I wanted to apologize to my group for getting them in trouble. I felt so stupid for dragging them into my trouble making.
I looked out the glass window that showed a clear view from part of the hallway. I watched the doctors and nurses staff walk pass going on about their daily work and lives.
Hmm, I wondered what it would be like to be born someplace else. To live someplace else.
I silently leaned back against the hospital bed. A nurse had come in to pull the curtains back, to let in light from the hallway.
When a nurse did this, it meant it was morning. Time for me to get up. Well, in this case, wake up and sit up.
She didn't say anything to me. It seemed like she was in a hurry. Maybe she had another patient to attend to, or a lot of work. She went out of the room and I was quickly left alone with my own thoughts.
I wish I had somebody to talk to. Maybe if I wasn't so stupid in getting my group in trouble, I would of had somebody to talk to. Then again, it was only my fault. I was the only one who had done something wrong. I wasn't quick enough. Shouldn't it have been me who got in trouble? I was the one who did it. Who did something. Why didn't Dr. Frentz have me put down or something? Did he restrain my group so that they wouldn't be able to help me if Dr. Frentz did or said something to me? Then again, I don't think he would do anything.
I laid back and closed my eyes. I honestly didn't want to eat anything. I didn't even want to wait for a staff nurse to bring a tray. Every morning, there would be a bunch of staff and nurses pushing large carts with breakfast on trays around to deliver them to hungry patients. All I wanted was to go back to sleep and sleep the day away. There wasn't going to be anything for me to do, anyways.
Then there was a commotion outside my window. A patient was getting restrained by two doctors. A nurse stood nearby, always just in case the doctors needed extra help. There was always a patient getting restrained somewhere on this floor.
On this floor, the T.S.'s were called patients. On the other floors, it was always going to be T.S. Test Subjects.
I wasn't supposed to, but I watched the patient being forcefully grabbed. The doctors were struggling to get this guy on the floor.
Finally, after a few attempts, the guy was on the floor. The two men in white coats above the guy pinned him to the linoleum floor until one of them could get hold of a syringe from they're pockets.
The nurse near them saw me looking.
Right then and there, I quickly turned my head. I acted like I had only just noticed what was going on outside my window, so that she wouldn't have to come running in here to yell at me.
After the commotion outside was over, my room door opened and a cart came rolling in. At the other end of it was a staff.
Right. Being forced to eat.
The staff went over to me to toll my bed table over me.
After he did that, he went back over to his cart and slid a door open on the side.
This tray I knew was specially for me. The Special Test Subject. There was nothing but fruit on this tray when he set it down on the over bed table. There was a cup of chocolate milk and another cup of orange juice given to me.
I watched the staff quickly walk back back over to his cart and close the door and lock it. Then he quickly left the room without saying anything.
I was left alone in the room with my fruit and two drinks. What seemed to be a handful of red grapes, pieces of an orange, apple slices, strawberries, and peaches.
I groaned before slumping down in my bed.
I force fed myself.
The fruit was good. So were the drinks, but I didn't want to eat. I know I had to, so I force fed. Then I found myself drifting off into my second dream.
"I'm not afraid,
the cold blue moon
can no longer tell time
and liars will come
face to face with this hope"
I stood on a metal platform. I couldn't exactly see myself, or the other person who was with me, but I could somehow tell who the person was. It was the boy who called Dr. Frentz a liar.
He was taller than me, only by a few feet, but he seemed to tower over me.
I think I said something to him. I thought I asked him something. I suppose I did, because he smiled. Something that I said or did made him smile.
He tilted his head to his left side and I looked down.
He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Then he pulled me towards him and we started walking. Where was he taking me? Where were we going?
I looked down again and saw that he wasn't holding my entire hand. He was holding my fingers with his.
I saw myself wave right in front of me. This made him stop walking and let go of my fingers. I think I told him to wait. He mouthed "Aw", no sound came out, as if he was a mute, or maybe I was just deaf.
He came closer to me. I think he was flirting with me, because he started moving his face close to me.
He had to stop because something was thrown at him.
He immediately turned and saw an average height figure with his or her middle finger raised.
I moved a little. I think I giggled. The average height figure pointed at me, and this caused me to tilt my head to the side. For whatever reason.
The male in front of me shook his head. He mouthed "Idiot. That's not going to work on me!" To the average height figure.
I giggled again, moving a little. The male in front of me stepped closer to me, almost getting into my personal space.
