After the accident

Going back to my accident, it was an ordinary day, I had classes at the university and I left home in a hurry. I had made plans with my friends to go to the beach; we met there.

When I returned I had a big crash in which I ended up hospitalized, my car was destroyed. A drunk driver crashed into me.

According to my mother, after the accident, I was in a coma for three months. I had a strong blow to the head that made me lose my memory, but not completely, there was still something I remembered. I remembered him, Eros, the boy I had stopped talking to.

Some friends of mine say that during the time I was in the hospital, I only whispered his name.

My best friend Antonella knew the password to my cell phone, so she decided to look for his name in the directory, but couldn't find it, until she remembered that I had told her that I would file her conversation.

She searched through the archived conversations and found one with no name, just a cell phone number, assuming it was him when she opened and viewed the conversation.

He decided not to dial from my cell phone, so she called him from his.

- Hello, Eros, is that you? - said Antonella.

- Yes, it's me, who is this? - he answered seriously.

- Hello, this is Antonella, Valentina's friend - she answered.

- What's up, if you call me to talk about her, the truth is uncomfortable for me - she answered dryly.

- I'm sorry to interrupt you, but... - she could not complete the sentence.

- But? - he said.

- (whispers were heard)

- Hello, but what, can you answer? - He asked, upset.

- Did something happen? - he added desperately.

- Valentina had an accident, she's in the hospital. - she managed to answer.

- Was that it, did she ask you to call me? - He answer.

- If you come, I'll explain - said Antonella, trying to get him to go to the hospital.

- Pass me the address - he answered reluctantly.

Antonella dictated the address and Eros arrived on time.

- What happened? - he asked.

- He lost his memory, he's in a coma - said Antonella between beams.

- In a coma? - he asked in a very worried way.

- Well, there's only one thing he remembers... it's not exactly something, it's someone - said Antonella, arousing interest in Eros.

- Who does he remember? - he asked again.

- Of you, whisper your name always - she answered, staring at his reaction.

- Are you sure? Until recently she didn't want to know anything about me, plus she hurt me a lot. - he said, very sadly.

- She only remembers your name, and I am almost sure that if she wakes up at this moment, she will remember your face - she answered, very hopeful.

- How do you expect him to remember my face? We only met once. - he answered again, without much encouragement.

- He may not remember your face much, but he remembers you - trying to encourage him.

- What should I do? - he asked, trying to help.

- Just come and see her, talk to her, little by little she will remember - asked Antonella.

- Well, I'll do that - answered Eros, ending the conversation.

I remember that Eros came to see me every day, he tried to help me remember, but it was impossible, so I asked him not to force my memory, that why not talk about us, that if I remembered him a little it was for a reason.

Little by little we began to know each other more, he told me intimate things about himself, he began to know me, he began to know the new "I".

Without wanting to, I began to fall in love with him, and he began to fall in love with me, (again), I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes.

The days passed and at the hospital I was discharged, I still didn't remember anything about my life, I only remembered his name, but physically I was fine.

The doctor said it was better if I went back to my life, to my routine, that people who knew me would help me, so I did. I went home, went back to college, went back to work.

In college there were a lot of guys who said they were my boyfriends, but my friends said that none of them were, that I didn't have one.

At work there was a guy who was always very attentive to me, who said that we were dating, the truth is that I didn't know whether to believe him, apparently he knew a lot about me, even more than Eros, but my friends had already told me that I was single.

Sometimes I wonder why my brain made me only remember his name and that my body only wanted to be with him, that only by his side could I feel safe, and that only he was the one who didn't push me to remember made me think a lot about why my brain did what it did.

He told me the few things he knew about me, without lies, without obstacles, without asking me for anything in return, he was not afraid to tell me things as they were, he did not hide anything from me.

At the beginning, when he started to visit me, he didn't do it in a good way, he felt uncomfortable, he was very cold and distant with me, he didn't understand why he acted like that, then, little by little, he took his side, since he knew I only remembered his name and vague things about us.

The days passed and he would visit me, sometimes picking me up from school after classes, other times going to my house. My parents and friends had already gotten used to his presence.

The few times that Eros would come to my work, he would cross paths with Ricardo, the boy who knew more about me, apparently they didn't get along.

Ricardo looked at him with a bad face.

Did Ricardo and I have or did we have something?

I still didn't remember, and Ricardo wasn't much help, he forced me to remember more than anyone else. Eros would just pick me up and make sure Ricardo didn't come near me at any time he was there.

I think maybe it was jealousy.

Ricardo once mentioned that he and I had something, but I didn't believe him because I didn't feel that way:

- He said, "After we stopped talking I have no idea who you went out with" - answering my question in a cold way.

I didn't understand what was going on, I didn't know if I had asked an inappropriate question or not.

As the weeks went by, I began to notice in me that, Eros liked me, he understood me perfectly, he knew how to control my mood swings, my unreasonable jealousy, absolutely everything.

I couldn't understand how he could have so much control over me knowing so little.

- How can you have so much control over me? - I asked him confused and embarrassed.

- There's something I haven't told you - he replied.

- What is it? - I asked intrigued.

