Chapter 3

Harry still struggled to find interest in anything happening around him. None of it mattered. Not one bit. Although, when Harry finished his nightly walk, he was aware that he missed Severus. He wasn't sure why the man hadn't shown up for their walk, but Harry wished he had been there with him. Harry chuckled and shook his head. There was no way that he was actually beginning to desire the man's presence, and miss him when he wasn't near- except that he was desiring his presence, and he did miss him.

"Where is your friend Professor Snape?" The Fat Lady cooed at Harry in her high-pitched sing-song voice.

"I'm not sure. He just didn't show up tonight."

She clucked her tongue, "I hope he's feeling well."

The thought hadn't occurred to Harry until then that perhaps the man had been called away to a Death Eater meeting. It couldn't be The Order or else Sirius would have firecalled Harry afterwards to tell him about it (what he'd be allowed to tell him, anyways.) Harry could kick himself. Why hadn't it occurred to him earlier? The older man could be injured somewhere.

Without thinking, Harry turned around and sprinted to the dungeons. From their walks, he knew exactly where Snape's rooms were. Harry paused at the door and gave himself time to catch his breath before lifting his fist and banging on the door.

The door was wrenched open violently.

"Albus, I swear to Mer- Potter?"

"Where were you tonight?" Harry demanded, still trying to catch his breath.

Severus leaned back, crossed his arms, and smirked. "Sorry, Mother, did I forget to ask permission to stay in my own rooms and mark papers?"

"You've been here all night?"

"These are my rooms, so yes."

"Right." Harry moved to turn around and return to his own bed. He felt inexplicably embarrassed. Of course, Severus wouldn't be willing to walk with him every night. It was more than Harry could ask of him. Before he could get very far, Severus's strong hand grasped his shoulder and spun him around to face him once more.

"You were worried about me," Severus said apologetically.

Harry grimaced. Hearing it out loud made him feel like such a dunderhead. Severus Snape had been successfully taking care of himself for decades. He didn't need Harry to be worrying about him.

"You have a dangerous job." Harry looked up at the man who seemed a bit concerned, himself.

"I do. However, tonight, I have been right here. No danger posed to my person at all," Severus assured.

"Good. Er, yeah, good. Right. Off to bed, then."

Severus stepped out into the corridor and closed the door behind him. He nodded his head in the direction of the staircase. The two walked together silently, just as they had for over a week now. But tonight, it wasn't a reassuring silence. Harry felt something hanging between them. Awkwardness? His heart beat quickly, knowing there was something being left unsaid. He didn't want to pressure Severus to tell him anything. He wanted to demand nothing from the man, knowing he'd already given him more than Harry even deserved. Still, he couldn't stop the words falling from his mouth as they climbed the stairs.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Severus stilled. "There are a great many things I'm not allowed to discuss with you. You know that, Potter."

Harry leaned back against the banister, midway up the dark staircase. "I can sense it. There is something you're wanting to tell me, or something you're thinking about- I don't know. But I wish you'd just say it. I can handle it."

Severus hesitated. "I confirmed the prophecy with Albus."

"You didn't have to. I know it's coming. Honestly, I'd have figured it out eventually anyways. I don't know how I ever believed I'd be allowed to survive." Harry's own demise didn't scare him anymore. He could talk about his impending death like he was discussing quidditch or the weather. Harry felt there was more Severus wanted to say, but he didn't pressure him. "Thank you for walking with me. I won't wait for you tomorrow."

"Potter, I-"

Harry waved his hand dismissively and took the rest of the stairs up two at a time. Once he was well enough from the professor, he slowed his pace. He had enough people pitying him, if Severus was now added to that list, then Harry no longer wanted to be near the man.

Hermione was sat in front of the fireplace, her legs crossed, with several books and pieces of parchment around her on the floor. Her brow was furrowed as she looked from page to page.

"It's only 3," Harry said, taking a seat next to her on the floor. "You're not usually up this early."

"I have four tests tomorrow. I can't afford to sleep."

