•|Chapter Seven|•

September 7, 2017

"Autumn! Autumn, where are you?" Brandon called out.

"Over here!" I shouted, but he didn't hear me.

We were standing meters apart, in a field. Brandon's slowly turning around in circles, calling out my name.

"I'm right here!" I keep shouting at him. I try to walk towards him, but every time I try to take a step the distance between us gets bigger, and bigger until we are miles apart.

"Autumn!" He keeps yelling out for me.

"Autumn," I felt someone shaking me.

"Brandon?" I whisper into the darkness.

"No, it's Keivin. Autumn wake up."

"Autumn," but the shaking was persistent.

Slowly I open my eyes, and see Keivin standing over me. He looks so worried. Fully awake now I sit up.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask.

"I'm fine, are you?" He questions.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you where crying in your sleep, and you kept calling out his name."

"I'm fine." I give him a tight lipped smile. "What time is it?"

"Five thirty."

I groaned.

"I might as well stay awake or else I won't wake up on time."

Keivin gave me a smile before he whispered sorry and walked out.

Left alone in my dark room, I had so many questions.

Why did I finally dream of Brandon after almost a month? Why now?

With those two simple questions, also brought up a few other ones that I wondered the answer to.

Why haven't you thought of him? Why haven't you even been in a daze remembering him, them. You haven't thought about him in over six months. You didn't truly love either of them did you?

I sat in my bed listening to my thoughts for another half and hour before I got up. I quickly threw on a pair of sweat pants and a sweatshirt before I got ready to go on a quick run to pass time before I had to get ready.

I stopped at the local park and sat on a swing.

So many memories were made in this park, in this spot.

On this very swing was the swing Brandon jumped off of when we were seven and broke his arm. He had a pink cast because it was October, and he wanted to show his support. He was picked on for having a pink cast, but that didn't stop him. If anything it made him more dareing.

For Halloween that year he was a princess. Princesses Arora in her pink dress to be exact.

That Halloween was only the start though. The next year he was a fairy. Every year he was something that was associated with girls. We had vowed to be what people typically wouldn't think our gender would wear, exept for when we were eight- Carry and us were the three musketeers- or twelve- we were pears- and 14- we were a pair of boobs. Our Mom's didn't know. We had bought them off of Carry's cousins Amazon account and pretended to be ghosts until we were in the all clear.

It had worked well, that is until we went back to his house and we're cought by his mom. Haily wasn't mad, she laughed along with us. But sense we weren't honest she took all our Almond Joys.

She never told my mom, which I am thankful for because she can't keep anything a secret from my father it seems like. If he had found out, by ass would've been handed to me.

We were supposed to be Poison Ivy and Joker. He was supposed to be a sexy Poison Ivy.

He decided not to go with Harley Quinn because that would've been to predictable I guess. I don't know, all I know is that he loved Halloween, and it's never going to be the same. We had already bought them, and were deciding on how we were going to do our make-up and if he should do it or if we should have Seiria, who is so much better, do it.

Noticing that the sky was getting lighter, I made my way back home and decided that I would still be Joker.

~

The clock couldn't move any faster, never would it ever. Every minute seemed to last eternity as I was counting down the minutes till I could get out of this stupid class. Forty-five minutes until I was out. Although there was always tomorrow, and she still wouldn't be of any help.

I open the packet for the millionth time, re-looking through it for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. It was five pages long with thirty questions and two paragraph responses. Yesterday she lost track of time, and we didn't get any class time to do it.

History officially wasn't my favorite class. Not only did I struggle with it, but making us learn about it when we already know most of the information?

"Okay, lets get started." Brooke finally was off of her phone and looked like she actually cared about getting the work done. Rolling my eyes I flip to the front of the packet.

"Name?" I bluntly asked, even though I already knew her first and last, all I needed was her middle name.

"How about we just switch papers? It's easier and it won't take so long."

I nodded my head, exchanging packets with her. Her phone buzzed, but she ignored it.

I noticed that she had already filled out my name, birthday, and favorite color(s). She had gotten my favorite color's wrong. She thought they were black and white, but they actually were blood red and canary yellow. Once again it buzzed, yet she didn't seem to notice.

