Chapter two

𝑯𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒍𝒖𝒋𝒂𝒉 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒚 𝑨𝒍𝒆𝒙𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒂 𝑩𝒖𝒓𝒌𝒆

Chapter two

7:47 𝒂𝒎

The morning after Seun and I broke it off—more like an on and off thing—I sat down in the classroom and listened to principal Ellen through the public address system as she said, 'Education is the key to unlocking the world, a passport to freedom.' It never made sense then and it never does now.

How can school ever be my passport to freedom when Seun is still alive? He's here and there and at every point I turn to.

We breathe the same air, walk the same road, getting the same education.

I've loathed the word freedom ever since principal Ellen referred to Oprah Winfrey's quote. I hate everything. I hate school. I hate her... and everything.

If people ever got the chance to see my thoughts, people would think I'm rotten, crazy, ungrateful, and vindictive—add that to the list of crappy things that I am.

Here's how I see school: it's a place for the likes of Seun, John, and Garry—the son of a top-shot IP attorney and friend of Mr. Carter, Seun and Ayo's dad—to bully people. To bully me.

And right now, sitting next to Ayo in his car and watching people troop into school makes it worse. 𝑪𝒂𝒏 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚?

I shut my eyes, taking huge breaths as I wrap my fingers around my hair for the hundredth time. Stone Valley High is not a place for me. I see everyone I don't want to be around every day, I share the same classrooms with them but deep down, I know what they think of me. 𝑺𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔.

Everything here chokes me; the voices, the deodorants, the teachers... every single person.

"We'll be late for geography, " Ayo yanks me back to reality. "You have geography too now, right?"

I turn to see him raise a brow at me. There's a small smile curling up the corners of his mouth but doesn't quite reach his eyes. They are lit with sadness. The forced expression, on the contrary, would have looked comical to me if it doesn't make my heart feel heavy. For a few moments, I stare at him, almost sure his expression mirrors mine.

I see something far beyond sadness, this more like pity. Like he wants to know more.

𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆.

So, I force a smile too and hope the awkwardness of the moment will just go. 𝑮𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔, 𝑳𝒐𝒍𝒂. I say in my head but the thought of stepping out there stifles my muscles. Being here is a little bit much for me but I don't want to be out there with everyone.

"Thanks for the ride, " I say then stare ahead, at the school entrance.

"There's no monster in there. No one will eat you, Lola, not even Seun," he laughs but stops when I glare at him.

My lips draw into a harsh line and again, I remember the times when I tried to talk to him and how he waved me off. Now, he wants to laugh about this? 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔? Besides, this is my pain and the hell I go through every day, he should never laugh about it.

I shake my head, push the door open then glance over my shoulder. "Not everything is funny." Without waiting for his response, I slam the door hard, catching Lily--Kim's new friend--squeezing her lips together like someone who just tasted something really bitter.

"Idiot," I mutter, throwing her the harshest, stink eye I could muster, making her lower her gaze from me as she jogs up the stairs.

I follow too, the peachy air freshener, noisy chatter, and perfumes from other kids are the first thing that welcomes me. Out of curiosity, I look over my shoulder to see if Ayo is following. He is lost at the bottom of the stairs among a few students.

The hall is crowded with people, and the disarray is so messy, like a marketplace. And that's why I hate school. It's like I'm against the world: me against enemies every single time. 𝑻𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆.

There are the chess club members hanging up posters for the next tournament and opposite them are the school jocks who never do anything but pull pranks on other kids, there is the group who thinks they are too intellectually sound to mix with others, there is the group of girls... girls like Kim.

And then there's me, I used to be part of the visual art club but... I just don't think I fit into anything anymore.

Keeping my head down, I drag my way through the sea of faces, and snort as I walk under the banner: "Education is key." Just another annoying quote of the week to encourage students to learn. Stone Valley is always here to remind us of the consequences of failure.

I take a sharp turn to the left and come to a halt when I see a picture on my locker. It's not clear but if anything is on my locker then it can't be something good. 𝑰𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆... 𝒃𝒂𝒅.

I grind my teeth together and pull my hair in a tight grip. 𝑰𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆? 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒅... 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒅.

My breath is shaky as my legs move and move until I'm standing in front of my locker and then I see it. The picture is like a time machine that takes me back to that night when I made the dumbest decision.

