Chapter 26. My Kyoko.

This is what a helpless fly feels like! Kyoko regretted those times when she experimentally clipped the wings of those poor creatures with Sho when they were young, leaving them crippled. More than a few minutes had passed and she was still stuck beneath Ren. She tried waking him up to no avail. She also tried pushing him off, and sliding from underneath him but that was no use either since he was as heavy as a rock. A very hot rock, because he was literally burning!

She knew his fever was spiking because all she felt while his torso was crushing against hers, was heat. His smooth hair was tickling her cheeks, his warm, uneven breath softly caressed the skin beneath her ear sending ripples of electricity throughout her body, filling her mind with some rather unthinkable thoughts which she immediately kicked off from her mind.

Suddenly, Kyoko heard a voice from the adjoining dressing room. It belonged to Ren's costar, Yumiko. Finally, someone was there who could help her before she was smothered to death. She sucked in a huge breath and called out to her as loudly as she could manage with her limited air supply. But Yumiko was too busy giggling on her phone to listen to her pleas, or to come out and help.

What the hell are you giggling about? Get off the freaking phone and help! Kyoko grinded her teeth menacingly. Maybe if you didn't blow the take nine times in a row, I wouldn't be in this mess!

Just thinking about it made Kyoko boil from anger all over again. If not for that so-called actress, the scene wouldn't have lasted as long as it did and Ren wouldn't have had a fever. And it wasn't even that tough of a line to get through!

"Even I could deliver it better!" Kyoko muttered. She sucked in another huge breath, closed her eyes and delivered the line, just to prove that she could. "Yes, maybe I was the one at fault in all of this but it doesn't make any sense, does it? I know there has to be something wrong here. It's incredibly suspicious!"

Suddenly, she felt the weight which had been pinning her to the ground lift off of her. Her eyes snapped open and she saw Ren raising himself up a little. Leaning on the floor with his elbows around her, he replied to the lines she had just delivered with his own dialogues from the script. "I know. I need you to be careful. I swear to you that I will not allow them to harm you."

He was still only semiconscious. Only when his eyes came to focus and he saw Kyoko instead of Yumiko did he wake up and realise that he was not in the middle of a shoot. "It's you," he muttered. "Hold on, you are not Yumiko." He sat up and looked around remembering at last that the shoot was already over.

Kyoko still kept lying on the floor. She was way too stunned to react or to get up. Her heart was pounding so loudly that she could almost hear it. What just happened? One minute he is passed out then he snaps back into the line? He can fall completely into character like it's nothing when he can't even manage to walk straight!

She picked herself up and saw Ren staggering towards the door. "My head feels heavy. Why is everything spinning?" He mumbled.

"You are not in the position to drive, Mr Tsuruga." She pointed out. "Your fever is spiking. Just wait here while I call a cab." With that, she ran out. For some reason, her heart was still hammering her chest. As a beginner, watching him act from so close was almost frightening. Yet she still couldn't stop herself from replaying that moment in her mind over and over again. He didn't even hesitate. The moment he heard Yumiko's lines, he responded in kind.

For the first time she realized just how much acting meant to  Ren. It wasn't just his career, it was his life! And he was willing to fight through anything to keep performing.

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"I met up with Mr Matsushima last night and he gave me some petty cash for the job," Kyoko informed Ren as she hauled the big shopping bag inside the cab before stepping in herself. "So I thought I can go out and get some essentials so you can keep your focus on acting."

The driver started the cab and Kyoko fiddled inside the bag which contained mostly vegetables, and fished out a rectangular, white strip. "Let's see... Cooling strip!" She tore it out of the packet, leaned closer to Ren, who was too stunned to respond, and tugging his side bangs behind his ear stuck the strip on his forehead. "There!"

She fished out other stuff from the shopping bag naming them one by one. "I also got you some cold medicine, and cough drops, and a sore throat gargle thingy, and to top it all off..."

She took out a disposable paper cup and filled it with some sort of white power with honey on the top.

