An Old Love

 He looked at me with a grumpy face. "So skipped lunch, but still not utilised time, looks someone is gonna work overtime today?" He asked to change the topic, and to tease me too. He knows my targets are never completed till date. He also felt my absence in the canteen. Great.

    "Yeah, I am not in a higher post like you, I have to face this" I acknowledge with a grumpy face. 

    "Aha, chill, I too have loads to work on, I have to finish it today, So I will be working late anyway." 

    "Oh" I had no words to reply, I knew he never has workloads to do on monthends. He is a supervisor, his work is to make us achieve targets on time, he has no specific targets like us to do, that's what I guess. When we were friends in the past, Austin used to join me for overtime work. So we used to have some random chats about our likes and dislikes. Even sometimes Linda used to join us, but I never wanted Linda to stay late for work, as incentive never mattered for her, also she has family waiting for her at home. 

    But of course if Austin works till late today, I know it would definitely not be for finishing load. It will be for recreating old days, because since we have stopped talking I have never seen him working late. Though he had worked late for a few days, I ignored him like he didn't exist, Stephen told me he felt hurt for that, I ignored what Stephen said, since then for me it was all alone overtime, with strangers and losers working late like me. 

    I saw Man with Monitor in his hand came to my desk, the beard guy has already unplugged old monitor, I realised no more wait now, even Austin realised, it's time to get back to work. 

    "So catch you in the next break" Austin said with a wise smile on his face.

    "CYA" I replied shortly. Which means 'Catch You Again' 

    "By the way, curls suit you, do it for me once." Austin winked and left without seeing my response. 

    Austin is the only guy in office, any girl can fall for. He was handsome, charismatic, having a secured  job of higher post, he had a good dressing sense, and most importantly, he knew how to make a girl feel special. Of course that why I dated him back, but not every relation is meant to last long. But at this phase of life I had no harsh feeling for me. I thought it was me who did not sustained in our relation, we rushed to label our relation, so it failed. I wasn't ready for committing, maybe because I am already busy in cleaning my messed up life. But yes, we had a great time together.

     I smiled when Austin left. I turned to the computer, the beard guy fixing my computer has already left and the man who came with the new monitor was about to leave with the old one, "Use it wisely, it is his personal, and it is with you till today only" pointing at the door he said and left. It was strange what he said, his voice was soft but his words were rude. I understood the words were of a beard guy. I went back to work.  

                                                                                               ***

    I looked on the wall clock, it was 7:19 am. Most people left office on time, Linda too. I saw all around me, I saw few people like me had stuck their head in the computer screen, we all were looking like zombies. I stretched my arm straight towards the computer. I stretched my fingers, and pulled the yboard near me again. Before I could start again with my work, someone kept a coffee mug beside my left hand, I saw his hand. Of course, who else wears luxury watches here? The answer is 'Austin', Mr. Show Off.

    I turned my chair, he sat on Linda's   "So, done with your overtime drama so soon?"

    "Almost."  he replied, taking a sip of his coffee and continued "you?"

    "Yeah, I need to work a little late I guess"  I replied, taking a coffee he kept on my desk, in my hand.

    "Do you want me to help you with anything?" 

    "You already helped me alot" pointing to the Coffee mug I said, "Thank you"

    "Don't be so formal," He replied.

    It is very difficult to normalise with people you have been close with in back, of course somewhere you yourself want to forget the issues you had between, and get back to the phase where it all ended, or else you can do is give one more chance to the same person and start with the new beginning. But you choose any of these options when you do believe that the memories you shared with the person are more valuable than the thing that made you apart. I don't know whether I had that believe in the case of Austin or not. But deep inside I really liked that he bothered to talk to me again. Maybe this is the start of having a good last 6 months. 

    We both had finished our coffee. The silence around us was making it all more awkward for me. Austin stood up to leave for his cabin, 

    "So work fast, don't be so late." He said in a formal tone, and then continued after a long pause "I am right there in the cabin, catch me when you leave".

    I smiled and shook my head. 

    He smiled back, and left.

    I turned back to the computer. After working for more than 2 hours I stood and started packing up, the only thing I like about working late is I have to prepare no dinner at home. I have my dinner outside after overtime, and can get into bed directly after reaching home. I looked everywhere, few were still working, one girl in the right corner smiled, I smiled back, I knew them by face, I knew names of a few. Only a few of these zombies often work overtime during monthends, including them, and most of them are  new comers, interns, so those faces keep changing. 

    I stepped towards exit, 

    "Helenaaa" I heard Austin screaming,

    I turned, he was walking faster to catch me.

