y o u.

I'm laying on bed rn, not fully, head's still up against a pillow, looking at the stars tapestry.

It hurts that we're so in love but can't be together because of the society we live in. Words can't explain how much I miss you, I can't fall asleep because I'm carrying a weight in my heart, I disconnect my mind from my heart so that I wouldn't know how my heart is every morning I wake up. I know I should be happy because we're holding onto each other, strong, despite the distance. It still hurts a lot because I'm in love with you, so much, so deep and it's so much more different than the love I had for you before. I read that if you can see me in your dreams that means I'm awake and thinking of you, yes I am. Is it possible to miss someone who is right in front of you? It is, to me, yes, I smile wide and sudden change from thunderstorms to rainbows in mood but, I still feel that pain, the pain of missing you, the pain of not having you hold me and me holding you, feeling your presence, my delicate skin not against yours. Each time I take a glance at you while you're not looking at me, my heart feels the pain, yes that pain, the one. The feeling of I should be there with you, giving you all of my affection, love, positivity and everything else I can, I am a healer, I've healed those who are in my circle and even the outsiders or mutuals but I can't heal you because most of the time I've hesitated to do what I should be doing as your girlfriend but sit or stand there or beside you not doing much but just saying sentences that I know, the ones which can never heal but it's salt in wound..

I feel so helpless everytime I look at you not being okay, I want to make your day too, I've always tried to but sometimes I can't because the universe always find ways to keep us apart just like quarantine did.

The fact that we can do anything but the others and the fear stops us from doing so. It just hurts.

I'm so in love.

I care too much.

And.

Everything keeps us apart.