- You and I... - could not complete the sentence.

- We? were we going out? - I asked.

- Yes - was the only answer.

- Why didn't you mention it before? - I answered, even more intrigued than before.

- I didn't think it was necessary, it wasn't the point - he answered again.

- Maybe it's not important to you, but to me it is, I need to remember - I said it with a broken heart because of how cold and selflessly I had responded.

- I'm sorry, but that was not a pleasant memory for me, it's not like everything we're living at the moment. - he replied regretfully.

Now I was more confused than before, was the "I" I don't remember being mean to him, was he liking the new "I"?

He confused me too much.

- Can you tell me about the time we were dating?- I asked him.

- Are you sure? - he said.

- Yes, I want to know what I was like with you- I said.

- I said, "Well, we dated for a few months actually, but all virtually, we only met once. To me you were a very quiet girl, very reserved, you didn't open up to tell me anything personal like you do now; I also know that if you tell me your things now it's because you only remember my name and don't trust others..." - he said.

And I was actually right, I didn't risk telling others anything for fear that when I remembered, it would turn out to be someone I didn't trust, so I preferred to tell him.

Continuing...

- I always told you how much I loved you, how much I was dying to see you again, and obviously, you avoided those comments of mine; every image of love I sent you was just something 'nice' and that was it. You didn't reciprocate my feelings towards you, I felt I was the only one between the two of us who was falling in love. I also know that you don't remember the time when you told me that you only wanted to be my friend, even though I asked you to formalize it; you told me that being from different universities ruined everything, that you didn't want me to be unfaithful to you, I told you that I would be incapable of being unfaithful to you, that if I didn't want anything to do with you I would let you know and that we wouldn't try anymore, but you didn't believe me, you closed yourself in your thoughts and left me with a broken heart. I had left all my feelings uncovered, I felt hurt, I felt betrayed, disappointed that the girl I was in love with told me no, it was the worst moment of my life; I went into depression, sadness inhabited my being, I could not eat, I could not get sleep at night, I only thought about how you could have hurt me so much, at what moment had all this gone to waste, it is something I still cannot understand, because only you know the answer.

You didn't know how moved I was by your 'I love you', every time you said 'I love you' I began to notice it as an over-valued word from you, as something you said to everyone, that you didn't take it seriously; the first time you said 'my love' I was moved, but later I noticed that it was also something else that was over-valued.

You know something, for me those phrases have a lot of value, it's not something that I can say easily, it's something that I must feel deeply, I feel that you, by telling me so lightly, provoked me to get excited about you, and that... that was very bad of you.

You weren't aware of my feelings, it's like you never cared and you just wanted to meet someone to go out with, kiss them and that's it. Let me inform you that, I am not like that, I am not someone you can spend time with and the next day leave aside; I am someone who takes things seriously, I loved you, and a lot, and you never knew how to value that. That's what I get for not telling you things clearly from the beginning. After all, you kept writing to me, I no longer understood why, I mean, I know you asked me to be friends but how do you expect to be friends with the girl you met to be more than just friends, how do you expect me to respond to you like before, if nothing was like before, how could I follow a conversation between us, if every time I responded to you trying to be your friend, you did not respond again? It was impossible for me to engage in a conversation with a person who was not interested.

I always wanted to ask you, why did you talk to me again, was it to find out if I had already forgotten you, to find out if I was already in a formal relationship? Those are the doubts you left in me.

You, my dear Valentina, you squeezed all my feelings like a fresh orange to make soda.

Maybe this is very sincere and very direct, but it is something I never had the chance to tell you, until now.

They say that the worst punishment that a human being in love can do is to be indifferent, and being indifferent to you made you eliminate me from your contacts again, yes, I realized that you did it, just as every time you felt jealous, the 'you' that you don't remember must have been hurt by my indifference, because if so, it means that before you had the accident, you were still thinking about me; that idea is not of my displeasure, because, who falls in love, does not forget easily, and you Valentina, you are not easy to forget.

I would give everything for us to try again, for you to fall in love with me again, or for you to fall in love with me this time, of course, if you want to try. Because now that if we go out, now that if you see me more often, you won't be able to escape from me - he said, leaning against the wall of the street we were passing by - I know that if we go out and you fall in love, you won't be able to resist the heat of my body when I want to hug you or when you want to try to escape from what you would start to feel". - he said firmly.

When I heard everything he said, I was speechless, I didn't know what to say, what to think, I didn't know how I could have let him go, I just know that, I was already starting to fall in love with him, and I think it was for the second time.

Is it possible for someone to fall in love with the same person twice, is it possible for him to fall in love again? Those were my thoughts at the time.

- Let's go out - was the only word that came out of my mouth.

- Are you sure you won't regret it later, that you won't leave me again? - asked the very fearful man.

- Take a chance on me, because remember, I don't remember anything. - I could hardly say.

- Well, let's go out on a date, tomorrow at 8 p.m. I'll be at your door - he said enthusiastically.

That was all the conversation we had.

We kept walking.

Something inside me was changing, my heart was pounding when I was near him, and even more so when he took my hand by surprise.