THIS DUMBBELL BROKE MY HEART

19 FEBRUARY, FRIDAY, CONTINUED

After declaring his evil plans, my mate and luna, the rightful Alpha of the Lorent Pack, the Death God of the Blue Demon Warriors, and possibly future Rogue King, spun on his heel at left. My first instinct was to give chase, tackle him onto the ground, and lock him in my bathroom, until a hamster cage of suitable size was acquired.

"Should I send my men after him?" Alpha James asked.

"He would only run again." My Dad said.

"We could chain him in the dungeons until he calms down." Alpha James suggested.

Yeah, that would probably be more secure than my bathroom.

"You promised you wouldn't do that anymore, Brother." Lady Amber wrung her hands, "Oh, what should we do?"

Alpha James sunk into a nearby armchair, he looked deflated, "I don't know. What should I do?"

He looked at Dad, "Alpha Kingsley, what should I do?"

Maybe he thought the Mad Genius of the Green Packland would have a good idea.

Dad was frowning, it was his thinking frown, but I could sense his wolf on the surface too, so I expected whatever he answered to be too zen to be useful.

"We could do what my father did." Dad suggested finally.

"Oh, what is that?" Alpha James asked.

"He let me go." Dad said quietly.

Mate's car lights passed the glass room and I saw his car leave our driveway and turn out into the street. I turned to give chase, I would have shifted right there and then. I would have chased down his car in my wolf and tore off the roof and dragged Mate back home, but just at that moment a very quiet voice whispered into my heart.

{If you love somebody let him go. If he belongs to you, he will come home.}

S***. I stopped where I was, and watched as the car lights disappeared further up the road. He was leaving. He was really leaving. And I was letting him.

"Don't cry, Sam." Savy stepped up to my side, "You could always dream travel to him."

My cheeks felt wet, I touched it and realized my eyes were leaking water. I shook my head, "No. I don't want to see him anymore."

I was the Alpha. I could take this.

"I don't need a Luna." I blurted out, "I'm going to bed."

And then I ran, past the pool and up the stairs to my room. I slammed the bedroom door shut, as well as all the mindlinks Ben was trying to force on me, I just shut everything out and sank onto the carpets, crying. Because I wasn't just the Alpha, I was also just a girl. Stooopid Dumbbell, go! Go take your revenge or whatever. I don't care anymore.

I just crouched on the other side of my bedroom door crying at first. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt! It hurt so much, my heart ached and I thought something was definitely broken. I cried till my eyes and face felt hot. And then I blinked and looked around... mostly for somewhere more comfortable to cry.

I tried crying at the window, but the moon was up and I didn't want to goddess to see me cry. I needed my privacy.

I tried crying on my bed, but it felt too comfortable and soft to suit my mood.

I tried crying in the corner of my room, but it was kind of drafty there. And eventually, I got tired of crying and got back up on my feet and checked myself. I was still here, all in one piece, ten fingers, ten toes - why was I crying like I had lost a part of me? Made no sense. Oh, but at least the pain was gone now, replaced by a numbness I had never felt before.

Okay, I was okay. I looked around the room, it was late. I drifted quietly into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I hadn't cried like this since our secret guinea pigs died. I was so sure it was my fault then. I had shut the wardrobe door in the morning, forgetting to leave it ajar. Savy and I were out the whole day. That night, we found them dead at the bottom of their cage. I had been convinced that I had killed them.

Eventually, Mum found out because I kept bursting into tears the whole of the next day. Everything reminded me of the little sqeakers. That was when we were told that Mum had gone out that day too, so she turned off the heating. For the first time all winter, no one was home for most of the day. The wardrobe was quite large, the size of a storeroom, so it was more likely that our guinea pigs had frozen to death, and not suffocated. That did help lift the guilt somewhat, but it didn't heal my broken heart. After that, I swore never to ever keep a pet again.

Mum said a promise never to SECRETLY keep a pet would be good enough.

Dad said he was surprised they lived that long - for almost an entire year, completely undiscovered.

