Diner Full of Weird

Carrying the bulk of the luggage the hunters packed in her hands and over her shoulder, (y/n) kicks open the door to the abandoned home as gently as she can. The rotted wood creaks open to reveal Sam and Dean, the pair using thick jumper cables to coax the electricity in the cabin to life. Making her way over to the splintered wood table near the kitchen area, (y/n) plops down onto one of the chairs, bags falling into heaps by her sides

"You sure you stripped enough wire?" She hears Sam ask his brother, holding onto the flashlight. Dean rolls his eyes

"Yes, I'm sure-" Lightly tapping the metal clamps of the cables to the copper wiring sticking out from it's rubber casing, bright orange sparks spray out suddenly, The light in the home flickers on, the room illuminated by it's warm yellow glow. Bobby steps inside with the rest of the luggage just in time to see the light show

"Good work, boys" he praises gruffly, placing the bags he was carrying to the side before taking a seat next to (y/n) yawning in her own chair.

"Isn't this cozy..." Dean grumbles, him and his brother joining the pair at the table, hands reaching down into the cooler to pull out a few beers for the group. Sam chuckles lightly

"Well, Motel 6 just ain't leaving the light on anymore"

"I'm taking a page out of Frank Devereaux's bible on this-" Bobby sighs, cracking open his can of liquor to take a long swig ,"-everybody's out to get you. Paranoia is just common sense."

"Weeks, guys. Weeks-" Dean whines, dramatically waving his hands through the air to express his passion on the subject ,"-we've been living with cold showers, cold hot pockets, cold freaking everything. If we didn't have a Phoenix to help warm everything up, I'm pretty damn sure we'd be dead by now. I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in. You guys get that, right?"

"How many big mouths are out there, running card traces like Chet, or hunting us down God knows what ways?" Bobby defends the living situation, bringing Dean back to his senses, "Now's not the time to be laying our bed rolls out on the grid. Not if we can help it."

"Hey, at least we have power this time-" (y/n) tries to add on lightly, only for her words to be washed down the drain when the lights above suddenly shut off. The air is filled with a faint crackle as the electricity dies back down, the hunters all staring at each other through the darkness.

"That's just great..." Dean grumbles out in frustration, walking over to sit by the misted window to the side as (y/n) illuminates the room in the light orange glow of her palms, "This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap, we got purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third 'the world's screwed' issue in...what, three years? We've steered the bus from the cliff twice already!"

"Someone's gotta do it" Sam sighs, the group all sharing the same concerned glances upon hearing Dean's strangely hopeless tone.

"What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?" He challenges, taking a long swig of his beer. (y/n)'s eyes widen, her worry for the dejected looking hunter only growing

"You think the world wants to end?" She asks gently

"I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away each year-" Dean shrugs his shoulder, smiling bitterly, "-that, yeah, the whole enchilada would have offed itself already."

"Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son-" Bobby sighs tiredly, arms crossing themselves over his chest, "-you're gonna hurt your head."

"Whatever, just find a case-" Dean huffs angrily, laying down on the musty grey couch before covering his face with his arm, "-I need to kill something before I lose it."

"Well, you're in luck, sweetheart-" (y/n) calls out playfully, motioning for Bobby to take a peek at the articles Sam was currently pawing through, "Sammy found something on the drive here"

"What's the guff?" Bobby asks the younger hunter, taking a seat across from the pair at the rotted table. Sam clears his throat lightly

"Well, uh, there have been a rash of sightings all over the southern pine barrens-" he explains quickly, pointing to a few pictures scattered across the splintered surface of the table, "-a strange, fast-moving, human-like creature. Locals even have a name for it."

"The Jersey Devil?" Bobby reads the bold words out loud, eyebrows furrowing as he glances up at the younger brother, "I thought that was just local tall-tale crap...(y/n), do you know about this thing?"

"Doesn't exist in the monster world. It's just a creature from a tale of a witch giving birth to a 13th child and claiming it to be the spawn of Satan. The Jersey Devil is nothing more than a ghost story you tell around a campfire."

