Chapter 30

I lied down next to Deku, not facing him. I didn't know what would happen now, after all, it could be anything.

His heavy breathing stopped after a while and he stood up. I heard the rustling of cloth, then Deku hummed in displeasure. "Huh. I don't remember which underpants were mine…" He sighed. "I suppose that's not very important."

I turned my head to him and was greeted with the sight of his now clothed butt. "Tch. You can remember when I go to bed, but not the color of your own damn underwear?! That's hella pathetic." I saw Dekus shoulders dropping in annoyance. "If not even sex shuts you up, what does?" I just grumbled, knowing I was moving on thin ice again.

While Deku searched for his pants, I stretched one arm out of my bed and grabbed (hopefully) my own boxershorts. Then I got up and looked where my other clothes had gone. When I heard the snapping of a knife, I flinched. "Do you always have to play around with that damn knife?!"

Deku chuckled slightly. "It's just a habit of mine." He turned around to me, still half-naked, one hand in his pocket the other one throwing the butterfly knife up. It turned over in the air a few times, then Deku caught it again. "Problem, Kacchan?" I huffed and turned away, picking a nondestroyed shirt up from the ground and pulling it over my head.

When I looked over to him again, he was fully clothed and examining a few hickeys on his collarbone with an expression somewhere between annoyed and amused. "I can't complain, now can I? These are at least nonpermanent." I snickered. "I'd worry more about walking straight if I was you." Deku shot me a glare over his shoulder. "Boastful much, are you? Who said I'd let you affect me? My butt's gonna be fine, now and always."

I stared at him, at loss for words. Like, I didn't even know what kind of opinion to have about this. Deku grinned at me through the mirror. "I guess that wasn't too bad." I huffed. "Just how often do you get laid that your first comment about this is 'not too bad'?! Who are you comparing me to?!" He chuckled viciously. "My own hand."

That little fucker.

I internally flipped Deku off. Then I gave him a conceited smirk. "Yeah, I'm not having that, bitch. May I remind you of 'Scratch that, you're in control'?" He didn't bat an eye. "May I remind you of 'Believe you can control me and afterwards, let me remind you that you're just a toy'?" My eyes narrowed and I tried my hardest not to pout. Dekus expression was somewhere between embarrassed and angry.

Then I sighed and threw my pride out of the window. "If I admit this was fucking awesome, will you too?" Dekus eyelids dropped half shut. "Dear diary, I just got assfucked by the person I hate most and now he wants me to admit I liked it. What an idiot." His voice was dripping with sarcasm. Not that, but what he said hit me right in the face. For a moment, I had forgotten Deku never fell in love with me.

I turned around and quietly started changing the sheets of my bed. Deku watched me, then he dropped to the floor. "Kacchan, I told you I'm toying with you. I'm using you and you use that to get what you want. You can't expect something as toxic as that not to hurt." I didn't answer. I knew Deku was right, but I actually loved him. Nothing about that was gonna change.

I wished I could turn back time. To before Deku was crazy, sadistic, emotionally abusive and resentful. But I knew I would've never seen his true worth if I hadn't experienced how much worse he could be. Unwanted tears were welling up in my eyes and I dropped my head back, covering my eyes with my palms. Dekus light steps came up behind me, then his arms wound around my waist.

"My feelings for you hurt too. Seething, sometimes cold, sometimes burning hatred that eats me up inside. It's ugly. Hurting you, scarring you relieves me for a moment, but it will never go away. That's why I said 'a decision for the eternity'. I won't leave you. I want to be able to hurt you whenever I want to. You want to be able to love me whenever you want to, don't you? You're bound to me aswell.

This is as much of a vow as marriage is. I will stay as long as I yearn for revenge. Forever."

Deku softly pushed me onto my sheetless bed and lied down next to me. I turned to him, wrapped my arms around him firmly and released my hot tears into his chest until I fell asleep.

The next morning, Deku was gone, but I knew he'd be back, worse than before. Like every day. Forever.