"You're the smartest person I know. You'll be fine on those tests. What is really keeping you up?"

Hermione chewed her lip. "Oh, Harry, I'm worried about you."

Harry thought back to this newfound friendship with Severus Snape. He must be barmy.

Harry leaned back onto his hands. "Yeah. I'm worried about me, too."

Severus groaned and threw his head back against his pillow. Harry had been correct that there was more Severus wished he could say to him. He had struggled not to stop Harry in his tracks and tell him, "I can't keep doing this! I'm starting to actually give a damn about you! My position does not allow me to care more about your life than is required to defeat Voldemort. So, please, Potter, leave me be!"

He had not said this, obviously.

Severus felt sympathy for him. He felt regret at not seeing sooner that Harry was not the bratty child-celebrity he'd previously thought. He felt an ache that this young man would never get to experience life without the stress of the entire wizarding world on him. Severus felt determined. He would find a way to save Harry from his fate.

"Harry," Severus said out loud to the darkness of his room.

He mulled the name over and let sleep take him.

Even potions class had not been spared from Harry's inattentiveness. His head was propped up on his hand, his eyes closed, until Hermione knocked it out from under him, causing his head to nearly hit the desk.

"What the hell?" He hissed. She jerked her head towards the professor who was staring at him. Harry shot the dark-eyed man a look which he hoped conveyed a silent apology.

Severus nodded and continued his lecture.

"What is going on with the two of you?" Hermione whispered into his ear.

Harry cocked his head to the side, questioningly.

"Usually he would have taken points and assigned detention for you sleeping in class. What's changed between you?"

Harry shrugged. Harry wasn't capable of explaining what had changed. Nothing. Nothing, really. The man just provided him with quiet company. They didn't have deep conversations or an agreement or anything of that nature. They just had something thick in the air between them, telling them that things were not as they had been before. Apparently more than just he and Snape had noticed it, but Hermione had always been particularly perceptive.

Harry reached out a hand to push the heavy door open leading to the grounds of Hogwarts.

"I think it's best if we stay in the castle, Potter."

"I can't. I'm going insane in here. I need fresh air, a different scene."

Severus looked skeptical.

"Let me rephrase that, Professor. I mean no disrespect but I am going to walk the grounds. Come if you want." Harry pushed the door open and walked outside. He took a deep breath and surveyed the area, deciding which way to go. He decided on the lake. The lake always made him feel closer to his parents, if only for a moment. He could imagine them sitting together, studying, with Remus and Sirius close by.

Severus pulled his robes tighter across his body and shivered. It was mid-October and the night air had a bite to it.

Harry looked up at him. His profile, lit only by the moon, seemed eerie and mysterious. Harry reached up and ran one finger along the man's jawline.

Severus seemed to tense, but he continued walking.

"What was that?" Severus asked, but continued looking straight forward, even as Harry stared at him.

"I face no repercussions for nearly anything. I won't live long enough to see the effects of anything I do."

"You believe you face no repercussions, and with that, the one thing you choose to do is touch me?"

"Seems that way."

The crisp air, the company, the way Severus's black eyes looked like gleaming onyx beneath the moon... Harry suddenly felt elated and fearless for the first time in nearly two months.

"You cannot think that way. You shall certainly face the repercussions."

"Oh? What are the repercussions of touching you?" Harry asked, teasingly.

Harry stepped in front of Severus and placed a hand over the man's heart, stopping him.

Severus looked down into Harry's eyes. "I haven't decided yet." Severus took a deep breath through his nose. "I am going to find a way for you to survive fighting him."

"So you've said. I won't get my hopes up. I don't even know why you care. I just want to enjoy life while I'm here."

"Is that what you've decided during your long nighttime walks?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you continue these walks? Still more to think about?"

"No. It is what it is. I've just been enjoying the company. Speaking of, will you be here over the long Halloween weekend?"

"Yes. A few of my snakes will remain here, so I will as well."

"I'll stay, too."

"Wouldn't you prefer to be with your godfather or the Weasleys than here alone?"

