Chapter 19

Harry's eyelids twitched.

A few days ago it would have been enough to cause Severus's heart to leap into his throat, but now he didn't flush each time Harry's body twitched or jerked.

Harry took a deep ragged breath, causing his chest to rise shakily. He exhaled with a quick huff.

Severus could tell the unconscious Harry was in pain, but there was nothing more they could give him for comfort. It was just a waiting game now.

He pulled the blanket up over Harry's chest a bit further and tucked it around him tightly. He bent down and kissed Harry's sweat covered forehead. The sun was beginning to rise, bringing with it Harry's loved ones. These wee hours when the others were asleep in the waiting room was the only time Severus could have alone with him.

Severus slipped out, catching a glimpse of Sirius from the corner of his eye just before he began to descend the stairs back to the dungeons.

Harry'd done it. They'd done it. Voldemort was dead. This time he was really gone.

Severus should feel overjoyed, but he just felt empty and numb. His life served no purpose now. It was a feeling he certainly hadn't anticipated.

Classes would be starting in a few hours. Only half of the students remained, mostly the older years. Many students had been pulled from Hogwarts after the battle for a plethora of reasons: fear, trauma, sheer exhaustion, to mourn, to celebrate. Only a few weeks remained of the school year anyways.

Severus made himself as comfortable as he could on his settee, with his feet outstretched atop the coffee table. He stared at the stack of letters. The ones Harry had written for his loved ones some months ago, for when he was gone.

He wasn't gone. At least not yet.

He'd been resisting the urge for days now, but his resolve was crumbling.

He sighed and leaned forward to snatch up the letter on top. The one with his own name on it.

His hands shook as he peeled the seal away and unfolded the parchment.

'Severus,'

He looked up towards the ceiling and blinked rapidly.

'Severus,

If you're reading this, I'm gone. If anyone else were to read this, they'd think it absurd what I am about to say next. But I know you. I'd wager you're at your desk, or in your sitting room. You're angry, you're sad. And you're not an emotional man, but now you're holding back tears. Don't cry for me, Severus. I've known since I was eleven that I'd one day face a strengthened dark lord. I knew what I would be risking. And I know now that I'll die by his hand. I can only hope that he is dead, too. If he survives, run. You've done more than your fair share of fighting and spying in your life. Get away, far away. Live a life worth living. Do it for me, if not for yourself. If he has perished, I ask that you live for yourself and only yourself now. Be happy.

I know you tried to save me. You don't like failure and so you're upset with yourself right now. But don't be. At the end of my life you gave me things I'd not experienced before. Most importantly, you showed me true acceptance. You showed me love.

You loved me. And I loved you.

I'm okay if that is the only thing I truly accomplished on this earth.

Please follow out my will as instructed.

Yours eternally,

Harry James Potter'

Severus stood and poured himself two fingers of scotch. He didn't care that it was 7 in the morning.

He paced as he read the letter again and again. Finally he tossed it aside.

He desperately wanted to read Harry's letter to Draco, but he wouldn't. He couldn't betray Harry in that way.

A knocked rapped against his door.

Because he could never have one damn moment to himself.

He jerked the door open.

"What."

Hermione Granger frowned up at him, already in her student robes for the day.

"You're drunk."

"I'm not."

"You smell like you are."

"And what if I am?"

Hermione sighed and shrugged.

"Sirius asked me to come update you."

Sirius had? How peculiar. "And?"

"Madame Pomfrey scanned his brain. She said the swelling has gone down significantly. She says he could be waking in the next few days."

"Thank you."

"For what it's worth. And I know you don't particularly care, but we all just want Harry to be happy."

Severus furrowed his brow.

She added, "You make him happy."

She pushed her way past him into his rooms. She was familiar enough with the territory, having used it as a research area for some time. Her presence no longer bothered him.

"Does he make you happy, too?" She asked as if she knew the answer.

"No. He makes me absolutely bloody miserable."

Hermione chuckled. "I don't believe you."

Severus took his seat once again as she claimed the chair opposite him.

Severus closed his eyes.

"He has made my life a living hell. The rumours, the stares and whispers, the sleepless nights. And now he's risked his life just to save me and I'm living in the utter fear of losing him at any moment. I wouldn't call that happiness."

"I'd call that love."

Severus scoffed. "What would you know? You're a child."

She smirked and looked at him pointedly. "No, I'm not. And neither is Harry."

He knew that she was correct. He hadn't seen Harry as a child since his fifth year. And whatever he believed of Harry's friends dissipated when he saw them fight so valiantly against death eaters and Voldemort himself.

