Chapter 28

Harry followed Severus's request and made his way to the wooden slab of a table Severus had transfigured in the corner of the room.

He felt insecure in this moment, but chose to trust the older man.

Severus hovered over him, the red tint to his cheeks finally fading. Severus pulled up Harry's sleeves, and examined his arms. He pulled at the hem of his shirt to expose his abdomen. He checked over his calves, his neck. Each time Severus's fingertips caressed him, the touched skin would ignite, begging for more contact. Severus remained impassive and professional in demeanor.

"What are you looking for?"

"Bruises."

Harry sighed. "I told you he's never harmed me. You're acting like Sirius."

Severus ignored the comment. He lifted his wand and tapped various parts of his body.

"Relax your Occlumency. I won't invade your mind."

Harry did as he was told. He felt Severus enter his mind very briefly. The man took a small step back and crossed his arms. Harry shivered.

"There are no signs of manipulation. You let him do this to you."

"Do what exactly? I told you-"

"- You let him turn you into his obedient little submissive. Hermione has told me-"

"All about how Draco rules my life. Yeah, I get it." Harry sat up, allowing his feet to dangle between them.

"I don't mean to place blame on the victim. But you let him do this. You let him get into your head... why?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm tired."

Severus sighed. "I'll let you go so you can rest."

Harry grabbed Severus's wrist to keep him from walking away.

"No. I'm tired." Harry all but whimpered. "I don't want to fight. I don't want to argue. I don't want to have to think. I don't want to feel. Being with Draco has given me that. I feel nothing, I think about nothing. He takes care of me, in his own way."

"Life is something you live, Harry. You can't sit back and just let life happen to you."

"Everything in my life has just 'happened' to me. None of it has ever been my choice. Why should that stop just because the war ended?"

"That's precisely why. You want to feel nothing... Tell me: do you ever feel happy? Do you feel happy in your shop?"

Harry smiled whimsically. "Yeah. Only there. And here, now. With you."

Severus let out a sarcastic bark of laughter. "You were just screaming at me."

Harry chuckled. "Must be habit, from being in this classroom. I guess some things never change."

The two laughed together easily for a short moment. Harry felt himself relax.

"Well, I guess some things do change. You and Hermione are best mates now, eh?"

"Yes, well, my godson stole away her one other friend."

"Ouch! Laying the guilt on thick..." Severus raised his eyebrow and pursed his lips. "It used to make me jealous. Hermione spent more time with you than I did there in the end. I'm sure by now she knows you better than I ever did."

"And Draco knows you better."

"No. He doesn't. Not really." Harry smirked and added in mock contemplation, "Maybe if we snogged more..."

Severus pushed against Harry's chest as if he were offended. He chuckled. Harry captured his hand and held it there against him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Feeling Severus's cool skin against him, his natural scent filling his nostrils... it felt like he was home again for the first time. He was finally beginning to feel okay without the man in his life, just for the cessation of longing to be undone in one interaction.

Severus soothed his thumb over his chest the way he used to at the safehouse.

"Tell me, Harry. Where were you going that evening looking so handsome?" Severus stepped closer, his hand still on his chest. He stood between Harry's knees. "I enjoyed seeing you. Thank you for sending me that image."

Harry loosened his grip on the other man's hand.

"My engagement party, apparently. I didn't know that at the time."

"I hope you see how absurd that is."

"Yeah. I do."

The worry in Severus's eyes was plain. The man had lost his skill in hiding his emotions.

"I don't mean to pressure you. I want this to be your choice. Whoever you choose, it is only important that it is actually your choice."

"I think our hour is up."

Severus looked down at their bodies, entwined around one another, his hand still over Harry's pounding heart. "So it is. May I escort you back to the floo?"

Harry nodded and stood.

The two walked in tense silence. The silence felt loud. He looked over to the professor, his silhouette harsh against the candle lit dungeon corridor. "This is like-"

"Yes, it is."

"Do you still think about those nightly walks we'd take?"

"Yes, I do."

Even as they spoke, Severus stared straight ahead. Their hands brushed and the other man tensed but he didn't pull his hand away.

"Good evening, Professor!" A young girl came into view as they rounded a corner. She smiled at them and walked past. Harry noticed her robes.

"She was a Gryffindor!"

"What tipped you off?" he asked sarcastically.

"But she's in the dungeons. And she wasn't terrified of you!" Harry nudged him with his shoulder teasingly.

"No longer acting as a hateful death eater has done a great deal for ruining my reputation."

"Even Gryffindors like you now."

"Unfortunately it seems that way. That same girl suggested in class just today that a few rumours have circulated regarding myself and Professor Granger."

"That's a disturbing thought."

"Isn't it just." Harry laughed heartily. He saw the amusement on Severus's face even though the man still refused to look at him.

Soon they were at the bottom of the staircase to Albus's office. Finally Severus turned towards him.

"I suppose I will be seeing you this time next week."

"I look forward to it." And Harry meant it, despite the dread he felt at having to face Draco's wrath soon.

