Katsuki lays down on his bed, putting his arms behind his head. He stares at the ceiling. His chest is aching with a disarray of emotions, and normally, Katsuki would shove them down or sweat them out. But. Fuck, he has to face this shit now, doesn't he? This isn't a cosmic joke, this isn't something temporary, this is his fucking life now. Deku is his step-brother. And this is his new family. Jesus fuck.
Truth of the matter is, he actually had fun today.
Round-face is a fun girl, she's fearless and confident, and she's actually good to Izuku. They fit… really well. Probably a whole lot better than he ever did with that pressurized tube of glitter. Two rays of sunshine, bundled up as a set of… fuck, chopsticks? He doesn't know. He feels guilty, for being so jealous when she didn't do anything other than love Deku. He could never blame her for that.
Still, the conversation between the two of them is stuck in his head. Something was… off, about it. He just can't put his finger on it.
He was just watching the nerd do his usual nerd shit, literally being a super-hero to some snot nosed brat, when Deku's miniature girlfriend clears her throat and shuffles her feet. He glances down at her. Her cheeks are blown to chipmunk proportions with air and she's pouting and crossing her arms. Katsuki glares at her, waiting for her to speak. He doesn't fucking know her well enough to just yell at her to spit it out, so he waits, semi-patiently, until she's ready.
Finally, she bursts out, "You win, okay?"
"Damn fucking right I do." Katsuki pauses. "What do I win?"
"Just… I'm not dumb, okay?" shorty erupts. Katsuki shrugs. Sure. How the fuck is he supposed to know? His friends are the dumbest motherfuckers on this planet, and they all go to Harvard.
"He's… he's… special. He keeps saying that you're perfect, and amazing, but you – he. He's unlike anyone I've ever met. He's… he's magical." Her eyes actually sparkle, and Katsuki suppresses the urge to fake-gag at the little green nerd's expense.
"You're not fucking telling me anything I don't already know." Katsuki grumbles. Whatever. He lets her keep talking. Seems like she's got a whole fucking soliloquy going.
"You know, Izuku was one of my first friends in college. He was so kind, and gentle, and helpful. Beyond that, though, he was so driven, intelligent, humble. He was amazing. I really admired him. I was so happy when he finally asked me out. I felt like I was… chosen, or something."
Katsuki's heart jumps, but he's surprised to find that he doesn't feel jealousy or rage – just an uncomfortable gnawing at the bottom of his stomach. He feels the easy mood of the day slowly slip from his fingers as he watches Deku's miniature girlfriend fidget.
"Urgh, fuck, round-face. I don't want to hear any of this shit. I fucking get it. Deku is great, you're in love, blah blah blah – "
Katsuki responding seemed to have spurred her on to continue her thought. Katsuki tries to shove down the part of himself that bristles at the fact that this girl doesn't deny being in love with Deku. Fuck.
"But, despite all that, despite knowing him for these past three years, despite dating for the past few months, I always felt… I don't know. Like I was second place in his heart. Like he wasn't willing to give me all of himself. Like he was closed off, somehow. I know that sounds strange. I… Um. I think I get it, now. That closed off part…I don't know. Maybe it was supposed to be yours."
"What the fuck are you even talking about?" Katsuki asks, but the two stop talking as Deku, with a dumb-shit wide-ass smile on his face and two ice cream cones in his hands, comes back to them.
Biting into his chocolate soft-serve, his mind reels. What kind of bullshit is she spewing? Strawberry Short-cake didn't need to fucking tell him all the ways that Deku is great. He fucking knows. Who the fuck else could leave him, hard-ass Bakugou Katsuki, feeling soft and sweet all over after fifth-wheeling for eight hours, like he's that funnel cake Round-Face was shoving down her gullet?! Urgh, hanging out with Deku fucking makes him feel like…fucking… Kacchan. There's a part of him that doesn't hate it - a part that he thought he had gotten rid off over the past three years. Clearly the fuck not. Either way, sure, Deku is… has some redeeming qualities. But, fuck, what did she mean with the whole 'closed off part being his' thing? What the fuck is she implying?
