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- Amber Hills -

I arrive home and as usual, I'm greeted with nothing, the house isn't empty but to me it still feels lonely as I'm treated as just air. I walk straight to my room, closing my bedroom door. I put my keys on my desk and fall straight onto my bed.

I stare at the ceiling and of course, scenes of her are replaying endlessly in my mind. All I do is think of her when we're apart. I want her here 'cause in her arms is where I feel secure. In her arms is where I feel the least lonely. I miss her everytime I don't see her.

I wonder if she feels the same.

- Elizabeth Andrews -

I arrive home and I see a note left by my parents on the living room's coffee table.

It says, "We'll be arriving later this evening and we'll be working overtime tonight. Just heat something up for dinner. Sorry."

They've always been super busy lately so I'm not surprised anymore.

This house is empty and I wish she was here.

The warmth she gives me through her affectionate actions is undoubtedly unlike any other. She's my happiness. Each time spent with her is golden. The rush of emotions, scary yet calming. You see mess through her eyes but she's beautiful. She's chaos but I don't mind the danger. I'd even chase for trouble if it meant I got to keep her.

I love how our hands always seem to find a way to touch and each time they do, we automatically wrap our fingers along each other's knuckles. It's like we crave for the feel of each other's skin. I feel the most secure when she puts her arms around me and when I put mine around her.

I want her. Permanently.

But...

Would it be okay to let her in? Should I allow her to tear down the walls of my heart? Does she even want me like I want her? And if she doesn't, how could I possibly make her feel the same kind of want?

I want her but it all comes down to insecurities. Always.

Am I enough for her? Does she even deserve me? She's so unpredictable and it drives me mad. Her heart is obviously strong but every brave face has their secrets. She avoids showing vulnerability so I never felt it but I can't deny that I want to.

I want to miss more than just her touch.

God, PLEASE make me miss more than just her touch.

- Amber Hills -

I roll myself over to shift weight to the left side of my body, resting my head on my open palm laid on top of my pillow. I scroll my thumb upwards and downwards across the screen of my phone, switching from one app to another until I hear a knock on my bedroom door. Calling out to me is Mr. Rhodes, he pays for everything in this apartment I'm living in.

"Dinner's ready."

I lift myself up, approaching my door and move towards the dining room to eat with my relatives. An awkward and awful silence spreads around the room. Is it bad that I'm already used to it?

After I'm done eating and doing the dishes, I immediately head back to my room and shove my face into my pillow.

Yup, I'm already used to this, I think to myself.

I shift my weight rolling over to my sides and stare blankly ahead.

It's been like this for over 6 months now. I guess it's better to be invisible instead of being emotionally battered with words every single day. This part of my life is probably the only thing I haven't told her maybe because I don't want her to see how miserable my life is. If in case she feels the same, I want her to stay because she wants to. I don't want her to stay out of pity but it also terrifies me that she has every right to walk out of my life when she finds out that this huge part of my life might be too tragic for her to handle.

I'm a mess. Who would even want to be with mess?

I like her.

I feel my heart pound in and out of my chest like a massive hit from a sledgehammer as I finally bring myself to admit that I actually like somebody and I know that this is more than just a simple crush. I'm now aware that I've fallen for Lizzie and I fall deeper each time I think of her and replay every moment we spent together and for the first time in years, my feelings have stayed after spilling the words that filled that train of thought, after spilling the words I held captive deep in my heart because I was scared that I'd lose them because that's what usually happens. My feelings tend to fade away the moment I choose to admit that I like someone but this one stayed. It proves that I'm in too deep and it scares me.

But...

THIS WOULD NEVER WORK.

I know she was into girls. As a matter of fact, she was or IS ONLY INTO GIRLS as she came out to me as an L and I've also came out to her before. I told her I was bi. It was obvious enough that I wasn't, at all straight but in all honesty, I'm still learning to embrace and fully accept these feelings that for centuries, are believed to be morally wrong and until this very day where homophobia is annoyingly still a thing. Although my family is accepting of me having friends of the LGBTQ+ community, they claim that they will never be ready if I was part of it as well.

This wouldn't work because I fear judgement.

I wouldn't dare to make a move on her because friends always came first to me. I don't wanna bring complications to the group, to OUR group and if it does work out and ends, it wouldn't be the same anymore. I feel like I'd lose the connection and slip away in the ugliest type of way.

I hear my phone sound in an indication of a new message.

A message from Hayden Burrows.

Hayden: Hello.