My eyes are tight shut in the picture and no matter how much I try to push everything away, the memory is there like it happened only a moment ago.

𝑵𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔. I snatch it off my locker, input the code of my locker, snap it open and then pop! some red sticky liquid splatters over my forehead and cheeks with more photos flying everywhere.

"Oh!" I groan, swiping the wet liquid off my face as I look everywhere, hoping people won't see this.

But who am I kidding? I hear their chuckles, feel their eyes burning into my skull, and see their hands pointing at me.

Breathe. Breathe. Everything accelerates in my head like sparks of electricity. The pictures are on the floor, telling people a part of the story, but not all they need to know. I swipe at my face again, the smell from the fresh paint is intoxicating and it's burning my eyes.

𝑰 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒔... 𝑰 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.

I shove them into my backpack as more paint dribbles along and drips onto the floor. 𝑸𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒌. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐.

"Cool pictures," someone hisses near my ear. I want to shrink into nothing. I whirl around and like I expect, John stands in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest. He stares me down with his bird-like eyes, sucking something out of me. I take a step back.

For such a frail-looking guy, his actions bring goosebumps out of my skin every time he comes closer to me. Seun and Garry are evil, horrible and they are every evil name I can come up with but, they are better. At least they ignore me sometimes,  but John never does. He just stares at me never blinking.

This gives me chills. The bad kind. The kind that says: you know what happened but you can't say a word of it to anyone.

My body knows this but my mind. My mind needs to forget it.

I look over his shoulder. Enough students are already gathering to see what is about to go down. 𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔? I don't want anyone to be here when John shoves me against the locker or does worse.

"I-I," I say.

John holds out a folded paper to me. I can see the remnants of red paint on his hand but I ignore it, but as I try to take the note from him, he drops it on the floor, next to my feet and leaves.

For a moment, my eyes move from the rows of lockers and stops on Kim, my former best friend. Her face rises. She waves then mouths sorry and for a second, I turn just to be sure it's me she's talking to. By the time I turn to her again, she slams her locker, hurries down the hallway, with her fiery, wild hair bouncing with her movements?

Why is she sorry? Kim, you should be happy with everything happening to me. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒓.

I grab the folded paper then read whatever is on it. '𝑵𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒎𝒆.' My hands tremble and the only way I can stop the build-up steam, burning me up is to wrap my hands around my body. Seun has no right over me. He may not know this now but soon, he'll realize it.

I gather the remaining pictures on the floor and locker then push it into my backpack. The paint is sprinkled at every corner of my locker, ruining the perfect darkness in it.

Sighing, I steal a glance around to see people still staring then return to my smeared locker. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝑰 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆? The school Janitor will do that for the next user.

"Lola," the recognizable boyish voice relaxes me a bit. "What... who did that?"

"It's nothing..." I regard him, trying to make sense of what's happening.

Maybe Ayo fell that night of the party, hit his head on the floor, and suddenly thinks I'm a friend. I'm not his friend, never will be. 𝑳𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆. "Nothing," I repeat.

"Seun did this right?" he deadpans. "Tell him to back off."

He doesn't get it. Seun would never let me breathe without putting the question of what happens next in my head. That guy has made it his mission to ruin me until I disappear into nothing which is what I plan to do.

"Go to class."

He surveys my locker, clearly brushing what I said aside.

"Look, I appreciate you giving me a ride. But for real, you need to stop."

Then something flashes across his face. His eyes bore into mine which makes my chest beat faster. A soft breath escapes his mouth as he gives me a sad smile that drives me to the edge. That same pitiful smile.

"I... you have every reason to be mad at me okay? I get it, but I'm trying to help--" he draws a sharp breath and makes a move to hold me but I back away. "Sorry. I know you hate being touched."

He tries to say something again but the bell rings, causing everyone to run for their classes, except Ayo.

"Yea," I bob my head and start walking again. '𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚' can't make things right for me. Where was he when I needed him the most? 𝑯𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅. My subconscious reminds me but I'm so mad about the locker, about Seun, and about every single thing that's been happening for so long now. 𝑺𝒆𝒖𝒏... 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒖𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓.

"Sorry... about all these."

As much as I want to tell him to stop saying sorry, I don't. Instead, I navigate towards the girls' bathroom, clean off the paint, head for class, and hold my breath when I see him at the door. 𝑾𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈? 𝑱𝒆𝒔𝒖𝒔 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕. I release a shaky breath as he steps aside for me to go in.

