I Remember

I remember the anxiety and the excitedness mixing together to become adrenaline.

I remember drinking so much water just so I could pee and see what's within.

I remember patiently waiting for that rapid test to give me the news.

What took only a few seconds felt like a lifetime in a moment I'll never lose.

I remember the way my heart skipped when I found out you were there.

My arms held my stomach, and I sat on the toilet with a blank stare.

I remember the tears falling down my face with every emotion I had.

The happiness, the fear, thinking everything good and everything bad.

I remember that knock on the bathroom door; that knock seemed so loud.

My heart was beating so hard and fast that my fingers could feel the pound.

That apprehension of saying it's positive was felt deep in the core of my gut.

Sitting in silence on the toilet no words would come out, but my mouth didn't shut.

I remember a month later I felt so fat, and I couldn't see my toes.

I was eating so much, and I was so picky. My boobs got big and so did my clothes.

I remember throwing up everyday at exactly 6am and only being able to sleep on the right side of my body.

I remember I'd sing of Judy garland,eat chicken quesadillas, and drink hot tea.

I remember losing you,and I remember how that day didn't feel real.

How my soul and stomach felt empty and my baby was born still.

I remember continously passing out on the car ride to an unfamiliar home.

Was it from the pain of losing you or the medication; The answer stil unknown.

I now sit on my bed and do nothing but remember the moments of you.

I will never forget because when you died by heart and soul did too.

SS