"How do you seem so at ease right now?" He asked her before taking another sip of his drink.

"He's dead. Voldemort is really gone. Why wouldn't I be pleased?"

"Because Harry is-"

"-going to wake up." She finished. "The prophecy has been right so far. As much as I loathed divination class, I am choosing to give my faith over to this prophecy. It said he would live. Your love protected him. Now we just have to wait."

"I don't like to wait," he growled.

Hermione laughed again. "I know. And it's been difficult to be patient over the past few days. But you will have your 'happy ever after,' so to speak."

Severus rested his head in his hands. "No, we won't. Harry's life has been hard enough. He deserves more than I can give him."

"You're all that he wants," Hermione said factually. She slipped quietly back into the corridor.

"Follow the instructions on the board. They're simple enough for even you lot to follow without further assistance. Any questions?"

A timid third year Slytherin girl raised her hand. Severus sighed and acknowledged her silently.

"Is Harry Potter going to wake up, sir?"

Severus took a deep breath. "I believe he will."

There were several sighs of relief through the room. Word of the final battle had already spread throughout the school and the wizarding community at large. Very few still believed him to be a death eater. It was made clear he'd been a spy for nearly seventeen years. He had nothing to lose now.

Severus conjured a chair and sat before the classroom, unlike he'd ever done before. He knew the young Slytherins, and even the Gryffindors, sat in front of him had questions. His Slytherins especially had Death Eater family members, most of them were dead or seriously injured now.

"We won't be brewing today. If any of you have questions, ask them freely."

The students did not hold back. They wanted to know why he became a spy, why he'd joined Voldemort in the first place, what did it feel like to cast an unforgivable. He answered as honestly as could, omitting any details not befitting of a third year student. The juxtaposition of Severus's former life of hiding, lies, and secrecy against his new life where he was free to be honest should have unsettled him, but he felt free. His body felt lighter.

And with this, he was able to offer a genuine smile when his students thanked him for his answers.

Each evening, crowds of people would gather on the grounds beneath the windows of the infirmary. Some held their lit wands over their heads, others held candles. They'd pray, chant, call out to Harry. Everyone was eager to hear from their saviour. As Severus had predicted, in a post-Voldemort world, everyone would turn to Harry. He waited until the last of the crowd died out and made his way to Harry's side once more.

Sirius knew Severus would be coming around this time, as he had every other night. He usually cleared out long before Severus arrived. Tonight, he sat alone by Harry when Severus entered. Severus hesitated but maintained course and claimed the other seat at Harry's bedside.

He smoothed a potion over Harry's forehead, then settled in.

"I do not hate you," Sirius said.

Severus scoffed.

"I didn't say I liked you," Sirius clarified. "But I saw you out there. You would have died for him."

"I still would."

"Then we have something in common."

"Listen, Black. You don't have to do this. I heard you loud and clear the last time. Spare me the speech of me not being a villain, but still not being good enough for your godson. I agree with you. I'll stay away from him once I'm sure he will live."

Sirius's lips parted as if he were about to continue. Instead he stood and left.

Severus's bracelet began to warm and vibrate. It did that sometimes when he was near Harry. Severus had never meant the bracelets to be so intuitive. He wasn't exactly sure how he'd managed it. They were meant to just be simple communication devices.

Part of him was convinced it was his own emotions causing the bracelet to react to his proximity to Harry, but the other part of him hoped it was truly Harry trying to communicate. Once he was sure Sirius was down the hall far enough to be out of earshot, Severus placed his forehead to Harry's and took a deep breath.

Suddenly, flashes of an image appeared behind his eyelids. Severus pulled away from Harry. What was this? Once he'd calmed himself down, he placed his head to Harry's once more and steadied his mind.

He saw Harry in infinite bright white. Harry stood, looking around in all directions as if he were lost. "Severus? Severus!" Harry called out.

Severus's heart pounded hard against his ribs. Was he seeing Harry's dreams?

"I'm here, Harry," he whispered.

Dream-Harry stood very still. "Severus? Is that you?"

"Yes! It's me! Do you hear me?"

"I hear you! Severus, please find me!"

"You're in my arms right now, Harry. You're in the infirmary. Can you wake up?"

Dream-Harry threw himself down onto the ground and began to sob. "I don't know how."

"Keep trying, Harry."

Dream-Harry nodded.

Severus sprinted down the corridor towards the crowd of Harry's loved ones. He told them what he'd just experienced.

Hermione's and Albus's faces lit up in identical understanding. Hermione stood quickly.

"I know how to wake him."

Albus stood as well, "Severus, come with me. We need to gather supplies."