    "IDIOT" I laughed

    "Why didn't you call me" He asked, 

    "Why am I supposed to do so, also I thought you left." I turned and resumed walking.

    "Because I asked you to catch me when you are leaving," He pressed the button of the elevator.

    "It is just a formality, isn't it" I asked, looking straight into his eyes.

    "I meant it" He replied in the same way.

    We stepped into the elevator. I hate silence when I am with Austin, because silence makes him behave cheesy. I don't like him talking like romantic characters from old movies. 

    Breaking the silence he continued, "any plans for tomorrow?"

    "Why?Is there anything special? I asked curiously.

    "Nothing, just Saturday evening, beginning of new month, no work load, need more reasons to celebrate?" He asked in a charismatic way.

    "Haha Great, but have loads of Home Stuff to do, so no other plans."  I replied smiling.

    "Ohh, you want me to help?" He asked with his eyebrows raised.    

    When a person comes back to you after a long gap, he becomes nicer, So Austin had. Of course He was nice man already, but this time he was little different, treating me more nicely, gently, I don't know what made him behave like this, maybe he was hurt and don't wanted to lose our bond again, or maybe he was thinking me to be hurt and don't wanted me to hurt more. I don't know who was more hurt from this temporary separated relationship, but this updated version of Austin was making me feel awkward again and again. Of course I wanted it to work, I wanted to be friends with him again, but maybe not in this way. 

    "Thanks, but I can manage." I said avoiding eye contact.

    We stepped out of ADC premises, we had different ways from here, Austin had to go to parking, to get his car, we stopped at the door of the parking lot to say good night, "May I drop you?"

    "No thanks, good night Austin", I turned,

    "Helena" He called me again,

    I turned to him immediately, "Listen Austin, I know it's been so long since we talked, and we have so much to talk about. I liked you trying to fix everything, also I want it to work, but please, please don't rush, I am not ready for it. I hope you understand."

    "I don't know what to say." he said smiling nervously, and continued "I mean I appreciate you said it to me, but it was too direct, but I understand. Take your time."

    "Thank You, and sorry too" I hold his hand in mine.

    "No, No need to say sorry, It's fine." He said keeping his other hand on mine, "I noticed some changes in you. You sound great and more confident too. I liked it." After taking a long pause he continued "So, good night, and reach safely." 

    "Yes, thank you and you too.", I smiled. He left.

    'Mee too Austin, Me too have noticed changes in you, you were nice and have become nicer', I wanted to say but I didn't. Maybe he too did not say what he really wanted, because I know myself, I was rude in back and now I just had become more rude. I don't want to hurt him more.

                                                                                        ***

    It was about 9 in the evening, I was not feeling to go home. I was stepping slowly towards the Office garden. I love campus at night as much as I hate it in the morning.

    I sat on the wooden bench kept there, I kept my phone beside, in silent mode, I just didn't want to hear any single noise except my inner voice. I took out a paper and pen from my bag. My mind was full of thoughts, my hand was drawing random figures and my mind was trying to make better plans, plans to have a better personal, professional life.     I was just tired of the same routine in my life, it is fine if it does not get better, but at least it has to be interesting. 

    I was deep engrossed in my own thoughts. I heard some footsteps coming towards me. My hand stopped drawing, I tried to see around, with side eyes, without lifting my head, I realised someone standing at distance, facing me. I lifted my head up, it was the same beard guy who replaced Lucas. 

    He was standing straight at some distance from me, with Beer Bottles in both of his hands, He was more shocked than mine.

    We kept staring at each other for a while, then I folded the page in my hand unnecessarily, avoiding eye contact with him, to make him realise I am not here to do any secret stuff. I felt to leave immediately but it might make him think I was here to do something like smoking or snorting. I tried to act normal. N But he was standing still at the same place, maybe he was figuring out another place to have fun. He stepped towards me. I moved little back, and I was trying not to move, and pretending to ignore him, but also looking at him with my side eyes, I saw him reach near my bench, he bend himself near me, I thought him attacking me with bottle, I immediately stood up and pointed my pen at him like knife.

    "Fuck" I uttered, when I realised he was taking bag hanged on the next corner of Bench. 

    He gave me a weird look. And after staring at me for a while he laughed loudly, keeping beer bottles on the bench.

    I was still standing in the same position, got frustrated and threw my pen at him. Of course he deserves something worse, throwing pens cannot bring my silent and calm mood back. He ruined my moment. I covered my face with both my hands and sat back on the bench.