Chapter 8

Severus stood behind the chair Albus had previously occupied. He squeezed the back of the chair and flexed his fingers, watching his knuckles turn white, then back to pink as he released, and back to white as he squeezed again. Severus took deep, even breaths to clear his mind. Every inch of his body was sore. His mind hurt. His heart hurt.

The door groaned as it was opened slowly. Once the door clicked closed once more Severus dared to lift his head and open his eyes.

Harry stood there, his hands tucked behind his back and the door he leaned against. Harry wore a large smile, perhaps the brightest smile Severus had ever seen on him.

The sleeves of Harry's tshirt hugged the young man's surprisingly defined biceps.

They stood like that for a long moment. Harry, against the door. Severus, leaned forward gripping a chair. A table between them. It had been nine days since Severus had last seen him. Seeing his smile again caused a feeling of relief to wash over Severus.

Severus looked into those brilliant green eyes. Harry looked happier and healthier than he'd been since the year before. Perhaps anywhere away from Severus was the best place for him, since he looked quite healthier in just the few days they'd been separated.

"I've missed you," Harry finally said. A whisper. Words meant only for Severus; words that dared him to hope.

Hope was a dangerous emotion. One Severus avoided at all costs.

Severus was grateful he'd cast such a strong silencing spell. Had the young man's godfather heard those words through the door, he'd already be atop Severus, attacking him. Severus wasn't sure his body could handle another attack tonight.

Harry's affections were indiscriminate, yes, but Severus knew he didn't deserve them regardless. The teenager across the table from him was spectacular. And Severus hated himself for not seeing that sooner. The fact that he hadn't was proof that he didn't deserve the man's friendship. He didn't deserve so much as even polite kindness from the saviour.

We all want what we don't deserve. Wasn't that a universal truth?

Severus released the back of the wooden chair and stepped around the table, now only a foot before Harry.

"It's only been nine days," Severus responded finally.

Harry looked down to the floor and chuckled softly before removing his back from the door and placing himself against Severus in a swift movement. Before Severus could register it, Harry's arms were around his waist, his head tucked beneath his chin.

"The longest nine days of my life."

Harry had promised time and time again that he'd not offer Severus anymore physical affection. Harry continued to break that promise.

Severus didn't mind too terribly.

Harry smelled faintly of musky sweat. His hair smelled of a sweet-scented shampoo. Severus buried his nose into the mop of hair and inhaled deeply as he wrapped his own arms around the younger man in return. If Severus had anything to say about it, he'd keep Harry there in his arms, safe from the world that threatened to tear into him every day.

Harry's embrace caused the dull ache of his ribs to sting just a bit. Severus had been injured in his efforts to protect Harry several times throughout the years, but he wouldn't undo a moment of it. He'd take all of that pain and more, tenfold even, to continue protecting him.

Harry pulled back just enough to look up into Severus's eyes, with his arms still around the older man. Harry's pupils moved left-to-right between Severus's eyes, inspecting him. Harry's brow furrowed and he stared at the older man intensely.

"You're so bruised. What's happened, Severus?"

Severus put another step of space between them, both men's arms fell to their sides.

"Voldemort," Severus said simply. "He likes to beat us into submission, occasionally; remind us who we belong to." Severus didn't like to lie to Harry, whether overtly or through omission. He knew he'd one day have to tell him the full truth but tonight was not the night to do so.

Sometimes a small lie can provide protection, too.

Harry grimaced. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. I will be. I need rest."

"You still came to see me first?" Harry offered the older man a small grin.

"I will admit that I came because I had to. The meeting. Also, Albus has asked me to teach you- but not your typical classes. Have you ever heard of Occlumency, Harry?"

"No." the young man looked concerned.

"It's the art of blocking one's mind from others who may wish to invade it."

"You're telling me mind-reading is real."

"Mm," Severus grunted in affirmation.

"Have you done that to me?" Harry looked positively horrified by the thought.

"No. And I never shall, without telling you first. Voldemort can see into your mind. Just my telling you this is risking my life. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"I am going to teach you how to do this. It is going to take time and effort. It will exhaust you until you have learned to master it. This is the most important thing you can possibly do for the side of the light, Harry."

Harry chewed his lip and looked down at his bare feet, wiggling his toes against the sides of Severus's muddy boots.

"It will be alright. You will learn this."

"No, I know."