I cried so much for my short-lived secret guinea pigs, my parents completely forgot to punish us.

So I punished myself, squeezing myself into the corner of our shared wardrobe where their cage used to be. I cried there for hours until Savy found me.

"Stop that." She said. (Her eyes were suspiciously red rimmed though.)

"Its all my fault!" I wailed.

"Well they're gone. So snap out of it." Savy scolded, "Crying isn't going to bring them back."

And then she picked out her clothes and went back to her room.

I took the time to reflect on her words. They stung, like a slap in the face, but she was right. I needed to toughen up.

I got up and dusted off the bits of hamster paper bedding that had been left on the floor when Mum removed the cage (and dead guinea pigs). And then I never went back to that corner of the wardrobe again. I never spoke aloud our guinea pigs' names, and I never cried for them again. It was over. They were gone. And there was nothing that could bring them back to me.

I turned on the shower and undressed. That's right, Mate was gone. Crying isn't going to bring him back. I needed to snap out of it.

I cried again in the shower. I figured its not really counted if I cried in the shower. I had no logical explanation for this. I'm the alpha and if I say crying in the shower isn't counted, it isn't counted. So there.

And then I got changed into the pajamas Ki had put out for me and crawled into my golden clam shell bed.

Two seconds later, I woke up in a dark cold room, on a hard thin mattress with a stiff scratchy blanket. The underground bunker! I flared and forced myself awake, so that I was back in my golden clam shell bed again. I WAS NOT GOING TO DREAM TRAVEL TO HIM. I DON'T WANNA SEE HIM!

I took a long time to sleep again after that. I kept wondering what I did wrong. Should I have chased him down? Should I have begged him not to go? I might never see him again.

I think the worst of it was the way he had looked at me, like I was the obstacle in his way. Well, far be it for me to be the mate who held him back!

Then I cried all over again. While crying I remembered a story where a girl had cried till her pillow was soaked with her tears. So I cried into my pillow to see if I could do that too - I mean, I might as well since the tears were flowing anyway. Eventually, I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, my eyes felt swollen, and my pillow was damp - but it was not soaked through or anything. I guess I can't be that bad then. That girl definitely had it worse.

I was also kind of thirsty. Maybe I had lost a lot of water through my tears and needed to hydrate.

Either that or due to my lack of sleep, my wolf had to siphon Mate's healing power to speed up the nightly repair work my body usually did on its own. Well, in that case, I won't hold back. Stooopid Mate. I'll siphon your healing power as much as I want! I'll be like a leech on your power! Muahahaha! Take that!

By the time I got downstairs for breakfast, I was feeling much better. All the sadness was channeled into an energizing and refreshing burst of anger. I'm not sure if it made any sense, but I wasn't helplessly crying anymore. I was done with that. Now I was just going to be mad.

"Good morning goddess." Ki said very gently as he placed my breakfast in front of me.

"How are you feeling, Sam?" Mum asked.

I scooped a large forkful of omelette and stuffed it in my mouth so I wouldn't have to talk about it, "Okay."

"Luna Bell has left instructions for you to access his credit cards while he is gone." Ki informed me, "He would also like to know who are the Alphas you want him to connect with at Alpha Henry's inauguration later, and what you wanted from each of them."

"He does know I'm mad at him, right?" I asked.

"I believe he is aware that everyone is currently furious at him, yes." Ki answered thinly.

I laughed at that and felt better all over again. I guess laughter really was the best medicine, "Thanks Ki. Okay, use his card and buy the more expensive hamster enclosure and accessories you can find. And tell him I want him to connect with EVERY alpha and get them to donate to the Princess Town. If he doesn't raise the full sum for the construction of Princess Town by this weekend, we'll charge the rest to his card."

Take that, stoopid Mate!

The table was still for a moment.

"Are you getting a hamster?" Savy asked.

"My friend Zara has baby hamsters." I said... I looked sheepishly at my parents.

Mum looked at Dad and Dad looked at Mum.