If he didn't know any better, Katsuki would be convinced that she… knows. She knows something, but he can't imagine that Deku would tell her the extent of that something. No matter how chill your girlfriend is, hanging out with a guy that your boyfriend had disgusting, constant, animalistic sex with is probably not the most comfortable thing in the world.
He almost didn't think he could go through with it. This… platonic… family…. Fucking….bullshit. He'd rather fucking get plastic chompers than spend the day hanging out with Deku and his fucking girlfriend and their fucking parents.
Especially after what happened just a few days ago. Come on, he might be Katsuki fucking Bakugou, but he's still just a man. Look, he was trying to be considerate. As hilarious as it was to see the nerd turn bright red and stammer some shit every time he came into the room shirtless, he figured it was something on the edge of torture, and he can only be a jerk to him for so long. He only realized that he didn't grab a change of clothes after he had already started the shower, so he slinked out real quick to their room to be stopped by something... interesting.
Jesus, he's not even trying to be discreet. There he is, stupid handsome Deku, laid out all comfortable on his bed on top of the covers, headphones in his ears, staring at his phone, and… oh yeah. His pretty cock is out. Katsuki more or less completely stops breathing and halts at the entrance, eyes glued. This is fucked up, right? He should just leave, right? He shouldn't watch his step brother jerk off… right?
Wrong. His mouth is completely dry,and he's fucking transfixed. Deku's stroking slowly, taking his time, crooked fingers wrapped around the base, sliding to the head, arching his hand, then back down. His cock is so damn pretty, too – neat bushel of green pubes like a little fucking forest for this sexy, engorged tree. Was that thought sexy? Uh, he digresses. The nerds hand arches back up, and Katsuki can see him buck his hips as he rubs against the head, flinching as if in pain. Katsuki's heart is fucking racing – all his blood rushes straight into his dick and he's getting hard. Like, rock hard. Like he could cut diamonds with the thing. This shit is actually throbbing. He shouldn't. He's going to get caught. Which, uh… maybe makes it a tad more exciting. Not that that's Katsuki's thing. He's not a fucking pervert, goddamn it. Katsuki takes his shaking fingers and digs them into his shorts. He's fucking sweaty and disgusting, having just come back from a workout. But this, mixed with the endorphins from a good gym session, leaves his entire body feeling hot and heady. Its so fucking good. He strokes gingerly along his engorged shaft, eyes glued to the fucking miracle unfolding in front of him.
The nerd's fucking face is straight out of a wet dream, slick, plush lips open in a silent moan, eyes shut tight, charming blush peppering his cheeks. His breaths come out short, stunted, and Katsuki can tell that he's trying to be quiet. He can appreciate the narrowing of Deku's waist, the peek of abs under his shirt, and perfect muscular rippling of his thighs. Deku's cock is fucking glistening, standing straight up like a fucking lighthouse, telling Katsuki the way home. Katsuki wonders if it still tastes the same, that salt and earth and pepperminty body wash that Deku fucking loves to use. He remembers that his tongue would always tingle after he'd suck his perfect dick. Can almost taste it, feel the smooth weight of it, on his tongue.
He hardly notices his own breathing hitch, and his rhythm starts to match Deku's, whose own movements start to get more rapid, frantic. Unbelieving, Katsuki nearly fucking faints when he sees Deku put a finger in his mouth and… Jesus. Lift up his legs and fuck his own hole. He fucks himself shallowly, thick thighs spread like a fucking buffet. Jesus fucking christ. Katsuki bites hard into his lip, swearing that he can taste the metallic taste of iron on his tongue. He needs to get between those thighs. He needs - fuck. He needs - he can feel the orgasm building blindingly quickly under his own hands, but he's stunned too stupid from how fucking hot this is that he isn't sure if he can stop.
No. No. He needs to go. He needs to shower, he needs to hide, he can't fucking let Deku know he saw him. Jesus. He's never going to be able to get that out of his head. As if fucking memories of them in high school weren't plaguing him, he's got this now, too. How the fuck is he supposed to recover from that?
