Autumn Wind

He didn't see her after that. He also didn't return to the house.

Yet, his heart couldn't, simply couldn't let go of the warmth, or rather, of the reminiscence of the warmth that used to accompany him whenever they got together.

He gave her a call several times.

"Good morning, love." He said. It was a habit, really, to call her love. He wondered if one day he would be able to stop. Anyway, he couldn't now. Maybe he just didn't want to.

A chuckle in response.

He breathed in and calmly continued. "Where are you, my love?"

"Hospital." A short response.

He stopped in his tracks, worry overtaking him. But before he could ask anything, she continued.

"…I'm seeing my lover."

"Oh?" His throat felt dry.

"Yes. And I have to go. Now. " The tone suddenly got harsher. " And don't call me "love" if you aren't ready to accept the position of my side lover. Better yet, just don't call me in general"

She hung up.

And so he never called again. At least, he never called her.

He'd call her friends instead, and would ask for any news. Although the only response he ever got was: "She's in the hospital."

He often wondered how good of a person her new lover must be, for her to date him even though he's that sick. You don't do that for a stranger, for someone you just met, for a fling. He reckoned that the affair must have begun quite a while ago, when she was still using the perfume, when they were both living in the villa.

Or maybe even long before that?

Now that he was thinking about it, it seemed logical. The pieces started falling together - she started coming back late; she stopped being cuddly with him and instead avoided him. That's probably when she met her new. "ultimate" lover. Perhaps it was his fault for never really confronting her; after all, he never thought her words a lie.

At some point he stopped asking about her. He stopped contacting her best friend either.

What good would it do? They fell out of love. He'd be just a bother to her new sweet life.

Everything grew grey and monotonous. The colours, they belonged to the past. The laughter, the dreams, the hopes, the happiness – all that had no place in his current life.

He told himself he was okay. Still, at night, he wrapped himself tightly in a blanket, and felt extremely lonely.

But humans are very adaptable. And one day, he felt it wasn't as unbearable as he thought. He thought if he didn't put attention to his wound, it would stop festering. He carried on with his life, accepting the barrenness, the emptiness, as just a part of it.

Of course, he searched for remedies. He tried to turn a new leaf. New hobbies, new activities, new places. Though not new people. He couldn't see new people.

Because after tasting the blissful happiness with her, he couldn't imagine finding a match to their relationship. Truth is, he actually felt afraid of finding someone with whom he could be together. He avoided potential partners, because he felt it would taint his image of a romantic relationship – unique, unrivaled, one and only. His ultimate lover was her, even if it wasn't requited.

And, his mind birthed a hysterical idea, that he kept in a far-off corner of consciousness – what if, what if she wants to get back together? A funny thought. Yet, he couldn't help it. The possibility, however small, still existed, and he was ready to be called a lunatic if he could entertain it. If ever she wanted to go back, what would he do? He didn't know. He didn't want to think that far. But it was possible, wasn't it? He wouldn't be a fool and get into a new relationship, then.

When he thought this, it clicked to him – he still wasn't over.

He wasn't over and he wasn't done, and he wasn't ready to let go of the hand of the person that hurt him so much.

With trembling heart, afraid of what was to happen, he decided to call her once more.

He felt like fainting. Scared she will pick up. Scared she won't.

She didn't.

He dialed several times and each time ended in a failure.

Bracing himself, he decided to go to the hospital. He knew which hospital, but he didn't really know which room she would be in. He roamed around the little building, feeling at loss.

Seeing a cleaning lady emptying a bin, a hope overcame him.

"Excuse me," He came up to her, and took a phone out of his pocket. "I was just wondering if you ever saw this woman, she…"

The old lady glanced at the screen. It was a picture of a happy couple hugging.

The lady looked up at his face, then down at the screen, and then gasped.

"Young man, you…you wouldn't be…" She seemed very worried as she kept glancing at the picture and then at him, as if to check if he really was the man in the picture.

He regretted showing a photo that made them appear as lovers, since it could complicate things. After all, the lady must have witnessed Her being affectionate with another man, that is to say - the ultimate lover.

"She, umm…" He continued. "I think she visited this hospital a lot."

"Oh, she did." The woman nodded, quite upset.

"And, I was thinking of umm…seeing..."

What was he thinking? He fell silent.

"Who?"

He hesitated. Because he couldn't explain the relationship between them.

"Her… Or, umm…Well… The patient she was visiting." He said quietly. If he saw the ultimate lover, he could potentially catch a glimpse of her.

"See the patient?.. Oh, dear." The woman was very sad. She appeared a bit confused as he was speaking, but finally, when she was just about to answer, she saw someone passing by. She quickly hurried to stop the person, who was visibly one of the doctors.

From the distance, He could hear parts of their conversation.

"The young man over there…he came to see the patient in 24." The cleaning lady said panicky.

The doctor was just as perplexed as a cleaning lady was before.

"The one in the room 24?" He asked. "But that patient passed away."

"Shush!" The lady urged the doctor. They glanced at the young man, who was clearly in a daze.

"Oh dear…" The lady went back to Him and didn't quite know what to say. She kept looking at Him, remorseful.

He nodded to the doctor and thanked the woman for her help, and then slowly moved a bit father from the hospital to gather his thoughts.

"He's dead." A wave of shock hit his mind. He ultimate lover, her special someone that she couldn't imagine being apart from, is dead? He run his hands through his hair. No wonder she isn't picking up. She must be feeling dreadful.

He paced around, before trying to dial her again.

She didn't pick up, and he became distressed.

He decided to call her best friend.

"Hello?" He asked, ill at ease. "I'm calling to ask about-"

"-about her?" The other person interrupted. "Don't bother calling me again."

"She's not at the hospital."

"No. She's not at the hospital." The voice sounded angry.

"Is she with you?"

"She's not with me, though I wish she would be."

The female voice paused, and then, as if a water current after a dam breaks, it burst forward, and the woman started shouting.

"She's not here. She's not here, alright?!"

The sobbing broke out. After a moment, it lessened, and a voice weakly whispered.

"She's not here. She passed away. Don't call me for a while, alright?"

He felt everything blackening or a moment, when the call was cut off.

He was dumbfounded.

What was that about? Who passed away? What is really going on??

Frantic, he turned around and run up to the cleaning lady, who was about to go inside the building.

"Is…Is the person I showed you on the picture really…really…did she really pass away?" He squeezed out of himself. "Was She the patient who pass away? Is She the one who's dead??"

He was confused. What about that other man? What about her ultimate lover? Was that all a lie?

The cleaning lady gave him a pat on his shoulders.

"I am so so so sorry. It happened not long ago. She…She frequented the hospital a lot, and was ultimately moved here. I saw her a lot… I am so sorry for your loss…"

How come...How come??

He felt very detached. Even when they broke up, he never felt this empty. Not quite believing, he asked if he could see the room where she stayed. Like a doll, he moved forward. He stared at the number "24" when the door was being unlocked and mechanically walked in.

A strong smell of antiseptics hit his nose. And he remembered the strong scent of her last perfume.

He stumbled and then sank to the floor.