"You look upset."

Harry laughed bitterly. "It's nothing. I ... I thought you'd come just to see me."

Another opportunity for Severus to continue to lie to Harry. There was no possible way for Severus to comfort Harry in this matter. He could not be honest and tell him that he would have never let Albus separate them, if he could've. He could not tell Harry that he'd have come to see him earlier except that he was terrified of the possible repercussions of showing up unannounced to simply visit with a student. He and Harry were friends. Perhaps they were allowed to be friends, but Severus certainly didn't feel that it was encouraged. Most of all, Severus could not tell Harry that he'd thought of him constantly while they'd been apart. He couldn't tell him that his soul felt incomplete when Harry wasn't around. Or that he now found it difficult to find sleep without hearing Harry's nightly movements through the thin wall between their bedrooms. Severus felt that Harry was beginning to look up to him. Harry followed his lead. Harry looked to him for advice and comfort. Almost paternally. Oh, he was sure James Potter was rolling over in his grave at that thought.

No, there was nothing Severus could say, and so he didn't.

Severus put a few more feet of space between them and held his wand loosely at his side.

"I am going to invade your mind now. I want you to put a wall up and block me out."

"I'm ready."

Severus raised his wand.

LEGILIMENS

Severus easily found his way into Harry's mind.

Cupboard under the stairs.

Copying Hermione's homework.

Dementors flying overhead.

Severus pulled out of his mind.

Harry was panting, but his face was set and determined.

"Again," Harry demanded.

It was as easy as the first time had been.

Stirring a potion in class.

Taking a candy proffered by Albus.

Walking to the lake with Hagrid.

Harry was panting once more. He looked a bit shaken, his confidence seemed to be deteriorating quickly.

"Just build a wall around my mind," Harry said to himself.

Severus invaded Harry's mind several more times. It was equally easy each time, but by the end Harry was sat on the floor, frustrated, sweating, and out of breath.

Severus wanted to go easier on him, but he couldn't. There was a good reason that Severus had always been tough on him, and that couldn't change now.

Harry was on all fours, looking as if he'd vomit. Severus maintained his distance. It was not a joy to see the "Saviour" in such a state.

Harry shook his head, causing his glasses to slip from his face and to the tiled floor of the kitchen.

"I can't do it."

"You will learn. You must learn."

"It won't be tonight."

"No. I expect it'll be several more weeks. It's a very advanced skill. For tonight I will give you a dose of dreamless sleep, at least to keep the dark lord from your mind while it's dormant."

Harry slowly made his way back onto his feet, his breath coming more evenly now.

"I like my dreams," Harry protested weakly. "I dream about you, sometimes."

Severus pursed his lips. This camaraderie with the student had already come too far.

"Even more reason to take the potion. Those are the things He cannot see."

"Give it to me," Harry snapped, not meeting Severus's gaze.

The potion itself shimmered through the glass vial, looking like memories floating in a pensive. Harry snatched the bottle from Severus's fingertips and drank it expertly. Severus knew Harry was not foreign to this particular potion.

Severus lifted his wand and removed the silencing wards from the kitchen. Harry accepted the cue and made his way behind Severus into the sitting room.

Severus was mildly surprised to see that Remus waited there for the two of them, but Sirius was unseen.

Understanding, Remus said, "Sirius's outrage caused him to drink a bit more quickly than he should have. I sent him off to bed, but promised I'd wait here to 'keep watch.'" Remus smirked, wordlessly acknowledging that it was ridiculous that the two men would need to be looked after.

Harry looked over at Severus. His face remained flushed, but he was significantly more composed. "Good night," he bid the two older men and slipped past Severus into the door on the right, which he assumed was Harry's bedroom.

Severus stared after him, long after Harry closed the door between them. He got the distinct feeling the young man was upset with him.

Every joint in Severus's body ached. He longed for bed.

"You're doing the right thing, Severus."

"And which 'thing' would that be?"

"Giving Harry a strong shoulder to lean on."

Severus scoffed as if it were the most ridiculous thing to ever be proposed to him in his miserable life.

Severus struggled to keep his eyes open even as his body was pulled through the floo and back into his personal rooms at Hogwarts.

He walked quietly through the Slytherin dormitories to check on his few students who remained for the Christmas break then returned to his own rooms not far down the corridor. Severus swallowed back several healing potions, then found sleep easily.