"Figured. A lot of these accounts contradict each other..." Sam pulls up a few different drawings people have made upon 'seeing' this creature, "Some people gave it bat wings, others horns, a-a tail? Oh, yeah, and even a horse's head."

"The sketch looks more like a chewbacca head" Dean chuckles from his spot on the couch, smiling goofily when he points to the picture he was referring to. Bobby, examining each photo, sighs

"Sounds pretty mixed-up"

"Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot" Dean mumbles into his beer can as he takes a sip.

"Well, real or not, it sounds like this thing might have a body count" (y/n) chuckles lightly, nudging Sam to get him to show the group the papers he was reading over earlier. Pulling out the tattered newspaper, Sam slides the yellowing page over to Bobby. (y/n) uses the glow of her hands to help illuminate words

"'Camping High Season Harsh by Human Burrito'?" The older hunter reads out the title, eyebrows raised in slight surprise. Sam nods, leaning back in his chair

"Something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive through his sleeping bag." Sam explains with a sigh, "His wife hasn't been seen, either."

"Plus, there have been four other missing persons reported in the last three weeks-" (y/n) adds, grabbing a hold of the small stack of papers Sam made a little earlier and lighting up the bold letters across their pages, "-state troopers are saying it's a rogue bear."

"Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own pinata?" Dean replies tiredly from his relaxed position, (y/n) noticing the way his green eyes barely peek out from beneath his drooping eyelids

"Something's out there in the woods, so I guess we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting...haven't used my .30-03 in a while" Bobby states confidently, a surprisingly happy tone to his usually gruff voice when he speaks. (y/n) finds herself smiling fondly, enjoying seeing Bobby look excited for once.

"Okay, Davey Crockett-" Dean teases, scoffing lightly, "-safari's gonna have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit-and-tie dance. We'll make sure this is not just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers."

"What the hell's a 'glamper'?"

"Sam?" Dean passes the duty off to his brother with a smile, watching as Sam laughs in response

"High-end camper-" He explains, smirk conveying his annoyance, "-TV, A.C., Wi-Fi."

"Are you serious?" (y/n) asks in disbelief, never hearing the word herself or it's meaning until just now. Sam nods, finding the way she scrunches up her nose in confusion endearing

"Back to nature, zero inconvenience."

"That's idiotic" Bobby states plainly

"If we find some of these 'glampers', would you guys get mad at me if I stole some things?" (y/n) asks leaning back in her chair and glancing at the amused faces staring back at her. Dean chuckles

"Stealing is bad, Tweety-"

"But?"

"-But if you grab me a microwave...I might just forgive you"

"Deal"

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Dean and (y/n), squished together in a red leather booth, sit across from a Ranger they were able to pull aside to interrogate with the promise of a paid lunch at a restaurant called 'Biggerson's'. (e/c) eyes watching the scruffy looking man carefully as he munches happily on a strange looking sandwich filling her nose with an awful aroma, (y/n) smiles politely

"So, uh, Ranger Evans-" She begins but is suddenly cut off by the wave of the man's hand, his stuffed mouth turning up into a goofy smile

"Oh, you can just call me 'Rick', ma'am-" He giggles to himself before tossing a wink towards (y/n), "-Ranger Rick."

"Uh, alrighty...Ranger Rick-" (y/n) chuckles awkwardly before trying to get back on subject, "-you were the one who found Mitchell Rayburn, right?"

"The human burrito" Rick states in amusement, light eyes seemingly unfocused as he takes an impossibly huge bite of his sandwich. Dean and (y/n) share the same confused glance before he's beginning to ask his own questions

"State police have it down as a bear attack-?" Dean's voice trails off when he notices the Ranger holding back his own laughter, the pair watching through narrowed eyes as the man's somewhat tired gaze finally focuses on them

"Yeah, I read what the state police says-" Rick replies through giggles, never once letting go of his sandwich as he continues, "-that was no rogue brown."

"Apparently, some others reported seeing something a little, you know, weirder" Dean tries to coax the man to spill what he seemed to believe, green eyed gaze intense as Ranger Rick leans back into his leather seat

"You know, I've been a ranger for 12 years-" He begins, his playful attitude turning somewhat serious as he continues, "-tell you the truth, we have no idea what's out there."

