Chapter twelve

Aiden and I sat cuddling on the couch after everything was unpacked and put away. My head was still reeling with questions after Elias' visit and still trying to figure out how to bring up him and Vanessa possibly sitting down and talking. I wasn't sure what to do so I just sat quietly watching a movie in his arms. This was definitely one of those moments I wished I could see the future with different scenarios so I knew best how to approach everything.

Aiden didn't even seem to notice my unusual silence and I was great full for it because I didn't know what I would say if he asked what was on my mind. I had tried my hardest to keep a strong mental wall up because I didn't want him reading my mind either. Mostly because I knew it was a jumbled mess right now and I wouldn't know how to respond if he read one of my thoughts. Why did I always get so anxious about talking to him?

Oh right Mark. I really needed to work on getting over everything he had put me through. I mean I've been trying to since him and I broke up but I felt like I needed to put in double the effort now that I was living with Aiden. I didn't want him to ever see how damaged I really was. A part of me was afraid he already knew though. He pressed his lips to my head and I looked into his eyes and smiled. He smiled back and I could feel my heart melt.

"You're unusually quiet love." I shook my head.

"Guess I have a lot on my mind." He turned the tv down and repositioned the both of us so I was looking at him. He knew his eyes were my weakness and I couldn't hide jack shit from him when he looked at me.

"You can tell me." I knew I could but I didn't know how to.

"I'm not sure I know how to really." I began to play with the end of my shirt. Why was my anxiety suddenly acting up?

"Well can you tell me what it's about?" He placed one of his hands in mine and started to gently rub small circles in my palm with his thumb.

"I was surprised to see your dad here." I said shyly. I knew it wasn't any of my business.

"He wants me to start working as a reaper again. We kinda have a difference of opinions. He also wanted to meet you." Aiden said with a shrug.

"You don't want to start working as a reaper again?" He shook his head. "Why not?" He let go of my hand and stood up. He got on his knees in front of me so that we were eye level.

"If I do we would have to move all over the place or I may not be able to take you with me depending on the length of my contract in another place. You can't travel in the shadows like I can so your life would be at risk if I took you with. Also I dread the day I have to reap the soul of someone you know and care about. I could never hurt you like that. I also never want to give you a reason to fear me." I put my arms around his neck and lightly kissed him.

"Aiden I know one day my friends and family will die. I hate that thought because it breaks my heart but that makes me cherish them that much more. If you were the one to take them to the afterlife I wouldn't be angry or upset because I know their souls would be safe. You don't need to worry about me fearing you though, I love you too much for that. As for the traveling I would always wait for you to come home to me even if you're gone for two or three months I'd miss the shit out of you but I would understand." He pressed me into the couch kissing me as passionately as he could.

"Letitia I don't want to live any where with out you." He whispered. My heart clenched up in my chest and I smiled at him.

"I know." He buried his face in my chest and I held him.

"I can ask the fates to ensure no matter where I go you can be with me or see if they have any permanent spots somewhere." He muttered after a while.

"You could." He held me tighter to him. "Aiden there's something else that was on my mind." He looked at me and smiled.

"I'm listening." I tangled my fingers in his hair. It was so soft.

"It's about Astrid." He sat up and looked at me wide eyed.

"What about her? Did she hurt you? Did she say something to you?" I held up my hand for him to stop.

"Aiden I'm fine. Her and I are friends she would never hurt me you don't need to worry. She did ask me if there was a chance I could ask you to sit down and talk with her." He stood up and sat down on the couch next to me.

"Not happening." He growled.

"Aiden please. She is one of my friends. I don't wanna hang out with someone I'm fine with and have to worry about my boyfriend having a panic attack every time I hang out with them. I don't want to have to avoid a friend when you're around because you don't like them. She just wants to talk and lay any grudges to rest." He looked furious.

"Did she tell you that? Did she tell you the night of the party she tried to approach me? Demons are known for being good liars and manipulative." I shook my head.

"First of all aren't you half demon? Second of all yes she told me about the party." I said trying to calm him. He glared at me.

"I'm only half." I shook my head.

"You said your mother was a demon right?" He nodded.

"Yes and she's good at lieing and manipulating us to do whatever she wants." I laughed and he glared at me.

