Cupid

He is still looking at my direction. Maybe this time cupid really aims right. My past few relationships were all doomed and I suspect my cupid has a problem with his eyesight. He probably needs a pair of glasses or contact lenses – I can lend him mine if that's all he needs to bring me a wonderful man. I was sure he might have used a broken arrow for my past few doomed relationships and hey, that's bad feng shui if you ask me. I am not joking.

Oh, he just cracked a smile at me. Should I smile back or act cool. Damn. Why did my friend make us sit at the far end from each other. There are like what, 12 of us in this group. It's considered a BIG group if there is someone attractive in it. The guy sitting beside me has been unsuccessfully trying to make small talk with me because my attention has been kidnapped and that's no fault of mine. Poor guy but I can't continue to be polite the whole night when I felt no chemistry.

No chemistry means nothing works. That is in my world. Chemistry is not something you can work on. It has to be mutual like love at first sight. You don't need to work hard for it either. It's that firework shooting off to the sky colouring a dark night beaming in glitters. It is as close as to being electrocuted and swept your feet off the ground at the same time. Chemistry plays a large part in my life especially in relationship. No chemistry means it's non-negotiable.

The guy sitting beside me started yawning and that is a good sign. No feng shui here, it just simply means he is tired and bedtime. Shoo. Go on, go home and leave that seat empty. My heart sang with joy when he stood up and ready to go. Out of a sudden I became friendly, gave him my broadest smile and firm handshake to goodnight. Hee. That was the first sign of perking chemistry and a sure sign I wasn't interested.

As if sensing my cue, the far end table guy came over with his drink and took the empty seat beside me. He sure moved fast and I like it. He still has the same smile many seconds ago when I stole a glance at him at the same past many seconds. I smiled back and I hope nothing near that spells "interested". I remind myself to be in cool composure.

"Hi, I am Eugene" extending his hand for a handshake.

"Hi, am Venus" nervously extending the same gesture which embarrassingly felt more like grabbing his hand than a mere handshake.

My God, he is handsome. So good looking. My eyes quickly zoomed in to the surface of his skin – specifically his face. So smooth and pore-less. Not even a slight opening and I am sure the dust and dirt hated the non-entry zone, disallowing the breeding of white and black heads. He very well sold his face to commercial hour because I would do just that if I have his beautiful skin. I always imagine myself in such skin hoping that the Universe will pick up my positivity and do its wonders on me. Clean shaven is an OK but not truly my favourite. I like a wee bit of dirty look (not that lust-after-me dirty look, please) because it gives out some rugged feel which equals to 'SEXY'. Meow.

"Nice name" he says those words with a nod as if trying to convince me he means it.

I knew my cupid is back in action! I only pray this time he didn't use a broken arrow like the last or rather many last times which made me many times brokenhearted. They all seemed nice in the beginning only to rot at the end. I never lose hope in finding the One and my faith is quickly restored each time my cupid sends me a man to love. With that, he is forgiven for his past mistakes. I shall advise my cupid to say a few words of mantra before aiming and start shooting his target (or was it mine?) if ever this one fails – again.

"Thank yo-u-u-u" politely I reply with a slight hint of 'woo me'.

"I know this is strange but I feel like I've known you from that corner" pointing to the far end where he sat earlier.

This must be it! He must be the ONE! I imagine jumping up as high as my cupid in the air for a 'Gimme FIVE!'. You will always feel you have known the person even if you have never met them before, if they are the One, your soulmate, your destined life partner – yours. Woohoo..! Life begins at late thirties and I like every bit of it. Who says charm wears off (if you are a woman) when you are closed to forty? I was so closed to believing it until tonight. He is not just a man but a handsome one too. What a charming crime.

We hit if off immediately and our conversation took us from food to friends, places to movies, from family back to food then fast-forward to our wildest dream, our jobs then went on to none other than our bosses and settled down with fashion. We were oblivious to the other 9 people in our group as our conversations were as lively as a chatterbox. Not that the other 9 people cared because they too are busy mingling. I am glad I accepted my friend's invitation for dinner tonight. Imagine I could have missed a life time of opportunity to meet my man. The word 'my' echo sweetly with the ongoing background music played in the restaurant.

I look at my watch and it's now 10 o'clock. It has past my bedtime and I didn't spot myself yawning. Not even once. Cinderella is a thing of the past for me now since I've got my man. There soon will be frequent late nights, shopping for new clothes, shoes and bags, new hairdo, make-up and new scent for a brand new life. All of the above suddenly begin to cramp my head with their existence in the market vying for a priority seat. All of them looked important and none of them looked undesired. My pocket is going to burn a big hole giant time. Sigh. They say no pain no gain – how true.