My favorite animal? I honestly have no clue. I think sloths and otters are adorable, but I wouldn't necessarily call either of them my favorite animal. I just skipped that one for the moment. It buzzed three times this time, and she still didn't seemed bothered. This was unusual for her, usually she would be on it and replying before you'd know it.

As I was getting ready to answer the next question Ms. Ciaramella spoke up and said that's all the work time we will have today before jumping into her lesson.

~

I was walking off the bus down my street when I heard foot steps. Looking across the street, I see that a girl my age. From the looks of the moving truck in the driveway it looks like they just moved in.

Hhmm, maybe I'll say hi later? No, you won't. Even if you do, it's not like she'd be friends with you anyway. I mean, have you met yourself?

Even if for some strange reason you did become her friend you'd only end up hurting her more than making her feel welcomed and happy.

I slowly made my way to my room where I sat for the next two hours just thinking of everything, and anything.

I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I know Keivin is waking me up. I think I was having a dream because I woke up think of an envelope. Even after Keovin told me we would be eating dinner out tonight and to be ready in fifteen minutes all I could think about was an envelope. I had no clue as to why I was thinking of an envelope, but I was.

I got up and put on a pair of Nikes, before heading out I grabbed my homework folder, a pencil, and a book. Knowing my family, we were going somewhere that was boring, and I would need something to do.

Once in the car I opened up the folder. I grabbed my History packet and looked at her answers. As I was looking over them I noticed a note she had made in sparkling hot pink ink.

Autumn, text me

xxx-xxx-xxx

Brooke ♡

Taking my phone out I put her number into my phone. I'm probably making a huge mistake. I am probably going to get random numbers calling and texting me.

It was only a few moments before my phone vibrated.

So, we need to meet up to finish the project. We could meet up after school Friday for an hour or two, and I'm free Saturday. Let me know.

~Brooke

Sounds okay. When would we meet?

I can't believe I was actually thinking about doing this. You'll probably end up regretting it, but who's keeping track of everything that's going wrong or that you regret?

Cool, maybe tomorrow at the local library downtown?

Okay, sounds good.

The rest of the night went uneventful. We got him and we all went to bed, everyone acting like nothing happened. Like we are a normal functioning family. I mean we are functioning, but we are far from the white picket house family everyone seems to think we are.

How can they just act like everything is fine?

Because they weren't hurt, and ignoring you has always been their favorite thing to do.

Well, yeah. But dad has been extra cold to me lately.

But isn't that a good thing? This just goes to show that no one cares about you. That you don't matter to anyone. When was the last time Seiria even talked to you?

She has her own life to live, and she just lost her brother.

Yeah, but you lost a best friend. A brother. She hasn't once checked in with you, yet you always go out of your way to make sure she is doing okay. And Mrs. Kenner? She hasn't checked on you once. She hasn't messaged you once. She only talked to you when you called her the other day.

She just lost her son. It hasn't been easy her. I probably rem-

And you a best friend. You'd think she'd want to remember him, but I don't think she does.

She knows your worthless. She knows you are the reason he's dead. She knows you are a waist of space that she has to put up with because her son decided to be friends with you. You curupted him. It's all your fault. Your toxic. You hurt everyone around you.

It started out with Brandon, but now it's your own family. When are you going to get tiered of ruining people's lives? When are you going to stop being so selfish and thinking of only yourself?

Stop! Stop it!

Stop what? I'm only saying what you know is the truth.

Tears were gathering in my eyes. I just couldn't take it anymore.

Grab that blade. Run it across your skin. Watch the blood slowly trickle out in little dots until it combines together.

I shook my head. No, I don't want to.

Do you want the pain to ease?

Yes. The tears continued to floe down my face.

Then grab that blade and watch the blood.

I picked up the blade, hiccups coming out of my mouth as I ran it along my thighs and stomach, the tears still going down my face.

You will always be a screw up. No one will ever love you, let alone like you. You always ruin everything.

I fell asleep crying- not daring to lay on my side or stomach- the darkness welcoming me and silencing my thoughts.