"Aiden you sound ridiculous. Look I'll be there when you talk to her if it makes you feel better. Stop acting like this." He pouted like a child.

"Fine." He finally said. I smiled and kissed him.

"Thank you. I'll invite her over for dinner tomorrow." He nodded.

"Just remember I'm only doing this because you're my mate and I have a very hard time telling you no." He was so stubborn but I loved that about him.

"Alright Mr. Grouch." I said laughing. He looked at me and smiled.

"One condition." I tilted my head.

"What's that?"

"You let me pick out your outfit." I nodded. What was the worse he could do?

"Fine now what do you want for dinner I'm starting to get hungry." He kissed me.

"You pick dinner my love because I've already picked my desert." He said pressing his hand in between my thighs. I sighed.

"Mmm can you wait til after dinner?" I wanted him but I wanted food too. He chuckled and backed off.

"I guess I can." He said with a sigh. I smiled and kissed him lightly.

"So again what do you want for dinner?" I asked leaning on him.

"I told you it's your choice." I shook my head.

"Bad idea I'm indecisive remember?" He sighed.

"Right forgot about that. How about I just order us something?" He asked pulling me into his arms again.

"That's fine." I said snuggling against him. He was always so warm and he kept the apartment cold, mostly because I said I like the cold. I swore he did it just so I would cuddle him.

"Alright. I'll pick something I know you like this way I don't have to wait two hours while you figure out what you want." He said laughing. I looked up at him and stuck my tongue out.

After we ate I decided to give him a little surprise for agreeing to do something he didn't want to do. I wasn't sure how dinner with Vanessa would go tomorrow. I was a bit nervous to be honest but I trusted Aiden to behave. I had texted Vanessa the details she needed to know and she was actually glad I would be there, she said she'd feel more comfortable with me there. He was convinced she had other motives but I just didn't see it.

I pulled my hair into a half ponytail like the night of the party and applied light makeup just to accent my face. I slid my favorite purple super Lacey and see through lingerie on and studied myself for a second. Eh good enough I guess. I put my choker back on and lit the candles in mine and Aidens room. I climbed onto the bed and sat on my knees.

"Hey Aiden?" I called.

"Yes?" I knew he was still watching the movie in the living room.

"Can you come here? I need some help"

"Coming love." He opened the door and when he realized what I was doing he smiled the most devilish grin he had ever given me. "I thought you said you needed help little one" he said approaching the bed until he stood before me. I crawled to the edge and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Oh I definitely need help daddy. It's been almost twelve hours since you last took me and I have a desperate need for you" I said as seductively as I could. He pressed his lips to mine and sat me down on my butt so I could wrap my legs around him.

"That does sound like you need my help bad baby." He growled in my ear . He lifted me off the bed and repositioned me farther back on the bed and laid me down. He took his pants and boxers off and quickly removed his shirt. He crawled onto the bed until he hovered over me. He pushed the lingerie up with one hand until my stomach was exposed and then kissed me all over.

"I can take this off if you want daddy." I pointed to the lingerie. He shook his head and lifted my hips. He thrust hard and fast into me causing me to gasp.

"No I like it." He said between thrusts. He increased his speed ever so slowly to the point I was practically begging for him to go harder and faster. He would laugh and go a little slower until I begged more.

"Please don't stop." I begged as he came. He leaned over me and kissed me.

"I have no intentions of it baby." He rolled me into my stomach and I sat on my knees for him. He rewarded me with a deep hard thrust and I cried out his name. He laughed and did it again causing me to moan. I was so caught up in the the pleasure with him that when he finally stopped to cum again I pushed him into his back and mounted him. He looked at me surprised.

"I need you so bad daddy." I said between moans." He smiled and held my hips while I slid up and down on his cock.

"It's ok baby." He said grabbing my ass.

We continued with me on top for almost an hour before I finally laid on his chest trying to catch my breath. He held me to him and slid himself out of me and disposed of the condom. He smoothed my hair out of my face and kissed my forehead.

"Where did that come from?" He asked after a few moments. I shrugged.

"What I can't surprise my boyfriend?" He chuckled.

"Not saying you can't little one I just wasn't expecting that." He held me tightly.