"I won't be alone." Harry smiled. "I'd rather be here with you."

"That's a mistake. Go to bed."

Harry's breath caught in his throat. "What?"

"Go to bed."

Harry turned back to the castle as he was told, acutely aware of the older man's eyes on his back until he entered the castle.

Harry flopped himself into his bed, seething. Why had he touched the man? It was widely known Severus did not invite touch. And now Harry had made the man not want to be around him. Harry couldn't even say exactly why he had done it. To test the limits of this shift in their relationship? It made no sense to Harry. Just because Severus escorted Harry as he walked the grounds, and now spoke to him as if he were an actual person, didn't mean he was inviting Harry into his personal space. It didn't make them friends. He was just doing what the Headmaster had told him to do, just as he always did.

Harry wasn't ready for sleep, but he feared he would run into the professor again if he left the tower. Harry just couldn't face him right now. He groaned and buried his face into his pillow, remembering that he had double potions in the morning.

That night, Harry didn't dream about Voldemort. He dreamed about Severus. He dreamed he was drowning in the lake, the squid pulling and pushing at him like a cat with a mouse. But, Severus saved him. Just like he always had.

Harry awoke to his scar burning worse than it ever had. Likely, Voldemort was angry… or celebrating.

"Harry! Harry, you alright?" Ron pulled aside the curtains around Harry's bed. Harry rubbed at his scar and blinked up at Ron.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

"Get going, mate. Hermione is waiting for you. Double potions and all that."

"Will you, please, tell her I think I have a cold and won't be going today?"

Ron looked unsure. "Snape won't like that."

"I don't care. He would have to physically drag me out of this bed to make me go today."

Ron sighed. "Alright. I'll tell her."

After most of the Gryffindors had made their way to class, Harry made himself comfortable on the sofa before the fireplace in the common room.

He closed his eyes tightly, and continued to berate himself for pushing Severus away. Somehow, Severus had become important to him. The one person Harry could allow himself to connect with, and now it was over as quickly as it had begun. Ah well, the past weeks had been nice, but Harry would be fine without him.

As if hearing Harry's thoughts, Severus himself burst through the door and into the Gryffindor common room.

"Fuck." Harry sighed and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"You were not in my class this morning, Mr Potter. That is not acceptable."

"Touching you wasn't acceptable either, and yet I did it."

"Why were you not in class?"

Harry didn't care enough to lie. He simply shrugged. "Didn't want to be there."

"I doubt anyone wants to be in my class."

Harry snorted out a chuckle, then faced the professor. Severus seemed to be looking over Harry analytically.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"It's alright."

"That I didn't attend class? Thanks, but it's not like you can force me."

"No, Potter, I absolutely can force you. I meant it's alright that you touched me."

"But you sent me away."

Severus took three long strides towards Harry and sat beside him.

"I'm not accustomed to it."

"To being touched?"

"No."

"I'm sorry."

"My position does not allow it."

"To be touched?" Harry looked at Severus doubtfully.

Severus rolled his eyes. "I am a spy. I cannot care about anyone."

Harry blinked quickly. "Right."

Severus ran a hand over his face, then looked around the common room.

"Have you never been in here before?" Harry asked. "I just assumed, since you're a professor and all…"

"I have been here before, but rarely."

"Why are you here? To tell me that you're not allowed to care about me, or anyone, and that I should have been in class? Message received. You can go now."

"You tried to bang my door down when I didn't show up one evening."

"Yeah, I was worried about you," Harry said dumbly.

Severus raised an eyebrow meaningfully.

"You were worried about me?"

"Unfortunately," the man pursed his lips and peered down his large nose at Harry.

Harry leaned forward and threw his arms around Severus's neck, hugging him tightly. Severus did not return the embrace, and Harry slowly let the man go.

"I'm sorry. I won't touch you again."

Severus opened his mouth to speak, but Harry began to scream. His scar burned like actual fire. He clutched at his forehead, and crumpled into the older man's lap.

"Harry?!"