Attention

WARNING: Unsympathetic Patton, self harm, angst

It cleared my head.

It made me think straight.

I knew it was addictive, I experienced that firsthand.

I tried not to.

Addiction is hard to break.

But I loved it.

I loved the pain, the way it felt, the way it looked as blood dripped off my wrist.

Of course, I had to hide it from the others.

But who would even care?

I'm just Logic.

Cold. Analytical. Emotionless. Useless.

I repeat those words to myself as I carve even more lines into my wrists.

"Cold. Emotionless. Useless. Waste of space. Nerd. Unwanted."

Suddenly I feel myself being pulled down. Thomas was summoning me. Not now, not now, anytime but now!

I rise up, pulling my sleeves down as fast as I can. Thank goodness I wear black.

"Logan, great. I need your help with something." Thomas begins to ramble on about his latest dilemma. I try my best to help him, but I need to leave, to bandage my cuts and prevent the others from seeing.

"Logan, what's that stain on your sleeve?" Dammit Roman!

"Oh, it's nothing." I move my hand to cover it. "Don't worry about it."

"That wasn't nothing." His face looks deadly serious. "That was a blood stain. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I insist.

"Show us your wrists." Dammit. I'm screwed.

Slowly, I pull up my sleeves and expose my bleeding wrists.

Thomas and Virgil gasp. The blood drains from Roman's face. Patton... Looks bored?

Virgil is the first to start talking. "Logan, why?"

"Oh it's obvious isn't it?" Patton cuts in. "He's just doing that for attention. Ignore him."

"Patton, how can you say that?" Thomas says.

His words crush me. I'm just doing this for attention aren't I? "I have to go."

As I sink down I hear Roman yell out, "Logan, wait!" and Patton say, "Let him go. Maybe he'll stop trying to get attention like that."

I run back to my room and pick up the razor again.

I press it into my skin as Patton's words ring in my ears.

I'm just doing this for attention.