"Hence why it's called a surprise. Consider it my way of thanking you for doing something I know you don't want to do." He tilted my head up to look into his golden eyes.

"Well now looks like I have a reason to not be so stubborn." I laughed and shook my head.

"Jerk." I mumbled snuggling into him.

"Lol now would a jerk offer to go get his girlfriend a snack and some water?" I grinned.

"Yes because you didn't offer." He chuckled again.

"Well would you like a snack and some water? Or something to drink?" I nodded. He got out of bed and put his pants on before leaving the room. I snuggled into the bed and closed my eyes. I felt exhausted but it wasn't even close to my usual time I went to bed.

I heard the doorbell ring and inwardly groaned I got out of bed and threw on a tank top and shorts and wrapped my house robe around me just in case it was for me. I heard Aiden talking to someone but couldn't make out what was said. After a while I heard the door close and he came into the room.

"Who was it?" I tried to look past him to see if anyone was in the living room but saw no one.

"It was just Sam she was dropping off some left overs from her sorority bake sale. It's just brownies and cookies."

"Where are they?" I asked. The girls in her sorority always made really good brownies and other baked goods.

"Living room." He said with a shrug.

"You're gonna love them trust me." I said walking past him to go to the living room. He grabbed my wrist as I walked by and I looked at him confused. He shook his head.

"After that session you need something healthy love. I'm going to get some fruit and cheese for you." I frowned.

"But..."

"No buts. Go ahead you can sit in the living room but I'm putting the treats in the fridge." I folded my arms and looked at him. "Little one I don't care if you eat sugary snacks but I want you to eat healthy foods too."

"I do. I told you I like pretty much all fruits minus a few and some veggies." He nodded.

"I know but you just ate some goldfish while we were watching the movie." I sighed.

"Okay okay I'll eat the fruit and cheese but only because it sounds good." He chuckled and walked out of the room before me.

I plopped down on the couch and flicked through the tv channels to find something to watch. I could hear Aiden moving around in the kitchen. I was happy to know I was with someone who genuinely cared about my health. It was a nice feeling. I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and texted Sam a quick thank you for the snacks. I noticed I had three missed calls and two texts from an unknown number.

Letty it's Mark I need to talk to you

Please can we talk?

Mark? What the fuck? I exited out of the messages and placed my phone down on the table. I could feel my chest tighten. Why was he texting me now? What was there to talk about? Nothing. I felt angry. All I wanted was to march straight up to him and give him a piece of my mind and most likely punch him for everything he put me through. How dare he after all this time text me and ask to talk? No. Where the hell had that mindset been when I tried to talk to him after the break up about remaining civil towards each other in class? He had told me to fuck off and called me a pathetic clingy bitch. No he could fuck off, right off a cliff for all I cared.

"You look like you're about to murder someone. Did I piss you off little one?" Aiden said setting stuff in front of me on the coffee table and sitting next to me. I shook my head.

"No." Was all I could manage to say. I felt sick to my stomach. I was so angry. How dare he? I could tell Aiden was concerned as he tried to figure out was pissing me off so I just gave him my phone. A walk. I needed to go for a walk and let out my anger. There was a trail in the woods not to far from here. I got off the couch and walked into our bedroom to change. I could hear Aiden following me.

"What are you doing?" He asked as I started to pull out clothes and strip.

"I need to go for a walk." I could hear the anger in my voice.

"I'll go with you." He said putting my phone on the bed as I pulled on a bra.

"No I need to be alone." I saw his face in my bedside mirror. He looked hurt.

"You're going to him aren't you?" I turned around as I finished pulling on shorts.

"Don't be ridiculous." I grabbed socks from my drawer behind him.

"Then why can't I come with you?" I paused and looked at him.

"I need to clear my head. I'm angry and hurt that after everything he put me through for the past seven years he can't just let me be. This is how shit always starts with him. We'd break up, not talk for a bit then out of the blue he'd text me asking to talk and I always agreed and we'd talk then I'd realize I still loved him and he'd say the kindest most romantic shit and I'd forgive him. Then I'd go running back to him only to get heart broken again six months later. He's incapable of changing." I could feel tears running down my face. Why was I crying? Aiden pulled me into his arms tightly.

"You still love him don't you." He whispered to me. He sounded so hurt. I felt terrible.

