Chapter 17

Dekus eyes rolled up into his head for a moment, then they came back. They were much more alive now, still ashy and undershadowed, but happier. He dropped the knife and rand towards me. "Kacchan!" I almost broke out in tears, hearing the nice, adoring way he said my childish nickname.

Dekus- no, Izukus arms wrapped around me tightly and I couldn't help but hug him back. I squeezed him against me, burying my face in his soft hair. "Izuku, you won't believe how fucking much I missed your cheerful ass." He just quietly sobbed into my chest.

I pulled him away from me a bit, wiping his tears away with my thumbs. "Izuku, listen. I want you to know that I'm really, really, really fucking sorry for everything. You shouldn't die at all, you deserve to be happy and you're a great person. I was just a fucking idiotic asshole, got it?"

Izuku nodded lightly. "I'm glad you're saying that. I missed you too." I pulled him into a hug again. "Can't you just stay? I promise I'll never lay a damn finger on you again!" He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. "I can't control who's up front… Around you, I'll always remember bad things and I think that triggers him to protect us…"

"Protect you?! He INJURED AND DESTROYED! Do you want to share a body with a VILLAIN?! You always wanted to be a Hero!" Izukus smile was crooked when he answered. "And you made me realize I can't. Even if you had believed in me, I would've never been the Hero I wanted to be. Kacchan, you can't heal me like that."

His eyes flopped away. "Kind reminder, we share our brain. Go shovel your grave or something already." Right, Deku was still there. But right now, the fact that even Izuku had lost faith concerned me more. Even the actually happy one was sad. I hated myself so fucking much at that moment…

I softly led Izuku to my bed and sat us both down. "Let's not talk about that if it's okay with you. I want… I want you to feel good as much as you can. Doesn't make up for everything, but I can try, right?" Izuku gave me a bright smile I recognized too well. "I'm really just glad I was able to be nice to you again. I'm against violence. He's not…"

I stared at my feet. "Yeah, I fucking noticed. Shit, I didn't mean to come off that rude-" He chuckled. "Hey, you don't have to be like that. I like you the way you are, no need to act. It's not like you were trying to be mean now, Kacchan!" This nickname in that tune…

I turned to Izuku. "Izuku, say that again." His eyes widened a bit. "Kacchan? But you never liked it…" I shook my head. "But you do. Even Deku does. And I haven't heard someone say it nicely in way too fucking long." Izuku gave me his sunny, closed-eyed smile again. "Alright, Kacchan."

I had to turn away and cover my face, because tears were stinging the corners of my eyes. I was too fucking emotional right now, but who'd judge me for that? Anybody who did could go to hell. "Kacchan? Are you crying?" Izukus voice was concerned. I shook my head. "No. Not at fucking all. I'm just really fucking happy right now."

Happiness is a transient feeling. It fades too easily, breaks on the smallest thing and sometimes never returns. And sometimes… it may have never been there.

"Hey Izuku?" His eyes sparked up when I called his forename. "Yes, Kacchan?" I inhaled deeply. "Do you think you could ever forgive me? My old hag said saying sorry is the second hardest thing to say, saying 'I forgive you' the hardest. Is that even possible after our shit of history?"

Izuku stared at the tips of his army boots. "I probably would one day- I always did and I always would have… But he won't let me. I'm gaslighting myself sometimes, you know? He sometimes makes me unsure of if he wasn't the first one, if I actually like you, if anything is real."

I gave him a long glare. "You know, you don't have to listen to him. If you're two personalities, you're two different people. I don't need him to forgive me. I know he wouldn't. If you did, that'd be something else." I softly forced Izuku to look at me. "If you want to forgive me, and ONLY if you want to, you can do it."

I took another deep breath. "I'm sorry, I really am. I regret treating you like shit and I won't ever do that to you or anybody again. It's up to you to believe me." Izuku avoided my eyes. "I accept your apology. I can go that far." I gave him a stern look. "Can? Noone's holding you back from anything."

Izukus eyes dampened. "That's what you believe. He's screaming at me to hate you!" I put my hand on his shoulder. "And you got every right to. But don't be pressured into something." He wiped his eyes, staring up to me with a strange look. "I don't get it. Why are you so nice to me? What happened to you?"

I grinned coldly. "Time happened. I've grown up, I guess." "Took you long enough." Right after those words had fallen out of Izukus mouth, he covered his face with his hands. "Please…" His eyes shot to me, a panicky look on his face." "Kacchan, I- I do-"

His eyes flopped around uncontrollably and a hostile glare came to his face. "You're making him panic again! Is that all you ever do?! Sorry, huh?! Not being pressured into anything?! You were trying to MAKE him forgive you, weren't you?!" Deku picked his knife up and held it to his throat.

"I'll be a bitch and burst your bubble- There's no forgiveness for you. Just suffering until you feel like dying. And If I kill you, it'll be slowly and lonely. You will be hopeless, faithless and out of happy thoughts when I'm done with you. Do you get that?!

I won't forgive you!"