Chapter X

What a pain, that must've hurt? I can feel it here. Seriously, you shouldn't get so invested with your game, it can damage you mentally.

I question your character; you must always do things your way. Why is that? Maybe it's the thrill of people accepting your cause? How about the satisfaction when proven right? You're what is called a fascist. You keep your ideology final, sturdy like a solid. "A communist is like a gas, free, but disorderly. A democrat is like a liquid, open to change but only when forced. A fascist is like a solid, unwilling to change and fated, slowly to erode over time as their flaws arise. Solids are sturdy yet crumble slowly, even though they offer protection. They block the rain, but a crack in their façade removes it from its purpose. Solids are hypocrites. Fascists are hypocrites. A hypocritical life is the only way Fascists remain." – (Hannah, Lovkart). I love that quote; it reminds me of you.

So, how has it been? How is the kid? Two? Only one with you now? What did you do, off the other one? I wouldn't be surprised, you have done it before, except that was real, unlike them. These kids, are they your little soldiers? You seem to be obsessed with feeling betrayed; your parents, your wife. Your friends, your mind. "Take some responsibility for once in your life!" – (Hannah, Lovkart). Another one of my personal favourites; aah, that's where I heard that name before. I can help but play it on repeat, over and over and over again; non-stop. It's catchy, like a plague. What you don't catch is a bad attitude; you always look so glum. Would you think of me for once and put on a smile as you do in there? I understand you must be fake to play in your artificial world, but I'm getting bored always having to put up with your misery. I mean, we're close; no one goes back further than us. I was there for you before you were born before you were conceived before you were even a thought. We are as close as a family gets.

Your family reminds me of a lacklustre firework: it promised at least a moment of greatness but ended up fizzling out unspectacularly. Don't you miss them, their smiles? Or do you miss him, his smiles? Perhaps it's her, the one who caused this? I don't want to seem nosy, but you could meet them at any time – well, maybe not her. Why don't you?

I have noticed that you don't do much. Somehow, you get away with fake money for bills; even reality isn't real anymore. I'm real. How do I know? Because you know. I am acknowledged by you; I can think, I can feel. I am a billion times more real than anyone in that fake world; fact! The real question is: who's more practical, me or you? Now I cannot answer that. People who don't understand may say you, but, between you and me, I know you think it's me.

Oh, it just slipped my mind. I feel as if there is something important to tell you, oh no. Sorry, it's gone, maybe I'll remember it tomorrow.

So, any more thought about that fencing tournament, or whatever it was? No, thought so. So lazy, so predictable. I don't remember if she said that one; she might've. Ooh, I just got an idea. If you don't like the family you already have, and I don't like your fake family, we should find you a new 'real' family, a girlfriend maybe, to keep you company. Ooh, a company, a job, a 'real' job; how good would that be? 'Real' money, 'real' friends, a dream 'real' life. Exactly what you want: to live a dream and a reality at the same time, 'two lives in one', instead of the 'one life in two' thing you've got going on. Dual lives are what you've got, 'real' life is what you'll get. Perfect, in my opinion, a massive upgrade.

Great, now go back to whatever you were doing in your fake world. I'm going to think about your dream match.