How About Breaking Us?

[ BRYAN ]

Phew. Alright, here we go. My long wait is over!

After minutes of driving with Becca, we're finally here at our favorite restaurant, The Parfait. I always bring my girlfriend here since the day we met. I don't know, everything about this place looks romantic and it never disappoints. You know the ideal imagery: the chandeliers hanging up on its fancy restaurant ceiling with candle lights and roses on our tables, solemn Jazz music playing on the background with matching red carpet on the floor. It's just perfect!

This is not like our ordinary dates. This day is something else.

I feel jumpy in a sense I cannot contain myself. I'm shaking. I've waited for this moment my whole life. Years ago, I was into collecting swords but now I'm into someone. God, this is insane. I love this woman more than anything else. She's the love of my life.

We are here for something serious. I can feel like Becca is just as excited as I am as it transcends. I promised to marry her and today is the right time to make promises face the field.

She is just so beautiful. Damn, I can't put it into words. It's just her godly smile, straight blonde hair... everything about her is perfect! And now, here we are. On a date. On a restaurant where we hangout every time. The Parfait is the first and only place we had a romantic attachment on.

The night is also perfect, the moon outside matches her earrings and it twinkles like stars in the night sky. I can see it through these glass walls shelfing the resto. She's also wearing a red dress. I've seen this one before but she's looking elegant every time she wears it. Damn, I can't believe she will be my wife moments from now. I'm shaking.

She is the only person whom I dated this serious. I never brought anyone else on fancy dates like this. Sighs. This is it. We are facing each other and tonight is priceless. We've been together for casual dating, and I guess it's time to raise the bar.

Alright, I'm on it.

I took a step out of our dining table, and knelt down to ask her.

"Becca, will you m---"

I was just about to reach hands on my coat pockets when she stopped my hands from doing so.

"No, please. Don't…" she said.

I looked at her with a baffled expression. I did not speak a word. There was an awkward silence between us.

She sighs deeper as she continued her sentence.

"I -- I'm breaking up with you, Bryan."

Breaking up? WHAT THE---?

Becca is staring at me in nonchalance. Did she just break up with me? WHAT IS GOING ON?

I'm quivering. This is hilarious! Is she really dumping me right now?

"No... Becca, what are you talking about? You got to be kidding me."

I tried to smile at her but she dragged her eyes away and tilted her head down. What the hell is she up to? Is she trying to ruin my night?

"Bryan, I-- I'm breaking us off."

Everything went downgrade in an instant-- The shame that I can feel rushing down my spine; every single couple here inside The Parfait is looking at us... I'm feeling anxious, angry and just... FUCKED UP. "What? Wha--why? Did I do something wrong?" I stammered, asking her.

She looked at me, then get her head down back.

"No, no. You did not. It's just that I… I don't… love you anymore."

My face went blank, staring at her mouth as she ended her sentence. It played slower and slower, like a tape being set to rewind.

It slapped me, cold-cheeked. My heart skipped a beat with those words. I felt death.

IS THIS EVEN REAL?

It brought me back to my senses as I gasped for air, trying to digest everything she said. I can't even look her in the eye. It almost had me feeling sick, like an announcement of some beheading. It sent me disgust and despair. There are a lot of people who heard what she just said.

This cannot be happening.

I lowered my voice to make things private as I made my knees sturdy and still. Everybody's eyes were fixed on our table. My legs are trembling, still kneeling down in front of Becca. "(whispering) But--but you said we were a team right? Becca, we had amazing eight months together. You--you said it's us against the world why are you turning me down like this? GOD. This is rubbish."

I cannot stand on this position. I'm frozen as a block kneeling on the floor. My hands are held close, tight.

"I--I'm sorry, Bryan. I'm really sorry."

"No, Becca. You're not doing that. We can talk about everything and we will b--"

She grabbed her Birkin bag and started to run away.

Everybody heard and saw it. She meant every word she said. This is the worst thing I imagined myself to be in. Fuck. She just left with an ending I will never forget. This is humiliating! everyone at The Parfait is staring at me.

She told me she loves me. And now, she doesn't.

This cannot be happening.

***

[ BECCA ]

I grabbed my Birkin and left The Parfait. Walking alone, trying to tread my way home.

This is just another gloomy weather. My heart feels heavy after what happened that I'm so close to throwing up. I'm walking with my heels on, along this empty road with nobody else. The moon-lit street made it more filled with the ennui, store stalls are already closed.

God, what have I done to him? I broke him.

His eyes, it told me everything he's feeling. The anxiety he exudes that moment. I'm so torn, and I'm really sorry. I feel like I really need to end things right here so we can't cause more pain than this. Nothing will mend this much broken feeling.

I broke Bryan. I broke the man who did nothing but love me.

My hands kept my Birkin hurled within each finger as I sway it in every step, one after another. My head kept looking down my feet, wondering if I made the right decision or not. Love is a very complicated thing that even I cannot figure out until now. The wind blew into my thick skin, making me feel shivers. I kind of feel like, I don't know who I love anymore.

I have considered and thought about this before everything else. I have my reasons for what I did.

Tears came down my cheek as I continued to walk past 7th Avenue. I know what I told him were all transparent and true. Right now, I'm feeling relieved. Somehow, burdened at the same time. The boldness and bravery that I have while saying those words -- those testified my urge to make things right. Nothing held me back along the process. Yet, upon being here, I know I should have felt great but I did not feel like it.

I left him alone at The Parfait ­– and I feel sad for him. This is the kind of empathy that I was talking about when it comes to this person that I've been with for eight months. I care about Bryan, and this is the very first time I became a trigger to his emotional distress. I know the next days and weeks will be tough for him because when I left, everyone is talking about us; a lady who dumped someone at The Parfait.

