Tale #16: That Feeling

It was... mid-autumn when I felt this 'feeling'. It's like a slight tug from nowhere, a slight tap from every part of me. At first, it was just a simple tap on my judgments, on my brain, flicking a switch that changes the direction of my thinking into a route I've never been before. Then, a pinch in my heart, whenever I see something that triggers my sadness; a pinch in my heart and then all of a sudden, everything's okay.

I can ignore it then, but it grew bigger, it became faster, it was more often now than before. Now, it's a push. No matter the situation or occasion, I will always feel that sudden push. It was as if it was taunting me, making me agitated to the point where I would snap all of a sudden; no reasons or cause, just snap, like a rope being tugged too long, I snapped.

That would always startle everyone around me. They would always question me, ask me lots of it, but never got an answer since I don't have an answer as well. I have their full concern, their full attention at first, but it eventually died down. One by one, they stopped looking at me with those concerned eyes; questions became whispers then turned into silence; their heads would never turn around whenever I'm there— it's like, they stopped caring.

When they ended their pestering, the 'feeling' began to grow more... and more... and more. It's only some mental nudges and pushes, it can be ignored but now, it's joined by whispers. Those whispers sounded like a snake hissing just beneath my ear. The words are inaudible, barely recognizable. However, as the whispers continue, the whispers became louder and words can be heard more clearly and they only say one phrase: 'Do it.'

I can't understand the whispers. What do they want me to do? Why have me pushed? Why flip a switch in my mind? Why tap me from time to time? Why me? A lot of questions popped up in my brain and yet no answer seemed to float. It made me more confused than ever and I don't know what to do anymore. I thought about getting help but, I remembered they stopped caring. That's when I noticed something.

My house is full of sharp objects, mostly chisels as I love carving things. In the past, those chisels looked more like a tool but now, it looked more than that. They looked more precious than before, like a friend. And they all look more beautiful with blood in them. It started when I accidentally cut my finger while carving an order from a friend. The blood trickled down magnificently down on the metal blade. I can't help but feel delighted. And like a drug, I needed more.

I tried using animals as another medium for my carving but, it was never beautiful as my blood on the metal blade. So, I did it with myself. But some people really are annoying, sticking their noses in places they're not supposed too, however, it was convenient. Whenever they would see me with cuts in any part of my body, they will get worried. I would dismiss it as an accident, but their curiosity always gets the better of them. It was easy manipulating them: just a single tear, a few sobs and some trickle of blood is enough to convince them to come with me, then my art session begins with a new medium.

It was euphoric, it was ecstatic, it was exciting, it was magnificent, it was divine, and it was intoxicating. I never felt this so high up in cloud nine before. It's so enjoyable I can't stop. Their screams are music to my ears as well as how the chisels went under their skins, their tissues, under everything. The chisels look so beautiful whenever I would plunge them in and out. The blood sprays were truly magnificent, painting my walls and furniture became so much easier.

But like all fun times, it must come to an end. Life would leave their bodies and the blood would dry. But it's okay, I can do it another time. There's more prey to come.