To Set Free

While staring out of the train's window and feeling cozy in my seat, memories of Hudson and I kept flashing before my eyes. I can finally say that i've successfully did it...

I fulfilled his wishes.

So am i finally free from all of this, Hudson?

I remembered years ago, after our mother left us. It felt like it was just yesterday.

Hudson was packing up his things which makes me kept on wondering, "Are you going to leave me too?" I asked him. I feel sad, he probably will be.

Mommy packed her stuff like this too when she left us.

He gazed at me, showing no emotions in his face at all. "Yeah." That was all his answer.

"Can't i come with you? Please big brother!" I begged. He looked at me with a pissed off face.

"Shut it, i'm not your brother nor family. We're not really related at all."

"T-Then... why do you call our mommy, 'mother'? Aren't we siblings?"

He seem annoyed enough, so i stepped back knowing he might hit me. "She... she was never a mother to me... i just call her that because she feeds me, took care of me, and... she just adopted me!"

"S-So you're not my real brother?" I feel even sadder. I always see Hudson as my big brother.

When mommy was still with us, he was always so caring and acted like a big brother. I was really happy with those days when the three of us were so happy together.

But mommy left us now.

Now it's just me and Hudson... and he's going to leave me too.

"Yeah, i already said that."

Tears bursted out of my eyes. "T-Then w-who's my family now? Who'll tuck me in bed? Who will be there for me when i have bad dreams? How can i earn for a living if i'm still just a child?" I asked him.

Hudson suddenly looked so surprised, and as a few moments passed by... he cried too. "I-I'm... I..."

The bags he were carrying fell on the floor. He quickly rushed to me and hugged me. "I'm sorry, Olivia."

"Hudson, are you still gonna leave me?" I asked while sobbing.

I didn't understand what he completely said to me... "i'm really sorry Olivia... I know it was such a cruel and selfish decision of mine to leave you behind all alone. I thought it was best not to care about you since i thought you'd be nothing but a weight that'll hold me back... but now that i realize... i'm not really as heartless as them... i won't leave you, Olivia." But what i understood was that i can stay by his side.

I hugged him back tightly. "Thank you, Hudson... thank you..."

"Olivia..."

My tears kept falling. Remembering all those really hurts and feels nostalgic too.

Hudson actually saved me back then. If he would leave me, i wouldn't know how to live in this cruel world. People might probably just kill me or do some other awful things... i can say that Hudson became my hero.

While scrolling to Hudson's notebook, i stopped at a page where he left me this note. I smiled and closed it after reading it. What George said back then...

It was true. Hudson did use me.

But if it wasn't for Hudson, i'm probably dead by now. He saved my life, and fulfilling his unfinished business is the least i can do for him because i owe him my life.

As the train stopped, i finally got back to my hometown. "I'm back home." I whispered.

While walking on my way home, i thought that i should dispose this small notebook with me. Though it's all that i have left of him, i can never forget all the times we've been together. But this notebook is quite dangerous after all.

I went to the most nearest dump and tore the notebook. I guess that sets me free now.

No more list.

No more things to trigger the past.

All that's important right now is that i should get back home, and get back to Justin. Right, Hudson?

I quickly ran to get back, but instead of going back to my house, i stopped right at Justin's house. I was so nervous and anxious... would he till welcome me with open arms?

Would he still say that he loves me?

Would he accept who i am?

Only one way to find out. I knocked on his door and waited for a few secods til the door opens. Justin showed up with a shocked face. "I-Is that you? Olivia?" He asked.

Ah, i felt a bit embarassed showing myself to him. And the fact that i was wearing women's clothing makes me feel so conscious of myself. "Y-Yeah... i... i'm back, Justin."

We stayed like that, staring at each other. And when i couldn't take  it anymore, i decided to leave. "I think i'll go now." But before i could get away, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him.

"Olivia! You're back!" He happily said.

I was quite surprised to see him so happy and cheerful. "Justin, let---"  and it surprised me more when he just kissed me like that. All i could do was close my eyes and go with this moment.

For the first time in years, i feel so happy.