Harry wasn't sure what to do now. Shake his hand? Kiss him? He felt nervous and his face burned hot. Before he could quite make a definitive decision, he propelled himself forward and wrapped his arms around the taller man. He nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck. Harry knew he was squeezing too hard but he didn't care. Finally he felt Severus relax his body just enough to rest his hands on Harry's waist. Harry held on a moment longer before releasing other man. He then turned quickly and sprinted up the stairs to the headmaster's office.

Albus looked up as he entered. He smiled and looked at Harry over his half-moon spectacles.

"Given that look on your face I'd say your evening was pleasant?"

"What look?"

"Like you've just won the house cup."

Harry laughed, "100 points to Slytherin." He stepped into the floo. "Number 12 Grimmauld Place."

"Just give it up already, Harry." Remus said as Harry stepped into the sitting room.

"Honestly," Sirius seconded.

"What am I giving up, exactly?"

"Might as well end things cleanly with Draco now rather than putting all three of you through this whole courting process, dancing around in limbo for the next month."

Remus pulled his feet up onto the sofa and began tying his shoes.

"How are you so sure I'll not marry Draco?"

"I've never seen Draco make you smile the way you are right now."

"Exactly," Remus grinned. "So how did it go? Tell us what happened."

"We argued, mostly." Harry chuckled and shook his head. Remus stood and pulled on his jacket. "Hey, where are you headed so late?"

"He's got a date," Sirius said, sounding bored.

"With Tonks," Remus added, rubbing his neck sheepishly.

"Wow, Good luck!"

"Thank you. If a good evening with her makes me half as happy as an argument with Severus makes you, I'll call it a success."

Remus left and Harry excused himself to his old bedroom. He'd just changed into lounge pants when a knock sounded on the bedroom door.

Draco stepped in. He wore tight leather trousers, and a white top with all of the top buttons undone, exposing his flawless skin and few blond chest hairs. His hair was slicked back and tucked behind one ear. Draco closed the door behind him and leaned against it, crossing his arms over his chest. He glared at Harry.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Enjoy yourself with my godfather?" Draco made a sound as if he were about to retch. "God, do you hear how disgusting that sounds?"

Harry shrugged. "Going out?"

"On my way to a club in London."

"Sounds like a fun night, I hope you have a good time."

"Doesn't that make you jealous at all?"

Harry took a moment to really mull the question over before answering honestly, "Not really, no."

Draco stomped his foot like a petulant toddler. "You don't love me at all!"

"I do, Draco. I do love you, just not in the way you want me to. I've never said anything to make you believe otherwise, have I?"

Draco stepped forward, closing the space between them. His eyelids dropped seductively over his blue eyes as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Harry's neck. Harry stilled. Draco pressed another kiss against his jaw then moved his attentions to Harry's earlobe, nibbling and sucking at it.

"I could make you love me," he whispered. "I could do unimaginable things to your body if you'd just let me."

Harry shivered, feeling intensely uncomfortable.

"We have an arrangement," Harry reminded him gently.

"I think it's time to change it," Draco said coolly as he pulled away. "I have ideas for our wedding night."

If there is one, Harry thought.

"I'm not worried about your little play time with Sev. You'll come running back to me once you see the real Severus Snape."

"I know the real Severus..."

"Oh? Have you seen the grotesque scars covering his body?"

"You mean the ones he acquired risking his life to save me, and you, a time or two?"

"So you've seen them. You know he isn't allowed to touch you until the courtship ends, right?"

Harry shook his head gently and swallowed hard. "No, I haven't seen them but they won't bother me if I ever do."

"If his scars don't scare you, the tangled mess inside your head will scare him. Do you think anyone could accept you the way I do? You're a disaster! The screaming nightmares, the panic attacks... you're a twenty-year-old virgin who hides away in your little shop all day. Who do you think that appeals to?"

"Stop."

"Those love letters from adoring fans come every day but they'd all be repulsed if they ever saw the real Harry Potter."

"Stop!" Harry screamed. He felt his magic begin to fizzle along his skin, itching to burst out. Addiction to Unforgiveables in times of stress A therapist had once told him.

Sirius slammed the door open, letting it bounce hard against the wall.

"Time to go, Malfoy."

Draco rounded on Sirius. "You need to get him away from this bullshit with my godfather. Look how unstable he is! He needs to come home. I know how to keep him calm."

"Yeah, yeah. Get the fuck out."

Draco growled but he walked past Sirius and left.

"Deep breath, Harry." Sirius stepped towards him slowly, as one would approach a bear.

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose and counted to five. He released the breath through his mouth and counted to seven.

Sirius helped Harry to sit on his bed. He knelt on one knee and gently untied Harry's boots and pulled them from his feet. He laid Harry onto his side and pulled the duvet up over his shaking form and tucked it around him tightly, like swaddling a baby.

"Get some rest, Harry."

His godfather slipped from the room. Harry pulled his wrist to his chest and held the bracelet close to his heart, allowing the calming spell to spread through his body. The shivering soon ended and Harry felt the warmth of a dreamless sleep emanate from the bracelet next.

Maybe Draco was right. Severus had taken care of him his whole life, even now. Severus deserved to know what he was getting himself into.

Harry was a mess.