Chapter 9

When Deku and I arrived at my house, I started doing my homework, hoping to get it done before Deku had a cutting seizure. Deku meanwhile sat on my bed, watching me and playing with his knife. He watched the signs of my upcoming annoyance with a satisfied smile, and he knew I wouldn't have the guts to ask him to stop.

Although I hated it, I was actually scared of that crazy motherfucker. Every time the things he said and did crossed my mind, some kind of panic mode was activated in me. My breath started hitching, my tiny hairs straightened up, my fingers started shaking, and since I had to think about Deku all the fucking time, I couldn't concentrate at fucking all.

I had probably written a ton of shit, but I actually managed to finish my damn homework. Then Deku and I ate dinner (because he had apparently decided everything in this fucking house belonged to him, including the food), and afterwards I got ready to go to bed. I came as far as brushing my teeth. When I searched for my pajamas, I sensed a familiar presence behind me. I sighed heavily and sat down onto the edge of my bed. "I'm not fucking changing in front of you, nerd."

He grinned, already playing with his knife again. "Self-conscious, Kacchan?" I snorted. "Nope, self-loving." Deku sarcastically chuckled to himself. "Too fucking bad." He closed the door behind him, then he looked around my room. "Geez, I hate these flat houses. Cramped, claustrophobic and heating up like an oven." He took the sweatjacket he had been wearing the past days off and hung it onto the doorknob by the hood.

Deku came over to me, both hands in his pockets. I almost flinched when he sat down next to me. The dark blue shirt with sleeves to the elbows he was wearing revealed his lower arms. At first, I thought my eyes were acting up, but then I saw that a cluster of hundreds and thousands of bigger, smaller, deeper and slighter scars was covering them. I grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm closer to my eyes, examining them.

The cut on his wrist he had given himself a couple of days ago was already almost scarred over, but the light pink line stood out from all the white ones. Dekus hand was coated in scars too, most of them being tiny, but there were also a few long ones over his palm and the back of his hand.

Deku sighed. "No, I'm not a petty, depressed bundle of tears that wants to die. My weapon is a knife, and I haven't always been this good with it. In fact, I have tons of scars everywhere because I was such a slow learner and my sensei pushed me a lot. The only times I hurt myself on purpose are the ones when Mr. Softy acts up, and that's violence against another person."

He giggled at the last sentence, but I couldn't. This boy had more scars than I had, and he wasn't even supposed to fight anyone. Not to talk about his obviously poor mental health. I dropped his wrist and silently stared at the opposite wall.

Deku put his arm around my shoulder and laid his head onto my shoulder. "Now, now, don't get all gloomy." Then a dangerous fire ignited in his eyes. "Do you regret pushing me to the point where I scarred myself to keep my shit together, or do you regret giving me a chance to learn how to use a knife?" I didn't answer.

His hand suddenly slid under the rim of my shirt and his fingernails pierced the skin on my shoulder. "Silence is not an answer. It doesn't save you from harm. You're not spared from anything by keeping quiet." Then he slowly dragged his fingernails across my shoulder.

I closed my eyes. "Deku…" I stared at my shaking hands and tried to ignore his fingernails ragging my skin. "This won't change anything, but I just gotta say this. I'm fucking sorry. For everything I've done and caused."

Deku smiled and took his hand back to himself. "Although regret is a good first step, you're right. A 'sorry' won't change or fix anything. Also… deal is deal." In a split second, his arm was back around me, holding his knife to my throat. "That's why I suggest you play my game now. The rules say 'bloody'."

Careful not to let his knife get any closer to me, I dragged my shirt over my head and internally tried to brace myself for whatever would come. I heard cold giggling behind me. "You're scared. How cute." Something about the adjective he was using made me rage up. I growled and glared down on him like on a pile of shit. "I'M NOT FUCKING CUTE!" Deku burst out in a short laughter. "A Tsundere aswell. Even cuter."

Out of an old reflex, I dragged him up by the collar. "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE FUCK, KEEP YOUR GAY ASS COMMENTS TO YOURSELF AND GET OVER WITH YOUR BUSINESS!" Deku looked surprised, then he grinned. "Your confidence is back, huh?" I let go of him as if I had burned myself and slid backwards. "I-" Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, this was really the worst thing I could've done.

Deku chuckled. "I can't change you, hm? Oh well…" Then his expression dropped, and in a second, he had pinned me down. "Let's talk about the 'gay ass' thingy." I gritted my teeth. Why was I so fucking stupid today?! Deku slowly started dragging his knife over my chest lightly, just hard enough to add a few scrapes to the ones I already had from Hero training.

"You don't always have to get so offensive about things you know nothing about." An innocent expression showed up on his face. "That might really hurt the people that are that way. Like myself." My eyes widened. Don't fucking tell me that was the reason- Deku must've read my thoughts from my eyes, because his face changed to offended. "No, I'm not planning on raping you. I'm an insane sadist, not the lowest level creature possible."

He sat up and allowed me to do so aswell. The expression I had while trying to get the newly gained information in my head must've looked pitiful, because Deku made a face like he tried to comfort a little child and pulled me in a hug. "Aw, come on. I won't hurt you for that. You couldn't have known." He placed his chin on my shoulder and suddenly mumbled something under his breath that sounded like "Or will I…"

My eyes widened at the sudden realization of what he said. Then the knife teared the skin on my back open with a firmness as if Deku planned on cutting all the way through me. The new cut crossed the three old wounds and reopened parts of them like in a chain reaction. I winced out in pain and part of my vision started to white out. But Deku wasn't fucking done yet. He dragged the knife even further, even deeper.

"You…fucking…asshole." With every word he said, he pushed the knife in deeper and added a few more millimeters to the cut. I clenched my fists gasped out, desperately trying not to scream. I failed. The blade of Shishi slid up my wound again, lashing out to sides, ripping my flesh even more. I couldn't bear with the pain anymore.

My eyes rolled up into my head and I blacked out.