I looked down and saw that he grabbed onto my waist, which made me wince. The male lifted me up off the ground.
I couldn't see myself wiggle in his hands. I asked him to put me down, but the male replied with a "no." Then he pulled me closer to him.
I wiggled awake. I found that it wasn't me wiggling myself, but Dr. Frentz was.
I opened my eyes and looked up at him. I didn't move or say anything. He did just the same thing.
I had to take a little bit to figure out what was going on because the dream felt so real.
Oh goodness, please let me go back to sleep. Let me rest, and let your little Special Test Subject deal with whatever manner you want me to respond to, later. Boom. Kiss it.
"What sort of dreams were you having?"
Oh yes, I knew it! He was a stalker at heart! Where's your little t.v. or camera? Whatever electronic device you've found so useful to die somewhere in this room to watch me?
Go back to your unicorn love nest with your Assistants for a few hours, and leave me to sleep, my days away in this filthy place. Heh, of course I wouldn't be able to say that to him. I'm not exactly sure what he'd say or do if I even did say that to him. Well, if I even was able to speak VERY WELL.
"Do you not have anything to share with me that you want or feel like you need to?" He asked. It seemed like he was getting impatient with me.
Oh, oh, of course there is! There's loads of things I would like to tell you! Even things that I would like to ask you! Do you not know what kind of pain and sorrow you've caused for me? Do you not know what you have done to me? Get me a therapist! Because I sure as hell am going to need one.
I just shook my head.
"Are you lying to me?" He questioned.
I shook my head again. Then I saw his eyes nearly dart to his left.
Those are what I get for testing his patients.
"I know you had a dream again," He said. I could tell he was gritting his teeth a little. True grit.
I would like for you to tell me what you remember."
I shrugged my shoulders. That let him know that I don't remember anything.
Of course, I remember what I dreamed about . I certainly wasn't going to tell him. He'd have to kill me in order to get that information... but I already knew he'd never do such a thing.
Dr. Frentz let out a sign. He wasn't ready to deal with this. Apparently he had other matters to attend to. "You know..." He began, "There are things I--" He immediately stopped, then turned away. I could tell he was getting ready to leave.
No, I... I don't want this. I.... I just wanted... All I wanted for him now... was for him to stay with me. I didn't want him to leave me. Not again. Not ever again.
I would... I would... I would... I would give anything for Dr. Frentz to stay with me...
I immediately sprang up from my hospital bed, the covers falling off my body. Then I anxiously wrapped my hands around his left arm. His back was facing me.
He looked over his shoulder at me. He became cautious, yet a little angry. Was he suspecting something?
He spun around and forcefully pushed me away. Nearly slamming me against the thin blankets. I yelped, but at that moment, it seemed like he didn't care whether or not I was hurt.
He took a step back, gritting his teeth. "I have other matters to deal with!" He shouted, making sure I heard him loud and clear. "I don't need you getting in the way of my work!"
And there it was...
His tongue cut me like a knife. His eyes cut me like daggers.
He was showing me his hatred...
And making it known.
Was it always like this...? Or was it just until I got put on a Unit...?
I stared up at him, gripping the white blankets under me. My eyes were filled with... with what? With what? What emotion was I feeling? Was it pain? Was it cold? Was it... what exactly was it? Anger? Anxiety? Does it hurt? I don't know.... No... none of that... It was numb... I was numb.... Slowly starting to be.
Why did everything have to go so wrong? Why did everything have to be this way...?
There was silence. I couldn't say anything... but I wanted to. Dr. Frentz took this as a "Okay, we done here? Good." type situation, feeling, whatever he was thinking or feeling.
He put his hands in his pockets and began walking.
I felt like I was going to explode. Everything was so overwhelming. It started to be. I don't know what came over me. I found myself with the last bit of strength I had left, and nearly pulled Dr. Frentz's right arm out of his socket. His hand came out of his pocket. He looked shocked.
Then, using the other half of that last bit of strength, the word "Liar" slipped, screeched out of my mouth. I screamed it so loud. To where I knew he could hear it. Just clearly. Just as clearly as what he said before.
He was surprised at first, but as if he just got a hypothesis of a test correct, he said, "I knew it." He slowly began slipping his left hand back into his pocket, "You are starting to feel."
My eyes widened... and he raised his left arm into the air. He was holding a syringe... A sedating syringe...
I watched him bring it down before everything went blurry. My body became weak soon after... then I let myself get pulled under.
I knew I was alone in this world...