"I don't know to be honest. I love you and I love being around you." I muttered into his chest.

"Yes I know dear but you were with him for so long. You stayed with him through everything because you truly loved him. Love like that doesn't just disappear after two months." I didn't want to believe I still loved Mark.

"I'm yours though." I said pointing to the mark on my neck.

"Yes you are mine and only mine for all our life together. I'm not worried about you leaving darling I know you won't. However the type of love you had for him was genuine as well. You were so devoted to him you always forgave him." I nodded. He wasn't wrong.

"But I don't know if I stayed with him out of love or if it was because I just didn't want to be alone. And now with you I've been doing everything I can to heal the damage he's done to me so that I can be at my best for you." He lifted my chin up and looked me in the eyes.

"You don't have to do it alone though. I'll help you through it no matter what." I shook my head.

"No I refuse to let you clean up someone else's mess." I said resting my head on his chest again. He squeezed me tighter.

"Letty you're strong I know you are and I love that about you but let me be your guiding hand. I'm not saying I'll hold your hand through it I'm just saying don't be afraid to rely on me when you feel you can't do it on your own. I will always pick you back up my love." I started to cry even more. How could someone love me so purely when I couldn't even love myself that much?

"Aiden....I don't wanna be a burden." I was practically sobbing into his chest now.

"Hey now who said you're a burden? You're my mate. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you. I would gladly do anything to see you smile. You're pain is my pain. You're anger is my anger. Your happiness is my happiness my love. I will always strive to make you happy."

"But what about your happiness and what you want?" I managed to sob. My throat felt like it was practically swollen shut.

"My love you are what makes me happy and what I want. Listen to me I have everything I ever wanted in my life now that you're here....well almost everything but that's a different story." I looked up at him.

"What is it?" He smiled and wiped away my tears.

"That my love would be for you to be my wife and bare my child. But those won't happen for quite some time." I nodded. He kissed my forehead.

"I just don't know what to do. I feel so pathetic and useless." I could feel Aidens muscles tense up.

"Don't say that baby. You know that's not true. You're just one of the kindest and most gentle souls I have ever met. Unfortunately there are people like your ex who will do everything to destroy that but you're too good for that."

"I don't feel life that." I whispered. I felt exhausted.

"Still want to go for a walk to clear your head?" Aiden said after a brief period of silence. I felt weak and like my limbs were made of spaghetti. I shook my head. He let go of me and I climbed into bed fully clothed.

"Lay with me?" I whispered just barely loud enough for him to hear. I closed my eyes and felt him climb into bed next to me. He scooped me into his arms and stroked my hair.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked.

"Hmmm?"

"Why do you feel like you're not good enough? I hear you think that a lot." I shrugged.

"It's a long story." I mumbled.

"Well we have all night. I want to know hun. I can tell Mark wasn't the first to break you, he just shattered what little was left am I right?" I nodded and sighed. I didn't want to talk about my child hood.

"Does it matter?" I finally whispered.

"I can't help you if I don't even know what caused you to want to try and kill yourself now can I?" I groaned.

"Fine but don't say I didn't warn you." I said sitting up. He sat up too and held my hand.

"I'm all ears." Of course he was.

"Well my mom and dad split when I was eight. My mom cheated on my dad with his best friend. My mom got custody of me. She married my dads best friend and we all moved into a house together. There were plenty of times when they would disappear for days on end leaving me home alone. Well one time they were gone for a month, I was sitting outside crying because there was no food in the house and I hadn't eaten in days and didn't know what to do...."

"Why didn't you call your dad or tell somebody at school?" Aiden butted in.

"I didn't know my dads phone number and I was terrified to tell people at school because my stepdad said he'd rape me and kill me if I did."

"Letty...." I held up my hand.

"Let me finish." He nodded and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Like I said I was outside crying and my neighbor just happened to be outside and noticed me. She came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I told her it was nothing. She asked me where my mom was I said she was at the store. My neighbor pointed out to me that she hadn't seen my moms car in a month. I finally broke and told her the truth because I was scared and hungry. She took me to her house and fed me. She went with me to school the next day and told the school what was going on. The school contacted my dad and he came and got me. A month after my mom finally showed up again." I paused for a moment. It hurt to remember.