My chest felt heavy as my tears ricochet. I stopped walking midway the street, and caught my breath for a while. I need company. I have to call Gina. Thinking about the breakup and that moment at the bar last week, I feel like a scumbag. A piece of crumpled paper in the middle of a shitty town.

I need my best friend.

I took my phone out of my Birkin and started looking up for her number. I'm trembling. Scrolling through my phone wasn't this hard before.

It took me a minute to locate her contact. Breathing in and out, trying to hold my tears back.

My best friend, Gina, I really need her to calm me right now; to talk to me and get my shit together. The only person who can do that is her.

I dialed her number and placed the phone in my ear, but she's not picking up.

(Phone ringing)

Gina always had my back. Since we met uncannily, on a very strange moment when I lost my mother's Cartier wrist watch, we've been best friends. I cannot thank her enough on what she has done for me. She's my light in shining skirt. My safe haven. I just cherish her.

This is my second redial. She isn't picking up.

(Phone ringing)

"Come on, Gina. Please..."

I whispered in tacit. I really need her right now. I feel horrible. What would I do? The moment at the bar kept rowing in my mind, like a filmstrip. A series of horrible mistake that I never told Bryan about.

The tone continued until a woman's voice answered the call –

"Hello, Becca. What's up?"

Her voice felt like safe haven. It was Gina! At last.

I felt relieved quite a bit when she answered my call. I took a deep breath before starting the conversation. This is just... a lot to handle. Nothing could be worse than this and the feeling of being rejected Bryan felt. Honestly, I am starting to regret what I said. I can imagine Bryan right in my head.

"Umh... Hi, Gina. Uh – Can we talk? I - I need company right now."

I started crying after that. I can hear myself in jitters as I carried the phone tight. I can't hold it back anymore. the sadness, the embarrassment, that incident last week and the fact that I broke Bryan. Everything seems too much. This life had been really messy. I could barely think, could barely feel even the cold breeze that passes by my skin. My consciousness is elsewhere; it is still there, on our reserved table at The Parfait. Other, at that stupid bar.

"Shush, No.. Stop crying. Tell me what happened. I'm here okay? Come on, tell me."

Gina sounded concern and willing. The tenderness in her voice made me want to cling to it and just burst into tears like a splatter of paint.

"I-- I messed up big time Gina. I just broke up with Bryan."

I cried louder than usual. This is getting into me.

"Becca? listen, okay. You broke up with Bryan... then, you are doing good! Look, we've been talking about this since last week and you know this is the best thing to do. You should be proud of how brave you are to stand firm and to choose honesty with yourself. That was a brave move, Becca. Why would you feel sad for something you've ever wanted to do for months?"

And just as that, I started feeling better. Gina is right. I have been daring to do this for a very long time. This should be a gain for me, not a loss.

Gina knows everything about me; from my family down to my hobbies -- to my dirty little secrets. I know she can keep everything and it was proven and tested. I always feel like she is my personal diary. I honestly don't know what to do without her.

But on the other side, I can't deny the fact that I caused Bryan a huge scar and this can drive him nuts.

"Gina, it just makes me feel sad. I feel -- I feel like I am the one who ruined him. You know he has issues, and this will definitely trigger it. I know he wasn't the best boyfriend that I had but he still made me happy, I won't deny that. I feel like... I ruined a person who did nothing but make me happy."

I cried, again.

"It's fine, Becca. Trust me. He'll get over it. Guys heal faster than us. I promise you, just give him a week and he will have another chick. Guys' nature, as it is."

Gina has confidence on her voice saying those words. I felt it. And again, she's right. Guys cannot stand being single. I have never seen a guy cried for a woman. Never.

"You think so, Gina? He'll get over fast?"

"Of course, Becca. He can replace you after a week. Men are swift as that. Love is not their thing"

"But he was going to propose to me. Isn't that love?"

"It is not, Becca. He did propose to you, yes. But eight months? Come on Becca. Eight fucking months?"

That made me think. Eight months. Okay. Now, I'm digging it.

Bryan is just playing around. Trying stuff without thinking of its pros and cons.

He'll soon find someone better than me and every memory he had of me will just... vanish. I completely stopped crying after that conclusion.

"You're right, yeah. Eight months. (sighs) I guess I'm just overthinking. Wow. That was a fast realization, Gina. Thank you." I wiped my tears and composed myself.

"No problem, Becca. You have far more important matters than that."

I paused for a moment, thinking about what she is talking about.

"Umh-- More important, like what?"

"You know, that pregnancy test you took. By the way, how was it?"

My mind drew me back to that memory when I was in my bathroom, taking the PT. That moment when my hand quivered as I saw two lines etching red marks on the tool, sitting on the toilet.

"Uh... about that. Yeah, Gina. It was positive."

"Oh. uh, well that's that then. Did you tell Bryan about it?"

I suddenly felt odd talking stuff like this. This is too personal for me to talk about even more. This is just one of my mistakes. Also, one of my reasons of breaking things off. I don't want to make everything seem so open.

"Umh, I-- I still did not. I need more time." Saying those made me feel quite irritated. The sudden shift of mood from sad to odd. It was swift.

"How about Stefano, then?" She asked then after. Hearing that name made me feel uncomfortable. Stefano. That stupid piece of shit. It was very disturbing.

In a sudden turn point, I raised my voice as defense mechanism to her question.

"What the fuck? can we stop talking about this, Gina? I never told neither of them, okay? "

Gina paused for a moment when she knew I was acting out. That Stefano -- that fucking monster.

"Uh... Okay, I'm sorry, Becca. I will never ask again."

"Yeah, it's-- it's fine. It's just a very rough day. I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Right. I also had to go to work. If you need anything just call me, okay? love you."

As she said those, I hung the fuck up.