Before the nerd has a chance to finish and take off his headphones and fucking notice Katsuki beating his meat to him in the fucking doorway like a perverted freak, Katsuki rushes back into the bathroom and stands, stunned, under the already cold shower stream. His heart is racing, his brain is blank, his mouth is watering and he's pretty sure that he's maybe on the precipice of having a panic attack. Maybe. Is it fucked up that he kind of wants to thank his idiot father for shaking up with Deku's idiot mother? Thank the lord, Jesus, whatever fucking deity is up there blessing him, because - Deku. Fucking Deku. Literally placed into this world like a succubus, to drive Katsuki wild with temptation. Jesus Christ. Katsuki is so fucking fucked.
Undeterred by the coldness of the water, Katsuki leans one hand against the tile, letting his hair get wet while his impatient hand rapidly gets him to his own release, Deku's name on his tongue like a goddamn prayer.
The desire to be near him, to see him, to touch him, became almost overwhelming. Today's whole amusement park thing was, Katsuki figured, going to be a horrible fucking disaster. He wasn't sure he could keep himself from pissing all over Deku like a territorial dog. But, somehow? It was fucking normal. And, even, nice.
Fuck. He'd missed the nerd. He didn't really realize how much, but being around him, being bathed in that smile, those soft words, even getting to touch Deku…. Katsuki doesn't remember the last time he's felt to fluttery and light. He's gone on plenty of fucking dates. He's Bakugou fucking Katsuki, he goes to Harvard and he's jacked and hot as shit. His life is basically the gay version of The Bachelor, when he wants it to be. And yet? The best date he's been on in the past three years happened to be with his step-brother, his girlfriend, and their parents. Jesus. Katsuki might as well lobotomize himself with that admission. No one, no one has ever been able to make him smile, make him feel light, make him feel both wanted and loved the way that Deku does. Katsuki Bakugou doesn't swoon or get romanced, but man… Deku is out here, just straight up ruining him for anybody else, and the nerd doesn't even know it. Round-face is lucky.
Katsuki is spurred from his thoughts by their bedroom door opening. The previously cheerful and sun-kissed Izuku is frowning, dragging his feet. He lands heavy on his bed, making Katsuki sit up on his and stare at the man across from him. Deku puts his knees up and hugs his legs, not looking at Katsuki.
"…Where's Round Face?" Katsuki asks sincerely. Its still not that late, and he figured the two of them would be sucking face or whatever for at least another hour or two.
"We broke up."
"…What?" Katsuki's heart starts to race instantaneously. Fucking Secretariat level racing. Like he's got a fucking marathon to win. He pivots himself up and puts his feet on the floor. Looking at Deku physically aches, and unconsciously, Katsuki grips at the front of his shirt over his heart.
"I said we broke up. No, no. Actually. She dumped me." Deku almost sounds surprised, laughter coloring his broken words, and it actually hurts. It physically hurts Katsuki and he doesn't fucking understand why.
"Deku, what? Why would she do that?" She seemed so happy at that fucking amusement park. She had her hands all over his Deku, all day, and he was actually going to be a man about it and 'approve,' albeit temporarily. What the actual fuck is that girl's deal? She said she wasn't dumb, but turns out she's actually doesn't have a goddamn brain in that little fucking skull?
"I don't want to talk about this, Kacchan," Izuku says miserably. Katsuki tries to control his breathing, discomfort settling on his chest, nerves frayed. The last straw is when he actually hears the little nerd sob. He feels his own heart come to a rapid stop, Deku's fucking tears a red light to whatever motor may have been running beforehand. Jesus, he was so weak to Deku's tears. Always has been.
"Hey, what the fuck, why are you crying?"
Katsuki gets up off his bed and bridges the distance between them without hesitation. Izuku balls up on himself, and Katsuki just sits there next to him, not really knowing what to do. He's so fucking bad at shit like this, but if he has to try, for anyone, it needs to be Deku.
Trembling way more than he should be, Katsuki puts a hand on Izuku's back. Imitating what his fucking dad would do when he was sick, he rubs slow, large circles over his back. He just keeps going, steady rhythm, trying to keep his own breathing nice and regular, until he feels Deku's muscles relax under him.
Katsuki does his fucking best to keep his voice quiet, soothing, rather than the usual aggressive boom.
"Hey, Deku, hey, its her fucking loss. Hey, hey, hey, you're a great guy, right?"
Wrong fucking thing to say, apparently, because Deku's shoulders shake under his hands and the sobs increase in frequency, body quivering under him. Fuck. Fuck. What does he say? How does he make this better?
