Flashback

I'm sitting on the floor shaking I didn't mean to spill the drink on him I just need to protect my head I'm sorry please I'm sorry I can hear a soft voice asking me to come back but I can't my minds flashback to the past

2 years ago

I'm in the kitchen making Ivan a drink my body is sore from my last beating but I must learn to be better behaved then he won't have to hurt me anymore.

I've made his drink and am taking it to his office i knock on the door and wait for permission to enter I've learnt the hard way not to walk in uninvited he tells me to enter.

I see him sitting behind his desk so I walk over and go to place the drink on the desk but he reaches up to take it from me I can't help it I flinch which sends the drink all over him and the desk when I look up I see his eyes have darkened with anger and I know that my battered body is going to get more bruises.

"YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH!! "

Grabbing my hair he bashes my head of the side of the desk I instantly feel the warmth of blood were my head splits I feel dazed and dizzy as he punches me in my stomach knocking the wind out of me I'm praying that its over quickly but my prayers go unanswered.

Ivan picks me up if the floor by my hair and bends me over the desk he rips of my underwear I know what's coming so I close my eyes and try to go to my safe place when I feel something cold pressed against my anus my eyes snap open just as something hard is roughly pushed inside me I scream out in pain Ive never felt pain like this before what ever he's pushing inside me is big he keeps pushing it in and out getting harder with each thrust of his hand I can feel warm wetness running down my legs and that's were I pass out.

when I come to I'm laying on the floor with Ivan on top of me I feel him side me hes grunting and groaning he starts to pick up his pace then i feel him release inside me he gets off me stands up and walks to the door just before leaving he looks back at me and tells me to clean myself up before he gets back and then hes gone leaving me a bloody heap on the floor. I slowly drag myself up and to the bathroom I look in the mirror and what I see makes me wince my right eye is starting to swell shut my lips are swollen and bleeding I look further down and see a bruise starting to form on my side I can feel blood dripping from my anus but what makes me pause are my eyes there dead.

I'm laying in the bath trying to think of a way out when I spot my razor blade I reach over and grab it because I just want to be free I try try be good but it's never enough Ivan tells me he hurts me because he loves me and wants what's best for me but surely if you love someone you don't hurt them like he does.

I don't know how long Ivan's been gone but i hope he doesn't find me in time I take the blade and slice across both wrists and instantly feel at peace I lay back close my eyes and wait I don't know how long I lay there but my eyes struggling to stay open just before they close but I here the door being kicked open and Ivan crying out what the fuck have you done!!

I come back to the present Lilly's looking at me with a sad expression on her face i lift my head to find Butch Blade and MadDog with pissed off expressions on there faces which make me flinch Lilly helps me up of the floor and i notice the bar is now empty apart from us and few more bikers, I know they want to know what happened but I'm not ready to open up about that part of my life just yet so i just shake my head MadDog slowly reaches over and gently cups the side of my face looks into my eye and says your safe now angel i cant help it i burst into tears then i feel the sharpest pain in the side of my stomach i double over clutching my belly and shout MY BABY!!