April

    I squint and try to study the train station through the blinding lights. Until now I've never even been in one, so I'm enamored by the people carrying luggage and rushing to get to the right place. I'm relieved to find that nobody bothers to look at the train's roof, of course they wouldn't normally, but paranoia always messes with logic.

     However, we pass by one man who does seem to notice us. His mouth drops, and he rushes after the train shouting something at us or the conductor, but his words are lost. I don't say anything, but instead try to erase the man from my memory. Fortunately, the train never slows but drives on until the darkness swallows us again, and all of us can breathe normal.

     We finally reach the Hatari border, and we pass it with surprising ease. I breathe in the fresh air of the wilderness as the city fades away to a small point of light. When my eyes finally adjust to the darkness, the moon looks even brighter, and makes the landscape more visible.

     After another few minutes I can see the stars. Oh my God, there's so many stars. I've never seen them so vividly before, since I've lived in the bright and noisy city for my whole life. The specks of light in the sky look like someone took silver and golden paint and splattered it across a black canvas, creating ornate patterns and designs that shift and change depending on who's looking at it.

     Justin reaches into his bag and pulls out a rope, which he takes and loops around each of us and our belongings, and then ties it to the railing.

     "Try not to fall asleep, but if you do this will keep you and your stuff from falling off."

     Leo seems to not care about the warning, but instead curls up between Corinne's arms and falls asleep immediately. I hold Molly's hand as her head nods and bobs, fighting against her exhaustion.

     I try to push aside my own internal magnet pulling me into sleep, and focus instead on the beautiful scenery. This part of Batil, the part that's not a complete wasteland, is filled with mountains. We haven't been able to see them from the city, but they're breathtaking up close. They loom in the distance like huge sleeping creatures, the only sound they make is a light shh that blends with the night breeze.

     I look ahead, and one mountain is the biggest I've ever seen, and seems to grow steadily closer. My eyes widen as I realize we're headed straight for it.

     "Justin." I turn around and watch as he realizes what's ahead. He jumps up and starts untying the ropes.

     "What is that?" Leo asks, waking up from Corinne's sudden movements.

     "We're going to be going through a tunnel, so we have to move fast."

     We untie ourselves from the rail, and my anxiety builds as the mountain grows menacingly closer to us. We crawl with Justin to the far end of the car, and try to climb down as fast as possible without slipping. There's nowhere for us to stand, so we're forced to climb onto the shaky coupling between the cars. At the last second, Corinne jumps down and we're immediately plunged into darkness. Justin puts his arms around us and holds on tightly. The train rushing through the tunnel sends warped sounds of booming around us. My own pounding heartbeats are drowned out by the thundering wheels of the train, a headache begins to brew at the base of my neck. I try not to think about how close the walls are, or how the shaky cables could easily throw us under the whirling wheels.

     My eyes adjust slightly to the pitch darkness, and I can see Molly grip her crutch tightly. Justin's arms shake slightly, but he keeps a firm hold on all of us. The blue light of the moon appears at the end of the tunnel, and we all let out a breath when the fresh air rushes past us again. Justin pushes us back up the ladder and onto the roof of the train car, for once I'm grateful that we can tie ourselves to the roof in contrast to gripping to the side of the cars. The steady rumble of the train doesn't seem to bother me anymore.

     Once we're all collected on the roof, I look ahead of us again. We've left the mountains and are now headed into the desert, I'm glad that we only have to go through when it's night. I can't imagine being out here during the day, it must be awful.

     "I have an idea of what we'll do next," Justin says suddenly, "we'll stay on the train until we pass the Laja border, and then we'll jump off when it starts to slow down. It's 12 am now, so we should be there in about 6 hours."

     The pull of sleep suddenly hits me full force, and I prop my head up on my hand as my eyes are yanked shut.

⬇⬇⬇

     "April! You need to wake up!"

     Corinne shakes me, her voice trembles. I sit up and rub my face, feeling stiff from sleeping on the metal train. I'm surprised to find that the train has stopped.

     "What is it? Are we in Laja?"