"…Hey, dipshit, what the fuck. Deku, you…" Katsuki sighs and drags his other hand against his face. "Man, you're a fucking delight. Look, you - You've got a big annoying brain. You're selfless as shit to a fault; Jesus, you gave away my rightfully won All Might toy to some spoiled brat! You never let anyone hold you back…" Katsuki is spurred on by the decrease in the intensity of Izuku's sobs.
"… You have an infectious smile. Like a whole-ass plague. You light up any room when you're there. Everyone gravitates to you. I did. And, I suppose, you're not that ugly," Izuku snorts at that, and Katsuki feels himself relax a little, smiling.
Eventually, Izuku uncurls from his ball and his arms reach out, pulling Katsuki in for a hug. Its so soft, so weak, so gentle, Katsuki can't stop stupid thoughts from coming into his brain. Like, shit, man, I love you, probably have my whole life, run away with me. He stays silent as Deku nuzzles into the crook of his neck, fingers digging into the back of his shirt like he's looking for an anchor in some kind of… stormy sea, or some shit. He continues to rub his back, the other hand finding its way to Deku's hair. His curls feel so fucking good against his fingers, and he gets lost in the sensation of caressing them. He has no idea how long they sit there. He doesn't care. Deku's solid body against his, his warmth, his warm breath on his shoulder. Katsuki's heart stutters in his chest. He's changed. His body is less stocky, taller, more muscular, shoulders broad. His chin has lost all of its roundness, now sharp and masculine. Three years apart changes people; that's not something Katsuki should be surprised by. But the change isn't bad. Not really. He's still the same Deku. The way he fits so seamlessly into his arms. The way their heartbeats sync up when they're in each other's proximity. His scent. That same peppermint shit. Katsuki's chest feels like a fucking litter of kittens, all soft and warm and perfect.
Katsuki moves his hands down to Izuku's waist, still small, familiar, and leans away. He lets his fingers linger, resting at the other man's hipbones. Inches between them, he's able to meet Izuku's eyes. Tear-streaked and red-rimmed, they shine spectacularly. Pink cheeks, freckles powdering his blotchy face, lips looking pink and bitten to shit, and Katsuki's never seen anyone more beautiful in his entire life.
Katsuki takes one hand from Izuku's waist and brings it to his face. The air between them is charged, electric, thick and he can swear that Izuku hitches his breath. Gently, as gently as Katsuki can, he wipes a tear out from under Izuku's eye. He strokes him there for a few seconds, thumb trailing to the side of his face, then the rest of his fingers brushing through Izuku's hair. He keeps combing it behind Izuku's ear, half-petting him, daring to run some light fingertips against the side of Izuku's neck. Izuku lets out a sweet little sign, and Katsuki's heart is racing. Their eyes never leave each other, Deku's expression unreadable. His eyes dart to the lips that have been haunting his dreams. Deku isn't his to take, the timing couldn't be worse, but in this bubble, its like no time passed at all. He's just Kacchan, hopelessly in love with his childhood best friend. This is just Deku, the only person he's ever been afraid of. Because the nerd knowing him better than he knows himself. Because he's never been so vulnerable with another human being in his entire life. Doesn't think he ever will be again.
His mouth is dry, his fingers are shaking, he's sweating like crazy, and fuck. Katsuki wants Izuku. He needs him. He licks his lips, pressure on his chest intensifying. Izuku is covered with snot and tears and Katsuki has to kiss him. He has to. There's no getting out of this for either one of them tonight. Katsuki's thumb finds the corner of Deku's mouth and traces, ever so lightly, against his bottom lip. No, there's no force on this fucking universe that is going to prevent Katsuki from tasting him again.
"Turns out you're a pretty great big brother, huh?"
Katsuki's eyes open wide and he stills completely. What is going on in his chest, the erratic beating of his heart, the excitement and affection in his system, that's not big brother shit. And maybe he was stupid, but he thought, maybe for a minute, it wasn't for Deku either.
But he is stupid. So he takes his hands off Izuku, because they don't belong there, swallows dryly, gives his 'brother' a tight smile and mechanically makes it to the other side of the room.
He turns towards the wall and panics.