"I'm sorry, what do you mean about that? You guys don't have a clue what's going on?" (y/n) asks, watching as he nods slowly

"It's big. Lots of trees and whatnot...Tell you this, though!-" The Ranger seems to regain his previously goofy nature, a peaceful smile making its way across his face, "-you got to respect mother nature. You respect her, or she's gonna string you up, and she'll eat your ass right through the gore-tex"

"So-" Dean raises an eyebrow at the man as he chomps down on the rest of his sandwich, "-you're thinking it's mother nature?"

"See, me and Phil, we've been finding-uh-" He swallows down the massive bite he just took, eyebrows furrowed as he recalls the story, "-something's leftovers for weeks."

"What kind of leftovers?" (y/n) pushes

"Deer remains, badger, missing pets" He replies, strangely gleeful upon listing the strange and frankly concerning remains he's apparently been finding in the forest. Dean, listening intently to his words, picks up on something interesting he heard

"Who's Phil?"

"Assistant Chief Ranger..." A long pause follows after he states the title, eyebrows furrowing as he chews, "Come to think of it, I haven't seen Phil in a couple of days"

"A couple of days?" (y/n) echoes, earning an indifferent nod from the Ranger

"He's supposed to call from whatever station he's checking off," He explains. Dean and (y/n) share a concerned look

"You think your assistant chief ranger might be missing?" Dean scoffs in disbelief. Ranger Rick nods calmly, shrugging his shoulders

"Yeah...I should probably report that"

Just as the somewhat concerningly peaceful words pass his lips, the pair of hunters snap their eyes towards the glass doors near the front, gaze landing on Sam and Bobby as they walk into the restaurant.

"Oh, uh, excuse us...Ranger Rick" (y/n) politely smiles and bids her farewell, itching to leave the booth to avoid having to smell the Ranger's disgusting sandwich. Quickly handing the man a card providing all of their contact information, Dean is quick to follow after (y/n) as she makes her way towards the pair of hunters waiting for them.

"So?" Dean asks expectantly, figuring they must have gotten more useful information from examining the dead body. Bobby sighs tiredly, hands fixing his disguise

"Well, we took a look at the cadaver-"

"What was left of it at least..." Sam adds through an awkward smile, "Not a happy camper."

"Were you able to figure out what might've killed him?" (y/n) asks softly, trying her best to make sure the people eating around her weren't being disturbed.

"The bite radius on the vic's wounds were too small for a Leviathan-" Bobby explains, recalling the mangled flesh the pair saw on that metal table, "-and he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I doubt we're talking werewolf"

"And a wendigo doesn't leave any scraps for people like us to find" Sam sighs.

"Hm...lunch?" Dean suggests, goofily patting his own stomach to dramatically express his own hunger

"Starving" Bobby replies, the group all agreeing to just find a spot here and eat considering how popular the place seems. Dean, noticing one of the employees rushing by, is quick to try and flag him down

"Hey! Uh-" He glances at his name tag before smiling politely, "-Brandon. Can we grab a booth?"

"Hey, uh, douchewad-" Brandon mocks Dean snarkily, his strangely intense anger surprising the group as he continues, "-a hostess will seat you. Do I look like a freaking hostess?"

"Do you want to look like a...hostess?" Dean clumsily replies through narrowed eyes, the group behind him unsure if they heard the hunter correctly as Brandon seems to fume. Either too angry to respond or trying to hold back from possibly murdering Dean, the employee storms off.

"That didn't really make sense, what you...said" Sam can't hold back his laugh, using his hand to try and poorly cover his mouth when a chuckle escapes his lips

"What was that?" Dean asks in disbelief, (y/n) scoffing lightly before crossing her arms across her chest to nudge Bobby next to her

"Someone must of seriously pissed in his cheerios this morning..." Bobby nods in agreement, sighing to himself

"I sure hope we don't get Brandon's section"

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"Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to-" Brandon messily slides the order towards Sam, a bitter smile on his lips, "-Big Bird, down there."