"I know you don't have much of an appetite anyway and it must be tough to swallow right now so," she handed him the cup. "Here you go! It'll help with the sore throat." She smiled encouragingly.

He graciously accepted. Still too stunned to speak, he wondered why she was still with him when she was free to leave after his appointments were over, not that he minded her company. She did all this for me? How did she know exactly how I felt and how to make it better?

He took a small bite of that white stuff and the warm syrup immediately had a soothing effect on his sore throat. Not just that, it also filled him with a warm fuzzy feeling which tugged at his heart making him long for... something. He wasn't exactly sure what it was but he was tempted to reach out to her for some reason.

"Step one is getting food in your stomach," Kyoko prattled. "I know you may not feel up to eating right now but if you don't, you won't be able to take your medicine."

She's really something else, Ren gulped down the contests from his cup. I never thought she could be so caring, so focused when Sho wasn't involved.

"I'm gonna do everything I possibly can to make you better real soon. We'll send that cold packing and make sure you don't have to cancel a single performance!" She flashed a smile again.

As she went on and on, Ren couldn't help but stare at that cheerful smile of hers. He wondered why he never noticed before how much it warmed his heart and how her adorable, bubbly voice soothed him just like it did when they were kids. He actually forgot how much he used to enjoy her company.

When she talked about revenge, I thought I understood her but maybe I overlooked something. Maybe I hadn't seen her true self. He told himself. When we were kids I always thought of her as overly dramatic, overly romantic, a girl whose mother would make her cry but just mentioning the name Sho would bring a smile to her face. She was determined, dedicated and never give anything less than her absolute best!

                   I don't know when it happened but it became my ideal. In my mind, the image of perfection was her.

That night Ren dreamed of his retrospective self, of a time when he used to be 'Kyon' and also of the little girl who used to cheer him up when his days were filled with loneliness. His Kyoko!

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"I'm sick of studying!" Kyoko's high pitched voice cut through the eerie and sullen silence of the forest like a melody and Kyon chuckled at her histrionic tone. "But if I work hard to get a hundred, mommy will be proud of me!"

The dream faded when someone touch Ren's forehead and his eyes slightly opened. He saw Kyoko's face (the older version) looming over his head in a semi-dark room which suspiciously resembles his apartment bedroom.

"Oh gosh, you're awake!" She said once she noticed his slightly opened his eyes. "I didn't mean to...I just came to change the cooling pack. Go back to sleep alright?"

Assuming all of it to be a part of his dream as well, Ren muttered, "thank you... for everything. My Kyoko."

The next morning, Kyoko looked up from her notebook by which she had been preparing for her exam, to glance at the wall clock. "Its morning already! I haven't solved a single problem all night?"

Thank you... For everything. My Kyoko!

She had been too busy to think about what Ren said to her last night to focus on anything else.

How can two words hit me so hard? She opened her handbag and took out her sewing kit and started making a voodoo doll to divert her attention to anything but those words.

It meant nothing. Nothing at all! She told herself. He was sleep-talking. Must have thought I was someone else. I mean his fever was 102° for crying out loud!

                   Besides, he has never called me by anything but my last name before. There is no way he'd gaze at me with those soft eyes and whisper those words. Never! He could never see me that way. Not while I still want my revenge on Sho.

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The warm morning rays found their way through the glass window into the apartment bedroom caressing Ren's face and his eyes fluttered open. He touched his head and felt a cooling strip attached to it. Sitting up, he found an ice pack on the top of his pillow.

I feel... great. How do I feel great? The last thing he remembered was being in that cab with Kyoko. After that, he must have fallen asleep. He racked his brain and parts of memories from last night flashed into his in his inner eye. He didn't remember all of it but he got the picture. Kyoko brought him back to his place and helped him to bed.

He stepped out into the living rooms. There he found Kyoko's notebooks and handbag lying on the table. Following a crunching noise into the kitchen, he leaned on the door and smiled at the sight.

