You Are The Reason

Warnings: Mention of depression, anorexia and insomnia and small self harm (hair pulling)

******************************************************************************************

Logan's POV:

This is all my fault... All my fault....

I hold Patton's hand sitting on the bed near him and read him a book. Like I have for 3 and a half months...

The unconscious side's breathing was slower than average but not enough to be considered life threatening. Even after so long he is still on life support... He sustained critical damage to his head, which is why he is in the condition he is in...

"Here Pat.. I made it for you.. I know how much you like little dolls so I spent ages making little doll versions of everyone... And like everyday I came to apologize... I hope one day you will wake up... And just maybe forgive me for all the shit I put you through....." I sadly frown and cry as I hold his hand in mine. I bring his hands to my face and lean them on my cheeks as I cry.

"There goes my heart beating.

'Cause you are the reason.

I'm losing my sleep, please come back now."

I sang, sitting closer to Patton holding his hands in mine. It's true.. I have barely slept with Patton in hospital... I broke up with William and quit my job... Nothing is worth doing without Patton by my side...

"There goes my mind racing.

And you are the reason.

That I'm still breathing. I'm hopeless now.."

I promised him I would be there.. that I would protect him... I failed... All because of my ignorance and arrogance. I let go of one of Patton's hands to grab at my hair, pulling on it tight to give me some type of punishment for what I did to him.

"I'd climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I've broken

Oh, 'cause I need you to see

That you are the reason"

I continue to sing and squeeze Morality's hand tighter along with my hair. I miss him so much... I miss his laugh, his happy voice, the way he cared so much for all of us, how he would read so enthusiastically.... I don't want it to be cut short...

"There goes my hands shaking.

And you are the reason

My heart keeps bleeding

I need you now, oh."

I do need you Patton... I need you more than anything... All you ever did was help me.... My dream of teaching, you showed me emotions, you taught me to love.. Even before all that you were such a dear friend to me...

"If I could turn back the clock

I'd make sure the light defeated the dark

I'd spend every hour, of every day oh.

Keeping you, safe."

If I knew what I do now I would never told you my dream and just happily been your boyfriend... Maybe we could've been married by now... It's been almost a year since we began dating... I know Roman is planning to propose to Virgil soon, but not until you wake up to celebrate it with your 'dark strange son'...

"I'd climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I've broken

Oh, 'cause I need you to see

That you are the reason"

I hold both of Patton's hands as I sing and reminisce about the past. Seeing him smile and laugh. Patton giving the others apology presents and even the simple little things like him merrily greeting me in the morning.

I look at the heart monitor beside Patton's bed. The beeping is the only sound in the room but I noticed it getting slower and slower. Until it got so slow I called for nurses to help him. I didn't stop holding his hand when the doctors defibrillated him.

"I don't wanna fight no more

I don't wanna hide no more

I don't wanna to cry no more come back, I need you to hold me

A little closer now, just a little closer now

Come a little closer, I need you to hold me tonight"

I was forced to let go of his hand. Despite that, I continued to sing, only a lot quieter.

A nurse turned to me and sighed putting a hand on my shoulder

"Sir.. I think it may be kinder to him if we cut life support.." She said, true sadness in her voice.

N-No no I refuse to let him die!

I looked to Patton tears streaming down my face. I violently shook my head. "No please save him..."

"I'd climb every mountain

And swim every ocean

Just to be with you

And fix what I've broken

'Cause I need you to see

That you are the reason"

I finish the song in tears. The nurses had gotten him into a relatively stable condition but said that if his heart rate gets too slow call for them.

I sit close to Patton again and hold his hand.

"I'm not letting you die Patton.... Never..... I miss you so much.... I miss everything about you.... Roman wants to propose to Virgil you know..... Your son's going to get married someday soon.... But not until you're awake...." I say smiling and almost laughing a bit at the mention of Virgil being Patton's son.

"I know you've always wanted to be a real dad... To father your own child..... I wish I could do it with you.... I just need you to stay alive Patton.... I need you.... We all need you..." I say, bringing his hands to my face and crying into them again.

"I love you Patton Morality Sanders.... Please don't leave me..."