Mathilde_Le_Clech

She refuses to tell him what she feels, so she writes to him.
She writes everything he can't handle, everything he can't know.
She barely knows him. All she knows is the passion that took control of her ever since she met him.

You...

Don't thank me, or tell me you're sorry, or even to hold on.


I needed time. That's what I meant by "I don't know".


I can understand that this answer is not what you expected, given you've sent me some that put me in some uncomfortable situations or states.


You seem surprised by how moved I am even though I told you more and more often about the effect you had on me.


Please, don't act as if you just discovered it.


If you truly realize this now, we were both blind and deaf.


Don't pretend to have a role or a power you don't have.


Don't take this dramatic apocalyptic tone.


I don't know if I can see you knowing that the door is closed.


I don't want to see you if I must prevent myself from having gestures I would naturally have if you were single or if things hadn't changed.


I like spending time with you, even as friends, and I want to keep on talking to you and writing to you, about daily or crazy things, but there will be an obstacle, and I don't know what effect it will have on me. 


I will be perfectly able to spend a casual, unequivocal moment with you.


I won't have any difficulty staying away from you, but I will know I have to.


Won't this impede how things are between us?


I am only making hypotheses since it never happened (yet).


So, I can't answer anything but "I don't know".


You only speak of me, of how I might want to see you and be able to do so.


I don't know if you really want to see me again, if that'd make you happy and if you'd do it because you enjoy my company or simply because you want to be polite.


I don't know if you'd miss me if we didn't see each other again.


I don't know if and how you're impacted when I'm here and when I'm not.


I thought my sincere and vague answer would leave you indifferent.


I didn't want to wait days before answering, so I didn't bother to say more.


I didn't even think that you might want or need me to say more.


You reversed the roles and got the upper hand again.


I started to write to you on another page, on another tone.


You didn't like it. You didn't say anything, or barely anything.


I don't like your superior air nor the words you use to apologize.


I hear everything but an apology. I hear you from the heights, far above me. I hear that you want to be right, that you want to win.


I needed to let it do its job, follow its course, let me become mature, follow my interieur path, but you needed an answer. You couldn't wait.


I know what it's like to be impatient, misunderstood, read.


You pushed me to tell you, to go along with you and to answer you. 


I didn't think. I told you the words that were in my heart. You saw me whole and sincere as always, as you wanted.


I wasn't polite. I told you everything. I won't hold anything back anymore, whether you like it or not.


February 23rd