Chapter 9

Ever since their fight inside the car, all the way back to their village swimming pool nobody batted another word. The car parked near the gate, Betoy immediately opened the car door and went to their tent. Tina slid towards the opened door to follow him. Watching Betoy from his seat, Kanor sighed. "I don't know what to do with him." Kanor said to himself. There was a loud thud coming from the outside, he turned to see Tina already faceplanted on the ground. He immediately went outside to help her.

"You okay?" He asked.

"No." Tina didn't hesitate. "I can't help but think this is my fault, he was happy until… I did something stupid."

Tina could still remember the horrified gaze presented on Betoy's face.

"He was looking at me… I knew I did something wrong, but I just don't know what!"

Her voice quivered. She glanced at her ama and reverted to the ground. She held his hand tightly. She could feel her eyes heating up.

Kanor couldn't say anything to his daughter. Another quote in a time like this would only make it worse. A pat on the back would only make it worse. Not doing anything and only holding her hand was making it worse. Whatever he did would only make it worse. It was all going fine, everything was fine. They were laughing, singing, enjoying each other's company. Kanor felt like he could be a parent alone. His daughter felt she belonged. His son has a genuine smile on his face for the first time since forever. In a blink of an eye, they were all gone.

Who was it to blame?

Was it Tina who didn't know anything?

Was it Kanor himself who didn't know what to do?

Was it Betoy who acted in such a way that ruined their day? Or was it her fault for making him feel like this?

"Sometimes Faith is like that you know?" Maya had said in her dying breath. Kanor held her hand tightly, sitting on the hospital bed beside the lady with the weak voice. He wanted to shut her up, it wasn���t like her to answer any of his questions. All he wanted right then was her usual giggle, forming her usual smug face and tease him for being overly dramatic even though he wasn't. Instead the smile on her face was weak yet happy, he was soothed, but he didn't want to be soothed.

He gone there to prepare her for what's coming. He was supposed to be there for her, but it was the other way around.

"You believe in something blindly even though you have sooo much questions!" She tried to sound as cheery as possible.

"What are you trying to say?" Kanor asked.

"I don't know how to say it! Let me think…" She held her hand to her chin and looked down. She shut her eyes tight like she was trying to think eagerly.

Kanor was wrong. Even in her last moments she was still as same as ever; Kanor couldn't help but chuckle. Opening her eyes, Maya raised an index finger and gasped.

"I believe that this was destined to happen. I've been reeeally struggling for years. I just want some rest." She held Kanor's hand with both of hers. "Tell Betoy I'm sorry for being selfish. Besides, I could only last this far." She said as if it was the most normal thing to say, like she practiced saying the same thing in her head over and over.

Kanor didn't respond. He was there to soothe her, to support her, to make her know that he's there for her. But that wasn't the case, it was the exact opposite. Seeing her being herself made him prepare for what was about to happen next.

Maya had a wide grin on her face, "Everything would be better from now on. Believe me. After this no one has to take care of me anymore. Both of you can focus on your lives. And I don't have to be in pain anymore. Everyone wins!" She shook Kanor's hand up and down like a child seeing an ice cream truck roll pass by, asking her father for money. Maya traced her eyes to the ceiling as if she were looking at the skies, "I believe this is what He wanted as well���" She said.

She was referring to God when she said 'He'. As the devout Christian he is, Kanor knew this wasn't what God wanted.

Everyone was against her will, God was against it, Kanor himself was against it, if Betoy had known about it he would be against it as well; but Kanor wanted to support her decisions, at least once in his life.

She yawned one big yawn, Kanor gently laid her hands to a pillow. "I'm getting tired…" Maya's voice was fading away. "Mahal… I don't wanna see useless fighting again you hear? Tell Betoy I'm sorry, again."

She was at lost in thought again for second before continuing, "Oh, and tell him to finish the anime we're watching together, I wonder how it will end." Her eyes closed.

Kanor could only chuckle in reply. Those were her last words and it was very fitting of her.

The clock ticked by and Kanor was still by her side, holding her hand, watching her sleep. She was breathing peacefully… It was a rare occurrence. For hours it was all like that, it was a silent yet a serene night. Kanor lifted his arm to see his watch. Before he went to his feet, three words came out of his mouth.

"I love you."

Slowly he let go of her hand and walked towards the exit. He glanced once last time before heading out.

I love you too, all of you.

The scene went through as if Kanor was living it again. He could feel Tina's grip on his hand getting tighter. He could hear her grumbling. She was shaking.

Kanor needed to be there for her.

"Let them all out, keep them flowing." Kanor said soothingly. Tina glanced up to him and gave him a confused look, her eyes were absent from tears. Kanor gave him a confused look as well. Now the two are gazing at each other with bewilderment.

"I'm not crying!" She grumbled. She reverted to the ground and kicked something in the air. "I'm just mad, mad at myself…" She sighed. "My ignorance is affecting my relationship with kuya… He'll live his life questioning everything and he would be mad at me again and again and then—"

"You're overthinking again." Kanor interrupted. Tina blushed lightly and scratched her cheek.

Kanor leaned down and raised a finger from his vacant hand.

"If you believe your ignorance will ruin your relationship with your big brother, I'm not holding it against you." He smiled.

"What are you trying to say ama?" Tina asked.

"But I believe your brother would ignore your ignore-ance. If that's not case, it won't change your relationship with him in any way!" He wiggled a finger and stood upright.

"But it already did!" Tina answered.

"It did?" Kanor's smile was still present, "Do you want to turn back time before it didn't? When Betoy didn't care you existed until you died? You want to be in the aquarium again is that what you want?"

"No!" She shook her head vigorously.

"See what I mean?" Kanor snickered a little.

"I don't know, I'm not sure!" She said with evident irritation.

"It's okay for you not to know." Kanor glanced at the sky,

"'Sometimes faith is like that, you believe in something blindly even if you have many questions.' "He reverted to Tina.

Her ama's positivity was contagious. The little girl couldn't help but laugh. "Is that another one of your quotes you got from the internet? You never seem to run out of something to say!" She was tearing up from laughter. From the outside it seemed like she was overreacting. Perhaps she was. She couldn't stop thinking how much she was overthinking everything.

"It's God's will. I don't know anything, and I think it's for the best." Tina said.