     She claps a hand over my mouth, and I jump, I've never seen her move so desperately. She shakes her head with wide eyes, and puts a finger over her mouth, removing her hand from my mouth. I look around at our surroundings, and realize that we're nowhere close to Laja. There's nothing but flat, dry dirt around us. Not even the glow of a distant city beckons for us. Even the moon has become obscured by dark clouds. Beams of light suddenly appear at the front of the train.

     "Why are we stopped?" I mouth at her.

     "They found out we're here, I don't know how, but now we're screwed."

     "Shouldn't we be getting out of here?"

     Corinne looks down at the ground.

     "I don't know, we're not even close to Laja, but if we stay here we might be incarcerated. I don't want to be pessimistic but we may have to run."

     I look around the car, and Justin, Leo, and Molly are gone.

     "Where are the others?"

     Corinne sighs, "Justin's trying to get them on the ground as quietly as possible. We need to go with them."

     I nod my head and pull my bag onto my shoulders. I creep down the ladder with Corinne and meet everyone on the ground. We try to squeeze ourselves together to keep from being seen, and when Justin speaks a cloud of steam drifts out of his mouth. I can tell he's in survival mode, his eyes are darting around as he scans for a place to run.

     "I know that shit's hitting the fan right now, but we need to move fast."

     The flashlights get closer, and I can hear men shouting at each other. We don't have much time.

     "Everyone hold hands." Justin tells us, I lock hands with Corinne.

     Leo starts to whine, "But I don't-"

     "Shut up! You need to listen to us for once without fussing about it!" Justin hisses. Leo's complaints wither in his throat.

     Justin peeks his head around the corner, and moves forward.

     "Come on!"

     We try to run as quietly as possible, and it seems like we've gotten away easily enough.

     Molly trips on a rock and cries out as her weight goes onto her bad leg. The flashlight beams all jerk to where we are, and the men shout for us to stop. We hear their footsteps quicken as they charge at us.

     Justin curses, and throws Molly over his shoulder. She groans from the sudden movement of her tender leg, but holds back any more squeals.

     "Run!" Justin shouts, and we have no choice but to do so.

     My legs feel rubbery after sitting on the train roof for so long, and every step sends pins and needles through my feet. My hands are sweaty and start to slip from Corinne's grasp, but she latches onto my hoodie and drags me with her.

     Somehow, the shouts of the men behind us fade, and when I look back I can see that they're no longer running after us.

     "They've stopped." I say, and our sprinting train comes to a halt. The others turn back to the train, we watch as the men search through the dark for a bit, and then retreat back into the train. Doing a thorough search through the dark for us isn't worth their time.

     We all sit down and catch our breath, then helplessly watch the train start up again and zoom off, the headlights fading into a speck of light. After a few moments Leo looks up at us with glassy eyes. His voice quivers as he asks an innocent question.

     "So what do we do now?"

     Justin's anger flares, and he stands up.

     "I don't know, okay? I thought that maybe they wouldn't notice us, I didn't think they would notice us. I planned everything so carefully, every small detail worked out to get us as far as Laja, but I guess that wasn't enough!"

     I hear him choke on his last word. As he talks, his voice becomes more distressed and more desperate.

     "I couldn't even get us halfway there! Now we're in the middle of fucking nowhere with no way to get back to home or Laja or anywhere!"

     As he talks, he frantically paces in a circle. He eventually gets tired and sits down, defeated.

     "I mean, I tried to get us to a safer place, but look at what happened! We're stranded in the desert with barely any food or water, and-"

     He lets out a sob, and he puts his face in his hands.

     "I've fucked everything up. Everything's my fault. I-"

     "Shh, it's okay." Corinne scoots next to him and puts an arm around him. She whispers in his ear.

     "We're in this together, we can get out of this. We got this far, so we can make it to Laja. We just need to ration our necessities and we'll be okay. Take some deep breaths, babe. You're going to be okay. We're all fine, maybe a little shaken up, but other than that we're fine."

     Her words seem to relax him, she plants a kiss on the back of his neck and one last time whispers- "It's okay."

     We all stay like this. Justin with his head down, Corinne resting her nose on his neck, Molly sitting on the ground scratching a design in the dirt, Leo looking at us wide-eyed, and me with my head resting on my hand. We all sit here, poised in the moonlight, hoping that somehow we can get out of this.