The man tosses down another plate of food, scooting the massive sandwich towards Dean.

"TDK slammer to Ken doll-" Brandon slams down another plate, tossing the salad over to Bobby who seems too shocked to even register what's happening, "- and a little heart-smart for the creepy uncle."

Noticing his little grey cart to be empty, he points to the girl sitting next to Bobby with a malice filled smile.

"Oh! I almost forgot-" He dramatically places down what seems to be an invisible plate of food and makes a show of pushing it towards her, "-the order of nothing to the mutt who should have stopped eating ages ago"

"Hey-!" Sam and Dean jump to defend her, eyebrows furrowed as they glare down the pissy waiter before them. (y/n) tries to calm them, but it quickly interrupted by Dean still fuming across from her

"Guys-"

"What's your problem, man?"

"You're my problem!" Brandon screams out in a fit of frustration, face turning red as he stomps away from their table. The group all take a moment of silence to process the confusing events that just took place. Everything seemed to happen so quickly, their waiter seemingly scarier than the actual monster at that table. Sam, snapping out of his thoughts, turns to check in on the girl across from him

"Are you okay?" His voice is filled with a sincere concern, light eyes watching hers for any sign of hurt.

"I've been tortured, stabbed, and shot-" She chuckles, rolling her eyes playfully, "-think I can't handle one rude waiter?"

"That's our girl" Dean smirks, reaching over to tossle her hair before focusing on his grotesquely massive sandwich. (y/n) watches as the group, taking their cue from Dean, begin to dig into their own meals. Phoenix's don't need to pacify human bodily needs, so eating was something she rarely ever partook in. When she did though, it was usually soft foods like marshmallows or sponge cake. Fluffy foods were her weakness, but that was something she was determined to keep a secret. Snapping herself out of her own thoughts, she decides to try and strike up a conversation about their case, finding herself curious to bounce some ideas around

"Anyways-" She gains their attentions and continues talking in a more hushed voice, "-Ranger Rick over there didn't seem to believe the Jersey Devil played a part in these killings"

"Oh, by the way-" Dean jumps in, mouth full of his gross smelling sandwich, "-didn't he seem a little, uh, stone to you?"

"Dude was barely coherent-" (y/n) chuckles lightly, (e/c) eyes moving to glance over at said Ranger near the back of the diner, "-I'd be more concerned if he wasn't high."

"Well, if he didn't think the Jersey Devil did it, then what was his theory?" Bobby asks in between his bites of chicken

"He seemed to think that there was something-" Before (y/n) is able to answer the question, an uncomfortably loud moan leaves Dean's lips. The group all turn to stare as the hunter munches happily on his meal, fingers and lips dusted in a fine white powder

"Oh! That is a good sandwich..."

"What the hell did you get?" Sam asks, a crooked smile pulling at his lips as he holds back his laugh. Dean reaches over to turn the small display card near the edge of the table, his sandwich pictured on one of its sides.

"New pepperjack turducken slammer-" He smiles goofily, stubbled cheeks still filled with his massive bite from before, "-limited time only"

"Now that's just offensive" (y/n), upon realizing what the word 'turducken' means, scrunches up her nose. Sam laughs while Bobby nods in agreement

"Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other...shouldn't play god like that" Bobby mumbles, furrowed brows hinting at his disgust. Dean scoffs, taking another sickeningly huge bite of his sandwich

"Hey, don't look at me sideways from that-" He dramatically motions towards Bobby's meal, "-chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome. Like the perfect storm of your top-three edible birds."

"This is like my own personal horror movie..." (y/n) states playfully, earning a sarcastic chuckle from Dean before he's focusing his attention back onto his meal, "Anyways, the ranger did seem to think that there was something out in Wharton forest"

"Well, then I'd say we better head out there" Sam answers with a smile. (y/n) nudges the older hunter next to her, watching him meet her gaze. Hidden behind his stoic expression, she could see the excitement he felt about being able to hunt for real

"Ready for a Safari, old man?"

"I'm always ready"