𝑫𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆. I push the door and step into the lousy chatter and intimidating stares. Every single one of them must have heard of the locker mishap. Stories like this fly quickly.

Here's another fact about high school: kids stare too much. It's crazy with the school drama that fills me with anxiety but their stares... their stares drown me.

I know what every look means even if they don't say it. They show me through their actions. Not once have they ever stepped up to Seun for bullying me. Except for Ayo.

Like last week when Seun and his friends were waiting for me at the bathroom entrance after school, Ayo was there to save me. Once again--𝒚𝒂𝒚--he was the hero.

I saunter through the rows of people and only a few spot me then return to their businesses, but the majority of the class points and whispers to the person next to them. It's the locker story. Nothing else.

My stomach twists. 𝑹𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌.

𝑵𝒐, 𝒔𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆.

"Lola," Ayo calls but I ignore and hurry for my seat.

He takes his usual seat behind me as Ms. Jodi, the geography teacher enters. She gives the most hateful glare ever and acts like she's about to cuss everyone out. And the boring brown clothes she wears make her look even more unapproachable.

"Roles of human activities in climate change," she strolls to the table, dumps a textbook on it then faces the class. "How do humans contribute to these changes?" As she talks, the lines around her mouth deepen.

"Lola," Ayo whispers behind me. "Have I said something wrong?"

𝑺𝒕𝒐𝒑, 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑.

I drum my fingers on the table, biting my bottom lip and fixing my gaze on the table. I want him to stop. I want Ms. Jodi to stop talking too. Everything needs to stop—

"The locker thing... it's very wrong and stupid. I'll be mad too if someone pulled such prank on me, very mad," Ayo goes on, moving closer to me as his breath fanned my ear. "You should report this. It's getting out of hand, you know? Lola... I'm sorry—"

"You're always sorry," I mutter.

"What?" he sounds like I told him to stand in front of a moving truck. 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅?

"I said you're always sorry," I say a little louder, turning to look at him. "That's pathetic. Soooo pathetic."

Ayo's gaze falters. He observes the classroom and clearly, a few of them are now staring, except Miss. Jodi. "I'm trying to help—"

A bitter laugh rumbles out of me and this time, everyone turns, including Ms. Jodi. I cover my mouth and Ms. Jodi returns to the board, scribbling the causes of climate change.

"I don't need your help."

"I'm being nice," he replies which makes the class go silent. "I—"

"Stop trying!"

"Dideolu," Miss. Jodi barks. It's hard for her to pronounce my surname but it doesn't stop her from using it instead of my first name. "Quiet down, please." She sounds like a frog and it annoys me even more.

"I don't need your help," I push my chair, causing a noisy shriek. Adrenaline flows through me, pumping hard and fast through my veins. "Stop thinking you're some hero who can waltz in to save the day—"

"Dideolu, you will think over your actions during detention," she slams her palm on the table which makes me flinch. I gawk at her. Ms. Jodi's lips turn into an angry line, her porcelain skin reddens as she points a finger at me. "Now, sit."

The whole class erupts in murmurs.

See, this is another problem with school; they blame the innocent for an outburst but leave the bullies. When will they punish Seun for bullying me, writing, and putting stuff in and on my locker? I'm all alone in this. No matter my outcry, the school authority will always overlook Seun's terrible actions.

I browse the classroom. Lily already has her phone out, recording the action going on as their babbling continues.

My throat tightens and as much as I want to cry, my boiling blood suppresses it. For the first time in two months, a strange strength surges through me. It's not like I have any reason to stay; my grades are falling, and assignments seem pointless. "Yep, whatever! Done with this!"

The class gasps. An excited shriek echoes from the back of the class but I don't even bother to see who made that annoying sound.

"Don't push me, Dideolu."

Detention means nothing compared to every shitty thing life has handed to me. Tonight, it'll be over. I want to add that but decide against it. Telling anyone about my plans will disrupt everything. I swing my backpack over my shoulder.

"Enjoy your class. I'm out," I advance towards the door, almost tripping on the floor.

More gasps explode in the classroom.

"Lola—"

"Dideolu."

Ms. Jodi and Ayo both call at the same time but I slam the door on my way out.