheavocados: I'm downI got out of Messenger and clicked on Stella's profile. " user not found". I looked confused at Den "stella deleted her Instagram? " she shook her head "no I don't think so " she pulled out her phone "wait" she unlocked it and opened Instagram, she clicked on Stella's profile, looked at me " no, she didn't delete it " she showed me her screen. " hold on " I say to her and clicked on messenger and opened Stella's contact. " User has blocked you""fuck" I breathed out throwing my phone on the table " Yo, be careful " Den looked at me, shocked. " Dude, she blocked me " I replied angrily and ran my hand through my hair " No way " she said, dumbfounded " did I stutter ? " my neck jerked to the side, I grabbed my phone from the table and put it in my pocket, was about to get up "she didn't mean to, don't worry about that, talk to her in the school " she said to me guilty."Yeah, whatever. I've to go, I'll see you on Monday" I stood up and she looked at me gently, stood up and pulled me into a hug "See you" She pulled back and smiled at me. I left the cafe and walked to my car. I know she can be a bitch, but this is way too harsh. Maybe I should leave her alone and stop worrying about her. I fastened my seatbelt, drove out of the parking lot and made my way home. I need to push her to the back of my mind. I shouldn't give a shit, she doesn't want me in her life? Fair enough. I'm not happy about seeing her at school. I don't want to listen to her shit. I'm out.