Flag 6

- Elizabeth Andrews -

"Congrats! dude, you won the bet."

A bet?!

I feel awfully unsettled as my insides struggle to adapt to the mix of frustration, disgust as well as shock that begins to dwell in my mind and body, disrupting my mood after hearing the truth which I think is ridiculous. You shouldn't pursue someone just to impress your crew and to hear that they all had a bit of a go is highly insulting. Amber deserves more than that.

She is not an object.

- Amber Hills -

"And that is it for today. Class dismissed."

I fix my bag up, wave goodbye to Jess and head out to the hallway in hopes of seeing Lizzie. She stands next to Arvi. I try to move in a little closer, avoiding the crowd, nearing the distance between them and I but is unfortunately, stopped by a hand pulling me back, clutching mine in a different way that our fingers don't entwine themselves in each other.

Hayden pulls me closer to his body until my shoulder touches his arm.

His hand is big and warm but not warm enough to comfort me. The feel of his skin fails to ignite a flame and when we let go, I sigh, I catch a breath, a breath of what seems to be relief, as if we've been holding each other for way too long. Unlike hers, his touch doesn't linger, his touch doesn't leave traces that excite me. His touch only reminds me that he isn't what I want and what I'm craving for.

...but who could blame me?

He isn't her.

His eyes are dark and they stay dark even in daylight. They don't captivate me the way hers does, maybe that's why locking eyes with him is a fray, a battle against doubt, hesitation and the intimidation that grows inside of me for unlike hers, his eyes scare me when I find them gazing at me for a little too long. They also crave for closeness but unlike hers, his are tied with pressure leaving me with the bad kind of nervous. Silence with him is awkward. Rush of emotions, a pure panic. Our heartbeats, never in sync and unlike hers, his words don't tug my heartstrings.

I miss her.

...and just then and there, my heart starts to beat again and it pounds even harder than before. It beats not for him but for HER.

"Shall we?" A voice echoes its way to wake me up from deep thought. I shake my head and start walking to match his pace. He starts off another conversation but every word refuses to sink in.

I find myself caught up in a daze and in my mind, all my thoughts look like her. It replays every moment she and I spent together. She's tattooed in my head and my heart refuses to paint another face. Even if the universe forbids our stars to align, I'm willing to fly or even walk barefoot to the moon and fight for us over a thousand times until I reach the day I get to have her with me and if she doesn't feel the same, and she decides that we can't be anything more, I'll still choose to stay.

If friends is the only choice I have to keep her, then I'll take it.

I'll take anything that drives me away from not having her at all.

Hayden leads me to the parking lot with his hand still holding mine. We reach his car, I slide my hand off of his and we both hop in. He starts it up and drives away from the campus.

I keep the windows down, taking in the cold air that gently hits my face as he starts another conversation about him. I fail to join in on whatever he talks about.

I'm slowly drowning myself in the thoughts of her and although, Lizzie and I are just friends, why does this feel like cheating?

We're now nearing my place but he decides to make a stop. He pulls over by the small park that is of walking distance to my place. It isn't that far.

A ringing silence fills the air as I turn to face him. I see him constantly tapping on his foot. He's breathing heavily and trembling a little bit, probably nervous about something.

"Um--," I try to start something but he cuts me off.

"Can we be more?" He asks.

His question is vague, unclear to me.

He looks at me with eyes filled with worry as his right hand moves closer, eventually grazing my left.

"Wha--," I try to utter but once again, interrupted. What's wrong? is what I wanted to ask.

He gently places his hand on top of mine. He clasps my hand tighter and attempts to intertwine his fingers in between mine...

"I like you," his voice, shaky.

...but I pull back.

We sit still in the muteness as I try to find the right words to say as I am quite speechless.

I like him but not in that way. He's sweet and kind, but it's not his eyes, not his smile, not his face, nor his voice. He isn't the person I think about each night when I stare at the ceiling before I drift to sleep. It isn't in his arms where I feel the most secure.

No matter where I am, what I do and who I'm with, every trail of thought leads back to her.

I respond with "I'm sorry."

It was all I can say in that moment.

He starts his car once again.

The drive is awfully quiet.

He pulls over by my place, opens the front door for me, giving me a weak smile and drives back without a single word.