July 25th

Why does my mind think about you?

Why is it in you that it tries to find refuge?

It knows that it is going to hurt itself if it wanders like that, but it goes on looking for you anyway. It doesn't forget you.

Tonight, it was diverted by a voice, a voice I thank for helping me avoid hearing yours, listening to you sing.

I can't see you every night as soon as I close my eyes. I'm going to teach them to keep you at a distance, without erasing you.

I can't see you anymore.

I can't hear you anymore.

I can't remember anymore.

**

Will you go, one day?

Will I find the peace I thought I had found months ago, when I didn't think about you anymore?

Will you disappear, one day?

Will you become the ghost you've always been?

Will you be able to leave me for good?

Will you always be there, in me, somewhere I can't get rid of you? Or will you stop existing one day, like I did?

**

They don't know what you are nor what you mean to me.

No one knows who you are.

Maybe even I don't know.

You're not how I picture you nor how I describe you.

I know I'm still making things up, living in a world far from reality.

I'd like to chase you from this world.

I'd like you to not have the place you've never taken nor wished I'd make for you.

I'd like to stop dreaming about you, to stop thinking about you, to stop desiring you.

I'd like to realize that there's no such thing as you.

That you don't exist.

That if you don't think about me, I mustn't think about you.

That one heart isn't enough to make two hearts beat.