Kyoko had one hand placed on the lid of a mixing machine, in which some greenish, foul looking stuff was being grinded. In the other hand, she was holding a notebook which she was frowning on from her sleep deprived eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt but-"

"Mr Tsuruga!" She looked up startled.

"...I thought I should mention that you have a pot of mystery soup slowly erupting into a volcano of mystery soup..." He nodded to the dish on the stove which was boiling and spilling out.

She gave a little shriek in response as she turned off the burner after dropping her notebook and switching off the mixer.

After a little while, they sat down on the dining table where Kyoko had served their breakfast. "I am really really sorry," she apologized before Ren started eating. "Not only did I steal your kitchen without permission, but I only made these boring dishes."

"Well, I have to say this strange coloured liquid is unique." Ren nodded to the glass with the greenish brown drink."

"The magazine called it Stamina Juice: an enchanting boost." She added dryly.

He picked up the glass and chugged down the whole drink in one go. Covering his mouth, he gagged silently. "I can never trust you again," he whispered.

"To be fair I never said the taste was supposed to be the enchanting part!"

"Next time you plan on slipping me your home root poison, I would be glad to have just a little bit of advanced warning. I mean really, do you despise me that much?"

She didn't deign to reply to that. There was an awkward silence which was soon broken by Ren.

"My fever has broken. Thank you. I owe you quite a lot."

"That's kind but it's really just the cold medicine."

"But still, you are the one who gave me that ice pack..."

Kyoko bit her lower lip nervously, wondering if he remembered everything. My Kyoko, those words from his soft, warm voice rang into her mind giving her chills all over again. She secretly wished he would remember just so she could satisfy her curiosity. She wanted to know if he was the one who said it or if it was just the fever talking.

He held the collar of his night suit and smirked. "... And you also changed my clothes?"

She almost jumped up at that. "You changed them yourself, thank you very much!" She exclaimed loudly making him chuckle. Whew, looks like he doesn't remember after all, she sighed, partly with relief.

As Ren slowly ingested his breakfast, Kyoko washed the dishes. After drinking the energy boost, he tried the steamy and mouth-watering vegetable soup. It turned out to be warm and delicious, filling his chest with that warm fuzzy feeling again which tugged at his heart.

Do you despise me that much, he wondered why Kyoko took it so seriously when he said that. He was only joking. But he wouldn't blame her if she did hate him. After all, he had given her plenty reason to.

He also wondered why she would go to such lengths for him for helping him, nursing him back to health, cooking for him an even cheering him up just by flashing her sweet smile when all he ever did in return was - act coldly towards her and deduct her points.

Who else but Kyoko would work endlessly for someone they despise? He thought. She hasn't really changed. Not where it truly matters.

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As the day went by, Kyoko watched Ren act with full concentration. She didn't realise this before but just by watching him act from up so close she learned almost as much as she had at the acting classes. She decided to leave the studying for the night because she didn't want to pass this golden opportunity of observing the very best in action.

Ren was so amazing that every time he was in character, she would forget all about the real Ren Tsuruga and get pulled into his character. His face was the same but everything about him changed like he was a different person.

After the scene was taken, Kyoko opened her handbag and took out the script of the next play before Ren even made it back stage. She opened it and glanced at the dialogues until her eyes stopped on one particular line.

It said, 'do you despise me that much?'

Seriously? She chuckled. Huh! That's word for word what he said to me this morning, he must have been joking. Nah! He must have reacted subconsciously. More than anything I wanted to help him get better but I guess it wasn't enough.

A bitter feeling engulfed her heart. She hadn't worked this much for someone else's sake since Sho. But he still didn't appreciate it! It still wasn't enough for him!

She fished out a Ren voodoo doll from her purse to cool down her anger. Making her voice deeper, she mimicked Ren's tone as she puppeted the doll. "It was more than enough. You made me breakfast and it was delicious. You are a fool for even thinking that it was not!"

"Are you mimicking me over there?" She would have continued her conversation with the Ren doll if the real deal hadn't interrupted her tete a tete.