"Oh... okay." Mum relented, "Maybe a pet would help."

Eh, how would a pet help in anything? But nevermind that, the real shocker was that Mum said okay. I can't believe she said okay.

"Really? I can keep a hamster?" I asked. Convincing my parents turned out to be surprisingly easy.

Mum nodded again, "But please learn to take care of it and clean up after it yourself, or it would just be another extra chore for Ki to do."

I looked at Ki, he smiled, his beautiful smile, "I don't mind at all, it would be my pleasure."

I shook my head, it didn't seem fair to Ki, "That's okay. I'll do it."

"I can help too!" Savy offered.

"Try not to get one that looks like a rat." Mum was having second thoughts now, "You know I cannot stand the sight of them."

"Okay!" I nodded. Last I saw at Zara's house, the hamsters didn't look like rats at all. Especially Brownie, she was an orangey color really, so her babies shouldn't be too far off.

"Try not to get a bitey one." Savy advised.

"How would I know if it would be bitey?" I argued.

"Hold it. If it bites you, it's bitey." Savy grinned at me.

"Then I'll bite it back!" I decided.

"Just swallow it whole." Savy told me.

"Girls!!" Mum gasped at the idea of swallowing live baby hamsters. I laughed and felt better all over again.

After that, Savy had to go have breakfast with the gang and Lycan Study Group.

"Don't forget to show it to me before you name it. Don't name it on your own... You're really bad at naming things." She nagged at her departure.

I wasn't going to breakfast with the gang or Lycan Study Group today. Dad, Mum, and I were going to Silver Mountain for Henry's Inauguration.

Mum wanted to know if I was feeling up to it.

"Yeah, no problem. I've got this in the bag." I had read all the reports and notes my betas had painstakingly prepared in the lead up to this event. And then I realized Mum wasn't asking if I did my homework and checked my heart.

To my surprise where my heart used to be, now felt like an hollow space. Oh great. My heart got stolen. I don't mean my physical heart, you know I'm talking about the feelings and stuff kind of heart. It was missing. On the bright side, it didn't hurt anymore.

I went upstairs to get ready. I was already in the grey slacks and a lightweight black knit turtleneck. I just needed the accesssories. Ki had already laid everything out of course. Let's see... I picked out a simple chain of silver links, tiny balls, and pale pink crystals.

It had a matching ring which I put on my index finger after trying it over all my other fingers, because it was the best fit. (Yes, that was how I always I decided which finger got to wear the ring - I was fair to all my fingers like that.)

I looked at the mirror over my dresser, Ki had set out a few pretty cases of makeup. My reflection stared back at me, my eyelids were a little swollen, and kind of pink from crying.

But it was pink in a cute way... If you ignored the blotchiness. So I got to work, soothing out the blotchy parts with cream, and then a light dust of powder. Much better.

I blinked at my reflection, then I decided to use to blusher to put the pink around my eyes and cheeks. Oh it's cute!

I didn't look like I spent all night crying now. Just like a cute rabbit doll or something. I penciled in my eyes to make them look a little sharper, then I added mascara because what the heck.

Funny enough, but I felt much better after dressing up. It was actually rather therapeutic. I smiled at myself in the mirror liking the result. Bell was an idiot to walk on on me!

Yeah, I was going to go to Henry's Inaugeration looking like a million dollars in every photo and news reel. I was going to make sure Bell saw what he was missing! Stooopid Mate! He was going to regret leaving...and oh man, I was so not over him yet.

I carefully blotted the tears, and doubled checked the mascara tube - waterproof. Whew. Okay, I guess today I could test out the waterproof-ness of my mascara.

Okay, I know, it's only been a night since he left, but I was the Alpha. I usually healed overnight. I guess hearts took a bit longer to mend. This was all Bell's fault. Stooopid Mate! Dumbbell! Super Idiot!

Okay. I felt better now. I'm the Alpha. Don't get sad, get mad. Yeah. That was going to be my new motto.