"Hey, I want to tell you something" Eugene suddenly drops his handsome smile.

Uh-oh. This better be good. Please don't tell me my cupid didn't do his job – make a thorough check and Google this guy up for clean records. That he is a good unattached guy. When a cupid is assigned to a breathing person, am sure he is given a manual guide of his job scope – the dos and don'ts. I smell something stale is going to come right out soon. Under the table, I am crossing my toes (by the way, I have my loveliest open toes heels tonight) for when

(1) I need good luck; and

(2) dispelling a possible bad news.

It looks like items (1) and (2) are so applicable in my current situation now.

"Venus, I am gay" Eugene says it with such ease that there is no mistaken he is proud of his identity and sexuality.

Shit! Shit!! Shit!!! My cupid has turned his back on me and become gay!(?). He could have at least sent me a 24-hour notice on his change of identity or his sexuality! I thought it was bad enough that the human world is in an alarmingly chaotic state. What happened to the fairy kingdom? All of the make-me-feel-and-look-good-stuff came crashing down into a pile of disappointment. The only comforting note is I am not going to burn a big hole in my pocket after all. Is that disappointing or comforting? They seem blurrily confusing in what state of feeling I should be in now. I go for the obvious – disappointment. I won't have an excuse to splurge and make my man feel proud of me. No new man until a straight cupid is assigned to me. He is supposed to kick some jingles into my life and make me a happy girl. Argghh!

"Snort" I could only managed a seeming cute reply to hide a hurt and it didn't matter if I was rude.

"Haha! You are such a funny girl, Venus!" Eugene's smile brightens the shit out of darkness.

Huh? He didn't think I was being rude for snorting like a pig. The chemistry is still intact – unmoved by the stormy affair. Wait! Maybe there is hope. His may be curly and coiled (AHEM!) – I can help to straighten it. I am beginning to see a light at the very end of the tunnel. I am sure I can make him a straight man again (if he once was and accidentally ventured off off-track). Hah! My crossing toes ritual works.

"Venus, nothing can straighten a gay" Eugene could read minds and I thought I am a gifted child.

"Once they become gay, they stay that way for a long time" Eugene enlightens like a spiritual guru.

"Maybe it's experimental for some and if you don't like it, can always change your mind, right?" I am not giving up my man to another gay fella.

"True but I've been one since I was 16 and we are same age. How long do you think I've stayed in the gay world?" Eugene is not budging.

I look at all my ten fingers and start counting, first – forward, then, backwards – heck! I am never good in math. Ok. I got it! 21 years being one! Geez, I wonder who gave him the passport to venture. Sigh. So much for a twinkle of hope and excitement, it came to nothing. Strange, but I have to admit, deep down I actually like how things turned out to be. I am not sorely disappointed neither overly furious that my cupid got it wrong again this time. I enjoy Eugene's company and his personality tickles. We got on well and he is my first gay friend who taught me not to be afraid of who you are. Though I would want him to be my man but the chemistry we share told me that it didn't matter if it is going to work out perfectly as I envisioned or not because we are going to be a good team for a long time.

"Can I ask you something?" curiosity and mischief are with me now. Never mind the hurt because I have already kicked it out of the way.

"Sure, go ahead" Eugene flashes me his handsome smile again.

Damn. My saliva can't stop drooling.

"Do you guys fake orgasm?" my words came out fast and loud and oh, I didn't forget to smile back.

"Absolutely not!" Eugene gives a hearty laugh after replying and his body language shifted to a friendlier territory.

"You are not judging me? Eugene suddenly stopped laughing and sounds serious the second time that night.

"No. Why would I judge you?" I waste no hesitation with his question because who am I to judge someone when yours truly is nothing but a very ordinary girl who is in search of a simple lifetime happiness. Liberal thinking has camped my mind since ahh I was born(?). I believe that we are all the same no matter what background you came from, psychically, belief system, identity or what faith you hold on to because we all have to come out the same passage way and go back when time is up (of course you can't crawl back in the same passage way you were produced – I don't mean that way). Some are mighty lot – if they are superior (materially), I congratulate them as I believe that they earn it whether due to their past or current efforts. They must have deserved it to be where they are. If they are like me, nice to see you in the club!

In just one night, my whole world changed – thanks to my cupid's effort, may it be an error of judgment or purposeful mission. I am not going home with a broken heart instead I am going home with a happy heart. I also know now why my cupid has been sending me a basketful of assholes. Some may call it karma and others would think it's just plain unlucky. Life has just sent me a messenger who taught me about acceptance.