No! He heard my secret Ren impression.

Lightning-fast, she shoved the doll back inside her purse before turning. He didn't see the doll, did he? Please don't let him have seen the doll!

Ren flashed her his perfect signature smile which was so icy cold that it gave her frostbite. Her instincts screamed at her, Escape! Run, Kyoko! Run for your life! But she ignored them.

He took the script from her which she was still holding on to. "Aren't you prepared today? Thanks for getting the script ready!" Opening the scriptbook, he turned and left.

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Sitting on the metallic stairs of the building where the next scene was supposed to be shot, Ren sighed and closed the scriptbook with a snap. I can't remember a single word! Is my fever spiking again? He massaged his forehead.

Unbidden, his thoughts drifted to his substitute manager. He knew Kyoko hated him but couldn't figure out why she couldn't help herself but work her hardest for him. It was the same way she loosed herself on her quest to revenge. Even when she was young, she worked herself to the bone studying on every test just to gain her mother's approval who didn't even seem to love her at all.

Her dedication is amazing! She can succeed at anything but still, he thought. Why is she going through with this? What will revenge get her? Kyoko is worth so much more than that. She should be spending time on herself not focusing on chasing a dream for him.

Ren didn't know why but thinking about it filled him with anger and desperation. He snapped open his script remembering he still had lines to memorize.

Kyoko made her way to the stairs where Ren was rehearsing his lines.

"Time's running out. In fourty-eight hours, the law expires." She was about to call out to him but stopped when she heard him reading the script.

Before he could see her, she instinctively ducked beneath the metallic stairs hiding from him.

Deciding not to disturb him she was about to sneak away when she heard him reading same line again.

"Time's running out. In fourty-eight hours, the law expires."

Didn't he just say that? She narrowed her eyes suspecting his fever was spiking again. Maybe if he had someone to bounce the reads off, it would be easier to memorize. Fortunately, she remembered the lines from reading the script earlier.

"We have run out of options, we can't stop it!" He read the next line.

"So you're just gonna run away?" Kyoko replied to his line in kind from beneath the stairs. "I can't stand hearing you say the same thing over and over!"

Ren's ears pricked up in a startled manner. Is that Kyoko? He slowly descended from the stairs following the voice while she continued with the lines.

"Yazuki is more than a case to you. The man killed your father!" She spat. "If you don't chase him to the end then who the heck will?" She was following the script so devotedly and conscientiously that her anger could be felt reverberating through her voice.

So much anger in those lines, she's riding the emotions! Ren reflected on her performance before replying. "You think you get to be angry about this?" His said his lines with equal ferocity as he climbed down the stairs. "The police just came in and dragged him away!"

"On a petty charge while you watched the man you hate walk out!"

Ren jumped down on the mud and found Kyoko squatting beneath the metallic stairs, delivering the lines with an angry frown. She has only been studying this for six months and already, she can put some veterans to shame, he concluded.

"Do you think you can win this?"

Her anger dissolved and a smug yet determined smile crept up to her lips. "Damn right I can!" She whispered softly yet powerfully.

Watching her eyes burning with the fervor of the character, all Ren could think was - She is amazing! Did she really learned to do this just for revenge?

Instead of replying with the next line, he remarked, "I am impressed. You've become a talented actress so quickly."

Kyoko came out from under after she heard his words. "Yo-You really think so?"

"You captured the character's determination and the lines, of course, were well delivered. But the expressions on your face, they were fantastic!"

She gave him a sugary sweet smile and started rambling excitedly. "We learned a lot about it at the academy. We were doing an exercise where we had to express a line with just our faces. The challenge was that every time we switched character, we had to do all the same emotions but, differently. Then we had to do a whole scene without words like in old silent films. At first I kinda freaked out but then everything clicked and it was fun!"

"Fun?" His tone was suddenly went cold. "Really?"

"Huh?"

"All the studying and hard work you've done, hasn't it been to get revenge on Sho?" His voice cut through her ears like an ice blade making her quiver.