"Where was she?"

"Her and my stepdad divorced and she was living with her new bf that entire time. She said she had called my dad asking him to take me for a couple months but my dad said he never got that voicemail. The courts forced my father to give me back to my mom."

"That's fucked up. Go on though." I nodded.

"I moved in with my mom and her new Boyfriend who had four children. I was given a tiny room in the attic as punishment from my mom. I was nine at that time. My mother said I was too fat dogs a nine year old and only allowed me to eat one meal a day and it was lunch at school. She barely packed me anything. Hall the time it was some kind of fruit and a sandwich and if I was lucky a yogurt and some juice. When I was home I was only allowed to drink water and had to stay in my room all night. Weekends I was only fed dinner and had to stay in my room and be quiet." I paused again.

"What about bathroom use?" Aiden asked.

"I had one of those toilets that you use to potty train someone but it's like an adult size one and it looks like it's on a walker. I was allowed to empty it once a day. Other then that once every other day I got to take a cold shower. During the winter I had no heat but thankfully I had a decent blanket. My dad thankfully took me during Christmas break that year and my mom and her boyfriend and his kids went to Disney. My father hadn't seen me in two months but I had lost so much weight he filed for emergency custody under the suspicion of abuse and child neglect."

"Did he win?" I shook my head. "Letty..."

"There's more. At the end of Christmas break things got worse and my mom allowed her then fiancé to rape me while she watched as punishment. They broke up that summer thankfully and she moved in with a new guy. The new guy actually defended me but was a drunk and when he was drunk he would pass out and my mom would hit me. One time he woke up and saw her smack me. He protected me and my mom lied and said she caught me trying to drink alcohol. The next night she pushed me down the stairs and told him I fell. The night after that she broke my wrist and made me lie. My dad came and took me the day after that and forced me to tell him the truth so I did and he filed for emergency custody again. It was denied again. My mom broke up with that guy before school started and was living with a new guy who was hardly home so she got away with doing whatever. She stayed with him for three years. Shortly after my tenth birthday though my great grandmother whom I had been very close to had died and when I cried my mother beat me until I stopped crying and told me if I ever shed another tear she would kill me. So I learned to bottle everything up. When I was thirteen I started dating in secret. My first boyfriend was sweet and cared about me but I felt so numb on the inside. Well we didn't last long and I just moved onto the next. For a whole year I just dated but felt nothing. Then as you know the day after my fourteenth birthday I tried to kill myself. You know pretty much everything after that." He nodded.

"I do my love." He held me tightly. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone."

"Mark was the first one to thaw the wall of ice I had put around my heart. He was the first one to make me feel something again. That's why everything he put me through hurt that much more. I lost myself completely. I lost sight of who I am and what I want to do in my life. A part of me is still trying to figure it out."

"Do you want to be a therapist?" He asked softly.

"I don't know. I used to want to write but my mom would destroy everything I wrote telling me I was garbage and had no talent and everyone would be better off if I was dead." I could feel the tears start to fall finally. I had never told anyone this much, not even Teighlor knew everything."

"Don't cry my love I'm here. You're safe now. But my love I would love to read something you wrote." I shook my head.

"I don't share my stuff with anyone. Not even Teighlor."

"You're mom really messed you up didn't she?" I nodded.

"I'm sorry hun."

"It's fine karma got her in the end. She was diagnosed with breast cancer about a week before we met. She got chemo and radiation but I've refused to see her. She could die tomorrow and I'm not sure I would care."

"Don't talk like that love. Don't let her hatred poison you. I'm not saying you should try to have a relationship with her or anything but you should make peace with the past." I shrugged.

"Maybe in time. For now though I just wanna sleep. I just wanna pretend I don't exist." He hugged me so tight I was unable to breathe.

"Nope not allowed because your existence has brought me so much happy and my love I will do everything I can to make you happy every single day we are together." I looked at him and kissed him.

"Don't make promises you can't keep. I'm tired of being hurt." He adjusted net in the bed and kissed my neck where his mark was.

"You're mine for all eternity my love. Remember what I said earlier?" I nodded. "I meant every single word" I nodded on his chest. I felt so tired. Every ounce of energy had been drained from my body. I closed my eyes again and just gave into my body's desire for sleep.