But she didn't look away. Holding her head high, she held his gaze and shook her head. She decided it was time to continue their previous conversation which was interrupted in the car earlier. "Not at all! There is no way I'd waste my time on an arrogant jerk like him!" Then she averted her eyes and mumbled, "actually, at first it kinda was my only motive..." She let her words trail off knowingly.

"Then why?"

"I wanted to create Kyoko Mogami, I guess." She smiled sadly. "Even when I was a little girl I never did anything for my own sake, if that makes any sense. Everything I did, I did for somebody else. My entire world revolved around making sure that everyone in my life was happy and content. Proud."

The image of Little Kyoko flashed in Ren's mind. That was exactly what she used to do. Living for the sake of others.

"But when I am acting, everything is different. Like I'm looking at the world with brand new eyes. Like I'm creating my own true self. And that makes me happy. Happier than I ever had the chance to be. Every time I perform, I feel like I've become closer to the real Kyoko Mogami. That's why I study this. I guess you wouldn't believe me though." She looked up to face him and was rewarded by the most impressive, the purest and the most alluring smile she had ever seen, stretching his lips. It was so beautiful that it almost looked divine. It seemed to be saying to her, 'that's the right answer.'

The next words he said, turned her already melting heart into a puddle of goo. "No. Actually, I know exactly how you feel. I believe in you."

After witnessing that smile and hearing those words, Kyoko realised then and there that no matter what, she could never ever truly hate him.

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That night, Kyoko was about to leave for home when she remembered that she left her notebooks at Ren's place so she had no choice but to go back there with him. She didn't want to intrude on him but it was pretty late and there was no cabs either so he insisted for her to stay and she stayed.

She was studying in the living room for her big exam the next day when without realising she drifted off.

When Ren came out of the bath and found her passed out leaning on the table, he patted her head. "You'll catch an awful cold if you fall asleep out here."

Only semi-awake, Kyoko opened her eyes slightly and the view of Ren's handsome, chiseled face with his jet black hair soaking wet - took her breath away.

"You should get some rest. Come on now, there's a guest room." He smiled.

And it was that damned smile's fault that got her so startled, she jerked away with a shriek and bumped her head on the sofa behind her ending up on the floor with an "ouch!"

Ren raised an eyebrow. "Should I be worried of that reaction?"

"Nope!" Picking herself up she thought, that perfect smile first thing is way too much for my heart to handle!

"Listen I know you didn't get much sleep last night caring for me so why don't you lay off the books for tonight and get some proper rest?"

"But the President give me this opportunity and I don't want to mess it up." She clutched the notebook tightly to her chest showing that she was not going to comply.

"Tell me, why have you been studying so intensely?" He asked. "It's just an entrance exam. You don't need a perfect score to get in."

As his words sank in, she realized he was right. She didn't need a perfect score. It was not like she was doing it to gain her mother's approval anymore.

Thinking how silly and worried she had been acting for nothing, she burst out laughing. "I can't believe I was being so crazy. Old habits really do die hard!"

"It's always important to give your best but you shouldn't over exert yourself either. I insist you take the night off and relax - after you take a nice, soothing bath, that is."

"Really?" She jumped up with a broad grin. A bath was exactly what she needed. It sounded so great after such an exhausting day that she almost forgot they were alone. "Wait, hold on," her grin faltered. "I can't just take a bath in a single guy's apartment!"

"Why? Are you worried I'll try something?" He crossed his arms. "Do you really think I'll try to spy on you soaking in the bath? Ha!" He scoffed like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world.

You-you're such a jerk! "Fine! I'll just take a stupid bath then!" She snapped.

"Great. You know I am pretty tired so I'll just head off to sleep. Oh and this door over here is to the guest room."

"Wouldn't go in the other if you begged me!"

"The water is pretty relaxing so don't fall asleep."

"I won't fall asleep!"

"And I have an early shoot tomorrow so don't oversleep."

"I won't oversleep either!"